He thinks he is superior to me

[Annamarie1]

My boyfriend thinks he is superior to me and I hate that. I'm not dependent on him about anything, that's making me more angry. He thinks that he may say anything he wants, and if I say to him the same things, I'll have to see what will happen. I hate the way he thinks about some things. He is older than me, but in each other aspect we are the same, probably I'm much better. I don't know what to say to him and convince him that this is wrong and we are equal. What makes everything worse is that i am a feminist and I would never tolerate a man that thinks he is the dominant. I think that women are the most precious creature in the world and they have to be respected and treated equal to men. I have been raised in a family where both are equal so I would never like to be owned. I have done many things that make me successful for my age and I would never tolerate a men that thinks he is superior to me. I'd rather break up with him but I still love him even though some things have changed.  His opinion on this topic is making me hate him so much. How to show him that what he thinks about women is an example of an idiot not an hero? 

[chillii]

Well l dunno about all women, some,  many disgust me . any of that is on an individual just like it would be about any man, not just because she's a female. Just thought l'd point that out first up.

But yeah , that superior thing , funny , my ex gf had that sort of tone and way about her with me , but where she'd even get that from most people admire me, so it was beyond me . Done a lot of things in my life most only dream too and far more and bigger stuff than her  if that's the kind of way she was thinking. yet she had this thing but because she was in some ways just hopeless to talk to l never could quite find out just wtf , yaknow.

Strange you use the word equal too , a couple of times she said l just want my equal , and of course l thought to myself wtf , what is that wth is that about . And again though because of her ways l never could quite get to the bottom of it.

So could l ask you , exactly what do you mean by your equal ? l know you might be talking about a different kind of equal , if there is one , l dunno , or is that a common term with usually pretty well the same meaning? 

On your sitch though , hmm , tbh , it's not sounding good. Sometimes people just have this thing, view or whatever it is and it doesn't change  , my ex was like that , l often thought a man could be a king yet she'd still have some attitude above him.  Can you talk to him at all about it all or would he even take any notice , as l said in those ways my ex was hopeless so no luck there for me.   But if not yeah , l doubt much will change his way tbh , nothing made any difference with my ex , hence she is now an ex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ellener]

13 hours ago, Annamarie1 said:

What makes everything worse is that i am a feminist and I would never tolerate a man that thinks he is the dominant.

So why are you with someone who thinks differently? This is pretty fundamental, are you hoping he'll change?

[Annamarie1]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Well l dunno about all women, some,  many disgust me . any of that is on an individual just like it would be about any man, not just because she's a female. Just thought l'd point that out first up.

But yeah , that superior thing , funny , my ex gf had that sort of tone and way about her with me , but where she'd even get that from most people admire me, so it was beyond me . Done a lot of things in my life most only dream too and far more and bigger stuff than her  if that's the kind of way she was thinking. yet she had this thing but because she was in some ways just hopeless to talk to l never could quite find out just wtf , yaknow.

Strange you use the word equal too , a couple of times she said l just want my equal , and of course l thought to myself wtf , what is that wth is that about . And again though because of her ways l never could quite get to the bottom of it.

So could l ask you , exactly what do you mean by your equal ? l know you might be talking about a different kind of equal , if there is one , l dunno , or is that a common term with usually pretty well the same meaning? 

On your sitch though , hmm , tbh , it's not sounding good. Sometimes people just have this thing, view or whatever it is and it doesn't change  , my ex was like that , l often thought a man could be a king yet she'd still have some attitude above him.  Can you talk to him at all about it all or would he even take any notice , as l said in those ways my ex was hopeless so no luck there for me.   But if not yeah , l doubt much will change his way tbh , nothing made any difference with my ex , hence she is now an ex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we argue, he may offend me and insult me, but I'm not allowed to do anything like that. It's not that I expect to do this, but I don't want him to say me such things either. That's what I mean by equal 

[chillii]

22 minutes ago, Annamarie1 said:

When we argue, he may offend me and insult me, but I'm not allowed to do anything like that. It's not that I expect to do this, but I don't want him to say me such things either. That's what I mean by equal 

 

Ahh right , thanks for that. My ex couldn't have meant it that way she usually got the last say haha but yeah of course yeah you should be equal in all ways .

He's sounding a bit chauvinistic too  tbh,   [ although l hate that word it's thrown around too easily ]   but sorry to say that is how it sounds though .

 

 

 

 

Edited March 5, 2020 by chillii

[Annamarie1]

29 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

Ahh right , thanks for that. My ex couldn't have meant it that way she usually got the last say haha but yeah of course yeah you should be equal in all ways .

He's sounding a bit chauvinistic too  tbh,   [ although l hate that word it's thrown around too easily ]   but sorry to say that is how it sounds though .

