k0ukla1995 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Hey everyone, I’m seeking advice about a confusing friendship I’ve had for about two years. Growing up, I always had a really hard time connecting with others. I was just shy and secluded and liked to keep to myself. As I got older, I started to feel really lonely and made more of an effort to keep people around. I met my “best friend” in college. We had a class together but never talked and then she ended up training at a job of mine two and a half years ago and we instantly connected. We exchanged numbers and decided to hang out. I really liked her at first, she was one of the few people I had met who could sit down and have an actual conversation instead of wanting to party all the time. We had deep conversations and got to know each other. As our friendship became more comfortable, she got more distant. There was a period of time where she had a busier schedule than me and she would blatantly ignore my texts. I would need help with something, and she just simply wasn’t there. Whenever she needed something, though, I would quickly respond and give her the best advice I could (this is just the type of person I am). I confronted her about it and she said she was just busy and had a bunch of unread messages because it gave her anxiety to open them. I believed her at first, but her behavior didn’t change. Long story short, we got into a huge misunderstanding and stopped talking for about a year. Recently, I reached out to her because I felt as if our friendship had ended over petty issues. She agreed with me and was very warm and understanding and wanted to be friends again. We both live in the same city, and work almost the same job. We both just have one job and she is already starting with the same patterns as before. For example, I texted her about something last night and it’s been almost 24 hours and she hasn’t responded (and probably won’t). She told me sometimes she just “doesnt know what to say” ...but her behavior is so frequent it just hurts me. It makes me feel kind of silly and unwanted, like what I said is stupid and not worthy of a response. I don’t know, I keep her around because like I said, she is one of the few people I really connect with and I do feel like I can tell her anything, although I wish she was just there for me more. She is more of a shy/quiet person whereas I’m more talkative and outgoing, but I feel like she can at least give me a response when I’ve talked about it with her so many times. Again, it’s been pretty much a whole day without her helping me with this situation that I cant talk to anyone else about and it’s leaving me feeling confused and hurt as always. What should I do?
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I had what I thought was a friend one time, who ended up pulling away over an silly misunderstanding. Like you, I reached out to her after some time had passed and also found her to be initially warm and interested. So what happened? It wasn't long before she started repeating the same distancing behavior for no reason. Sometimes we will never know what's going on in someone else's head. The bottom line is that you see her true colors, and you need to move on.
JTSW Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) You don't have a compatible friendship. She's a shy quiet person who doesn't need to constantly talk, whereas you like to talk allot. Edited March 9, 2020 by JTSW
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 She's not a fake friend but you have expectations she can't meet. You know that opening texts gives her anxiety but you send them anyway then complain when she doesn't respond. You want more from her emotionally & temporally then she can give. Never gonna happen. The way this friendship works for her is when she has the fortitude to deal she's happy to talk but that's about it. Demote her to acquaintance. Be nice when you see her in public. Stay connected on social media but stop relying on her. 1
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