How can a guy tell if a woman is a gold-digger?

[2BGoodAgain]

32 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'd scream.  Not because I'm a gold digger but because I don't like fast food for an early date.  Now if he offered a brunch date to a local bagel shop OK fine.  If he offered a cheap food truck but the food was delicious OK fine.  Fast food. . .just no.  Between the harsh lights & the plastic furniture bolted to the floor. . this is not a person I would date.  

The idea that somebody thought they needed to "test" me to see if I was gold digger . . . again not somebody who I would deem a good long term match 

well, McD was an example.... noah bagel, a fast food health joint, starbucks!...anything similar will do.

having said that, the concept of a gold digger is kinda subjective... what if a girl or guy wants their partner to be financially stable?

i always tell my younger guys.... money is like any other kind of characteric/quality of an individual. same as looks/intelligence/education/status/fame/size of penis/boobs/butt/muscles/chemistry,etc... they're all characteristics of a partner... some prefer the stability over body, some prefer chemistry over looks... (shrug)... to each their own.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

41 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

Hum.... I still don't know that would mean "gold digger" if she wasn't thrilled that guy drove an old ratty truck to pick her up for a date. 

I mean we are talking about people older than let's say 21 - who should be well on their way to "adulting" right?

If a guy was driving a beater, I would wonder why he is still struggling financially in life. Is he going to be asking me for rides to work when that clunker breaks down?

I agree. I don't think male winners should drive/dress/act like losers. All women are wired to seek strong mates who know how to secure a stable existence.

My boyfriend told me what he saw as the biggest tell that I was interested in something real. For our first date, he offered to come to my neighborhood for brunch, since he lives in the city and I live way out in the 'burbs. He asked if I'd mind picking the restaurant since he doesn't know my area, anywhere I wanted to go. He said the fact that I picked a modest, casual neighborhood joint made a great impression. Apparently most of his other first dates picked expensive places, likely making assumptions based on his line of work. 

He proceeded to invite me to spend the rest of the day with him (movies, then drinks) and in the end spent as much as he did on those other dates, but felt much better about it because I didn't act entitled to an expensive meal with a stranger.

He said, "This is a big part of why I invited you on a vacation with me to meet my kids, but didn't ask any of them."

Edited March 9, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[RecentChange]

11 minutes ago, preraph said:

I don't think she necessarily slept with them all in repayment for lunch.  That's probly extra.

Hahah yes I am sure there is an upcharge.

It simply goes with the line of thinking. Call girl, escort, prostitute, gold digger...

There are costs, different kind of costs incurred by both parties when they engage in this type of body in exchange for currency arrangements. 

[thefooloftheyear]

55 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

Hum.... I still don't know that would mean "gold digger" if she wasn't thrilled that guy drove an old ratty truck to pick her up for a date. 

I mean we are talking about people older than let's say 21 - who should be well on their way to "adulting" right?

If a guy was driving a beater, I would wonder why he is still struggling financially in life. Is he going to be asking me for rides to work when that clunker breaks down?

I guess there is a fine line - someone who has demonstrated that they are succeeding to a basic level in life financially, and someone who is struggling along.

Worn out cars and McDonald's for dates, I would assume that the guy is financially struggling.

I know books and their covers and all of that. Once knew a multimillionaire who drove a striped down Toyota mini truck, but he was not the norm. 

 

Without veering off topic, I know more guys(just like you mentioned) that drive older trucks(some 70K++) that bought them without financing, are hugely successful, yet wont participate in the nonsense that somehow a guys wealth and means is tied to some car that any idiot off the street, that is one missed payment from the repo guy, could finance with a signature...

There are a variety of reasons guys do this, many include that they dont want to make a splash and rather choose to live life in a way where their wealth is hidden and no one needs to know or make judgments about it...Some business owners deliberately do it so they can be more like their help and not be in a position where their people resent them if they dont get a raise,. etc...there are a myriad of reasons..

Even a Mercedes or BMW isnt a measure of "succeeding in basic life financially" and if you dont believe me, take a ride through your local ghetto and you will see plenty of those cars parked over there..

But I think if a woman was down on a guy because of this without the backstory, then shame on her,. i guess....(shrug)

TFY

 

Edited March 9, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[Springsummer]

35 minutes ago, preraph said:

She said, "If someone doesn't take me to dinner, I don't eat."  She would go to dinner with anyone, I guess.  She was a call girl, her and her sister.  She was totally comfortable taking advantage of horny guys!

oh, what was I thinking? It didn't occur to me she needs to pay in other forms. I assumed guys will just buy her lunch for simply being good looking and attractive. I assumed she just gets free lunch. I am too simplistic in thinking sometimes and too ready for self-pity. 

How hard is it to just grocery shopping and cook for herself? isn't it easier than compromising oneself for dinner? 