 

 

 

 

It's not just that. There is a lot going on. He doesn't trust me, though I haven't given him reason not to. He insults me, offends me, yells sometimes, he seems like he doesn't care if he makes me cry and sees me crying. If I'll be paid more than him, we would break up because he can't accept that. If I get a good position in a compnay, that means that I'll be the bitch of that conpany. There is a lot. He says that he loves me but I'm not sure anymore. Sometimes I think that he is using the fact that I love him and that's why treats me like that. 

[Fletch Lives]

Another guy taking his partner for granted. They think since you love them, now that you are hooked, that they can just do anything and you'll still love him forever. Fat chance! This is often a precursor to breakup/divorce.

[mark clemson]

Yeah, it sounds like you should probably just walk. Staying in this is a "sunken costs fallacy" move if you are hoping to change him, etc. He probably will change eventually, as people slowly change over time, but it could be either for better or worse. Also it will probably take 5-10 years for his attitude to shift, IF it does.

NOT worth waiting around for IMO.

[d0nnivain]

If you feel that disrespected, that disenfranchised & that suppressed in this relationship face the fact that it's not working for you & get out of it.  

You may love him but he doesn't respect you.  So why stick around?  He won't change.  

End this & date somebody local with whom you are more compatible.  Life is too short to force a square peg in a round hole only to remain frustrated because it doesn't fit.  

[RecentChange]

Why are you in a relationship with him?

Why have you invited someone into your life that belittles and insults you?

He treats you this way because you allow it. Because you stay. Because he can. 

I wouldn't count on being able to change him - change what you can control - walk. Don't stay with someone who doesn't respect you, that's not love. 

[chillii]

 

Yeah def' that a lot of crap op , a lot , l'm afraid l agree mark c.

[basil67]

You've written about this guy before.  Looking through your history, I can only come to the conclusion that he is nothing short of abusive.   You're only 20 and have your  whole life and many wonderful experiences in front of you should you choose it.   Ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you'd want your daughter to be in.

I know that we have told you to leave him, but what about your parents?  Have you told them how he treats you?  What do they say?   

[simpycurious]

On 2/13/2020 at 5:19 PM, Annamarie1 said:

Well, I know I have to stop caring, but it's not easy. How could someone be such a jerk! I gave him everything and he dumped me. He even left me on Valentine. 

He doesn't deserve you.  Nobody has the right to treat you or anyone else poorly.  You deserve to have someone treat you like a princess 

[JTSW]

On 2/13/2020 at 12:50 AM, Annamarie1 said:

he  always says that I'm a whore and thinks that i am cheating.

He's cheating!

He's abusive!

End it now.

Edited March 11, 2020 by JTSW

[simpycurious]

On 3/5/2020 at 8:15 AM, Annamarie1 said:

It's not just that. There is a lot going on. He doesn't trust me, though I haven't given him reason not to. He insults me, offends me, yells sometimes, he seems like he doesn't care if he makes me cry and sees me crying. If I'll be paid more than him, we would break up because he can't accept that. If I get a good position in a compnay, that means that I'll be the bitch of that conpany. There is a lot. He says that he loves me but I'm not sure anymore. Sometimes I think that he is using the fact that I love him and that's why treats me like that. 

Anna, he has ISSUES.  You cannot say you love someone in one breath and then yell at them to the point they cry. You need to be someone that supports you, adores you,

and builds you up.  No man or woman deserves to be physically or verbally abused. Life is fleeting so don't waste it on an abuser.

[Ruby Slippers]

This guy is verbally abusive at the very least. He won't change. What @preraph said is spot on - what you see in the first year is his BEST behavior, so it will only get worse.

I feel for you. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months after another verbally abusive episode from him out of nowhere. A couple of months ago I broke up with him after a drunken evening of verbal abuse, then later gave him a second chance. We got along very well in many ways, but this dark streak kept emerging. I'm pretty sure now that I'm done. 

Abusive tendencies don't just go away. If they ever do, I think it takes years of self-work and counseling to uproot them.

I've also come to understand that abuse in relationships is pervasive. So many women put up with abuse from men for many reasons, often for the money and material benefits.

It's much better to be on your own in a positive atmosphere than with an abusive guy who keeps running you down and demoralizing you. Seek out the support of family and friends. Call your mother, an aunt, grandma, female friend, or anyone who will listen and be supportive. Don't be another beaten-down woman who never becomes what she could be because of a dark-hearted parasite of a man.

[The Outlaw]

Walk away from him. If he has any respect for you and really loves you, he wouldn't blame you for his problems let alone disrespect you. He ISN'T worth it.  

