Author girlinNYC Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 5 hours ago, stillafool said: The only way to move on from this first love is to go strict NC. When you do and start to feel better, then relapse, you have to find the strength to keep going. If you don't and continue to hang around being his friend one day you will meet the woman of his future and it will be soul crushing. I would suggest strict NC and counseling at this point starting now. Strict no contact is definitely what I’m doing. It’s been 12 days and counting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlinNYC Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 5 hours ago, preraph said: If he really thinks he has imposter syndrome, then he has some serious problems with himself that need to be worked on. That's very deep, almost delusionary insecurity. I just don't think he's got enough oomph, probably, to overcome most little issues. I do think most guys, even him, are eventually going to find a woman to have sex with, though, and not sure when that happens, you will be part of the equation, meaning the new girlfriend isn't going to put up with him being in contact with you and/or he may just get wrapped up in her and abandon you. So it's a good thing you don't mind being alone, but you sound really hung up on this guy and I don't know that that will work for the long term at all. I think you need to be sure and develop female friends and not rely on him. Yes I agree. It’s nothing that I can help with nor am I obligated to. Chances are if someone has imposter syndrome in one area of life, it will filter out into other areas if left untreated and no inner work is done. He’s never been the type for the time I’ve known him to confront emotional type issues head on, so how he deals with this is anybody’s guess. I have a network of other friends outside of him. I’m not alone. I just don’t share much with them regarding this anymore because I don’t want to sound like a broken record. I’ve just never felt this depth of attachment before - usually I’ve never had a problem moving on from someone, in this case I genuinely don’t know what it is but it’s such a force. For my own sake going no contact is what I’ve been doing. It’s been 12 days and I don’t have any hope invested in him reaching out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 It doesn’t matter what ‘syndrome’ he has or doesn’t have. Basically, he is keeping you on the back burner. You want more so you are ever hopeful that he might change his mind with time. How long are you prepared to wait it out? You are convinced he is a special love and that no-one else will do. You have bonded with him. I can see why you feel trapped. Maybe you could do some mental work. Imagine all the strands (emotional and physical) that bind you together, then work out what each strand/rope/whatever you visualise them as, represents. Once you know what it represents, then imagine undoing that strand and replacing it with freedom and a sense of peace. Work your way through the strands. It is possible to fall in love with someone else. They just need to become special to you first. I have a feeling you will start to look outwards quite soon, maybe because you have identified the emotional trap you are in and can find a way out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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