Diamondsandrubys Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 So I dated a guy briefly a couple of years ago. It ended because I hadn’t long broken up with a long term ex and wasn’t really in the right mind frame to date. He ended it because he said he could tell my mind wasn’t in it at that point although I really liked him. I bumped in to him in a bar just over a month ago and we got chatting. We ended up going for a coffee a couple of weeks later. After that coffee I tried to ask him if he wanted to meet up a few times but he said he was busy, then a couple of weeks later again we went for dinner on his suggestion. After dinner I dropped him home and we ended up chatting/kissing etc in the car til the early hours. I felt like it was a wonderful date where we really clicked. Since then he’s been working long shifts in a hospital...we’ve talked briefly every day, and although I’ve suggested we do something when his shifts are over next week, he’s not committed to it but has said ‘I’ll let you know when I know my plans a bit better’ He texts daily but I don’t want to be making small talk with a guy every day, I want to be meeting up! He doesn’t seem to be pushing anything forward, and how long can you stay in a text loop?! I’m very keen to see him. I know I like him from our previous dating. Although there are lots of positives, something just isn’t quite sitting right with me at the mo and I’m overanalysing the situation. I feel like although he’s texting, he doesn’t say he really wants to see me etc which is making me feel very unsure. I also understand that people have different levels of interest in people at the beginning and I don’t want to scare him off if he’s just not sure about me yet. How long do I hold out feeling like this? I feel like as we’ve only gone out twice it’s too early to ask him directly, but we have dated in the past and been chatting every day for over a month now. Also, he’s super busy working in intensive care in a hospital at the mo. Should I wait until he’s got more time to ask? Advice please! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 I mean, when he is texting but not saying he wants to see you, he's busy. He may also be dating other women. You shouldn't be sitting around waiting and worrying. Just go on about your life. See if he ever steps up and if he stops taking you out, then just stop texting him back. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 I would suggest you go about your business and not expect anything from him since you guys are just seeing each other now and then and now serious. He sounds a little lukewarm to me. Maybe the spark you had previously is dying down or he's also seeing other women too. Don't wait for anything, keep it moving or you'll get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
dramallama Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 As someone who works in hospital world, we are all a bit focused on the pandemic at the moment. Just a thought. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 He works in a hospital. He has no time to date. He's inundated due to COVID-19. Watch the news if you are wondering why he has no time to date you. Even if he has time, he understands the importance for him to self quarantine when not at work because as a heath care worker he can't risk getting sick. Now that you know what his life looks like -- work comes first because it really is life & death -- you need to determine if you can handle being in a relationship with somebody in his profession. I suspect you are not cut out for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 26 minutes ago, Diamondsandrubys said: ...... How long do I hold out feeling like this? ..... Advice please! It all depends on your mindset... and your feelings... and your needs. I know there are people on this board who will say "Dump Him"... or "If he really wanted you he would make time". TO me... that's a load of $hit. After my divorce, I really wanted to get back out there... but after I got out there... I realized that subconsciously I just couldn't do it. (20 years with the exW) So... I have a few girls that I chat with... and one of them is literally every day. She will tell me good night, and even send a snapchat of her in bed with her eyes closed. It's very sweet, and I tell her that. But, I've also told her that I just need to keep things platonic right now. OK... I may friend zone myself with a second girl... but I know that I'm not ready... but I like the conversations, and having someone who cares. Now on to you... Do you like him enough to just let it progress naturally? You know he's busy with work. But... you are more that welcome to say... "I would like to get together again... when do you think we could do that?" But if you are at a point where you need a new BF NOW (for physical relations) then... you should probably move on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Keep dating other men. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 If you want to meet him just ask him is he free on xyz day to meet up? Off course the guy should be the one doing most of the pursuing but you guys have history so it's a bit different to a brand new potential relationship. Virus or no virus, I highly doubt he is working 24/7. If he is truly interested he will make time to see you. Ask now so you get your answer so you can stop wasting time waiting around for him. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Diamondsandrubys said: I feel like although he’s texting, he doesn’t say he really wants to see me I’ve suggested we do something when his shifts are over next week, he’s not committed to it but has said ‘I’ll let you know when I know my plans a bit better’ That's because those plans aren't including you and that's why he's not letting himself be pinned down to making any with you. Let him miss you enough to reach out in earnest. Stop the texting with him. That's him bread-crumbing you. Don't make a meal of out of breadcrumbs and call it a feast. Quote Also, he’s super busy working in intensive care in a hospital at the mo. Should I wait until he’s got more time to ask? How long are you will to wait contentedly without getting frustrated that he's shining you on? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Does he know why you ended it before...the real reason of it was to early. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 I was in a similar situation a few years back. However my prospect didnt work in a hospital but was a chef. Was never available as she worked long hours. Looking back I guess I wasted my time with her. She never made the time for me when i asked her out and and her days she could get off she was always with her friend. I realised that now with hindsight. I would ask you not to hold out for this guy. if he was interested he would make more effort and hes not afraid to loose you to someone else. The chef I pursued? She now in a relationship with someone and has a child and this happened within a year. i knew her and pursued her for 4 years so if things dont move along and there are no "milestone" changes then you need to ask him where you stand or where this is going or just move on. You dont want to waste any more time like I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 On 3/11/2020 at 1:24 PM, Diamondsandrubys said: I also understand that people have different levels of interest in people at the beginning and I don’t want to scare him off if he’s just not sure about me yet. - But it's not the beginning - you two dated before and it did not go anywhere. If it did not work at out then, it probably won't work out now. You get one chance at love per-person. Link to post Share on other sites
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