Lose the best woman I've ever met, or chase a financial dream that could lead to retirement before I'm 40

[Happy Lemming]

I vote "go"... Chase your dream of living abroad.

Women come and go, but you only get one life.  She could dump you tomorrow, there are no guarantees.

I've been nomadic all of my adult life, never staying in any one place too long.  Yes, I've ended some great relationships, but I didn't let that stop me from chasing my dreams and yes, I retired at 52. 

As far as women, I always found another one.

As a side note, why are you dating a single mother??  Let the single dads date the single mothers, don't get wrapped into taking care of someone else's kid.

It sounds like you've run the numbers on this project, go for it.  You are 33 years old, the time for this dream to come true is now, not later.

 

[jerrygordon3]

I've tried to get peoples input but they seem to answer the wrong part of the question so ill start with. I have been dating someone off and on, then on seriously for 7 months. we've known each other for a couple years and shes the BEST woman ive ever dated. a totally bad ass girl. However when i was abroad last year I saw that I could open up a business franchise for 1/5 the cost in europe. my pension will cover cost of living, and I can afford to take a risk and either lose ~30k or potentially establish a lifelong dream of simultaernously moving abroad, and also going into business for myself. its something ive always watned to do, and i truly belive i can do it. along with the low cost of living and eployee wages, cheap overhead, and cheap start up costs, i could throw a year of my time into this and if i make a small profit every month i could potentially scale and retire on my pension and the profits before 40, and live abroad indefinitely. however, I fell in love with lauren about a year ago. but im a romantic. I always find an excuse ton live the safe life. but I love lauren. however, EVERY single thing about my life in san diego has worn me out. its expensive. i dont like my career. im 33. i dont want to change careers, start over in college. or start a business here which would cost a minimum of 250K for a franchise or I could take out a loan and then if it flunks file bankruptcy. Im honesty just more wary of starting a business in SD where the cost of failure is super high, and in this particular country, i would maybe lose out on 30k and come back and start over, but having at least tried my hardest and fullfilled a life long goal; i could live with that. 

 

1) please dont : say i could compromise and start a business here, cause i've already explained why i prefer a cheaper potential flunk in a different country. 

2) please dont: presume or lecture about the risk of starting a business in a foreign country, i lived there. I've evaulated the risks and if I didnt feel completely confident in my ability or the economy I WOULDNT be contemplating this. 

I'm merely torn at a crossroads: love and a safe life in my bubble, or chase a goal and at least say ive done this, and if it fails, hey i can come back. if it succeeds, which im moderatly confident it will, ill be able to live abroad and boom, goal realized. 

[preraph]

Jeez, I guess you lived there, so maybe you have a good handle on it, but I have an old friend who lived and operated a business in Ukraine and the gangs were terrible and fighting over territory and he ended up getting shot in the neck and having to walk away and get out of there.  He loved things about it, but it was very dangerous for him.  The gov't kept an eye on him too.  Of course, it's not real stable now either because of political territorial issues as well.  

 

I should add that he became a target because of the fact he owned a business.  Both gangs felt it was their territory and wanted payola.

Edited March 6, 2020 by preraph

[schlumpy]

I don't see anything wrong with your plan. You won't know if it will succeed unless you try it so I vote that you pursue what could be an attractive opportunity.

As for your GF:

>You could let her go and hope she's still available when you get back.

>You could present your plan to her and ask her to join you. Would you accept her as a business partner or even an investor?

>You could explain your plan and ask her to marry you and take your comfortable little bubble with you - if she's willing and I guess that's what it comes down to. Is she willing to  wait, go with you, or just wish well in your future endeavors?

Good luck

 

[jerrygordon3]

