Current situation

[Ric123]

I dated a girl for 7 months. Things were going good. Unfortunately I was unemployed, didn't have much going on besides her and she got smothered. A month before we broke up, she offered me a job at her company. She became my boss.

6 months in the relationship I was at her place 5 to 6 times a week with her cooking, cleaning, etc on top of that spending a lot of time together at work. I live with a roomate. So our relationship was around her house.

Eventually with her smothered, telling me so.. Arguments started. In one fight, I pushed her and she took it as domestic violence and kicked me out. I begged and chased for a month and she blocked me everywhere even on her daughter's phone.

One month later of no contact. She unblocked me and reached out. My son was spending Christmas with me (he lives with his mother in another country) and she asked if she could pick him up to spend a night at her place because her daughter and my son her friends. We exchange a few texts, she came to pick the kid and dropped him off. All went well. I asked her for coffee she said no. I didnt see her in this instance, my other ex was at my place (my kid's mom) and handled the exchange with her. I went no contact again.

3 weeks later, she sent me a random msg. Again I asked her for drinks she said no. I ended up arguing with her by text and blowing up her phone, she told me to stop it. I went back to no contact.

2 weeks later she reached out again (again my son was visiting me) asking to pick up the kid. This time I dropped him off at her place per her request. I went over to her doorstep with my son. Her daughter opened the door. My ex didn't want to come to say hi, was hidden in the toilet. I called her from the outside of the house asked if she wanted to come out to say hi, she said "no need".

We exchanged a few cordial msgs, but then we started arguing. I insulted her saying lots of nasty stuff. She showed up at my doorstep unannounced to bring a couple of things my son had left at her place, I opened the door (I hadn't seen her in 3 months), she looked me in the eye and said "I'm done, you send me all these messages threating me, I'm done... You make me sick, I despise you, I never want anything to do with you, you are still the same unstable guy unsafe guy. She got in the car and left. She blocked me again and told me she is seeing someone and wants nothing to do with me ever again.

We have been broken up for 5 months now.

My situation now is, I got a job, a car, back to gym, I got my own place and my son is moving to live with me and start school etc.

Even though I'm now blocked, she will eventually reach out sooner or later asking permission to pick up my kid now and then for playdates especially when he moves here next summer.

I'm in no contact for 3 weeks now.

How to proceed from here?

[JTSW]

The contact since the break up was nothing to do with you.

It was about your son and her daughter spending time together because they are great friends.

It was never about you.

She wants nothing to do with you, yet you saw it as her wanting to talk to you.

I'm glad you are doing well for yourself now but you really need to learn how to be more respectful.

You were rather sh...y to her.

If she does contact you about your son again then be an adult about it.

Don't ask her out and keep it polite. 

No need for arguments and immature insults.

[kendahke]

6 hours ago, Ric123 said:

How to proceed from here?

Leave her alone.

She can't pick up your son anymore if you can't stop being selfish and trying to get your way.

Stop arguing and picking fights because you can't have your way with her.

Move on.

And get some therapy on your need to be violent in action and words. No one who is sane and mentally healthy is going to put up with that.

Edited March 11, 2020 by kendahke

[preraph]

She is only letting those children visit because they're friends. You physically abused her and she does not want you back. you need to accept it and be as unselfish as she is and let your kids spend time together without bothering her because no one in their right mind would go back to you the way you behaved. You're not even acknowledging you abused her. You're saying she took it that way. Nonsense.

[Beendaredonedat]

I suggest you block and delete her which will help you to get over any lingering obsession you have for her.  Her child and your's do not need to continue to be friends when their parents are seemingly unable to avoid this kind of dysfunctional drama.

Your son can make new friends when he moves to your area when he starts going to his new school etc.  It's time to block and delete so you can actually get to the stage of indifference to her and rehab from your addiction to her.  She is your drug of choice.  You can only get past an addiction by going cold turkey withdrawl.  You've tried weaning yourself off of her and it hasn't worked so be brave and go cold turkey by blocking and deleting and acceptance that its done and dusted.

*she said* you are still the same unstable guy unsafe guy.

She is right I'm sorry to say.  Perhaps some therapy sessions will help you to learn how to control your emotions in a more mature manner so that you're able to be a good partner to the next woman you find interesting.  Be the best you that you can be for that person.  No more repeats.

Edited March 11, 2020 by Beendaredonedat