I'm Trapped in a Love Triangle

[lonelyplanetmoon]

No don’t do anything that will piss her off if you do have to go the divorce Route.  Grit your teeth and smile to get her cooperation.

once the divorce papers are signed you can do whatever you want.

don't do stupid things that will make her hold you or the divorce hostage.

annulments are hard to come by.  It will likely be a divorce situation.

[S2B]

On 3/27/2020 at 10:48 AM, Sinful said:

I want the marriage annulled if possible. I'm gathering all the evidence to turn over to my attorney.

Did you file?

I’d stop spending ANY time and energy on her.

get it ended. Did you separate ALL assets and block her from spending any money or  using credit cards? 
 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Marrying somebody who wants something casual, this is where all roads lead to in that situation.

Divorce, run away and dont look back.

[kendahke]

On 3/11/2020 at 2:06 PM, Sinful said:

Well, for me it wasn't a real marriage.

What does the state say with regards to property and finances? If they say it is, then it's a real marriage.

[sandylee1]

On 3/29/2020 at 3:08 PM, oldtruck said:

i think that the OM would not care. for him your WW is just a vacation side piece.

someone to give him releases when he leaves  his main woman back in the old

country.

 

i would do a social media search on the OM. i would not be surprised that he

is married or in a long term relationship.

Get divorced. An annulment will take ages and it needs her confessing or you proving she had no intention of being faithful from the get go. 

 

She is Big Al's side piece when in your home country. 

 

Be glad you don't have kids...you can leave her and never look back. 

[Caauug]

On 3/12/2020 at 5:39 AM, Sinful said:

But I even proposed that we have an open relationship and she didn't want it. She couldn't handle the idea of me being with other girls (how ironic). So she just continued the lie that there was nothing between them, and that she only wanted me. 

She just wanted you to stay the quiet beta provider....

So in time, if things had kept going the way they were, she would likely want kids?

If yes, who's kids would they have been, yours or Al's?

An open relationship risks you providing for your children with other women. Why would your wife want that? 

Remember a GF or wife does not love the same as a mother loves her child... 

 

[Baman]

Playing devils advocate...

What you have here is a woman who is at probably at core, non monogamous. It is perfectly possible for people of both sexes to be capable of being in love with more than one person at the same time.

Perhaps it took a couple of relationships at the same time, one fleeting and one regular for her to understand it. Her to and fro on the status of the relationships is part of the figuring it out and also the hedging and lying  may also be down to the fact that she didn't know how to deal with it or bring it up. As is her trying to choose one over the other. She chose you but couldn't get over him, she thus chose him to find she couldn't go without you, so she seeks to have the best of both worlds. There is no point in having your cake if you can' t eat it...

Now the OP himself is probably monogamous but decided he would rather share her than lose her. That is a valid way of looking at it.

It is not uncommon when talking open relationships or Polyamory that at least initially one or the other can't handle the other having what they themselves want. It's not fair and in open relationships it usually gets sorted positively as the the couple get on the same page. A lot of guys who wan't threesomes are totally fine if its the wife and another woman but cant handle the threesome being him and her and another bloke as an example.

But I do agree, you are not trapped.

You can accept the new status quo and work out the deal or walk away. Neither choice is wrong, just be true you you. Are you cut out for non monogamy and polyamory or not.

[Sinful]

On 4/3/2020 at 11:53 AM, sandylee1 said:

Get divorced. An annulment will take ages and it needs her confessing or you proving she had no intention of being faithful from the get go. 

Which I believe I can prove. I can provide evidence showing their relationship was ongoing before she met me and that she continued the relationship with him throughout our marriage, which should definitely prove her intent to not be faithful from day 1. 

 

On 4/8/2020 at 6:33 AM, Baman said:

Now the OP himself is probably monogamous but decided he would rather share her than lose her. That is a valid way of looking at it.

I don't have a problem with an open relationship, which is why I suggested it. It was never about fear of losing her. At the time I thought she maybe wasn't ready to be fully committed and monogamous, which was fine. But in reality it wasn't that she wasn't ready, it was that she was hiding her LDR with this guy.  

 

On 4/8/2020 at 6:33 AM, Baman said:

Perhaps it took a couple of relationships at the same time, one fleeting and one regular for her to understand it. Her to and fro on the status of the relationships is part of the figuring it out and also the hedging and lying  may also be down to the fact that she didn't know how to deal with it or bring it up. As is her trying to choose one over the other.

Maybe she got caught up and didn't know how to handle it. Maybe she was trying to figure it out, trying to choose one over the other, etc, etc. NONE of it is an excuse for her actions as far as I'm concerned. Because she didn't want to lose me (at the time), she decided to deliberately lie and deceive me, basically holding me hostage so that I would only be with her while she "figured things out". And THAT is the real problem I have here. It wasn't so much that she had something with someone else, it was the fact that she deliberately lied to me about it. 

Had she been honest with me from the start, this never would've been an issue. At anytime during the 3 years we were together she could've chosen to be honest with me. But she wanted to be with us both while lying to me, making me believe I was the only one so I wouldn't be with other girls. So I wasted 3 years of my life with this girl in a relationship based on lies.