Why would he avoid eye contact entirely when normally he wouldn't. Is he attracted to me?

[ReesePieces]

I've heard that sometimes guys will actually avoid eye contact with women they're attracted to (nerves, fear of rejection, etc.) rather than eye contact. Or making their attraction too obvious. 

Normally he keeps good eye contact.

But a guy I know I have a decent friendly rapport with. He's done things, e.g. be very helpful, tease, that implies he's interested but now isn't a good time for him (his words, his last gf was far from the greatest). 

Anyway today I stopped by his house to pick something up (for his sister) & he would not make eye contact whatsoever. Yes there was someone else (another guy) he was talking to too but even when talking to/with me, he widely refused to make eye contact (the once he did was barely a few seconds, normally it's longer). 

I get compliments for my looks normally. But it had just rained 1/2 hr before & so my air-dried hair was far curlier than it normally was / framing my face. Even I sort of went wow about myself when I checked my face in the car mirror almost right after (I thought the avoidance was maybe I had food on my face or something). 

[salparadise]

Nah, he's just shy. You need to grab him and lay a big wet one on him.

[Beendaredonedat]

5 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Nah, he's just shy. You need to grab him and lay a big wet one on him.

Make sure he's not been on any cruise ships lately first.

[preraph]

I'm getting a different take on this altogether. He told you now wasn't a good time. in my experience if you have an interest in someone you never tell them now isn't a good time or anything similar. In my experience that is them letting you down easy. Since he's already told you basically no I think now it's just awkward for him to be around you and that's why he's not meeting your eyes. I'm not seeing interest here at all. Sorry.

 

I mean if you even thought you might be kind of interested in someone, would you ever tell them not now?

[snowboy91]

Shying away for whatever reason.

Eye contact could make him feel uneasy generally, or he's interested and fearing rejection, or he's attracted but feels acting on it will "ruin things" so tries to avoid letting the cat out of the bag.

Whatever it is - decide what you want for yourself and act on it. Don't sit there wondering what he wants if what you want is to date him - do something about it! And don't worry about the hair - getting caught in the rain happens sometimes, it doesn't turn an attractive person (or anyone, really!) into a monster! 

Edited March 10, 2020 by snowboy91

[ReesePieces]

4 minutes ago, preraph said:

I'm getting a different take on this altogether. He told you now wasn't a good time. in my experience if you have an interest in someone you never tell them now isn't a good time or anything similar. In my experience that is them letting you down easy. Since he's already told you basically no I think now it's just awkward for him to be around you and that's why he's not meeting your eyes. I'm not seeing interest here at all. Sorry.

 

I mean if you even thought you might be kind of interested in someone, would you ever tell them not now?

Yes I would because I've self-control. Rebound relationships are predominantly s*** everyone knows that & if someone isn't ready what sort of a fool would get into a relationship, screw everything up because they aren't ready & then stand there at the end wondering what happened. 

 

And no offense but you seemed to have read one sentence. I said he usually maintains good eye contact. This was a rather odd event on his part. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by ReesePieces

[ReesePieces]

2 minutes ago, snowboy91 said:

Shying away for whatever reason.

Eye contact could make him feel uneasy generally, or he's interested and fearing rejection, or he's attracted but feels acting on it will "ruin things" so tries to avoid letting the cat out of the bag.

Whatever it is - decide what you want for yourself and act on it. Don't sit there wondering what he wants if what you want is to date him - do something about it! And don't worry about the hair - getting caught in the rain happens sometimes, it doesn't turn an attractive person (or anyone, really!) into a monster! 

No it made me far more attractive than usual. 

[basil67]

I thought I looked more attractive than usual when I got my first poodle perm in the 80's.  Boyfriend not only wouldn't catch my eye, but couldn't even look at me.   With hindsight, I understand why.  🤣

[preraph]

28 minutes ago, ReesePieces said:

Yes I would because I've self-control. Rebound relationships are predominantly s*** everyone knows that & if someone isn't ready what sort of a fool would get into a relationship, screw everything up because they aren't ready & then stand there at the end wondering what happened. 

 

And no offense but you seemed to have read one sentence. I said he usually maintains good eye contact. This was a rather odd event on his part. 

I read the whole thing. So how long ago did he tell you not now? How many times have you seen him since then?

[ReesePieces]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I thought I looked more attractive than usual when I got my first poodle perm in the 80's.  Boyfriend not only wouldn't catch my eye, but couldn't even look at me.   With hindsight, I understand why.  🤣

You also failed to read the entire story? I've naturally curly hair, this was just mor than usual. 

[ReesePieces]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

I read the whole thing. So how long ago did he tell you not now? How many times have you seen him since then?

We're friends I'm not some self-centered cad who drops friends because I can't sleep with them. As for "not now" a few months ago. Nothing's changed between us except for today when I was more attractive than usual & he refused to keep eye contact. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by ReesePieces

[simpycurious]

He's probably just shy and lacks a little self confidence.  I will bet he finds you attractive regardless of the wet weather. 

