Coming to terms with it all

[chillii]

Everything you say still points to totally superficial , you read of your lists as if they're straight off the internet. laughs confident you go in for the kiss , he's no more interesting than you how do you know your not a chic alone with him and it's all back to looks. so did you go outside and look at a few 1000 average couples like we said.

34, my god l rest my case.

[an0nym0us123]

You are talking as if anyone even if extremely deformed has an equal chance. And if they fail its because of their horrible personality. 

I have taken plenty average women on dates and it makes no odds. The one i had 4 dates with was actually the hottest of them all.

 

 

[Azincourt]

On 3/16/2020 at 12:07 PM, ZA Dater said:

Unfortunately the highlighted part for me would mean you cannot relate to the OP at all. The truth MOST people do look at looks and YES its nice to feel desired by someone you find attractive. I'll go and offend pretty much everyone here and say, what's going to excite you more, someone you find attractive who desires you or someone who isn't really that attractive but desires you.

So the bottom line is that you don't have a girlfriend because you are only interested in dating women who are far more attractive than you?

Have you ever maybe, wondered that the problem here is not with women and not with other men being more attractive than you or not, but with your absolute obsession with women you have nothing in common with,  but that you keep dreaming about because they are physically hot, and you want to be desired by women who are amongst the most attractive women in the united states of America, and considering about 40% of Americans are obese and the rest are overweight - why in heaven's name would such a woman notice you and desire you, when they also ignore many, many, many other men?

 

 

On 3/16/2020 at 12:07 PM, ZA Dater said:

It would appear you have never had to deal with the latter. When you do the latter over and over again then LOOKS become very important so I get the OP on that and largely agree BECAUSE, its once again been proven over and over again you can be the best guy but you stand no chance if your looks don't appeal. Its IMPOSSIBLE I believe to overcome a lack of looks with a great personality for example, people tell me this is possible but I yet to see any real world example of it.

Sure sometimes you will get mismatches but how often does that truly happen and how many times is there underlying material wealth involved?

To the OP I don't think one ever really find peace all you can do it keep going with life, find some good experiences whatever they may be and don't got too bogged down in dating.

 

Looks are only very important if the only women you want to date is a 19 year old Laetitia Casta, or a 21 year old Monica Belluci. If your standards in women are reasonable and you don't expect women to worship you -  you won't have much of a hard time getting a girlfriend.

[ZA Dater]

 

14 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

So the bottom line is that you don't have a girlfriend because you are only interested in dating women who are far more attractive than you?

Have you ever maybe, wondered that the problem here is not with women and not with other men being more attractive than you or not, but with your absolute obsession with women you have nothing in common with,  but that you keep dreaming about because they are physically hot, and you want to be desired by women who are amongst the most attractive women in the united states of America, and considering about 40% of Americans are obese and the rest are overweight - why in heaven's name would such a woman notice you and desire you, when they also ignore many, many, many other men?

Looks are only very important if the only women you want to date is a 19 year old Laetitia Casta, or a 21 year old Monica Belluci. If your standards in women are reasonable and you don't expect women to worship you -  you won't have much of a hard time getting a girlfriend.

First I don't live in the USA. Secondly I think you actually misread me, when I mean attractive I simply mean nice face and slim, that's all there is, sure I'd like a Blake Lively look alike but even I am not that stupid to believe I could accomplish that.

I have nothing in common with anyone, that's the bottom line and on those rare occasions when I do its never any better.

Like the OP the best I can do is try come to terms with it all, find ways to make it easier while remaining relatively happy. Looks are vital to women of that there is no doubt and you admitted it as much in prior post.

Essentially how does one cope, that's what this is about, I can go on IG and look at any number of very attractive people, they are out there, normal people, not famous but how do you cope with the fact it just never works. You can keep yourself busy, work being a good one, hobbies, sport, its already been proven you cant ask people out at the gym so that's out, Meet Up well you cant go there if you want do date, you could waste money on dating coaches, life coaches, therapists, none of which will actually get you the girl you want but they will charge you for dispensing advice with about as much practical value as how to grew corn on Mars.

No, OP you cope by finding some sort of happy medium, nobody will do it for you, you need to take the first step.

Edited March 18, 2020 by ZA Dater

[an0nym0us123]

I am not an unhappy person. I am not really what you would call lonely. 

Relentless rejection and having little or no choice but to be single torments me at times.

Other times i dont care and just get on with life. Hopefully im time it will get easier

[ZA Dater]

48 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

I am not an unhappy person. I am not really what you would call lonely. 

Relentless rejection and having little or no choice but to be single torments me at times.

