Lose the best woman I've ever met, or chase a financial dream that could lead to retirement before I'm 40

[jerrygordon3]

SO, im 33 and am in a relationship with the perfect girl, in my home town, where i've almost always lived. However last year i lived in a different country that i loved, that is cheap but amazing, and investing in and running businesses is extremely cheap, and the returns are modest, but the cost of living coupled with my disabilty pension from the military I could easily be making 5x the average monthly wage by the 2nd month. I've always wanted to start a business but the overhead and expenses in san diego are daunting. im 33 and a nurse and still renting a room. I want to start a business, that much i know. Im super unhappy with working for other people and starting a business which i almost did in aformentioned country, was the only thing that really got me excited. however, i met lauren, adn shes soooooo so good to me and such an amazing woman. I love her. but being with her means eventual marriage, and staying in san diego permanently because her baby daddy has no intention on moving and shes just not down to move. so,

 

stay in my hometown, get married, and start a family with a wonderful woman whom I love or

 

 

save money for about a year, and have enough to live and start a business on my savings alone for 1 year, adn if it doesnt work then hey, I can always come back. but it is a cheap country that ive lived in, which i know, and i can travel across europe cheap because of the location.

 

marriage and san diego forever and working to make ends meet. or, a big chance and excitement for a chance of total financial freeedom. what will i regret more in 30 years if i dont do? im really torn.

[Legatus]

You might only regret what you did, not what you didn't do. Even if you go and open the business you stopped yourself from the other time line with her and vice versa.

 

I won't go into my personal opinion here because this has to be evaluated only because of you. The only thing I would worry about is this: if you stay and get married, knowing your own character, will you develop some kind of resentment towards her? Because you stated for her? Especially when tough times come.

Tgat would be my only worry because I know myself well enough to know that I would develop such things. That's why I never went back to my cointr y of birth even though I had been asked in the past.

[chillii]

Tough tough call only you can make.

But yeah legatus summed it up there and from my own personal experience that's pretty much how it goes.

What a shame she's come along now and not in a few years time after you've had the chance to do this first.

[Interstellar]

Tough call man.

 

But if you’re gonna ask me, I have no problem letting go of women. I have dropped women, and one thing I’ve learned is she’s not the only wonderful woman you’ll meet. There really are plenty of single (no kids), wonderful, and incredible women out there waiting to have high interest in you but it may take time or not to find that one again.

 

So you have to take a deep, and long look at yourself and what truly matters to you and your future.

Edited October 25, 2019 by Interstellar

[Gretchen12]

How old is her child? It's not SD forever, children grow up. Also have you told your gf you are thinking of moving and starting your own business? I'm also curious where this country is that is so easy to migrate to. You have to think long term. Let's say you've opened your business, then what? Do you really like it there or only because it's cheap? If the standard of living is low, then you'll also be earning less. If this is what you want to do then you tell her and that's when you really find out if she's good to you.

[Gaeta]

How long have you been dating?

[jerrygordon3]

It's not just a cheap country. It's a huge economy. Biggest country in europe besides russia. And the women are renowned for their beauty. I've been told I'm very attractive. I'm in excellent shape, and have game. I have zero issues being single. However lauren is the best I've met. Maybe 7 or 8 hotness, amazing personality. Funny, kind, and extremely easy going. And kinky. But still a very good human being. Its tough. But I'm unhappy being an LVN in San Diego. I think about going back to school to make 80k and still scrape by here. Or joining the police force, ugh. Blow my brains out. But those are my two backgrounds as I was a combat medic. But none of it makes me even slightly happy. The only thing I get pumped about is traveling. Living abroad and opening up this business that before, I was going through the process to do. Yes the returns are modest but with three businesses locations, that each cost 7k, and my 1300 pension monthly. And each business net yield is maybe 800 to 1400 per month. Even if they were 600 a month. I'd still be taking home close to 3k a month which is literally ten times the average wage of around 360 a month for wage workers.

