Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 On 3/12/2020 at 9:35 AM, thaygiaogiang said: They are men who are needy, clingy and are not centered and not in their masculine core. They tend to get desperate and try to "lock" the woman down into a relationship. They want to "force" things as if they are scared if they don't do that, another guy can jump in the scene to grab their woman away. What do YOU mean by 'masculine core.' Sounds like simple confidence to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 Hello all The reason we only met twice in two months was his demanding job. He is busy with work (he works for an airline) and his schedule keeps changing in terms of destinations, cancelled/ rescheduled flights especially with the virus etc. What actually happened was, he was telling me he might have to cancel this 3rd date this weekend due to his schedule at work changing again. Since it had already been 4 weeks since the last time, I suggested that we perhaps take a step back and just meet as friends because of all the unpredictability with when we can see each other etc. He went a step further and said perhaps it’s best just to call things off completely, he can’t give me the “time I deserve” and I seem to “not appreciate his efforts”. It is upsetting because we did have nice times together and would text every day, felt like great friends. I am hoping he changes his mind.. Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 36 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: What do YOU mean by 'masculine core.' Sounds like simple confidence to me. Use your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 54 minutes ago, babybrowns said: What actually happened was, he was telling me he might have to cancel this 3rd date this weekend due to his schedule at work changing again. Since it had already been 4 weeks since the last time, I suggested that we perhaps take a step back and just meet as friends because of all the unpredictability with when we can see each other etc. He went a step further and said perhaps it’s best just to call things off completely, he can’t give me the “time I deserve” and I seem to “not appreciate his efforts”. It is upsetting because we did have nice times together and would text every day, felt like great friends. I am hoping he changes his mind.. OP, most guys who are interested in you romantically are not going to want to be friends once you suggest taking a step back. You can't realistically expect a guy who's essentially just been rejected to happily accept that offer and continue being as warm and friendly as before. I am not sure what sort of outcome you expected after you suggested just being friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 2 hours ago, thaygiaogiang said: Use your brain. Ha. Sounds like you over think things to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 (edited) I met a guy via OLD a couple of months ago. His job is very demanding (he works for an airline) and we also live in different cities, meaning that he can only see me once every few weeks. Consequently we have met just twice in two months, hadn’t kissed yet. He came to my town the first time and I went to his town the second time. However we were texting constantly, every day, which has helped with the distance and low frequency of meeting. He even said he feels he has “known me for ages” for how much we text. He would always talk about the future and make his interest in me really clear. He also said he “doesn’t believe in long distance relationships”, but is only seeing me in the hope that one of us might move one day if things were to progress. Our 3rd date kept getting postponed and changed, again due to his work schedule changing. Finally it was supposed to be this weekend, 4 weeks after we last saw each other, but again he had to postpone it by another 2 weeks due to work. I had been patiently looking forward to this 3rd date and found this recurrent postponing quite disconcerting. I expressed my concerns to him. I said I would need to see him more than every 4 weeks at least. I said that due to the unpredictability of his work in terms of when we can actually see each other, perhaps it is best that we just meet as friends for now until things get a little more settled on his end. I also made a very silly comment, that i hope he doesn’t mind if I start going on other dates. It was a stupid thing to say I know, because I didn’t want to lose him. But I did lose him over it. He said he “can’t give me the time that I deserve” right now, and that I “don’t quite appreciate his efforts with trying to see me despite his busy work”, that we should just call an end to it, anyway “long distance relationships don’t work”. He wished me well. It was a shock from someone I’ve been intimately speaking to every day. I felt awful. I sent him an apology message, saying that I made that silly comment for being reactive and upset that our date was cancelled yet again, that I’m sorry for not being more understanding of his schedule etc. But unfortunately he didn’t even open my apology message, it is left unread on his WhatsApp. I know I messed up big time. But I am wondering if there is a way to get him back. I might send a follow-up text, something not widely recommended I know, but just to show I do care since that’s why I lost