ksv333 Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 I'm 22 and haven't had a serious relationship. Guys seem to only be attracted to me sexually. If one does happen to like me more than that, I do not reciprocate. The guys that I do genuinely like only like me for my looks. Is this normal? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 7 minutes ago, ksv333 said: I'm 22 and haven't had a serious relationship. Guys seem to only be attracted to me sexually. If one does happen to like me more than that, I do not reciprocate. The guys that I do genuinely like only like me for my looks. Is this normal? Why don't you reciprocate? Why are you only attracted to guys who seem to want sex, but aren't interested in you as a person? Perhaps normal, but that doesn't mean it's something you should accept. Or a pattern you should keep repeating. Have you ever had male friends? Personally, I grew up a bit of a tom boy, and to this day I find it easy to talk with, identify with, share interest with guys. Rarely have I felt that a guy just wanted to have sex with me, more of a "this girl is cool! I love hanging out with her - and she can be sexy" I find that men who feel that I am on an equal playing field as them, not just a hot body to conquer respect me more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 I've found that most guys are interested in me physically. Which is something I find absolutely repulsive. My husband connected with me mentally and emotionally long before we even tried a relationship. If I want NSA sex...girls are where its at. My husband is the one guy who was worth making an exception for. IDK why you would put up with guys who only want you for sex. You have better opportunities than that. If you can't bond with anybody who wants you for your personality, perhaps you're a bit jaded about the world? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) There are, from what I understand, people who strongly prefer to have a deep emotional bond with sex partners (so more than "sex partners", but I'm being analytical here) AND there are people who strongly prefer NOT to have an emotional bond with sex partners. I don't know much about the psychology of this, but perhaps you are one of the latter types? There are guys who are only/mostly physical and there are guys who are very emotional. Guys are very much a mixed bag, just like women. I understand that many women are attracted to "alpha traits". Could it be you perceive the guys who "like you for more than that" as less confident or "strong"? Just some thoughts for you. Edited March 5, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Yes , there are plenty of guys around that want more than that , in my world anyway. There must be 100s even just in this forum alone looking for a relationship. Edited March 5, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Heterosexual men will primarily be interacting with women sexually unless they are required to work with them in their job. We have other men for friends and to share hobbies and activities and social interaction with. The sexual part comes first, then friendship may develop later if a relationship results. I had that backwards for many years an failed horribly with women as a result. Yes, women complain about horndog men and chide men for being overtly sexual but they're also attracted to that kind of man and their mating behavior bears that out. Those are the young men reproducing their genes. That's reality, though it seems to take a bit longer these days. Most of my male friends when young were fathers by 18-20, definitely 25. Some had two or three kids and were in their seven year itch at that point. They didn't get there by slowly and patiently wooing and befriending one woman, rather being overtly sexual with many and one rising to the top. That's how it worked. Still does, pretty much, though people gussy it up with flowery language. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Sex is higher on a man's list, but generally, both men and women want to the same things, and men fall in love just like women do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 14 hours ago, ksv333 said: I'm 22 and haven't had a serious relationship. Guys seem to only be attracted to me sexually. If one does happen to like me more than that, I do not reciprocate. The guys that I do genuinely like only like me for my looks. Is this normal? What part? It sounds like guys do like you for more than just the physical, you just don;t like them. So it seems you only like to be liked for the physical. It's not that guys are only physical as the thread title suggests. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Guys are interested sexually (obviously), but it doesn't mean they are "only" interested sexually. Some guys will be interested in more than that, and thus will be happy to wait a little bit. Although you say you don't reciprocate if a guy seems interested in more than just sex. I'd say that puts out a vibe of "she's not interested, so I won't bother". If he is a guy you're interested in, why wouldn't you reciprocate? Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 When I was a young man and in the dating scene, my outside interests were almost all male related. i.e. women, sports (football, basketball, softball, volleyball), working on cars, fishing, backpacking, hiking etc. I never ever met a gal who wanted to work on cars, or was capable of playing football or basketball on my team, as for backpacking and hiking, most guys couldn't keep up with me, as I throw 30 to 40 pounds on my back and maybe hike 20 of 30 miles in a day. So other than sex, what did we have in common? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 2 hours ago, 2.50 a gallon said: I never ever met a gal who wanted to work on cars Yep, not even a unicorn. My how times have changed...... OK, guys can decide cool gearhead first or hot mama first...... 👍 Classic Alex Taylor line "I hurt my crank" 😂 Healthy males IMO get things in the proper order. Physical first, then man can she wrench, tune and drive and, yup she does it all and with almost zero affectation regarding how many men lust after her. I ran into a very few like her at the track during my racing days, good to see more women with such interests. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 First... you guys have it wrong. You don't want the girl who likes to work on cars... they steal your tools !!! LOL Besides... later in life... you need a place to escape... and that's the garage for me. (my workshop) Anyway... OP... not all guys are just after sex... but it sounds like you aren't open to the guys who would want to get to know you better. So why is that? Since you are young... are you just looking at the jocks? or the bad-boy? I can tell you right now... I ran around with both those groups in my young life... and if they weren't a closet gay... they generally just wanted to "Conquer" as may girls as they could. I'd say 1% to 2% of that group actually cared about the girl they dated. (I was one of them) But I was also an intellectual type, and was president of the Physics club. (I guaranty I was the first Physics Club/DJ/Guitar playing/motorcycle riding guy at my college) You need to be open to other groups if you want to connect with someone on a higher level. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 As for men wanting women only for sex, as a short skinny guy I could say the same thing about women. If she was taller than me, 95% of the time she was not and would never be interested in me. An exception was my current GF. She liked her men buff and tough. Her ex-husband was a 20 year military man, and when I met her she was living with a guy who was semi-pro heavy weight boxer. When they broke up it was supposed to be only temporary while he left the state to get clean of a drug problem. She married at age 17 and now at 39 saw this as her last chance to try the dating game. In this case being short and skinny paid off as she chose to date me first, as when we had sex I would not crush her. I am capable of lasting for several hours, so she got blown away when not only did I not mash her but also at the same time gave her multiple O's. Her first! And that is where our relationship began and now has lasted close to 25 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 I guess it's rare, but there are tomboys out there. I've seen women who are gamer girls, women who like to design stereo systems, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 Being a tomboy/car chic has done me well. I agree sex/sexual attraction is first and foremost. Any guy that was all red roses, love poems, and ordered me a white wine when we were out, was kicked to the curb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 1 minute ago, smackie9 said: Any guy that was all red roses, love poems, and ordered me a white wine when we were out, was kicked to the curb. - yeah, I usually prefer that the woman do that for ME. I like to be the Drewish princess in the relationship! 😄 Link to post Share on other sites
PrimalInstinct Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 9:37 AM, carhill said: Heterosexual men will primarily be interacting with women sexually unless they are required to work with them in their job. We have other men for friends and to share hobbies and activities and social interaction with. The sexual part comes first, then friendship may develop later if a relationship results. I had that backwards for many years an failed horribly with women as a result. Yes, women complain about horndog men and chide men for being overtly sexual but they're also attracted to that kind of man and their mating behavior bears that out. Those are the young men reproducing their genes. That's reality, though it seems to take a bit longer these days. Most of my male friends when young were fathers by 18-20, definitely 25. Some had two or three kids and were in their seven year itch at that point. They didn't get there by slowly and patiently wooing and befriending one woman, rather being overtly sexual with many and one rising to the top. That's how it worked. Still does, pretty much, though people gussy it up with flowery language. No offense as it's not all but I work with one of these 18-25 year olds with 3 kids. He's, to be blunt, a loser. No education. No real job. No drive to achieve anything with himself. He'll be the sort that by 60 is whining about how cruel & unfair life is when he all-around f***ed himself over. All in all nothing worth writing home about unless, to again be blunt, desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 (edited) Pretty much every young guy I ever knew was mainly interested in sex. by the time they've gotten a lot of that out of their system and explored and played the field and start wanting to settle down because the new of that has worn off they're closer to 30. And some never do stop. And there are some who want more when young, but these days a lot of them just want six and are perfectly happy going into the other room to play video games. what you have to do is eliminate the ones you don't want and not hope to change them because they are not going to change.. as soon as you know someone is not connecting in a way you want them to just move to the next one.. don't give your heart too soon if you can help it. people are on their best behavior in the early days of dating and are often just putting up a front and then get worse sometimes as time goes on. The longer you know them the better you know them. This often leaves people yearning for the person that used to be when they first met but that was just an illusion. Also one way to tell if a guy really cares about you is if they are concerned about you and want to help you in a little ways. It's kind of a man thing to want to provide and protect. That doesn't mean that a jealous guy is a good guy though. Edited March 8, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 3 hours ago, PrimalInstinct said: No offense as it's not all but I work with one of these 18-25 year olds with 3 kids. He's, to be blunt, a loser. No education. No real job. No drive to achieve anything with himself. He'll be the sort that by 60 is whining about how cruel & unfair life is when he all-around f***ed himself over. All in all nothing worth writing home about unless, to again be blunt, desperate. No worries, the two friends I'm thinking of were supporting families when most of us were out goofing off and they're both mid-level millionaires today, just a bunch of hard work and a few breaks. Neither are married to their first wives but have been married 34 and 30 years, respectively. They're the ones who chide me about making someone a good wife due to not being a tits and ass man. Can't argue with success 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 Not all guys are hormone driven into oblivion, knuckle draggers. There are those who want to share their heart too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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