[RecentChange]

2 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Without veering off topic, I know more guys(just like you mentioned) that drive older trucks(some 70K++) that bought them without financing, are hugely successful, yet wont participate in the nonsense that somehow a guys wealth and means is tied to some car that any idiot off the street, that is one missed payment from the repo guy, could finance with a signature...

Even a Mercedes or BMW isnt a measure of "succeeding in basic life financially" and if you dont believe me, take a ride through your local ghetto and you will see plenty of those cars parked over there..

But I think if a woman was down on a guy because of this without the backstory, then shame on her,. i guess....(shrug)

TFY

 

A serviceable work truck (I know construction foremen as well) is different than borrowing a beat up car to s**** test women.

"Hey, hope you don't mind climbing into a big truck, I use it on the job" is a lot different than pulling up in a vehicle that appears to be on its last legs.

I personally do not spend extra on brands, never owned a German car myself. If I was dating I wouldn't care if a guy drove a Corolla, as long as it was taken care of. 

[2BGoodAgain]

6 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Without veering off topic, I know more guys(just like you mentioned) that drive older trucks(some 70K++) that bought them without financing, are hugely successful, yet wont participate in the nonsense that somehow a guys wealth and means is tied to some car that any idiot off the street, that is one missed payment from the repo guy, could finance with a signature...

There are a variety of reasons guys do this, many include that they dont want to make a splash and rather choose to live life in a way where their wealth is hidden and no one needs to know or make judgments about it...Some business owners deliberately do it so they can be more like their help and not be in a position where their people resent them if they dont get a raise,. etc...there are a myriad of reasons..

Even a Mercedes or BMW isnt a measure of "succeeding in basic life financially" and if you dont believe me, take a ride through your local ghetto and you will see plenty of those cars parked over there..

But I think if a woman was down on a guy because of this without the backstory, then shame on her,. i guess....(shrug)

TFY

 

i knew a guy who complained bitterly about gold diggers he'd meet online dating site... and then i noticed on his profile he puts down his income. killed me... lol.

[d0nnivain]

35 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

 the concept of a gold digger is kinda subjective... what if a girl or guy wants their partner to be financially stable?

Stable is just fine.  I actually put it out there as industrious.  DH didn't have a lot of money when we started dating but he was working FT, had a PT job & was going to school.  I knew he wasn't going to stay poor for long.  

Gold digging is a different objective animal.  I see it as someone who wants a particular extravagant lifestyle but who can't afford that lifestyle on their own & expect their SO to supply it.  That is gold digging.

When my husband & I first started dating I had already developed a taste for the finer things in life but I could afford them.  When we went out to some place I preferred that was beyond his budget, I just paid.  Yes I have high standards but I was perfectly capable of providing for myself.  Hence I am not a gold digger.  

[carhill]

36 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Without veering off topic, I know more guys(just like you mentioned) that drive older trucks(some 70K++) that bought them without financing, are hugely successful, yet wont participate in the nonsense that somehow a guys wealth and means is tied to some car that any idiot off the street, that is one missed payment from the repo guy, could finance with a signature...

Yup, wrote a check for my last new truck, that during my prime dating years, still have it actually. It was the one I'd take dates out in. Bench seat, T19 with the long stick, diesel engine. Slide over honey, haha....

Funny story - best friend and I went to pick up his new 5th wheel and the dealer pulled him aside and said hey we can't finance this, your credit rating is 480, lack of credit experience. He kinda chuckled and said, no, just put it on my fleet plan (GMAC back then) which had already been worked out in advance. He had like 20+ service trucks and company vehicles on the plan. Why was his credit rating so low? The corporation owned everything and he paid cash. Didn't even have a personal credit card. Can't blame the dealer though, they weren't going to let a 100 grand trailer out the door to some deadbeat 👍

[2BGoodAgain]

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Stable is just fine.  I actually put it out there as industrious.  DH didn't have a lot of money when we started dating but he was working FT, had a PT job & was going to school.  I knew he wasn't going to stay poor for long.  

Gold digging is a different objective animal.  I see it as someone who wants a particular extravagant lifestyle but who can't afford that lifestyle on their own & expect their SO to supply it.  That is gold digging.

When my husband & I first started dating I had already developed a taste for the finer things in life but I could afford them.  When we went out to some place I preferred that was beyond his budget, I just paid.  Yes I have high standards but I was perfectly capable of providing for myself.  Hence I am not a gold digger.  

my definition of a gold digger has definitely changed over the years... anyone and no one can be a gold digger. :) 

like i said, i believe it's very subjective depending on who you ask.

[preraph]

55 minutes ago, Springsummer said:

oh, what was I thinking? It didn't occur to me she needs to pay in other forms. I assumed guys will just buy her lunch for simply being good looking and attractive. I assumed she just gets free lunch. I am too simplistic in thinking sometimes and too ready for self-pity. 

How hard is it to just grocery shopping and cook for herself? isn't it easier than compromising oneself for dinner? 

You'd think. She didn't keep that skinny ass by doing a bunch of home cooking!