[Gaeta]

Of course she's the most amazing woman......you've only been dating officially for 5 months, you're still in the honeymoon phase.

 

 

 

I would not change my career dreams for a relationship of 5 months.

[Tamfana]

It sounds pretty great.

 

Have you talked with your GF about the possibility of negotiating a deal with the child's father so the two of you could move with the child? One deal I've seen is that the moving party waives child support and funds block parenting time on school breaks, such as paying for the airfare to travel to the non-moving parents for a 6-wk stay in the summer, certain holidays. It's worth considering.

[elaine567]

Have you talked with your GF about the possibility of negotiating a deal with the child's father so the two of you could move with the child?

The OP has only known her for five months, what kind of a father would allow their child to move far away to a foreign country, with some guy his ex hardly knows...

[Tamfana]

The OP has only known her for five months, what kind of a father would allow their child to move far away to a foreign country, with some guy his ex hardly knows...

 

Yeah, I don't know what kind of father he is. There are some great advantages to children growing up comfortable in more than one culture. My exH was looking at jobs in China and we were preparing to accommodate it. My kids ended up international anyway and one recently moved to a European country but maybe because we didn't see it as prohibitive. I don't know. But it's worth a conversation at least.

[Interstellar]

Of course she's the most amazing woman......you've only been dating officially for 5 months, you're still in the honeymoon phase.

 

 

Hah!

 

I would not change my career dreams for a relationship of 5 months.

 

Indeed. Good call.

[Artdeco]

I would not change my career for a relationship, either. And if I am guessing the country correctly, then there’s no shortage of willing and beautiful women, especially if you’re American (or British or Norwegian or whatever).

 

And long distance relationships work too, you know. I know she has a child and she probably also has a job, but you can make a schedule work if you want to. Like saving up all vacation time to visit you once a year (possibly with kid), and vice versa. Just not sure how you are going to get the immigration thing and the business paperwork done without any obstacles. That would worry me more to be honest

[BaileyB]

Of course she's the most amazing woman......you've only been dating officially for 5 months, you're still in the honeymoon phase.

 

 

 

I would not change my career dreams for a relationship of 5 months.

 

I would never even contemplate marrying a woman after five months. This isn’t even much a difficult decision - do what is best for you OP.

[vla1120]

Having given up on some of my own dreams because I let people talk me out of pursuing them for one reason or another, my advice is to always stay the course, especially when it comes to your career and financial goals. Besides, you answered your own question:

 

Scenario 1 (foreign country with your own business): "I have zero issues being single...in a country where women are renowned for their beauty.....I get pumped about..traveling.....I'd take home close to three times the average wage for that area..."

 

Scenario 2 (San Diego with new gf): High cost of living....barely make ends meet.....she'll never move away from baby daddy.....only been with her for 5 months.

 

The answer is pretty clear to me. I know what I would do. I wish I would have listened to MYSELF way back when....

[d0nnivain]

I'd move & start the business. See if Lauren is open to an LDR. Maybe once you get settled & make all this money, relocating to you will look more attractive to her.

[basil67]

If you being settled and with lots of money makes her OK with moving away from her child (or taking the child away from it's father) then that would send up red flags of it's own.

 

There is one possible outcome which nobody has mentioned yet: There are certainly no guarantees in starting a business. So, you could move overseas, lose Lauren and the business fails. On one hand, you could be happy that at least you gave it a red hot go - but would you regret losing Lauren as well as your dreams for a business?

[Gaeta]

If she has any common sense she will not uproot her child + take him away from his dad, all this to follow a boyfriend of 5 months.

[Gretchen12]

OP I was curious which country because I'm planning on retiring in Europe via the retirement visa. Not every country offers it. From what I've read, one needs to have quite a bit of money and insurance. It's not easy.

 

How that relates to your question, is do you plan on being a foreign investor or are you applying for immigration? It's a long process and your tourist visa won't allow you to stay indefinitely. So if you start the ball rolling, maybe by the time you are permitted to start a business there, you'll know more about Lauren. Your relationship with her may fail or you may be denied immigration. No need to choose now. But it'd be nice to tell her what you're doing.