Other times i dont care and just get on with life. Hopefully im time it will get easier

Its all you can really do, don't give up completely, if I were you I would take a break, lift the weight of dating off your shoulders for a while. People here wont ever admit it but frankly the text book theory never really works in reality.

[Azincourt]

19 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Well ok that does provide more context, I still maintain his lack of ultimate success has robbed confidence. I get the whole pictures thing because lets face it OLD is only about pictures and nothing else, frankly I think dating is about looks and nothing else but that's neither here nor there.

 

No.

you are the one who is obsessed with looks, most people aren't. That's why most people can find a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/have babies, while you're stuck on a loop claiming the reason why you're single is because it's all about looking like James Bond,  and if you don't, you better get a great deal from Amazon on kleenex boxes, because you're going to die alone.

 

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For nearly 20 years I have been trying to date people I find attractive and never really accomplished it ever.

Stop going after women who could work for Victoria secret's as lingerie models and start looking at the women who actually want you? if you are not attracted to women who aren't 10/10 21 year old greek goddesses, then you might start asking yourself if

1) You are either in the closet.

2) You have an incredible low sex-drive if you only find 1% of all the women you've ever seen in your entire life, attractive.

3) you don't actually want a girlfriend, you just believe you have to have one to complete your life.

 

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When someone I do find attractive even bothers to say hello its a win because for the most part I don't really exist, they have endless options all better than me

 

You're complaining that someone very attractive doesn't notice you, and when she does it's like winning the battle of waterloo, but you're forgetting to mention all of the women you've ignored for the past 20 years because they weren't hot and you think you deserve someone like Georgina Rodriguez.

 

 

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I have zero confidence

 

How do you hope to get a girlfriend when your confidence is zero?

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and zero faith than I can actually ever date anyone I find attractive. So yes guys like you have my respect because you can do what I wont ever be able to do.

Jesus Christ, man. We've already told you this 10000000. You're not dating anyone because you don't want to date. You want some idealized woman that will throw herself at your feet because you are so nice to her.

 

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The thing I resent heavily is why must the guy put in ALL the effort, you invest and get zero interest back so why bother investing to begin with. He could be self conscious much like I am when I go on dates I have zero enthusiasm for but if I didn't go Id never go on any dates at all.

 

The guy doesn't have to put in all the effort. What, do you think women are naturally hairless? or that they smell so good because god or whatever the you believe in created women to be attractive? Do you know how many tens of thousands of dollars my sisters spend on make-up and perfume alone? That's not to mention the tens of thousands my parents spent on their kid's teeth, the tens of thousands my sisters spend on clothes, handbags, rings, earings, on their hair, eyebrows, brazilian waxing etc.

That's effort. That's hard work women put into make men WANT THEM. And lots of women approach men, they just don't approach men who look like they're incredibly miserable.

That's you, bro.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, an0nym0us123 said:

You are talking as if anyone even if extremely deformed has an equal chance.

My feet are pretty 'deformed'. I don't draw attention to it and I get plenty of attention; hang in there!

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

if I were you I would take a break, lift the weight of dating off your shoulders for a while.

I agree, it is pretty high maintenance going on dates. Use the pandemic to take a break and rest up and not worry about dating right now.

[preraph]

Was there something else "deformed" with your face besides the teeth you're getting fixed?  If so, please just tell us what the deal is so we can best advise.  

[Azincourt]

Tyler Ziegel.

Deceased USMC.

United States Marine Corps.

Lost all of his fingers, had third-degree burns over his entire body, his face was so affected by it that it made him look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Met and got married to a woman years after he was hideously desfigured.

Pretty cute wife, too.

Stop making excuses and start talking to women.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

No.

you are the one who is obsessed with looks, most people aren't. That's why most people can find a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/have babies, while you're stuck on a loop claiming the reason why you're single is because it's all about looking like James Bond,  and if you don't, you better get a great deal from Amazon on kleenex boxes, because you're going to die alone.

 

Stop going after women who could work for Victoria secret's as lingerie models and start looking at the women who actually want you? if you are not attracted to women who aren't 10/10 21 year old greek goddesses, then you might start asking yourself if

1) You are either in the closet.

2) You have an incredible low sex-drive if you only find 1% of all the women you've ever seen in your entire life, attractive.

3) you don't actually want a girlfriend, you just believe you have to have one to complete your life.

 

 

You're complaining that someone very attractive doesn't notice you, and when she does it's like winning the battle of waterloo, but you're forgetting to mention all of the women you've ignored for the past 20 years because they weren't hot and you think you deserve someone like Georgina Rodriguez.

 

 

 

How do you hope to get a girlfriend when your confidence is zero?

