Sparklystars28 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 There’s this guy, who I’ve been attracted to for a while and he has been attracted to me. Everyday we see each and chat for a lil while. Well he recently asked me out. On the first date,he took Me back to his place and we ate, watched a movie, and made out for while. Which was nice , later the night he sat on the couch next to me and said I had a fun time, this is good for now, but just so you know I’m not sure where I’ll be next year.. how would you take that question, would you be upset? I mean I had fun, and would def do it again, but how do I detach myself without feeling used? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 8 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: I’m not sure where I’ll be next year. What does he mean by that? Is he going travelling? Either way, walk away. Don't invest in a guy who tells you on the first date that he's never going to be exclusive with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 9 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: later the night he sat on the couch next to me and said I had a fun time, this is good for now, but just so you know I’m not sure where I’ll be next year.. how would you take that question, would you be upset? I mean I had fun, and would def do it again, but how do I detach myself without feeling used? ‘If you’re DTF for awhile, we all good. But don’t bother trying to get all up in your feels, cause in a year, I’m gonnnne.’ He didn’t really ask a question did he? (Unless I missed it) He made a statement. ^^ Just enjoy him for now or if that’s not your thing, move along. There also the slim chance that he’ll fall in love with you and change his plans. I’m not saying slim chance as any slight to you, I’m saying it because as of now, he has the goal of leaving in his mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 I know, I think he means like his job, if he gets the position, he might be living in another country. Uhm it just stinks because I feel comfortable around him, and I feel I can let my guard down with him! He’s also the first guy I made out with. And it was really good! Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Well I mean .. what’s the harm in continuing to date him? If you like him and try to somehow protect your heart, it could be a really nice experience for you. And who knows what’ll happen in a year- plans change all the time. And if he does fall in love with you, he’s going to be hard pressed to give you up entirely and just leave- never to be heard from again. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 2 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: I know, I think he means like his job, if he gets the position, he might be living in another country. Yes... that is how I interpreted it, as well. Many years ago, I was working for a company and the owner was trying to land a project in Hawaii. It was a 2 year project where I would stay in Hawaii during that time, then come home. I told the woman I was dating about the opportunity and she asked if she could come visit me & vacation on the "Big Island" while I was there. I said "Sure". Sadly, the project never came to fruition, but I was honest about my potential plans. There is always a new twist in life, you never know what it will bring you. If you like the guy and are having fun, just continue dating and see where it goes. There is no guarantee that his job will transfer him... things change, projects get cancelled and he may end up staying put. I do commend him for being honest about his job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) "Just so you know...I'm not sure where I will be next year." This is him giving you an out and warning you not to get attached. It is still very early stages where there are not deep feelings, but just attraction and interest. He probably did tell you that so he doesn't have to feel he hurts you when it comes time to make a decision he is not yet sure of. The fact that he brought up next year's plans is a sign that he may be more of a one woman kind of guy. If you want to protect your heart with absolutely zero risk of getting hurt from him then you can walk away now with this information. You may always regret not taking the chance to see where things go though. Even if you wade into this slowly, you are bound to get emotionally invested if you are anything more than friends at this point. He may not end up moving, but he is at least interested in that option at this point. Sounds like you are both young, and that he is thinking about the big picture future for himself, and perhaps you could be part of those plans but who knows? Heartache is sometimes a necessary evil in life if you really want to live your life and experience deep emotions. You can be smart and protected and never get your heart broken, or young and free to jump head first into feelings you have never experienced. Even though the risk is heartbreak I usually would advise jumping into the feelings, because you only have one life and we don't connect with everyone in the same way. If he moves away, and has no plans for your relationship in the future that will hurt you, but what if you end up in love with each other and building a lifetime of memories together? The gamble is worth it for the person that captures your heart. Edited March 11, 2020 by Silver_star Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: I know, I think he means like his job, if he gets the position, he might be living in another country. Uhm it just stinks because I feel comfortable around him, and I feel I can let my guard down with him! He’s also the first guy I made out with. And it was really good! If this is the first guy you've ever made out with, what are your age differences? Does he know you are a virgin? You are asking us to advise you on how you can continue on without getting too attached. Well I wouldn't recommend that but if you are going to go ahead then first I suggest you tell him of your inexperience then if he is still willing to be a casual sex partner with you, that you don't do anything that is going to make you think that he may change his mind. Like no sleeping over, no cuddling like you are a couple, no expectations that sex is going to give you a relationship with him. No romantic dating. Just in and out. If you can't do that then you will more likely than not, shredding your own heart. Why not have your first experience with someone that WILL NOT maybe moving within the year? Someone who is as inexperienced as you? I think he means like his job, if he gets the position, he might be living in another country. You think? Why didn't you ask him what he meant by that? It could mean anything in actuality. Edited March 11, 2020 by Beendaredonedat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 Well he recently got divorced (No kids) (divorced for almost a year )and I told him I never kissed a guy before, and he was shocked! But he helped me along and told me I wasn’t doing anything bad, and I shouldn’t be embarrassed about never being kissed. He’d help me through it. For me im inexperienced because I feel like I’m not good enough, I’m introverted and quiet.. so when he showed interest I was excited. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 We are 3 years apart, I’m pretty sure he knows I’m a virgin, since I said I never kissed anyone Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I... think you should pause (in a good way) before writing this one off. IF the guy had said: "I dunno where I'll be in one month"... THEN it could be perceived as a function of having his line in the water with multiple girls. When a person is sitting on his own couch, making out with a young lady, he is not likely using "a year" in any context that isn't a sincere reference to a whole year. I think he WAS indeed being honest... and lord knows that a sweet lady can heavily influence a man's plans over the course of a year. And of course your standards are your own, but the m-m-m-m-m-m-m-most generally accepted contexts of "feeling/being used" don't tend to include merely kissing on one's couch, as that is tyyyyyyyyyyyyyypically a mutually-consensual thing with both sides enjoying. He is probably to be commended for not (getting you to go further)... Ultimately YOU need to decide how YOU feel independently about this guy, and then IF indeed you find him worth dating for a while... then first apply yourself to the next 6 weeks, or 6 months... and take things from there. I know a woman who 50 years ago, followed an American man to Iran for a while... and they were later married for decades. In the same way nobody should make plans during a first date to do something together in a year, you shouldn't base any of your assessment of this person or the encounter on ANYthing relating to a year ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Share Posted March 16, 2020 So I went on a second date.. he knows I’ve never been with anyone, so when I get there he says let’s watch a movie, than instead of watching a movie, Start making out for two hours and we obviously touched each other but I would let him go far with it. I even said I’m not having sex with you I’m not ready, and he said well we can do other things... we ate, than made out again. I just don’t know if he’s using me?!? For his own personal choice of getting off. He asked recently for another date, to makeout again, but he roughed up my chin, and I don’t want to makeout for that long! so I said when it heals! I just don’t want to be used by him you know.. I feel like he’s rushing things..or is it just me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 How old are you? For someone who never kissed a partner her whole life, you were pretty quick to get into his apartment/house and get down to make out with him. That sounds a bit dysfunctional to me. Either no guy ever was interested in you for some reason, or you never made friends, or pushed all guys away, not sure. But I don't think that's something you should do on a first date. Don't you have a family or a net of decent friends from which you know how to go about dates? How to deal with a guy? Something seems off here. Sorry for being very blunt and direct with you. Also, why is this in the LDR section? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 On 3/11/2020 at 1:42 PM, Sparklystars28 said: I know, I think he means like his job, if he gets the position, he might be living in another country. Uhm it just stinks because I feel comfortable around him, and I feel I can let my guard down with him! He’s also the first guy I made out with. And it was really good! You think based on what? And by the way, how can you say you feel comfortable around him when you didn't try with anyone else ever? Most guys would be nice in an intimate situation, unless you find a real jerk. But this one doesn't seem interested in you. You're not girlfriend material to him, or he wouldn't have said he might be gone soon on a first date. He's being with you for fun. Do you understand that? And being intimate with someone might be better shared with someone who thinks you're special, not with someone who thinks you're just one of the bunch and that doesn't mean much to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 19, 2020 Author Share Posted March 19, 2020 Okay, so I didn’t just meet him, we work together, and we talk, when we see each other at work. I’ve talked to him for a like over a year, He recently gave me his number, and asked me out. A friend set us up actually. She said to him, I was a really nice girl and she thinks it could work out. So ever since then, He pursued me and then I made an effort to see him. Do you think making out on the first date is too fast? Idk.. my sisters won’t help because they don’t want to hear it. It embarrasses them. I’m the youngest in the family. So I really have no one to talk to. What would you do? We are going on a 3rd date.. watching a movie this time. Because I’m getting my time of the month. So he said pls don’t worry about that I’ll keep my hands to myself But will grab my butt. He says I’m beautiful and that I have a nice butt. So idk, he said he can’t wait to see me, but I told him Saturday will work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 How old are you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 13 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: We are going on a 3rd date.. watching a movie this time. Because I’m getting my time of the month. So he said pls don’t worry about that I’ll keep my hands to myself But will grab my butt. He says I’m beautiful and that I have a nice butt. So idk, he said he can’t wait to see me, but I told him Saturday will work. Why exactly does he need to know you are on your time of the month? You have been on 2 dates, he knows you are inexperienced, and all he wants to do is get into your pants. This guy is soo cringe. Yes he is rushing things for his own personal gratification. Sounds like a complete **** to be honest. If he was a real gentleman he would not be making out for hours hoping you let him go all the way, or telling you not to worry about your time of the month as he will grab your butt instead. He would get to know you properly first, and let the physical side advance when YOU are ready as you have already told him you are not ready and have told him you have never been with anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 I think this all fits under the umbrella of typical 'courting' behavior with nothing alarming on either side. