4givrnt4gtr Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 This is more related to my husband than myself but it bothers me. My husband works in an office of all females which is quite small and seems like the boundaries are extremely blurred. For example, they have a message group where they literally all text each other pretty much all evening. My husband never participates but he reads the messages and often shows me what they are all chatting about ( usually girl stuff he rolls his eyes to). In any case his boss is part of this chat messaging and honestly she isnt necessarily the most boss like person. She shares all kinds of personal info, jokes around with everyone, invites them all over for game nights etc. Very friendly lady but boundaries are pretty much nonexistent. A few weeks ago she invited everyone for a game night. I couldn't go cuz our toddler was not feeling great so my husband went alone. It was a whole group so I didnt think much of it. But then last weekend my husband tells me he set up a doggie play date with the boss' dog. I was welcome to come but my daughter's nap was at the time the playdate was scheduled so I didnt go. It didnt really feel that great but again let it go. Then yesterday he comes home with this bottle of pumpkin spiced sparkling cider and tells me its for her as a gag gift since she likes all pumpkin spiced stuff. At this point Im like alright enough. I warned him that all this might be taken the wrong way and to be careful. Im not too too concerned about him cheating per say, as he really isnt the type.... but I dont know...something isnt setting well with me and all this chumminess with the boss lady (who is also married). Am I way off?? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 No you are not way off but this is going to fester. Their office culture is not the PC everybody stay apart norm of the modern era. Because it's mostly women, it's a bit closer. They are including your husband which is good but as you recognize a slippery slope. Keep your eyes open & go to as much as you can. I'm not a parent so this may be stupid advice but I would have disrupted your kid's nap to go to the doggie play date just to keep an eye on the boss. Also I would have gotten a sitter & gone to game night. You may want to turn the tables & get a home advantage by hosting the next game night. You need to draw some hard lines in the sand so the women can see them. Years ago my DH got too close for my comfort with a woman colleague. When I met her, she was very deferential & went out of her way to assure me that there was nothing going on & she had no deigns on my husband. She & I were actually on the same page about why I was upset & DH was clueless. My point is that even if your husband doesn't understand why you are concerned, if you meet these women & show them your boundaries I suspect most will respect them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 It depends on the person. (your H) I had several girls I chatted with when I worked in a normal office (lab) environment. They included me in all kinds of things... and we would go to lunch/dinner all the time. I would invite the exW, and most of the time she came also. There was 2 girls who were overly flirty with me... and I could have probably been physical with them if I chose to be... but I'm a good boy, and I never allowed anything to happen. So... if you truly trust your husband... a little harmless flirting can actually help your sex life with him. As an FYI... when the exW was leaving... this was never a point that was brought up. BUT, I was blamed for not changing enough diapers 12 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 5:49 PM, 4givrnt4gtr said: Am I way off?? The issue isn't the office culture, it's your husband's response to your discomfort with it. Given the dynamic, it becomes his job to handle the interplay in a way that works for you. And isn't it his child's health and nap schedule too? Time for better communication about some important aspects of your marriage... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 Yeah, you need to get a babysitter lined up and go to these things with him. Otherwise, you're the invisible wife. Find a babysitter now. Link to post Share on other sites
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