Is love as best friends enough for marriage?

[Beendaredonedat]

Who she has great sex with.  She said he's good relationship material as well so I just think she's mixing up "new relationship energy" with being "In love" and the calm mature love as loving him like a friend.  I don't know about anyone else but I don't want to have sex with any of my friends.

Something isn't adding up with this "love him  but not in love with him" tripe.

[hissecret]

@Sarah102 Hi! I understand fully where you are coming from. This was me and almost two decades and a child later, we are no longer together ..listen to your intuition   If you want more details, let me know!  

Edited March 13, 2020 by hissecret

[pepperbird]

On 3/12/2020 at 9:45 PM, Beendaredonedat said:

Who she has great sex with.  She said he's good relationship material as well so I just think she's mixing up "new relationship energy" with being "In love" and the calm mature love as loving him like a friend.  I don't know about anyone else but I don't want to have sex with any of my friends.

Something isn't adding up with this "love him  but not in love with him" tripe.

A lot of the time(not always) it is code for "I'm either cheating on you or I want to".

[carhill]

 

On 3/9/2020 at 1:31 PM, Sarah102 said:

TLDR: I have found the perfect guy on paper but for some reason theres something missing and I dont love him beyond him being my best friend, is that enough for a happy life together?

IMO, as spouses, no. ExW said best after D, "I miss my travel buddy" Yup.

[DKT3]

In my time posting on this site I've noticed a lot of women hang on to this very teenage mindset of perfect men and perfect relationships,  that once you find it everything will just work itself out. How otherwise intelligent emotionally mature women hang on to this childish ideology is amazing. 

No man is perfect,  no relationship is perfect.  The best you can hope for is someone kinda on the same page and willing to put in as much patience and understanding. 

Would it be better if you had a guy you thought was hot but you had to support financially,  or who treated you poorly, or who only wanted to spend minimal time with you?

Truth is,  you will never get everything you want from anybody or any relationship.  

You grow to love people,  you fall in lust. No one has ever fallen in love, love is an active choice that you make day after day when you open to this person,  make the effort and hold your commitment. 

[carhill]

I recall one MW who opined sometime after our intimate interlude that her 30 year M was 'made my bed'; they're not getting divorced. I agreed, she'd be stupid to D, her husband is hot and successful and they're socially popular. Wonderful lifestyle. Married as teens so.... comfortable as peas in a pod, just no oomph. ExW needed oomph and it wasn't getting there with me so onward. Best friends or not.

 

[Blind-Sided]

OK... I'm a guy.  SO I'm not reading romantic novels, and I'm not watching the romance "Chick Flix" and filling my head with fairytales that aren't real life. But to me... this sounds like a good relationship that COULD last a life time. You need someone who becomes your partner, and someone you can rely on.  You are friends... you complement each other... he is successful... and the sex is good.  BUT... since you say something is missing... then it won't work.  What's missing is something that is imaginary.  It's something you THINK you are missing.  This is the reason why people cheat on each other.  The thing you are feeling is the "What if"... or ... " Grass is greener".

With that said... leave him now as a partner, and don't lead him on.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[FMW]

I married my best friend, and we had great sex.  For a time.  I was never crazy about him romantically or emotionally though, just comfortable.

It didn't take too long for what was lacking to become a problem. He sought out other women and I just kind of emotionally closed down.

So for me, no, it wasn't enough.  And now that I'm divorced, at the very top of my list of "must haves" for a new relationship is that special chemistry that can exist beyond just being compatible and good friends.  I don't have years to waste on making another similar error in choice of partner.  I'd rather stay single for the rest of my life.  

[Lotsgoingon]

If marrying a best friend really worked ... everyone would do it already... Dating and marriage would be easy ..

Young people (maybe even older people) can have great sex with someone and yet not feel romantic chemistry.

 

 

 

[Mysterio]

Despite that we are all different age ranges.  I think that best advice comes from older people thats at least 50 to 80 or so.  They can give the most guidance.  Everyone under 50 is really still figuring it out.  

 

Don't get Pregnant and maybe give it one more year.  If you feel the same way.   Then let him go to find another woman that is more ideal for him.  I don't know about this lets be Best friends and also fall in love stuff.  I don't think it matters.  Its not like your both best friends with each other and its an insulation of no problems going forward.  

I don't know if there is any ideal relationship with the opposite sex.  Thats like me having one major friend for the rest of my life.  I can't  just have one.  I think that every relationship is unique.  I don't think that we can structure everything to our complete will.  

There are patterns, but they can change.  

 

[gaius]

I waited until I was 31 and met the woman that fully stimulated me from the top hair on my head to the soles of my feet. Sexually, intellectually and emotionally. You couldn't have paid me a million dollars to just be her friend. Not one iota of doubt that I had to have her as my lover and wife.

5 years later life has walloped us with a few things that would have broken most couples up but we're still together. And my desire to have her as my wife, to look her in the eyes, talk to her, kiss and touch her, still burns deeply in me. And I get the impression that's the better dynamic for a relationship than just starting out as friends.