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 (edited) On 3/19/2020 at 3:23 PM, Sparklystars28 said: Okay, so I didn’t just meet him, we work together, and we talk, when we see each other at work. I’ve talked to him for a like over a year, He recently gave me his number, and asked me out. A friend set us up actually. She said to him, I was a really nice girl and she thinks it could work out. So, you see him every day at work, in over a year you've been talking to him, it never crossed his mind to ask you out. Then a friend pushes it, because you're looking and all he did was taking you to his place and get physical. Do you see what's going on? It doesn't look that good. A guy who's trying with you will try to impress you. He didn't, not even on the first date! Also, I agree with Mystery4u, why did you feel the need to share something so personal with him? I guess it's because you know he will get physical, and that won't make you comfortable. Why all that you two are doing is staying at home? Ok, now going ahead I'm not sure you can do much else, with Covid 19. But seriously. This guy doesn't sound like a keeper. Quote He pursued me and then I made an effort to see him. You just said he only recently gave you his number. So how did he pursue you exactly?? It looks like you said yes as soon as he asked you out. That itself is fine with me if you are attracted to him and he's nice, but pursuing is something else... Quote Do you think making out on the first date is too fast? Yes. Especially if it's the first time ever you kiss a guy. It's like you're eager to make up for what you haven't done in the past... Take time to know the guy. Chit chatting during a break at work or sharing an elevator is mainly small talk and might just show one side of him. What does he want in life, is he looking for a serious relationship, or just a casual relationship... Is he a loner? Does he have friends? What do you really know about him? Quote he said pls don’t worry about that I’ll keep my hands to myself But will grab my butt. He says I’m beautiful and that I have a nice butt. How do I say this... A guy feels safe making a comment like the one above when he knows he's intimate enough with you for it to be safe. You only had two dates though. But most of all, he couldn't find anything else about you to compliment. That would make me think. A guy can think your butt is your best feature, but he won't say it to your face first thing when you go out, because that can work like a boomerang. I guess you were flattered, so I don't want to burst your bubble and ruin it for you. I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt. But he sounds more into being physical than anything else. Be prepared for what's coming next. Edited March 21, 2020 by justwhoiam 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 If you should get uncomfortable with where things are headed, you can just say no and put up some boundaries. Just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to do everything their way. He sounds much more experienced than you, so just don't let him rush you into anything.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 Okay.. so i went on the 3rd date and I gave him a handjob, after a lil while he stopped and got up, looked down at himself and said oh no! I said are you okay, and I noticed there was the thing on his hair, and he said he’ll be right back.. so he went to the bathroom for a lil bit came out, and asked if I had gum, which I did.. do you think he has a std or Sti that he’s not telling me about.. because after wards he said he was worried about a hernia?!? Idk what to think I’m having a slight panic attack..I’m just really nervous, because he wants to continue things and I don’t think I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 2 hours ago, Sparklystars28 said: Okay.. so i went on the 3rd date and I gave him a handjob, after a lil while he stopped and got up, looked down at himself and said oh no! I said are you okay, and I noticed there was the thing on his hair, and he said he’ll be right back.. so he went to the bathroom for a lil bit came out, and asked if I had gum, which I did.. do you think he has a std or Sti that he’s not telling me about.. because after wards he said he was worried about a hernia?!? Idk what to think I’m having a slight panic attack..I’m just really nervous, because he wants to continue things and I don’t think I can. Ok this must be a troll? If not then you are way too easy... have some self respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 That’s the problem, I’m defiantly too nice, he even knows it. But he really didn’t pressure me into doing anything, I wanted to experience it. So it’s really my fault! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklystars28 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 Okay.. so i went on the 3rd date and I gave him a handjob, after a lil while he stopped and got up, looked down at himself and said oh no! I said are you okay, and I noticed there was the thing on his hair, and he said he’ll be right back.. so he went to the bathroom for a lil bit came out, and asked if I had gum, which I did.. do you think he has a std or Sti that he’s not telling me about.. because after wards he said he was worried about a hernia?!? Idk what to think I’m having a slight panic attack..I’m just really nervous, because he wants to continue things and I don’t think I can I’ve inexperienced first of all.. also we have been kissing almost all night with breaks to play a game and eat. But I’ve noticed I have like a sore on my lip. The way he kisses sometimes is like a suction cup. So I don’t know it’s from that! I feel embarrassed asking my family members. So pls someone help!! Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 Thing on his hair? Can you be more specific? Could it have been a crumb (from eating) or lint? Trying to rule out crabs. Hernia sounds really odd to me, not sure how possible that is. If a hand job can cause intercourse is going to be even more if risk. I tend to take people at their word on such oddity and ask them to explain more. It usually comes out if it is an excuse. What was the gum request about? Yah kissing should not cause injury (barring consensual roughness). Link to post Share on other sites
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