[jerrygordon3]

Lauren. We dated causually since 2017. Slowly developed feeling for all the right reasons. She truly is a diamond in the rough. Excellent compatibility. 

However 1.5 years ago I went to travel for 6 months and lived in Ukraine. Always been a goal to live in europe. Before I left I started to look at lauren with potential. I was more ready for a relationship I think. So I left, saw how cheap running a business is, the cost of opening being under 40k. Monthly overhead less than 3k. Profits around 20% potentially more. Always wanted to open a business. But my goal is to retire before I'm 40. With this I can throw 50k, which I can afford, at opening and running a business, and scaling it with some of my investor friends,  potentially affording me the ability to retire in 3 or 4 years. And live abroad forever. A lifetime goal. I'm 33. However I gave up on the dream when I came home last may cause Lauren is awesome and I should be practical right? Keep working in my career as a nurse, which I do not like.. dont hate it. But it makes me sad thinking about being a 65 year old man who never took risks. But I have nightmares about losing Lauren. We split up when she found out. I was going to tell her. But she saw that I was talking with people from there. Put two and two together. I told her I felt lile I need to give this a shot. If I lose 50k, I can always come back. But theres major potential. She cannot go with me nor is she willing. She has a 2 year old. And the dad is here in San Diego. 

But big picture I'm torn :

love or financial freedom

a stable healthy wonderful life with an amazing woman sans any risk working for someone else most likely. 

or risk it all and go big. Chase a lifelong goal of living abroad forever ( passive income of ~5k / month )

[d0nnivain]

Although the cost might be more why can't you open the business domestically, lengthen your time line to retiring at 45 - 50, be with Lauren & travel? 

Compromise may serve you well.  Why does it have to be all or nothing? 

[jerrygordon3]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Although the cost might be more why can't you open the business domestically, lengthen your time line to retiring at 45 - 50, be with Lauren & travel? 

Compromise may serve you well.  Why does it have to be all or nothing? 

Because I cant afford to buy a franchise here. I dont have 200k in the bank or a 75k down payment plus the care to take out a loan for a few hundred thousand dollars and if the business flunks I'll have to file bankruptcy.  The overhead with employees will be nearly 10k . So my net profits will need to be enough that I can survive on. In San Diego that's at LEAST 4K

 Not to mention the loan pay back and having to work at the location full time myself until its established. none of those things would be an issue in Ukraine. So its either stay here and struggle opening a business or do it really cheap and without as much of a headache. 

[RecentChange]

Just curious - how is the economy in the Ukraine? Doesn't have the lowest GDP in Europe?  Can someone really start with a small investment there and be sure on a passive income for decades to retire off of? Sounds like an extremely high risk scenario. 

Edited March 6, 2020 by RecentChange

[jerrygordon3]

25 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

Just curious - how is the economy in the Ukraine? Doesn't have the lowest GDP in Europe?  Can someone really start with a small investment there and be sure on a passive income for decades to retire off of? Sounds like an extremely high risk scenario. 

Guys please. This isnt about compromising. It's not explaining the economy. Or selling any of you on why it's not a high risk. I'm not asking for business advice. I'm asking for love or goals advice. 

[RecentChange]

Well in your opening post you went into the finances of of, and I think the amount of risk should play into your decision.

If moving to the Ukraine was a sure deal of an early retirement and a life you always dreamed of - I would say GO! You will likely meet another woman some day.

But, if the reality is that there is a high chance that you will lose your investment, and have to return to the states to start over again - I am not sure if that is a risk worth giving up real love and compatibility for.

Obviously you can't expect her to wait for you to go try this out. So if you really want to do it, cut her free, quit wasting her time, it's not fair to her. 

It's ESPECIALLY unfair to her to not be honest about your plans for the future. If you two are going to be in a long term relationship, a shared vision for the future is vital. 

If you feel like you will resent not chasing this Ukraine dream - again, set her free.