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Single ExOM in EA - on breaking NC


Difficultstuff

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Difficultstuff

I wanted to give another update:

It's around a month since I wrote to her after she'd sent back some tickets to me. I sent the letter to her work because I didn't have her home address, and then texted her to say it was coming.

Even as I did that I felt some sense of the absurdity of it all. It was sad to find myself in a position of still maintaining and validating some degree of subterfuge, when the secrecy, and the fact that she simply was not able/did not really want to be with me, was what led me to walk away.

I was mindful too that I really didn't know what, if anything, she had told her fiance, and that he might well read what I wrote. I suspected, though, that she would instinctively want to conceal it all from him; especially if, as a lot of people here suggested, she had never told him anything about her feelings for me.

She eventually texted me back a week later to say she didn't get the letter before the lockdown. So it's either lost in the post or is waiting for when she does go back to work. We've not texted since, and given everything that's happened in the last few weeks, that letter now feels like a message in a bottle, one that I sent a very long time ago...

I'd love to be getting out into the world right now and meeting other people, with a view to eventually finding someone who I can share some real companionship with, in a more open, less dishonest way. I'm feeling lonely and (self)-isolated but I'm also very sure I will never put myself, or anyone else, in a similar position again.

My best to all.

Edited by Difficultstuff
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