I put soap in my wife's wine bottle . to teach her not to drink.

[willzbegone]

My partner has been drinking too much.  Some days — 4-5 of glasses of wine a day.

It’s a lot.  After fights and demands, she stopped drinking and I demanded she go to AA.  It didn’t last.

She has some days where she is not drinking…but other days I know that she has had al least 2 glasses.  Because of my demands (according to her) she began to hide wine from me.

Well, yesterday I put a bunch of soap in her bottle of wine that has been sealed but on the counter for a couple of weeks.

I wanted to teach her a lesson.

She came home tonight and I went to work out and while headed to dinner with family she said she was feeling very ill.  She seemed tipsy too.  I asked her what she drank?

She looked at me funny and said why did you ask me that when I said I’m sick?

I later learned she tasted it and was FAKING to sick to see my reaction and was not thrilled that I really didn't care..  

She seemed to get better through dinner.  I came home and immediately grabbed the bottle and dumped it down the drain.

I’m wondering what to think and if she is going to cause me trouble.  Could I get in trouble for putting soap into the wine?

I think 99 percent of people would agree I did the right thing….??

I told her that I did it and she said that I poisoned her and now I’m scared she is going to try to sabotage me for helping her….

Edited March 7, 2020 by willzbegone

[mark clemson]

My though would be that somebody's not getting laid for at least a week or so.

Seriously, hope you can sort through this, BUT, sometimes people just turn into lushes (or worse). There may be only so much you can do until they want help.

 

"My girlfriend asked me which one I like better...  I hope the answer don't upset her..."

[Timshel]

Tell her you would like for her to be sober and if she would like/need your support, you are all in.  If she refuses and you will not tolerate her drinking then you should divorce.

Yes, you did poison a drinkable liquid and that is a criminal offense.

[basil67]

I guess you’ve opened the door to sabotaging what she consumes, so she may indeed come up with something even more creative in return.  I guess you have to hope that she’s not mad enough to put rat poison in your food.   

[d0nnivain]

Your heart may be in the right place but yes you could get in serious CRIMINAL trouble for poisoning her wine.   Never do something like that again. 

Your wife drinks.  You think that she drinks to excess.  If you need to deal with her drinking, go to an Al-Anon meeting.  That is a support group for people who are in love with addicts.   They will give you coping strategies or give you the strength to walk away.  It's a much safer strategy 

[K.K.]

You can’t do that man. Unless you want to go to jail. You can’t put anything in someone’s drink without their knowledge. That’s like those morons that put Visine in other people’s drinks thinking that it’ll be funny to watch them get sick and run to the toilet. You know what happens if you put enough Visine in someone’s drink? 
 

THEY DIE. 

[willzbegone]

3 hours ago, mark clemson said:

My though would be that somebody's not getting laid for at least a week or so.

Seriously, hope you can sort through this, BUT, sometimes people just turn into lushes (or worse). There may be only so much you can do until they want help.

 

"My girlfriend asked me which one I like better...  I hope the answer don't upset her..."

Would you consider a bottle of wine a day...one at lunch ...another making dinner and another 2-3 after dinner as “dessert”...an alcoholic? 
 

she is angry because she quit drinking and I could see she was anxious and I guess I made fun of her face and anxious habits and she said she can’t be good enough sober or drinking. 
 

 

[willzbegone]

45 minutes ago, K.K. said:

You can’t do that man. Unless you want to go to jail. You can’t put anything in someone’s drink without their knowledge. That’s like those morons that put Visine in other people’s drinks thinking that it’ll be funny to watch them get sick and run to the toilet. You know what happens if you put enough Visine in someone’s drink? 
 

THEY DIE. 

I am a doctor. She isn’t going to DIE from some dish soap in her wine. And I told her it wouldn’t make her sick if she didn’t drink it! 
 

I caught wine in her closet and she said she hid it from me because I have told her time and time again that I will divorce her immediately If I see her drinking. 
 

but I guess I lack the balls.... 

i told her she is sick and needs help. She has a job and decent income but i told her I will not pay for rehab. She needs to get her head straight. This is ridiculous. 

[willzbegone]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Your heart may be in the right place but yes you could get in serious CRIMINAL trouble for poisoning her wine.   Never do something like that again. 

Your wife drinks.  You think that she drinks to excess.  If you need to deal with her drinking, go to an Al-Anon meeting.  That is a support group for people who are in love with addicts.   They will give you coping strategies or give you the strength to walk away.  It's a much safer strategy 

I am a doctor. I know the amount I put in her wine will not kill her. And I hardly doubt a cop is going to have a problem for me trying to help her stop drinking.  She has a problem. She needs to learn. 

[BaileyB]

23 minutes ago, willzbegone said:

I am a doctor. She isn’t going to DIE from some dish soap in her wine. 

If you are a physician, one would think you would understand something of health behavior change... obviously not. 

The only person who will make the decision to stop drinking is your wife. You can not force someone to change if they are not motivated to change. And poisoning her wine is unlikely to cause her to want to change. It may cause her to want to file for divorce. Or as has been said, it may cause her to spoil your food in retaliation.

Your actions are deplorable. 

Edited March 8, 2020 by BaileyB

[Happy Lemming]

As a doctor, could you prescribe Disulfiram (antabuse) for her??

Do you think she would take it??

[willzbegone]

I will not prescribe her anything. I don’t want to end up liable for anything. 
 

she had anxiety meds that she was prescribed and didn’t take but I dumped them to make sure she didn’t drink and do that and end up dead. 
 

she was angry i took her anxiety rx because she said that was the root of her drinking. I told her I am just protecting her....

 

 

[S2B]

She isn’t going to do it for you. She may one day decide to do it for herself... or not.