the last 3 replies were more or less spot on what I was asking about. Yes, there is corruption. however the Ukraine people want a better quality of life. the government and 1% keep the majority of the money, much like the US. There are 100/1 homicides by firearms US/ ( every other country combined); please feel free to reference my stats, theyre not too far off. Medical expenses, cost of living etc. literally 1/10 the cost. my pension is 1550/mo. the cost of living in odessa ukraine including rent averages 800USD. the average employee wage is ~350 USD/mo. minimum wage is somewhere around 150$. Seems like with those numbers it would be impossible for people to have nice lives there, but when youre there, its just like being in the states. almost.... the economy is  established. the infrastructure is excellent. there are speak easys, high end restaurants. cozy cafes. big malls, radical hip restaurants. and the cool part, you can go out and get a 3 course meal for two and a couple excellent cocktails for under 30$. wifi and utilities are 40$-70$/mo. cell phone plans, unlimited average 160 hyrvna mo ( ~$7). of course nothing matches the western cuisine. I've been to +30 countries and I even was disappointed in a lot of italian food, when I was in italy. SoCal is awesome, but I've been here my whole life. Nobody I know has learned a new language, and left everything they've known behind to chase a goal. Its a lonely road. And I have had my fair share of broken and toxic relationships. Lauren is just the best woman I've dated. BUT, ive also dated women just about as cool, however, they were from america. americans have a much more relaxed outlook on dating and sex. i've noticed eastern european women look at relationships a lot more like a business venture and getting them to come out of their shell and relax and actually really get to know them is difficult. ( not that im just looking for sex either). but its definitely a benefit of dating out here. people are a lot more relaxed during the first couple months so it seems like.. well also, its a culture thing. my american humor, inside jokes, movie references. people here get it. over there not so much. So I'm doubtful ill meet anyone like lauren for a long time if ever. but.... I've crunched the numbers and in one year at only a 10% profit I can open a second location. in 2 years a third. then the potential to save profits from 3 locations and scale every 6 months or less. I mean, I could potentially have 3-5 locations in 3-5 years. retire at 38? not bad. or keep saving and enjoy life but focus more on being an investor. keep generating new income with new businesses, or take the income and put it into more real estate ( i own two homes already). make a modest profit off a lot of different investments = large profit. its the mentality that every billionaire has. yes there are million dollar ideas, but compound interest and streams of income are the biggest player in long term wealth and financial freedom. 

[RecentChange]

If chasing money is your dream then do it!

We all have different goals, personally I am super risk adverse. I like my steady dependable salary, worked over 15 years at the same company so now I can enjoy a six figure income. My hours are 8-5 and I don't have to stress about work outside of work. I may not be "rich" but I am secure and comfortable, and not stressed out. 

But I know other people simply can't stand the corporate grind and would rather be their own boss even if it means an extremely risky endeavors. 

It's another thing that's important for a couple - that they work out and can agree on these sorts of things. My husband is the type that likes more freedom in his career, gets to work in exciting and dynamic industries - but in a large part he can do that because we have my income to fall back on. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

Dude I'd say follow your financial dream. Humans beings change I m 27. And was same at your place.  Madly in love with a European women she was madly in love with me but culture clashes and now I feel good about my decision of not leaving all for her.

Money is important part of life you are a businessman I m a businessman too we both know this. If this relationship really gotta work you'll go through this until you permanently settle with this women. If shes really in love with you, you both will manage the distance somehow until you retire. This I speak from my experience take care man good luck.

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

personally I am super risk adverse.

Yes... I've done some high risk/high reward real estate deals.  There is no way I would subject a wife or kids to that type of risk, but it was just me; so if I fell flat on my face, I'd only be hurting myself.

[RecentChange]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes... I've done some high risk/high reward real estate deals.  There is no way I would subject a wife or kids to that type of risk, but it was just me; so if I fell flat on my face, I'd only be hurting myself.

Yes and I have my limits - my husband has wanted to do some things "I am quitting my job to do x,y,z" that I have put my foot down and said no on.

Relationships do require compromise. 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, jerrygordon3 said:

 I'm not asking for business advice. I'm asking for love or goals advice. 

We can't give you advice.  We can only tell you what Qs to ask yourself.  If you can only have one  -- your business & Europe OR her -- then you need to do a pros & cons list to figure out which one you want more.  

I vote for the business.  If you give up your dream for her you will resent her.  If you go & become wealthy, she may be more open to coming to you later.  

[AIJ]

I'm putting my vote in for the business for the same reasons as @d0nnivain - if she holds you back and you end up working until you're 65, you will almost certainly build up a lot of resentment towards her. 

You could also consider going to Ukraine for a few years, make a good amount of money there so you have enough to comfortably start a business in the US. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said:

We split up when she found out. I was going to tell her. But she saw that I was talking with people from there. Put two and two together.

Sounds like she made your decision for you.   You've lost her, so you may as well chase the $$

[kendahke]

at the end of your life, which will you regret most?

[manfrombelow2]

A wise man should never chase women, but he should chase excellence.

If he chases the woman, he eventually has none. No women. Nothing.

If he chases excellence, high chances are he eventually has the best of both worlds: The excellence itself, and women. Lots of women.

[carhill]

To quote a mid-level millionaire friend, the problems are the same just with bigger numbers.

Remember Odessa well, the first McDonald's had opened and we could see it below my gf's flat. She said gross and expensive. I loved her cooking and didn't complain.