Ellener Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 (edited) Talked to the man I've been dating yesterday, he told me he is also seeing someone else, but the talk consolidated in my mind where I'm going with dating and I told him I'm only interested in dating one person at a time myself, and I've no interest in being with someone who is also with someone else. I actually think he and I will be better as friends than partners, but he's sweet and we have a lot in common, so I would date him for longer if he was into just seeing me. But as we talked it became crystal clear in my mind what I want out of this and future relationships, and where my personal boundaries are. It's all going pretty well dating so far, it's been enjoyable and no drama! 😀 Edited March 6, 2020 by Ellener wording 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 How long have you been dating/known him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 6, 2020 Author Share Posted March 6, 2020 It's about 6 weeks since we first talked but I have just moved house and been working loads so after Valentine's Day I said I needed to focus on that for a couple of weeks, so he started seeing someone else. It's cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 (edited) Ouch, that does not sound good. All that would turn me off. But I guess if you are just going to be friends, perhaps it does not matter. Edited March 6, 2020 by Fletch Lives Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 43 minutes ago, Ellener said: Talked to the man I've been dating yesterday, he told me he is also seeing someone else, but the talk consolidated in my mind where I'm going with dating and I told him I'm only interested in dating one person at a time myself, and I've no interest in being with someone who is also with someone else. I don’t blame you. It’s kind of like someone letting all of the air out of a balloon, then it falls limp and dead on the pavement. You seem like a really cool lady. You deserve someone that’s into you and only you. And the fact that you already know this just solidifies my impression of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 6, 2020 Author Share Posted March 6, 2020 31 minutes ago, K.K. said: I don’t blame you. It’s kind of like someone letting all of the air out of a balloon, then it falls limp and dead on the pavement. You seem like a really cool lady. You deserve someone that’s into you and only you. And the fact that you already know this just solidifies my impression of you. Oh thank you @K.K. it's very kind of you. I didn't even realise I felt so strongly about it until he told me he was also seeing someone else, but I said thanks for honesty, we'll just be friends! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 I always assumed any new person was also dating others in the beginning. As long as I didn't have to see it, I was OK before we became intimate. As an adult I needed commitment before intimacy but that wasn't always the case when I was younger. As DH & I progressed I approached it this way about a month in. I said something along the lines of "Can we talk about us? Don't worry it's a good talk. I like you & I like what we have going on. I am not seeing anybody else. I would like to be exclusive but if you are not ready for that, that's fine. I am happy where we are & it's all good but I was kinda curious about how you feel about the whole thing. Understand I can't move forward to intimacy without exclusivity but seriously I'm happy here." He looked so relieved. he told me he wasn't seeing anybody else either & that he had deleted his OLD profile weeks earlier. <hangs head in shame> I had actually made a fake profile on that dating site when we 1st met to check out what he was saying to others. I logged it & checked. His profile was gone. And the rest as they say is history. If you think you are better off as friends, then friends it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 5 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Ouch, that does not sound good. All that would turn me off. But I guess if you are just going to be friends, perhaps it does not matter. Me too , dunno how these people do this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 7, 2020 Author Share Posted March 7, 2020 12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Ouch, that does not sound good. All that would turn me off. But I guess if you are just going to be friends, perhaps it does not matter. Didn't feel a thing! If he can't be alone for a couple of weeks he's not going to be a good long term match for me, I need my own space too much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 7, 2020 Author Share Posted March 7, 2020 7 hours ago, chillii said: dunno how these people do this stuff. Whch people/what stuff?! Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 I think he meant he doesn't understand how people can multidate. I do, but I understand the impulse against it as well. One has to do what one's comfortable with. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 yep , bout it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 I’m glad to hear dating has been going well for you. It’s probably better you find this out now and end it because if seems you only like him on a friendship level anyway. Still sorry it did not work out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) no post Edited March 7, 2020 by Fletch Lives Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 7, 2020 Author Share Posted March 7, 2020 I think on a sub-conscious level we sense if there are other people in the mix, well I do anyway, but yes, the multi-dating clearly isn't for me! Wonder if I need to put that somehow into my OLD profile? Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) 23 hours ago, Ellener said: It's about 6 weeks since we first talked but I have just moved house and been working loads so after Valentine's Day I said I needed to focus on that for a couple of weeks, so he started seeing someone else. It's cool. You told him you needed space/a break. If I had been told that by someone I'm dating and putting effort in to, I'd start looking at my other options as well. You brought this on yourself I'm afraid. Edited March 7, 2020 by GeorgiaPeach1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 @ellener. I suspect that if you put 'no multi-dating' in your profile that it would cut down on contacts. You may not care - for some of us, quality beats quantity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 8, 2020 Author Share Posted March 8, 2020 I'm very happy alone, I can wait for the kind of relationship which would make life even better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 Yeah I agree with the poster above- would you be happy to be “put on hold” for two weeks by someone you hardly knew? It’s effectively agreeing exclusivity with someone after a date or two and then doing a disappearing act for a while. I don’t think anyone would put up with that because you hardly know the person much less how it’s going to work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 8, 2020 Author Share Posted March 8, 2020 Good gracious, good thing I'm not upset or worried isn't it! 😀 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted March 8, 2020 Author Share Posted March 8, 2020 1 hour ago, some_username1 said: Yeah I agree with the poster above- would you be happy to be “put on hold” for two weeks by someone you hardly knew? It’s effectively agreeing exclusivity with someone after a date or two and then doing a disappearing act for a while. I don’t think anyone would put up with that because you hardly know the person much less how it’s going to work out. Conversely why on earth would I want to get deeply involved with someone who thinks two weeks is a long time?! Anyway it's shown me- I don't want to be kissing someone who is kissing someone else and definitely ditto for sex! Not to judge anyone who feels differently, I probably would if I were younger, but it's me, now. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 8 hours ago, Ellener said: Conversely why on earth would I want to get deeply involved with someone who thinks two weeks is a long time?! Anyway it's shown me- I don't want to be kissing someone who is kissing someone else and definitely ditto for sex! Not to judge anyone who feels differently, I probably would if I were younger, but it's me, now. You are not the outlier...Most people feel the same way... Just be up front and tell guys how you feel about the issue...If they think enough about you, they will comply...I would think...I have no skin in this game, but no way in hell I am gonna participate in someone's idea of a Round Robin/circle jerk.....Let them shop someone else.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) There’s no way you’d know though, realistically. Most men/women who are multi dating aren’t as blunt as this guy. If they’re a smart multi dater theyll try to make you think you’re the only one .... Edited March 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 12 hours ago, Ellener said: Good gracious, good thing I'm not upset or worried isn't it! 😀 You're worried or upset enough that you posted about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/6/2020 at 9:47 AM, Ellener said: Oh thank you @K.K. it's very kind of you. I didn't even realise I felt so strongly about it until he told me he was also seeing someone else, but I said thanks for honesty, we'll just be friends! You are better off Ellener. If he is seeing someone else maybe that is a sign for you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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