 

leave her if you have to stoop that low to control her. Punishing others never made them stop drinking!!!! I know - I’m 12 years sober.

just leave.

[BaileyB]

Your marriage sounds like a rather toxic combination of prescription drugs, alcohol, codependency.

Is it possible that your wife’s anxiety stems from the fact that she has a rather controlling husband who put her health at risk by tampering with her wine? 

Edited March 8, 2020 by BaileyB

[willzbegone]

She doesn’t do any drugs at all and the anxiety meds I should point out were for her anxiety but instead of taking them...she drank wine. 
 

yes she blames me for her drinking. She says that if I was not so angry or controlling that she would not drink. But everyone (medicine or not) will say that the choice to drink too much can’t be blamed on another person. That’s her fault not mine. 

she said she didn’t drink much until we met  I just don’t know... yet I have seen a progression  I don’t see this as a way to blame me though 

 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, willzbegone said:

I am a doctor.

Then you should know better and you could lose your career over something like this. Get a grip! It's not up to you to control another adult, all you can do if you don't like their behaviour is ultimately give up the relationship.

1 hour ago, willzbegone said:

She has a problem. She needs to learn. 

You have a problem. You need to learn. 

You are both responsible for your own actions and your own health.

[Beendaredonedat]

I think 99 percent of people would agree I did the right thing….??

Think again!

Listen, you are acting like a total codependent that is yet to realize that you're driving YOURSELF nuts by trying to control while failing at it.

Instead of trying to change her, who you have not been able to control, why don't you go to som Alanon meetings so that you learn the only person you can control is yourself and that have 100% success in changing yourself.

What you did was incomprehensible.  What ever happened to the "Do no harm" oath you took?

Stop enabling her by continuing on with her while you complain about it.  If you don't like it and she's unwilling to go to AA then get yourself away from her and quit enabling it.

 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

57 minutes ago, willzbegone said:

she was angry i took her anxiety rx because she said that was the root of her drinking. I told her I am just protecting her....

 

 

So you know best?  LOL No wonder she drinks being married to you.  Maybe she needs anxiety medidation.  Get a grip. You are not God.  Maybe try to help your wife instead of poisoning her.  What's your end game here?

[major_merrick]

5 hours ago, Timshel said:

Yes, you did poison a drinkable liquid and that is a criminal offense.

Not all soaps are poisons.  Some, like Dawn dish detergent, are purposely non-toxic.  Unless the substance was actually poisonous and/or the intent was to harm, I doubt there's much in the way of criminal issues here.  Still, adulterating consumable liquid isn't very nice. 

OP, you're in the wrong.  Having an alcoholic partner is not fun, but you didn't do this the right way.  Now she'll be less interested in stopping drinking because you tried to force her.  She's hiding wine, and is no doubt plotting some kind of retribution.  You'd better give up your quest for sobriety, at least for a while.  She's going to remember this one!

My husband used to drink a lot.  4-5 glasses of wine at a meal was normal, and he didn't even get drunk.  He had a really high alcohol tolerance.  I tried to convince him not to drink, and it made no difference.  I couldn't do anything because I'm not the owner of the house, I'm not in authority, and he's got free will just like the rest of us.  What changed things for him was when his close friend (and future partner) was drinking so much that she was getting sick.  Seeing it in someone else caused him to ban alcohol from our house.  He and the others have been mostly sober for 18-ish months.  Sometimes people will care for others more than they care for themselves.  Just a thought.

[Beendaredonedat]

Not only was it "wrong" is was reprehensible.

[rainfall]

It’s pretty messed up to do that. If you have a problem with her drinking tell her it’s a deal breaker. Don’t put something that can make her sick in something she will drink. 
 

I went through a phase a few years back when I was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night. I’m glad I didn’t have someone who put soap in my bottles. What stopped me was when I was waking up still drunk and had to call in to work for several days. I wasn’t hung over, but I was still so drunk I couldn’t walk straight. 
I’m not sure why your wife is drinking, but for me two of my friends had just been killed in an apartment fire and  my dog died. So I was going through a lot. 
 

idk if there’s something else going on with your wife, but maybe talk to her and be supportive about helping her and don’t attack her for drinking. 

Edited March 8, 2020 by rainfall

[RecentChange]

6 hours ago, willzbegone said:

 

I think 99 percent of people would agree I did the right thing….??

No, you're dead wrong. 

[S2B]

3 hours ago, willzbegone said:

She doesn’t do any drugs at all and the anxiety meds I should point out were for her anxiety but instead of taking them...she drank wine. 
 

yes she blames me for her drinking. She says that if I was not so angry or controlling that she would not drink. But everyone (medicine or not) will say that the choice to drink too much can’t be blamed on another person. That’s her fault not mine. 

she said she didn’t drink much until we met  I just don’t know... yet I have seen a progression  I don’t see this as a way to blame me though 

 

Prescription drugs are still drugs - you should know this - you’re a doctor right? 
 

people drink too much for a million reasons. Learn about alcohol... you don’t seem to have much accurate knowledge about heavy drinking/alcoholics.

either get her professional help that ongoing long term or leave her alone - or both!

step aside - and quit making the matter worse!

you need professional help as well - to quit being so controlling and mean. Poisoning her drink is likely a criminal charge as well as cruel!

you aren’t a man any woman should trust!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

5 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

As a doctor, could you prescribe Disulfiram (antabuse) for her??

Do you think she would take it??

Or he could just slip in in her drink. If he’s an MD he would certainly know it’s not ok to poison someone.Of her actions cause you grief then leave. That’s your prerogative.

[basil67]

Well I'm sure glad you're not MY doctor.   A good doctor would understand addiction and that addicts will quit only when they are ready and not because they are forced.  

A good doctor also wouldn't throw out her anxiety meds and then make fun of her for looking anxious.