mortensorchid Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I was out of curiosity Googling that age old question "how to meet men" and a usual suspect lineup of suggestions popped up. There is yet another (aside from church - which is populated by old people and kids 18 and under) caught my eye. And that was if you are in some kind of waiting area, strike up a conversation with the people around you. This applies to things such as grocery shopping, bus stops, in line at a takeout restaurant, etc. I am asking this question of others -men and women alike. Let's say you're standing in line somewhere, waiting to check out your groceries, and someone turns around and says "hi" to you. Other than saying "hello" back... What else is there to this relationship? If at that. Maybe that other person asks something specifically about whatever it is you have in your basket. Or say you are waiting to catch a train and someone says hello on the subway platform. This is like just two molecules bouncing around not real investing of time, energy, etc. Before anyone jumps down my throat about this, I mean I think we are programmed nowadays to be paranoid and mistrustful of others. So why would we even open ourselves up to this? I am I the only one? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I had a conversation in the supermarket recently which went for 10 minutes or more. It started out because I told him that I'd opened a door behind him and he thanked me for the courtesy. I guess neither of us are paranoid and mistrustful of others and so are happy to engage in conversation with a stranger. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I strike up conversations with strangers often, cashiers mostly. Sometimes it may be with another shopper who may be looking at something similar as I'm looking at it. I don't do it to meet men, though. I just do it because I really like people and can always think of things to say. Sometimes I might be getting their opinion on something I'm thinking of buying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Other than saying "hello" back... What else is there to this relationship? One problem or issue might be seeing this as any type of 'relationship' at the stage to which you are referring. That is, just being said 'hi' to, or having someone comment on a grocery item choice, is just the other person being out-going, friendly, extroverted, etc. -- it most certainly does not indicate a 'relationship'. I haven't picked-up anyone in the grocery store, at church, or in a random public space...but...yes, to the pizza-delivery guy, and someone who knocked on my door when he was actually looking for the house two doors down, and the photographer at a friend's wedding. Don't really remember how that happened. Best I can say, trying to think back, is that is was just a spontaneous thing between the both of us. I strongly disagree that "we are programmed nowadays to be paranoid and mistrustful of others" -- some people DO have that trait and tendency, based on how they've decided to interpret their life experiences and interactions with other people, but to try to project or put the same thing onto all or most other people is just not accurate at all. In my experience, and based on my perceptions and knowledge of my friends and family members, people do not think or feel that they are "opening up themselves" to anything good or bad simply by talking to people in the grocery-store queue or at the bus stop or whatever. There is a new book out that I just heard about, 'Get Out of Your Own Way' -- not sure if it is applicable to this situation, but may be worth a shot, to see if it might be. Edited March 10, 2020 by Ronni_W Punctuation 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I strike up conversations with strangers often, cashiers mostly. Sometimes it may be with another shopper who may be looking at something similar as I'm looking at it. I don't do it to meet men, though. I just do it because I really like people and can always think of things to say. Sometimes I might be getting their opinion on something I'm thinking of buying. Wish I could be more like you. I am so bad at small talk and engaging strangers in friendly conversations. . It is a great skill to have. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 @mortensorchid you ask what else is there: Of the people I get chatting with, I'm frequently left feeling quite upbeat after meeting people who are so warm and friendly. It gives me faith in the world. In short, it's a 'feel good' moment of connection with another human. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) lt's hardly opening yourself up in a little bit of nothing convo with someone. And if there's anything much then you won't have to think of something to say later, l've wound up in ridiculous convos considering it was with a total stranger, sometimes you just click. And l'm not the sort at all that goes round with some stupid mr friendly grin l usually ignore most people actually butttt, things happen sometimes. Just ridiculous in that it's like we know each other. Def worth leaving the door ajar though keeping your eye out on some nice encounter andddd, who knows. Bet a few million marriages have met in something like that. Edited March 10, 2020 by chillii 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I've started doing this more often. I take my headphones off on purpose to also let people know that I'm not in my own world right now and realised I do start conversations in places like that more often. It never lead me to ask anybody out or anything but who knows, perhaps one day! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 6 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I strike up conversations with strangers often, cashiers mostly. Sometimes it may be with another shopper who may be looking at something similar as I'm looking at it. I don't do it to meet men, though. I just do it because I really like people and can always think of things to say. Sometimes I might be getting their opinion on something I'm thinking of buying. - That's it, you just have to be sociable and let your introverted side out. I might even slip in a funny quip or joke also - if nobody is looking! - see what i did there?! Hopefully the guy asks the girl for her number before they part company. That's where all the trouble starts! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
girlinNYC Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I think it's just symptomatic of how much society has changed. In a time where we are more 'connected' than ever in terms of social media and technology, we are most disconnected from reality and human interaction at a face to face level. In the time before social media existed, suspicion and mistrust of others was nowhere near as prevalent. Something about being glued to smartphones has rendered a lot of people incapable of social interactions in the physical sense, or the instinct to simply strike up conversation has slowly diminished. These days it isn't highly likely you'll meet a man that way - not impossible, but not likely. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Pontificating .... So many of the topics here on LS are nothing more than a bunch of 'us' giving our opinions, opinions based on each person's unique values derived from the personal experiences they have accumulated over the course of their lives. Sitting 'here', inside of me and looking out, I believe that I generally strike up conversations with 'strangers' easily. It's usually what people call 'small talk' ... the weather, global warming, coronavirus (lately). But that is NOT any 'help', at least for me, in dating. Maybe I'm being stupid about it, but I DON'T want to be 'that creepy guy' who's cruising around 'hitting on' women. Taking the step of ... oh ... asking a woman if she'd like to meet 'for coffee' or volunteering my phone number, ain't happening. My threshold is believing that a woman is both unattached and at least somewhat interested in vetting me as a dating partner. It is rare that I hit that threshold IRL. Friendly to another human being, male or female BTW, no problem. 'Wanna go out', I want my threshold crossed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I think many people just are not as "social" person to person and rely on texts, social media messages to communicate. There is still a place (IMO) in this world to be able to carry on an old fashioned conversation face to face. I enjoy people and don't mind talking as a way of getting to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I'm one of those who frequently gets into conversations with strangers and I agree with a lot of the responses already given. I just wanted to add that those conversations at the grocery store or post office might not lead to a date, but the experience of being open to talking to new people can lead to being more comfortable and open to connecting in a situation where you WOULD be more likely to meet someone available for dating. Our attitudes and approach to interacting (or not) with others are generally the same across all types of situations. So maybe look at it as "practice" for the right situation. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 47 minutes ago, nospam99 said: Sitting 'here', inside of me and looking out, I believe that I generally strike up conversations with 'strangers' easily. It's usually what people call 'small talk' ... the weather, global warming, coronavirus (lately). Yep, over the decades, learned to accept for what it is, nothing more. In general humans are sufficiently self-involved that, when running across a 'listener', they dump. How can I tell this? By tossing in a few, 'yeah, that's cool, did you xxx, when that happened to me I xxx' and then see what comes next. Most drone on about themselves. Not an indictment, just typical human behavior. When they find a social toilet to take a dump in, it's a big one. MW's are the best 👍 51 minutes ago, nospam99 said: But that is NOT any 'help', at least for me, in dating. Maybe I'm being stupid about it, but I DON'T want to be 'that creepy guy' who's cruising around 'hitting on' women. Social interaction can be helpful but IMO accept it for what it is and, if *you* feel some spark of attraction, flirt a bit. If that comes off to them as creepy, fine, move on. They can dump on someone else. You were honest and sincere. People you want in your life will appreciate and value that. Others, who gives a fck. Compatible people rise from the background noise. The rest, they're billions who live and die every day, don't know them, don't care about them, zero. Who taught me that? Them 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I strike up conversations with strangers to all the time. Some more receptive than others. It’s not like I’m inviting them into my home though. Also my vibe is one of comradely. Oddly though it’s always when I’m taken that any conversation produces a hint of ask me out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 1 hour ago, nospam99 