Jesus Christ, man. We've already told you this 10000000. You're not dating anyone because you don't want to date. You want some idealized woman that will throw herself at your feet because you are so nice to her.

 

The guy doesn't have to put in all the effort. What, do you think women are naturally hairless? or that they smell so good because god or whatever the you believe in created women to be attractive? Do you know how many tens of thousands of dollars my sisters spend on make-up and perfume alone? That's not to mention the tens of thousands my parents spent on their kid's teeth, the tens of thousands my sisters spend on clothes, handbags, rings, earings, on their hair, eyebrows, brazilian waxing etc.

That's effort. That's hard work women put into make men WANT THEM. And lots of women approach men, they just don't approach men who look like they're incredibly miserable.

That's you, bro.

With some posters I think it would be entertaining to meet them in person and you are one such poster. Lets stop dropping names for a moment shall we? You clearly aren't reading very well because like the OP I stated I am simply looking for people who are not over-weight. Yet you then go to the extreme of bringing models into the debate, I didn't bring them into the debate...you did.

Would you concede people actually want to date someone they find attractive? Even I can get a date with someone I don't find attractive but what is the point of that? Again the OP is getting dates, they aren't working and yet you seem to stick to this rather arrogant notion that "well you cant get attractive dates then you got to date whatever likes you", I assume you follow the same advice , oh but of course not, you are the model and your success blinds you to the reality of many people.

My philosophy is simple, I am not going to date people I don't find attractive, its very simple, what I deem to be attractive is based on people I have met, not celebrities, which would appear to be the way you judge people. Impressive celebrity knowledge, I'll give you that.

For what its worth I don't define effort by any of the things mention, money can buy you all of those things, for me effort is actually being friendly, being motivated to go somewhere in life as opposed to waiting for a meal ticket to arrive, effort is actually being passionate about something, effort is having some worldly knowledge, those things take effort.

[Azincourt]

29 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

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With some posters I think it would be entertaining to meet them in person and you are one such poster

 

Why would it be entertaining to meet some posters in person?

 

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. Lets stop dropping names for a moment shall we? You clearly aren't reading very well because like the OP I stated I am simply looking for people who are not over-weight. Yet you then go to the extreme of bringing models into the debate, I didn't bring them into the debate...you did.

In the states, with 40% of the  population being obese and the rest overweight, don't you think a woman who is healthy might be a little harder to get?

You previously said in another thread that you spent the last 20 years looking for a woman who was into you as you were into her, and now you're saying the only physical requisite you have is that she's not overweight.  And not one ''skinny'' woman in the 20 years you've been looking for a partner has ever shown any sexual interest in you?

What gives?

 

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Would you concede people actually want to date someone they find attractive?

When someone spends 20 years trying to get a girlfriend imma go out a limb and say that person has standards way too high for what they have to offer.

 

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Even I can get a date with someone I don't find attractive but what is the point of that? Again the OP is getting dates, they aren't working and yet you seem to stick to this rather arrogant notion that "well you cant get attractive dates then you got to date whatever likes you", I assume you follow the same advice , oh but of course not, you are the model and your success blinds you to the reality of many people.

People lower their standards all the time. You can't complain about something if you aren't willing to make sacrifices to get a girlfriend. If you don't make sacrifices, it's because you don't want a girlfriend all that much.  I'm amazed by you, really. I've met gucci models who even slept with overweight women, but apparently you're too good for them 🤔

 

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My philosophy is simple, I am not going to date people I don't find attractive, its very simple, what I deem to be attractive is based on people I have met, not celebrities, which would appear to be the way you judge people. Impressive celebrity knowledge, I'll give you that.

Then don't complain that the women you find to be attractive don't want to date you. That's like working at a nightclub as a bartender and complaining that Chelsea F.C isn't trying to hire me.

I'm using celebrity examples because they are on the public domain. I'm not about to post instagram pictures of my (average-looking) boys dating hot women 🤣

 

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For what its worth I don't define effort by any of the things mention, money can buy you all of those things, for me effort is actually being friendly, being motivated to go somewhere in life as opposed to waiting for a meal ticket to arrive, effort is actually being passionate about something, effort is having some worldly knowledge, those things take effort.

Yeah. Focus on your career.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[an0nym0us123]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

Was there something else "deformed" with your face besides the teeth you're getting fixed?  If so, please just tell us what the deal is so we can best advise.  

Nothing is deformed per say im just not that attractive. I was just asking another member if everyone was equal even though someone was deformed.

I will pm you a couple of pictures and you can judge for yourself

[Azincourt]

Most people are not attractive. Most are plain-looking and they still manage to get relationships.

