'The Talk' exclusivity )

[thefooloftheyear]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

There’s no way you’d know though, realistically. Most men/women who are multi dating aren’t as blunt as this guy. If they’re a smart multi dater theyll try to make you think you’re the only one ....

I'll have to accept your experiences, but don't most people want to get together on weekends when they start to see each other?  There aren't two Friday/Saturday nights  a week, right?  And how does one juggle the time?  Most would at least be in contact during the other times, no?

Also, id like to think I would be perceptive enough to read through that...but again, I dunno..

TFY

[Cookiesandough]

True. But at the beginning you can see someone on Friday, then another person on Saturday, On days you can’t see them, tell them you’re busy with school/work or whatever else. Or that you need to hang with your girls/boys. Most people will accept that if the relationship isn’t serious yet (which is when you should be multidating). Then leave new people for weekdays and work them into the rotation based on interest. It sounds complicated but it’s actually really easy once you’ve been doing it awhile. 
 

Maybe you are particularly perceptive, but a lot of people aren’t. 

Edited March 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 3/6/2020 at 9:20 AM, Ellener said:

Talked to the man I've been dating yesterday, he told me he is also seeing someone else, but the talk consolidated in my mind where I'm going with dating and I told him I'm only interested in dating one person at a time myself, and I've no interest in being with someone who is also with someone else.

I actually think he and I will be better as friends than partners, but he's sweet and we have a lot in common, so I would date him for longer if he was into just seeing me. But as we talked it became crystal clear in my mind what I want out of this and future relationships, and where my personal boundaries are. 

It's all going pretty well dating so far, it's been enjoyable and no drama! 😀

Seems great to me that both of you are clear with each other! I hope you can stay friends! 

[nospam99]

cookiesandough said ... Maybe you are particularly perceptive, but a lot of people aren’t.

Or people who are acting like they are not perceptive don't want to 'rock the boat' until they are more invested in the relationship.

No problem if the person I'm dating simply says that they are seeing other people. But, since I'm dating in a search for an LTR, multi-dating probably gets a 'next' from me.

For me, the yellow flag goes up at the first lame explanation (excuse?) for being unavailable. Red flag on being unavailable on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday during the day.

[Ellener]

9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Maybe you are particularly perceptive, but a lot of people aren’t. 

I have worked in 'people' jobs all my life, so yes, I can 'read' people pretty well. But also I am honest about it, I told this guy I had to turn off my match.com thing, because men were still writing to me and I don't want to see more than one person. That's why he was honest- he is perceptive too and knows I won't have any time for dishonesty! I feel like it's up to me to 'set the tone' and my boundaries with this. Even then there seem to be some people who are serial womanisers, it's just a game to them, but I'm getting better at picking up on that. Two of the men I met in real life not on OLD- one was married, the other living with the mother of his child, of course I stopped seeing them immediately but I could easily have got myself embroiled in all kinds of drama...the married guy his wife called me, she was super-nice and very confused by his behaviour and she has since divorced him and remarried. I apologised and didn't see him again. But it was rather stressful.

All that's just not me. 

My OLD experiences are pretty positive so far, I'm mulling over the potential pandemic and how I feel about socialising, when I'm ready I'll switch match.com back on. There's a nice man who asked me out and I was seeing someone else he said 'keep me in mind' and gave me his number, I may call him.

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, nospam99 said:

since I'm dating in a search for an LTR, multi-dating probably gets a 'next' from me.

Yes, me too. Especially now I've seen how so many people 'attach' to a potential new mate and get hurt when it doesn't work out. I don't want to be doing that.

But largely I don't want to be picking up the scent or sense of other women around a man I am interested in- it's just a total turn-off for me!

9 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Seems great to me that both of you are clear with each other! I hope you can stay friends! 

We'll see! I have lots of friends so it's not a big deal if we don't, I want to leave things on a positive note if not.

 

[Ellener]

10 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I'll have to accept your experiences, but don't most people want to get together on weekends when they start to see each other?  There aren't two Friday/Saturday nights  a week, right?  And how does one juggle the time?  Most would at least be in contact during the other times, no?

Also, id like to think I would be perceptive enough to read through that...but again, I dunno..

TFY😀

This guy we dated two Saturday nights and a Sunday evening and Valentine's Day. He works early all week so told me up front he doesn't do late nights in the week. 

But yes, I could see weird scenarios like some comedy movie if a guy was moving from date to date during the course of an evening 🤣 or something.

[schlumpy]

You know Ellener, I guess this is my problem but I do have a hard time understanding multi-dating unless it's a casual friend like thing or group where you go to the fair or movies. Activities that aren't likely to end up in a bedroom.

The analogy I would use is I have a pad of butter. I can spread that butter over one piece of toast and get quite a taste experience or I can spread it "thinly" over several pieces and only get the impression of what butter tastes like.

I've always preferred the latter.