[stillafool]

On 3/4/2020 at 6:57 PM, Annamarie1 said:

My boyfriend thinks he is superior to me and I hate that. I'm not dependent on him about anything, that's making me more angry. He thinks that he may say anything he wants, and if I say to him the same things, I'll have to see what will happen. I hate the way he thinks about some things. He is older than me, but in each other aspect we are the same, probably I'm much better. I don't know what to say to him and convince him that this is wrong and we are equal. What makes everything worse is that i am a feminist and I would never tolerate a man that thinks he is the dominant. I think that women are the most precious creature in the world and they have to be respected and treated equal to men. I have been raised in a family where both are equal so I would never like to be owned. I have done many things that make me successful for my age and I would never tolerate a men that thinks he is superior to me. I'd rather break up with him but I still love him even though some things have changed.  His opinion on this topic is making me hate him so much. How to show him that what he thinks about women is an example of an idiot not an hero? 

You're wasting your time.  You cannot change people nor him.  He is who he is.  Your only responsibility is to yourself and how you let other treat you.  You can change boyfriends and get one who respects you.  You will never be able to change your boyfriend and he will never respect you.  When you realize this you will leave.  Hopefully you won't be too old and afraid by the time you do.

[simpycurious]

First, nobody is superior to another despite what they may think or how they may act.  You must COMMAND respect for him and anybody else you date

and quite frankly you DESERVE that.  So, don't settle for anything less.  You have the POWER to get that.

[2BGoodAgain]

he didn't change.. he just hit this part of him away from you.

he sounds like a very insecure person...  not more superior to you. people with very inferior complexes try to overcompensate.

i'd leave him, if i were you. he doesn't sound very stable, seems very insecure, and he doesn't love you.

i suspect he's always been this way, but you didn't see it or he hid it well.

[justwhoiam]

On 2/13/2020 at 1:50 AM, Annamarie1 said:

He was saying that i was a liar and slut and i destroyed his life, i brought darkness into his life etc.

he  always says that I'm a whore and thinks that i am cheating. He was my first and he still doesn't belive me that I was a virgin, (maybe because I didn't bleed). And when I say I didn't know how to kiss, he says that i acted like I didn't know beacuse I'm a liar and that kind of whore that is hard to find.

he offends me really badly. One day he said that I will end up on the streets, a whore, with no education.

He makes me cry, sees me crying and do nothing but worse.

I'm depressed. I'm on another country, alone, I have no one and I haven't made new friends, especially guys

First of all, how could you let him disrespect you so much? I am in a LDR too, and we also had many bad fights. But never ever he dared call me a b - - - h, or a s - - t, or a w - - - e. It's terrible. And you know that is terrible. From what you wrote, you talk like a teenager, while chances are you're what, 23?

I'd like to understand if he's Italian like you and you left him behind to study in another country. Also, if you're studying why does he think you'll end up with no education? There might be some jealousy there, as he didn't go to college, while you are getting higher education?

How are you paying off your studies? Are you working?

First of all, get rid of him completely, because he crossed lines that shouldn't have been crossed, and in the worst way. Secondly, as you're all alone there and in a foreign country, where are you? Many countries are going on lockdown and being isolated with no support in a one room is not ideal. Maybe you want to go back to your country and be with your family, who will support you, morally, economically, and lovingly.

One last thing: I don't know why you kept stressing how you pushed guys away. I sense like you're regretting missing out on better opportunities. That's not how you'd feel when you're in love. So I doubt you're even in love right now. But that also shows that you don't seem very mature for your age. That's more like teenage talk, not like someone who's finishing her studies and ready to be independent in life. There's no "especially guys". Making friends shouldn't be based on gender. You seem to be looking for another love story, and you don't seem to be in the right place for it right now. First you need to heal from this situation you've been in. Where you let someone walk all over you in the hope someone got better towards you. It's not gonna happen. If the "honeymoon" tastes like crap, what's going to follow won't be chocolate.........

[miranda561]

On 2/14/2020 at 12:22 AM, Annamarie1 said:

I have read about Narcissist  Personality Disorder, about abusive relationship. A lot, and I have done that a long time ago, when i saw the first signs. He does accept himself that he has personality disorders. The problem is, I know that it is wrong sticking with him. I have known that months ago. I know that a strong woman would never accept to be treated like that. And I also know that if someone else would be in my place, I would have told her to leave him. I know that my parents wouldn't be proud of ne for tolerating such behaviours. But I find it hard to move on. I feel like I'm going to miss him all the time. All the memories we had together, laughters and how happy we both were.... These make me feel even worse, like I will never be able to forget him. 

He does sound  like a narcissist to be honest. I know because  i knew someone in the past who was exhibiting those same signs. He was really nice  to me at the beginning, and then  did a 180. And i was like is this the same person

But im telling you now, no matter how much you try to hang on to the  old memories or good times. It will never  ever go back to that. It will only stay the same or get worse.

As hard as it is Your best solution would be to turn your back on him and never  look back. TRUST ME .

[xxcazaxx]

What would you say your friend or sibling told you they were being treated in such a way by their partner. This isnt love or how a relationship should be - its abusive. Unfortunately we cant change people either. The thing is that you are stronger than you think and can make new amazing memories x