[Sinful]

20 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

Nothing is deformed per say im just not that attractive. I was just asking another member if everyone was equal even though someone was deformed.

I will pm you a couple of pictures and you can judge for yourself

And that's the negative energy you put out to EVERY single girl you meet. Your mentality defeats you before you even get in the game. It's no wonder you keep losing. If you were an athlete and went into every game believing you are one of the worst players in the league, how many games do you actually think you'd win?? I can tell you not very many. 

 

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Would you concede people actually want to date someone they find attractive? Even I can get a date with someone I don't find attractive but what is the point of that?

I don't buy it. You need to look at yourself. I know fat/overweight guys that can hookup with fit, attractive girls, but they have something called "CONFIDENCE" which you guys lack and seem to want to ignore while trying to rely solely on looks to land a mate. 

Edited March 18, 2020 by Sinful

[an0nym0us123]

Do you really think im turning up on dates being all doom and gloom? Of course not. I have been on dozens of dates ive had 2 girl friends in my life. Ive slept with women who are better looking than any i have met online. I am perfectly at ease around women beautiful or other wise. I have been told by numerous ones ive dates about how fun it was. 

There is no vibe being given off

[Sinful]

4 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

Do you really think im turning up on dates being all doom and gloom? Of course not. I have been on dozens of dates ive had 2 girl friends in my life. Ive slept with women who are better looking than any i have met online.

I have been told by numerous ones ive dates about how fun it was. 

There is no vibe being given off

Then what's the problem? You seem to be quite the catch, your only fault is that you say you're "not that attractive". That doesn't read as ugly to me. So if overweight, out of shape guys can land fit, attractive girls then it certainly must be something about you other than your looks, cause you have those guys beat physically.

And it's not about being doom and gloom. It's about your negative energy and mentality. You can't fake confidence. You either have it or you don't. You guys consistently claim you lack it, and girls can sense it.

12 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said:

I am perfectly at ease around women beautiful or other wise.

Yet you cannot seem to date them or form relationships with them. Makes you wonder why....

[preraph]

He showed me his pics, and this is a hot looking friendly looking young guy with no irregularities, folks.  Even his teeth (what I could see) are cute, but he's getting them fixed anyway.  Ladies, start your engines.  His only flaw seems to be lack of some confidence.  A lot of guys on here would be over the moon to look like him.  

[Sinful]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

His only flaw seems to be lack of some confidence.  A lot of guys on here would be over the moon to look like him.  

Like I said... negative energy, lack of confidence. It oozes out of you and girls most certainly will pick up on it. Change your mentality and approach. It's not about your looks.

[an0nym0us123]

I hear what everyone says about confidence but i simply cannot see how i come over as being not confident enough to women. You are getting it here because im venting about it and my self esteem has taken a beating. 

Im really not sure what exactly i do to fix something when i cant really see how its broken. 

[chillii]

30 minutes ago, Sinful said:

Like I said... negative energy, lack of confidence. It oozes out of you and girls most certainly will pick up on it. Change your mentality and approach. It's not about your looks.

Yep , done trying to help these guys, same bloody story every time.

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

He showed me his pics, and this is a hot looking friendly looking young guy with no irregularities, folks.  Even his teeth (what I could see) are cute, but he's getting them fixed anyway.  Ladies, start your engines.  His only flaw seems to be lack of some confidence.  A lot of guys on here would be over the moon to look like him.  

Yeah, low self-esteem. Lots of that amongst young men these days.

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Yep , done trying to help these guys, same bloody story every time.

They could always hit the gym. Look better, feel better.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[preraph]

Well it's not your looks. And maybe you are confident enough with women. I mean there are other reasons you can fail. I guess check all your hygiene. Just in case. If you are wearing the same clothes you had on first the last several years, update your clothing and don't just buy the same type stuff over and over. ask somebody at a department store to help you modernize. Your hair looks nice. You don't need to change that. you're self-conscious about your teeth and you're already talking about having them done so you may as well do that and get that off of your worry plate. 

 

If you have any personality quirks that anyone has mentioned that might be standing in your way you might let us know what they are. 

 

Also, on the romantic attachments you have had however brief, you might give us an idea of what you think were the reasons it ended, what you disagreed about, that sort of thing.

Edited March 18, 2020 by preraph

[an0nym0us123]

24 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Yeah, low self-esteem. Lots of that amongst young men these days.

They could always hit the gym. Look better, feel better.

When i was 25 i could bench 305 pounds and deadlift almost 500 while under 12stone bodyweight. Im not as crazy any more. I just work out to stay in shape basically