Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 First of all, I have to get off the coping forum! Second of all, I have to get off all other places of the internet and move on but I feel like s*** today. I did something so psyco 😬 I was trying to vent out all my emotions and talk about them but at the end of the night, I put a ton of emails together and just sent them telling him how much he had affected me 😔 The guys secondary in this, I know it's wrong what I did but I'm not doing too well and would like to move on and get on track again. This guy pretty much hacked me a few years ago, found a picture on a tablet and posted it to Facebook (amongst other things). I'm not sure if he was telling me to move on or if he was telling me to work hard at my life and show him how much he means to me? He was also telling me to be strong and say no to him too? Well a month ago, I posted an ad looking for a female friend and she was supportive. I learned that she is associated with him (several real people associated from life coaches to gym buddies over the years, and I met with many and it was very unpleasant). I could not handle this at all. I told him to get lost; but then I emailed him and told him to get lost when I should be ignoring them. I don't have any emotional skin. Whatever I feel, I feel ten times more then the average person and I haven't found a good therapist in my city. I will look at some today. I'm doing other extremes to get myself better including a trip to italy at the end of the year. I'm completing my applications for Id to travel and dropping them off at my lawyers this afternoon. I don't work until May, I'm going to look for more work until then. I'm in the gym 5 days a week and sticking to the nutrition for the most part. I was on a 16 hour fast and I killed the fast and diet at midnight with sausages (big no no, processed food) and potatoes ( double baked, too much calories and milk) I only count the cream in my coffee then I try to stay away from dairy unless it's Greek yogurt. Bottom line is I'm really not even close to being decent today and I feel like I blew my chances at being a better person. I feel horrible. I went to church yesterday (late) but I went and I'm trying to work this out with God too! Anyone got anything! Really wouldn't mind talking About this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 Anyone 😔 I know if he doesn't like me it really doesn't mean I'm not unlikeable but people who didn't even know me just came at me! And I was really down and in a low place. I'm already moving but talking about it helps! Even if you tell me I sound insane. Am I the worst person in this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: This guy pretty much hacked me a few years ago, found a picture on a tablet and posted it to Facebook What a horrible thing to do. Yes, you need to not have further contact with someone who does that. 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: I told him to get lost; but then I emailed him and told him to get lost when I should be ignoring them. I don't think there's anything wrong with writing out your feelings- just don't send them! Some of the churches have a 'burning bowl' ceremony where things to let go of go in a symbolic fire. 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: a month ago, I posted an ad looking for a female friend and she was supportive. I learned that she is associated with him That's unfortunate. Sounds like he has his own little 'personality cult' going on there, you are right to stay clear. Such people hone in on the lonely and sense vulnerability and sensitivity. Regarding holistic living, I find it's way easier just not to keep in or buy foods like sausage. Fasting isn't good for me, I'm diabetic, so my version is drink tons of green tea and cut the dairy altogether for a while. I don't eat most carbs or processed foods but if I am craving them it's a sure sign I am not prioritising myself and getting on someone else's treadmill, so to speak! I did this recently helping out a friend whilst her mother is dying, now I'm covering whilst she seeks a replacement employee, but the pay is low and it's eating into my spare energy. Craving extra food is my body's way of trying to catch up, but of course eating carbs or processed foods will set me more off balance after the initial sugar-surge! 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: Bottom line is I'm really not even close to being decent today and I feel like I blew my chances at being a better person. I feel horrible. Start again. Over and over. Don't berate yourself, be kind to yourself, encourage yourself! 🦩 I bought myself a towel with flamingoes on it last time I felt crappy. It makes me smile. And I have a little dog who is always happy to see me, so I don't get lonely, and she loves to be out in nature with me, which is good for me to 're-centre'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: Anyone 😔 I know if he doesn't like me it really doesn't mean I'm not unlikeable but people who didn't even know me just came at me! And I was really down and in a low place. I'm already moving but talking about it helps! Even if you tell me I sound insane. Am I the worst person in this forum? You are not insane, and funnily enough I was typing your reply and my boss/friend is texting me about something of hers, even as I wrote she is draining some of my spare energy! Too funny! She's a great person so worth hanging on to, though I have had to set big boundaries because of her recent circumstances. These others you have come across- as real friends not so much? Advertising for a friend you seem to have run across a little 'cult' group. Steer clear and get them out of your mind, just say 'not for me' every time you think of them! Edited March 9, 2020 by Ellener spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 You cut toxic people out of your life by blocking them and never speaking to them again, not by communicating with them. I think you know this. Toxic people are not who you need to let your feelings out to! As other said, fine, write it all out, get it out of your system, and then throw it in the trash. Done. When you are already down, why put pressure on yourself over dietary things? To me, that's just self-punishment. You take it too seriously. It's not anything that's going to "cure" you. Eat in moderation and eat some healthy and some things you enjoy and don't be punitive towards yourself. In the end, that is just not going to make much difference, getting down to details of processed food and the like. You're trying to fix yourself with food deprivation. Just be moderate. Enjoy what you eat, but just eat a variety of things so you have all the nutrients and protein you need, plus some comfort food. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) Thank you!! I was feeling so bad about myself and honestly, I can be draining on here but I really try not to burden my family and friends with this. It's just unfortunate that they aren't getting the best of me. I don't even have the best of me to give! The hardest part was that I was too humiliated of myself to leave my house a few years ago and they hacked me . They basically laughed at me which reinstated that I was right. I was the problem! I didn't think highly of myself and it took me loosing a job to realize that I need help. I need to get myself healthy but I'm not healthy at all. I guess the fact that I crave intimacy is what caused me to reply to people involved. Deep down, I wanted to be this exceptional person and have it all together and re connect with him but I also knew that I can't do that because I'm only going to get hurt more by his rejection. Could you imagine if I met this women and she told me to go out with a guy, it'd be like him telling me to go out with a guy and he doesn't care about me or my happiness at all. He didn't believe in me. I sat in missary while he gave other women intimacy. I am never going to respond to her or message her again and I blocked her and deleted her number. P.S. she messaged me as I was typing this but again, number blocked and deleted. God doesn't answer right away but I gave this to God! I do trust him and he will guide me to where I need to be. Edited March 9, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 Further, I made plans to go out with this women involved on Thursday but decided to log onto a dating site and find someone decent to go out with instead. I was telling myself I shouldn't go, it's too soon but I am just going to take it slow. I'm going to get dressed, put some make up on and to have a drink and play pool. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 Yes, sounds like you need a better relationship with yourself...did you find a counsellor? Collect yourself some resources like books and websites you can visit or post places like here where the base is kindly and helpful and moderated. 'The Highly Sensitive Person' might be useful, since you say you have no 'emotional skin'. There's also a website called verywellmind DOT COM which I get their daily email, they have peer writers ( some better than others but you can leave feedback ) on a variety of topics, if something speaks to you it's easy to read around it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 50 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Further, I made plans to go out with this women involved on Thursday but decided to log onto a dating site and find someone decent to go out with instead. I was telling myself I shouldn't go, it's too soon but I am just going to take it slow. I'm going to get dressed, put some make up on and to have a drink and play pool. Avoid alcohol is my advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 The song who do you love by Deborah cox is what I'm playing but only for the line that she had no friends to understand lol. The rest of the song doesn't apply to me but I'll be okay now that I've made these steps. It's not unlike me to cancel last minute either so if I feel like drinking will cause more harm, I'll stay in and cancel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 Embarrassed to say but old enough I should be more mature and grown! I am 37 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 Trust me, that's another issue. I'm really immature and I just can not seem to learn and grow from this experience! Maybe because it's still happening Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) I'll hang out on this forum for a bit and then I'll get myself better and ween myself off. I was thinking I could take a day out .. I might even feel better later on in the day and go to the gym in the evening! I might not go work out today and make this one of my days off this week. I need a job. I also have to go to the bank and pick up a check. In order to do all of those things, I have to get dressed and leave my house. I can't even get myself out of bed. I want to blame the time change and say it screwed me an hour but the truth is I haven't slept well in days and that's the problem. Without proper sleep, you're useless. I can't wait until May. Just the thought of making money with no house to clean (your staying on camp) and I can take care of myself and everyone else. It's beautiful and if the guy was in the country then I'd call him and ask to go today and do prep jobs. I have to hold on for a month and a bit. Edited March 9, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: I can't even get myself out of bed. Depression? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 17 minutes ago, Ellener said: Depression? Yup! I can't beat it Afraid to try new meds for it since the meds take you out for months at a time! Trying to do it naturally Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 Just now, Realitysux said: Yup! I can't beat it Afraid to try new meds for it since the meds take you out for months at a time! Trying to do it naturally Crazy! Most likely .. but I can do it I'm starting to feel like I can get out of bed today 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 I could not tolerate the meds either, which is how I came to do holistic self-care. The most important things for me are diet ( take a vitamin supplement if it's inadequate ) exercise and being out in nature, but it is hard in the first instance to just make yourself do the necessary. Steer clear of alcohol and caffeine and refined sugar is my advice, they all significantly lower my mood. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 That's great advice. I was thinking of seeing a more holistic doctor as oppose to a pharmaceutical one. I'm really not a fan of the medications at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) You know my problem, I can't just go for a walk on a nice day, I have to go push myself through a hard work out at the gym. I'm going to just get dressed and go for a walk through nature today and see how that goes. I'm going to take pictures and post them on another forum I use. No, I'm not. I'm going to the gym and pushing myself through a hard workout. Walking doesn't do s*** Edited March 9, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: Walking doesn't do s*** Helps me clear my head, think rationally and feel content with life. My dog likes it too 🐕 Time for work, you have a good day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 I can't manage a job right now but have a great day at work! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 I was just thinking about the time they said my personality doesn't match my appearance Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 I think I'm a bit more depressed today because I blocked her and it's kind of like I'm blocking him too. I can't be in a unhealthy relationship with anyone if I want to get healthy. I am not fighting the emotions today, I am kind of embracing them and tomorrow will be a new day! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 10 hours ago, Realitysux said: I was telling myself I shouldn't go, it's too soon but I am just going to take it slow. I'm going to get dressed, put some make up on and to have a drink and play pool. The problem here is that if you refuse to listen to your 'Higher Self' or Intuitive inner Voice when it tells you to NOT do something, and you just ignore your own inner impulses and go ahead anyway, then you will not get any wiser or 'better' counsel or advice from any person outside of yourself that you will listen to, either. The good/best/constructive choices that you will need to make for yourself are not necessarily going to feel easy -- we make a mistake when we want or expect everything to be easy or to come without having to sacrifice something else that we value or think that we value -- but you still do have the power and authority to make those difficult decisions...and you also do have the inner strength and courage to just listen to yourself when You are telling you to just NOT do something. If that makes sense? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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