Tippy123 Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 I’ve been dating this girl for seven months now and it’s going extremely well, but she continues to talk to her friend that she was intimate with in the recent past (like a month before I met her) She claims they only had sex a few times when she was going through a break up, because he was “there for her” and needed comfort. She says she was completely black out drunk when it happened and it wouldn’t have otherwise, but she told me he often spent the night in her bed and sometimes kissed and held hands. I know people have pasts and that’s fine but it makes me extremely uncomfortable that they talk everyday still. They were still seeing each other every week, sometimes staying out til 2am until about 2 months ago but then I finally voiced that it was inappropriate and she agreed, so when they go out now it’s not past 10. However, this guy is extremely in love with her. Ever since she’s been with me, he has gotten more distant/passive towards her and cold towards me because I know he wants her to himself. He often brings up in texts to her that he misses their “good times together ;)” I told her I have no problem with her being his friend, but he needs to move on before that can happen. Last time I went to a party with her and her friends, he was there and completely rude to me. Although they have toned down their relationship a bit, it still bothers me. He will never be happy for her unless she is with him and I think she is finally realizing that but I don’t think she wants to admit it. I don’t trust him at all. They are hanging out this Friday for drinks and I’m having a hard time with it. I never want to tell anyone they can’t see someone, and I feel like I trust her but what if she drinks a lot again while out with him? Am I completely over reacting? I’m struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Quote but what if she drinks a lot again while out with him? He may take advantage of her like he did the last time she got blotto because to him, she's his, not yours. That's why he's got the attitude with you. Quote Am I completely over reacting? I’m struggling. If you intend upon staying with her, you'd better get used to this struggle love you've got going on. If she hasn't put him in a cage yet, she's not going to do it, no matter how you think. Ask her if the tables were turned and you were the one with the same, exact kind of "friend", would she be happy and comfortable with you going for drinks with them? I'm guessing she wouldn't be OK with you giving someone else space in her intimacy, so why is it OK for her to be doing this? She knows he's in love with her and wants more from her, so why is she with you and not him since she can't corral him or give him up ? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Tippy123 said: They were still seeing each other every week, sometimes staying out til 2am until about 2 months ago but then I finally voiced that it was inappropriate and she agreed, so when they go out now it’s not past 10. However, this guy is extremely in love with her. Ever since she’s been with me, he has gotten more distant/passive towards her and cold towards me because I know he wants her to himself. He often brings up in texts to her that he misses their “good times together ;)” She enjoys your discomfort. It's a ego boost to her. She has you squirming and feeling impotent while she plays with a former lover that she knows is in love with her. Quite a display of female power and both you are lapping it up. I hope she's as good as you think she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vengfulone Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 He is one of these guy's who pretend's to be a really good friend to her, so when she break's up with her boyfriend. He's there to comfort her,to help her. This guy is a creep. If she said the only reason why they had sex is because she was blackout drunk,if that's the case then he raped her! if she was coherant enough to give her concent for sex it's rape. She's just to stupid to see what's going on. So there going out drinking. Why aren't you going with her? Is she going on a date with him? That's what he might be thinking it is.And all he will do is tell her that your no good for her if he want's her that bad. Your gut feeling's about this guy are spot on. The question is who is she going to choose,you or the rapist?? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 You are struggling and so is he and so is she. This is simply an adjustment period. It takes time to let go, and they are (especially him) are grieving the loss of their relationship. It can't always be handled cut and dry. Yes this guy will need time to get over it. He lashed out, he's angry, but can you blame him? She had been stringing him along, cuddle *(&^%ing this guy for so long...there is going to be some fallout from it for sure. Don't let this be a wedge in your relationship, just touch on it a little bit here and there in a calm civil manner. Let her have her time to let go, and eventually they both will move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scotchnstout Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 10:09 PM, schlumpy said: She enjoys your discomfort. It's a ego boost to her. She has you squirming and feeling impotent while she plays with a former lover that she knows is in love with her. Quite a display of female power and both you are lapping it up. I hope she's as good as you think she is. Pretty much my thoughts on the matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 If my girlfriend acted like your girlfriend is, she would not be my girlfriend any more. Complete disrespect. There's no reason whatsoever for them to be in contact let alone go out drinking. Drop her ASAP and find a girl who actually appreciates you for you, she doesn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sinful Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Like the others said the relationship she maintains with this guy is unacceptable. She should not be chatting with him everyday, and especially not going out drinking with him. I can tell you from experience if you don't put a stop to it now it's just a matter of time before she hooks back up with him again. My ex was doing the same thing with the guy she was with before she met me (only secretly), and even after being married to me for 3 years she decided to leave me to be with him. Be very careful. If it was me I would get rid of her for going out drinking with the guy if nothing else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 She's loving the two of you wanting her. Competing for her attention...make it easy and let him have her....remove yourself from the picture and find a GF who respects you. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 Dump and next her... Find a lady with integrity and who respects you Link to post Share on other sites
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