said: Taking the step of ... oh ... asking a woman if she'd like to meet 'for coffee' or volunteering my phone number, ain't happening. Why not? There are ways to do it that are not creepy. It’s really best done quickly, informally and kind of off the cuff. Saying let me give you my number could be too many steps on her part. Versus... ”I really enjoyed this, love your sense of humor. Know it is odd, but here’s my card if you think might like to get a coffee sometime.” I can break it down for you, never had an interaction that got to that level where there has not been laughter. A business card makes it quick and she can vet you. Of course you are putting it a bit out there, but such courage is generally attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 These days people get apprehensive if you try to have a conversation. The best way to meet someone is through friends, a social group, and activities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I was putting out my garbage cans earlier this morning, when I saw a woman walking her two dogs. One of the dogs dragged her across the street in my direction. The dog was clearly friendly and wagging his tail, I could tell he just wanted to say "Hello" and was looking to be petted. The woman had just moved to the neighborhood and introduced herself and her dogs. I introduced myself and we had a very nice conversation. It would have been quite easy to "ask her out for coffee", but I'm involved with someone; so I left it at a friendly conversation about her dogs. One of the dogs looked exactly like "preraph"'s avatar picture. In general, I talk to everyone in my day to day travels. Generally, you can tell if a woman wants you to continue the conversation and escalate it to a coffee date. For the record, I've met several women (that I've dated) in various lines (Grocery, bank, etc.) One that comes to mind, is a woman I met while standing in line to pay a utility bill for a company I worked for. She was there paying her bill and the line was quite long, we chit-chatted a bit, exchanged phone numbers and dated for about 2 years. That day, I didn't set out to meet someone, but it just happened organically through my travels. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I have conversations with many strangers in a day, the people in the elevator, the cashiers at the coffee shop, people in the metro, at my local park, grocery store, name it. I have that face people trust right away. That being said I would never do it as a single woman looking for a man. Considering 50% of men I come across are not single, that means I could spend an entire day hitting on married men. Not productive at all. I much preferred hitting a crowd of singles like speed dating, singles' meet-ups, online dating, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I'm also one of those people who tends to socialize with strangers. Mostly you just talk about whatever's on your mind that they might know about too. Whatever's on your mind and/or in the immediate environment to comment on. If it's a negative topic I tend to make a joke to make it more palatable. I tend to make a short, "observation" statement. "Could popcorn be any more expensive?" If they respond and seem to engage, then it naturally can continue from there. If it's a very short response or they just sort of look at me I let them be. Not everyone feels like talking and it's important to respect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) A year or so ago a guy held the elevator for me at a building where I have a storage unit. We were both moving things in/out and over the period of an hour ended up at the elevator together a few times and chatted. As I was driving out of the underground garage leaving the building he stopped me and gave me his business card with his personal cell number on the back and said If I would like to get together to give him a call. So yes, people actually can meet potential dates that way. Edited March 10, 2020 by FMW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I am another who chats up strangers all the time. I make conversation in the elevator, the grocery store, standing in line - you name it. As someone else mentioned, usually people are friendly back, but on occasion I get people that seem really uncomfortable talking to strangers - and I leave them alone. Hell... Back when I had an affair - he was a stranger on the train I struck up a conversation with. That's how we met. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 I'm the type to say hello to strangers should the situation present itself. Examples sighted like the above ones (woman walking her dog). I have encountered some odd reactions from others when I try to engage in more conversation beyond "hello /hi how are you". But that's their situation not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I met a girl at a car wash last year. We were sitting on a bench waiting for our vehicles to be finished, and I just started chatting with her because I thought she was pretty. We ended up talking for about a half hour. We were both from Chicago originally, and had quite a bit in common. Unfortunately, she wasn't single. If you see someone that you want to talk to, who cares where you're at? You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 due to the coronavirus I will not be talking to strangers in the doctor's waiting room, or at the train station or at the market for that matter... Link to post Share on other sites
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