peacemonger Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 We were together for 6months and did a long distance relationship. It was my first serious relationship. He ended it through text last month. It was a bad break up. And I admit it was my fault, I lied so much and hurt him deeply. He told me he will block me on all social medias and doesn’t want anything to do with him. He then randomly emailed me saying good luck for my interview and we had a long chat that night. He told me he was miserable and really miss me. He is still hurting but still in love with me. He doesn’t want anything to do with me and want me out of his life. On the same night, I emailed him about apologising and explaining about everything. I told him I respect his wish of cutting ties with me and I already posted all of his stuffs. I didn’t expect him to reply at all at that time. I realised I’m so damaged as a person and want to learn and heal from this and be a better person. I think that’s the only way for me to honour my love for him and for myself. He emailed me back on the same day saying he’ll reply once he had time to think but he’s not ignoring me or the email. I didn’t reply anything because I don’t know what to say. And today (a week later) he emailed me again saying he really appreciate that I posted his stuffs and will email me back probably next week. And hope I’m well. I’m confused, I thought he don’t want anything to do with me. But why is he keep on saying he will email me back? I thought he wants to cut all ties with me. Is there anything else to say? I don’t want to get hurt and just want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 A couple of questions to clarify: How much time have you spent together in person, and what did you do that hurt him? Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I don’t want to get hurt and just want to move on. If that's true and you really want to work on yourself to be a better person then you will block him and quit responding to his BS. If you truly want to be a better person then stop being the same person you always were. You must be honest with yourself and what is in the BEST interests of the two of you. You were not a good person while with him so don't get hooked into remaining the same. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Hey OP, Can you provide some more information on the relationship, the nature of what you did, and the specifics of the breakup. He could be just holding on, not realizing you will not change as a person until you decide to change yourself. Breaking up is never easy for either party, generally speaking. Having been both the dumper and dumpee there's a different set of dynamics. As the dumper he may be questioning his decision and holding out hope that somehow you will commit to changing as I mentioned. But the more information you provide the better a response we can give. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 Don't read or respond to his emails. Don't post anything related to him or "like" his stuff on FB or whatever. You can't control what he does or know why he does what he does. What you can control is YOU and how you handle it. Block, delete, forget, forever. He will eventually stop doing it when he realizes you won't entertain his behavior. Forget about what's going on in his head and stay in yours and focus on you and your needs. PERIOD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peacemonger Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 We started of as friends for the past few years and started to get serious since last year. What I did were really deceitful and horrible. At first i lied to him about my job mainly because I was embarrassed and then one major lie leads to another major lie just to cover my track. I’m so ashamed of myself and feel sick in my stomach thinking of what I did and how much I hurt him. He was really upset when he knew and we had big argument. That’s when he told me he cheated on me early in our relationship. I realised all these lies are just self sabotaging. I’m serious and taking therapy for my lies, insecurity, and low self esteem. I really want to get better and I want to be a better person. I know I can be better. But all this, waiting for his emails every single day, just because he said he’s gonna email is getting really tiring. I admit I still love him and still trying to get over him but every time I read his email I feel as if I’m back at square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peacemonger Posted March 10, 2020 Author Share Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) PS : I emailed him asking about this emails. He said he was just going to send a thought out response but its okay, if I rather not want him to. Edited March 10, 2020 by peacemonger Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 You said you broke up because you lied. At the time he broke up with you emotions were probably raw & he lashed out. Now that some time has passed & you are being both gracious & contrite he may be re-assessing whether he thinks you will lie again. He's also probably lonely & that is coloring his judgment, making him want to give you another chance. You also lied about something that doesn't really effect him -- your job. It's not like you cheated or failed to tell him you had been in jail or something of equal magnitude. He can most likely understand your embarrassment. If you hope to put this back together, your best bet is to work on your self improvement plan. Keep doing your therapy. Boost your own self esteem. Get a better job if that is a real issue for you. When he sees those improvements over the long term (months) he may be more open to trying again. For now, this is solely at his pace. You can't rush him. Stop waiting for the emails. Just live your life. Focus on your recovery & have positive things to report when he does contact you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Have you posted about this before, OP? This is sounding familiar to me for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peacemonger Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) No, this is the first time I posted about this. He called me last night because I didn’t reply to his emails. I didn’t know it’s his number. I already deleted all his contact to avoid me from reaching out. We then talked about this and about the therapies that we’ve both been taken. He asked about my family and how I’ve been. He said he’s been reading back all the texts and still hurting. He told me I’m a great person despite all of these but will keep on blocking me. He doesn’t see us as friends anytime soon. I told him I’m determined to be a better person - not so that we can be together. I know I don’t deserve him back. But I’m learning my lesson and don’t want to make the same mistake in the next relationship and hopefully someday I can be in a stable relationship and have a family. He told me it’s not gonna be anytime soon because I have lots of issues. I apologise again and right at the end, he said he will keep on blocking me from everywhere but he still want to talk to me once in a while - but only on his term. He said that’s the least that I can do - to answer his phone call because of everything I did. Edited March 11, 2020 by peacemonger Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Screen your phone calls. Let it go to voicemail since he's tried to trick you. Or just hang up once you answer and it's him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Did you say that he said he cheated on you? If that's the case, he has some nerve punishing you and telling you that he still wants to berate you once in a while and will contact you on his terms... telling you that the least you could do is answer him after everything you've done? What a nerve. Don't let him have this kind of hold over you anymore. Do as preraph says and don't answer any calls that are not familiar to you. Block the last phone number he used and work on yourself without the help of his self worth inducing rhetoric. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 1 hour ago, peacemonger said: I apologise again and right at the end, he said he will keep on blocking me from everywhere but he still want to talk to me once in a while - but only on his term. He said that’s the least that I can do - to answer his phone call because of everything I did. That's manipulative BS. If he wants to work with you to get past this, that is one thing. To leave you dangling on a string as some sort of punishment, oh hell no. You may have lied & he may be hurt. But you apologized. He either needs to accept that & move forward with you or you need to have the wherewithal to end this. You can let him toy with you like this. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) Quote I apologise again and right at the end, he said he will keep on blocking me from everywhere but he still want to talk to me once in a while - but only on his term. He said that’s the least that I can do - to answer his phone call because of everything I did. Quote That’s when he told me he cheated on me early in our relationship. ??????????????????????? T. F? He. Cheated. On. You. No, his terms are trash and you're not obligated to consider them. Not no, but hell no! Until he apologizes for cheating on you, he's got nothing to say that you need to hear and you don't owe him an audience. If you're expected to overlook him cheating and possibly bringing you an STD, but he can't get past you lying about a job, I'd say that he's getting the far better end of this tantrum/punishment deal he's dishing out. You've done what you're supposed to do--own up to your issues. He hasn't, so he doesn't deserve your attention. at. all. Edited March 13, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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