 

Hey as far as old trucks goes, in Dallas it's a badge of honor to own an old truck. Sometimes they will just top coat over the rust and the older looking the better. 

[simpycurious]

Is that what things have come to??? That "we" have to test someone to assure ourselves that they are not "gold diggers."  So, I need to not use my expensive car so that I can assure myself that a lady is not after money?  NO THANKS.  

[IndigoNight]

On 3/6/2020 at 5:43 PM, Metsgal said:

For example, a guy drives a "nice" car, by nice I mean, like a car that probably cost more than $25,000, not some Ford Focus. If she tells him, "oh, you drive a nice car." Is that a gold-digger comment? Or what other kinds of behaviors/comments? 

A gold-digger is unlikely to give a guy who drives a $25,000 car a second look. 😉

A gold digger is pretty easy to spot. They want to be spoiled, and believe the world revolves around their happiness. They believe that they deserve to be spoiled, and do not spoil their partner in return.They will often pout, or be offended when their partner tells them things like, "We can't afford to do that" They usually don't care if the other person has to struggle financially, so long as the gold digger gets what she wants. 

Both men, and women, can be a gold digger. It is not a good look on anyone. 

[basil67]

On 3/10/2020 at 6:26 AM, thefooloftheyear said:

.Some business owners deliberately do it so they can be more like their help and not be in a position where their people resent them if they dont get a raise,. etc...there are a myriad of reasons..

Indeed.  My ex hairdresser drives a Mercedes.   I decided to go find someone cheaper so that I'm not financing their car. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, IndigoNight said:

A gold-digger is unlikely to give a guy who drives a $25,000 car a second look. 😉

Yep, I'd think that something >$80K would be more attractive to a gold digger.

[MJJean]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yep, I'd think that something >$80K would be more attractive to a gold digger.

Depends on where you live. In my state, household income average is $50k per year. Not individual, mine you, household. For a lot of cashiers and waitresses I know, $25k is 2.5 years salary. For people used to buying a used car every few years for about $2k, a $25k car is nice, indeed.

[basil67]

Fair call.   I'm urban, so wages are substantially higher where I am.    Mind you, a gold digger probably isn't going to look for partners in a low income area.  

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yep, I'd think that something >$80K would be more attractive to a gold digger.

I’m thinking >$150K    And a couple of them, a Bentley, a  Maserati and a Ferrari when trying to keep it real. 
 

it really isn’t so much the car but the private jet you pull up to, and hopefully it’s not some ratty old time share G4    

[simpycurious]

27 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I’m thinking >$150K    And a couple of them, a Bentley, a  Maserati and a Ferrari when trying to keep it real. 
 

it really isn’t so much the car but the private jet you pull up to, and hopefully it’s not some ratty old time share G4    

I agree but make it a G5 Gulf Stream and the gold diggers will be in abundance.  Private aviation is beautiful thing.

[Springsummer]

4 hours ago, MJJean said:

Depends on where you live. In my state, household income average is $50k per year. Not individual, mine you, household. For a lot of cashiers and waitresses I know, $25k is 2.5 years salary. For people used to buying a used car every few years for about $2k, a $25k car is nice, indeed.

The household average in my city is 100k, median income is 85K CAD.

Looks like my income can almost sustain a family, assuming I am not quitting my job...

[simpycurious]

I think something that goes unsaid is that many of the men ENABLE women to become gold diggers.  They have money and they enjoy being able to spoil their women or their potential women.  On the other hand, I don't see a woman as a gold digger if she is with someone who enjoys buying things for her, taking her places, etc.

[MJJean]

On 3/10/2020 at 8:10 PM, basil67 said:

Fair call.   I'm urban, so wages are substantially higher where I am.    Mind you, a gold digger probably isn't going to look for partners in a low income area.  

It's all relative. A gold digger in NY is looking for a multi-millionnaire. A gold digger in Detroit is looking for a guy making $50k+. 

[Els]

On 3/11/2020 at 10:05 AM, MJJean said:

Depends on where you live. In my state, household income average is $50k per year. Not individual, mine you, household. For a lot of cashiers and waitresses I know, $25k is 2.5 years salary. For people used to buying a used car every few years for about $2k, a $25k car is nice, indeed.

It's "nice", but is it really worth trading your life for, even if you are a waitress in Detroit?

I think some of you are not clear on the definition of "gold digger". It does NOT mean a person who takes into consideration their partner's income or career, as part of the whole. It refers to a person who is with their partner SOLELY for the money.

[SumGuy]

46 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

...I think some of you are not clear on the definition of "gold digger". It does NOT mean a person who takes into consideration their partner's income or career, as part of the whole. It refers to a person who is with their partner SOLELY for the money.

Exactly, and often has a plan on how they are going to take, via divorce or inheritance, and certainly give as little as possible in return once they got the ring.

[Shining One]

Perhaps the definition is evolving with the times. Many consider women who crowd source their lifestyle online as gold-diggers. They simply go the route of having many providers instead of one wealthy provider.