[ReesePieces]

20 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

He's probably just shy and lacks a little self confidence.  I will bet he finds you attractive regardless of the wet weather. 

He's given indication he has. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by ReesePieces

[simpycurious]

5 minutes ago, ReesePieces said:

He's given indication he has. 

Then that's a good start.  You might have to lead the way at least in the beginning if he is shy

5 minutes ago, ReesePieces said:

He's given indication he has. 

 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ReesePieces said:

You also failed to read the entire story? I've naturally curly hair, this was just mor than usual. 

My point was that appearance is subjective.   Even though we think we may look terrific, it doesn't mean others will share the same view.

[ReesePieces]

58 minutes ago, basil67 said:

My point was that appearance is subjective.   Even though we think we may look terrific, it doesn't mean others will share the same view.

Oh I know that. 

But did you **not** read how I get compliments. I know I am good looking, I've been told that by many people including those who are very wealthy. 

Edited March 11, 2020 by ReesePieces

[Springsummer]

Did he look shy and nervous when he refused to look at you? if yes, then he most likely is attracted to you. If not, then he is not. Judging from the words you used, my guess is not.

[ReesePieces]

5 hours ago, Springsummer said:

Did he look shy and nervous when he refused to look at you? if yes, then he most likely is attracted to you. If not, then he is not. Judging from the words you used, my guess is not.

Oh he was tense/tensed up, so yes nervous. As for words use, did you miss the bit about previous indication he's been interested? 

[JTSW]

RP, why are you getting nasty and defensive with those who disagree with you?

No offence but you come off as rather self centered and desperate for this guy to be in to you.

He's not. I think you are reading him wrong.

To me it sounds like you have made him feel uncomfortable.

 

[elaine567]

I know when I refuse to make eye contact with a guy it it is usually when I know they are very interested in me and I want to shut it down as I have no interest in them.
I make it very obvious so they take the hint. He is probably doing the same.
The problem with interest is that unless a person is very closed off emotionally then interested people act interested.
This guy is showing no interest in you, he has even told you he is not interested, best to just listen.

Too many hanker after guys/girls who are not interested.
Life is a lot easier if you take rejection at face value.

[stillafool]

I have to agree with Elaine.  When I wasn't interested I made sure to avoid eye contact beyond 2 seconds to make sure they know I'm not interested.  Men who have tried to get my attention held long eye contact to the point of damn near looking through me.  Even shy guys would hold eye contact if I kept looking.  It's always best to believe men when they say they aren't interested.  Why would they tell you that if they want you?

[Caauug]

14 hours ago, ReesePieces said:

I've heard that sometimes guys will actually avoid eye contact with women they're attracted to (nerves, fear of rejection, etc.) rather than eye contact. Or making their attraction too obvious. 

Yes, and not just your rejection but social rejection. Depends on where you are but socially it may not be acceptable to show his affection to you. "Other Guy" may tattle also... 

This is really hard to explain unless you are in those regions. 

 

14 hours ago, salparadise said:

Nah, he's just shy. You need to grab him and lay a big wet one on him

Yes, If you are attracted to him, show him. 

What have you got to loose?

He says not yet.... Rejection to you in the now but not forever....

You boost his self confidence, he will remember that until the day he dies. 

When he becomes "open" you will be there in his thoughts...

Guys don't normally have "Friend Zones" for opposite sex like gals do.... Exploit this!!!

 

I am not saying to wait for him, but do not burn your bridges.... A simple act of affection can affect someone for years to come. Be a kiss or a hug it costs you little....

 

 

[Caauug]

22 minutes ago, jspice said:

Didn’t you read? She’s hot! 😏

personally I think we need to see a picture before we can take your word for your level of attractiveness, OP. 

Tall poppy syndrome???

19 minutes ago, JTSW said:

She certainly seems to think allot of herself.

And why can someone not value there self worth???

15 hours ago, ReesePieces said:

I get compliments for my looks normally. But it had just rained 1/2 hr before & so my air-dried hair was far curlier than it normally was / framing my face. Even I sort of went wow about myself when I checked my face in the car mirror almost right after (I thought the avoidance was maybe I had food on my face or something). 

OP, nothing wrong with self confidence. Use it to your advantage!!!

Beat me up if I am being a "White Knight", I am not trying to be....  It's just there seams to be a lot of lack of self confidence here in LS...

[JTSW]

Just now, Caauug said:

And why can someone not value there self worth???

Didn't say that.

I said she thinks a hell of allot of herself which makes her come across as self absorbed.

She gets irate and nasty to people who disagree that this guy is interested.

[jspice]

5 minutes ago, Caauug said:

Tall poppy syndrome?

yep, you got me. 
 

There’s a difference between having confidence and being arrogant. 
 

The man doesn’t seem interested.