him. Can anyone recommend anything else I could say? Edited March 20, 2020 by babybrowns Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 I don’t think you’ve messed up. I think you were honest with him, that you need more from someone than how frequently he can see you and he has been honest in return saying you deserve more (personally I think most people would want more than than this) and that long distance relationships don’t work (which isn’t necessarily true but they can be a minefield to navigate and I personally wouldn’t do an LDR). You can contact him a second time if you feel really strongly, but then after that you have to leave it. Also please, take the following seriously: You are in the infactuated/honeymoon stage of the relationship (which can last up to two years). He has met you in person twice only.Forget that he feels like he’s known you forever. He’s barely met you. LDRs can be gruelling. Text is cheap. It doesn’t matter how many ‘sweet’ texts someone sends, you get to know someone in person. People waste months, even years in LDRs only to find out their partner was cheating, had a girl in every port etc or eventually, they get to be together all the time and realise they dont have enough in common, chemistry disappears or even grow to dislike them. Forget about him specifically for a second. Do you think you could be in a deep and happy relationship with any guy that you only see once every four to six weeks? Is this going to satisfy you long term? Or are you going to painfully miss him whilst he’s away. Only you can answer this and act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 I agree: you did NOT mess up ... Actually you stood up for yourself ... you did not lose him because with your infrequent meeting and his unavailability ... and because you guys have never kissed ... you never had him in the first place. Texting is a waste of time and on its own means absolutely nothing ... you do not know someone based on texting. All the same texting can make you feel like you know someone ... and texting is just addictive. The problem is ... great texting ... does not equal or lead to great in-person relationship.s Actually great job to indicate you would be dating others ... excellent! ... That's the truth .. dump this guy ... nothing was happening with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rex12 Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 You didn't mess up OP. You met via OLD which is obviously very text centric. Absence can definitely make the heart grow fonder as we know. Texting is an amplifier of that feeling; they're there but not there - it's just words on a screen & text talk can be cheap. You need that one on one time to validate the authenticity via actions - he's showing you some TLC - and affirmations - yes, I mean what I say about us etc. You laid it on the line for him in terms of your expectations, gave him a mini-crap test & he answered with a 'no worries, see you around' reply. For me, he wasn't quite as emotionally invested as he made out. He was obviously saying all the right things via text and maybe if things were different & you lived closer, then it could work out. There's no shame on your part though. I wouldn't over analyze. You didn't do anything untoward. As Supernova touched on; do you really want a LDR were you're wondering week by week when you're next going to see each other? In terms of a follow up text, I'm a heart on my sleeve kind of guy so I probably would send one. Don't go overboard, just rationally explain how you're feeling. You've done all you can do then & got it off your chest. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) Hello all I have been courting a guy, long distance, for 2 months. I'm 30, he 29. He works for an airline and has a very busy, unpredictable schedule. This has meant that we have only seen each other twice in 2 months. We live a 3-hour drive apart and took turns to visit each others' towns. We would talk every single day, he would send me lots of texts and made his interest clear in a relationship. He wanted to plan a hiking trip with me for the summer already, and was telling me that he really wants to pursue something with me and that his overall goal for dating was to get married and start a family if things go well. A little forward I know, I did tell him at times that I felt it was moving a bit fast. However the date of our 3rd date kept changing for his work schedule. First we were going to meet 3 weeks after our 2nd date, then 4 weeks not 3, then it changed again. This meant that I got a little hesitant about agreeing to a relationship and said it would be good to have a chat when we met about what I could expect from his hectic schedule, in terms of the frequency of us seeing each other etc. He agreed that yes ok we could have a talk about it when we met, and that the distance was a bit of an issue too right now in addition to his work schedule. We carried on texting as normal after that, he was very flirty and we were excitedly planning our next date. Then came the announcement for the lockdown. He said oh well, I guess we can't meet now, he said he couldn't even see his family for this and had a visit to them already long overdue (they live nearer to my town than his). I said don't worry, hopefully the lockdown won't last longer than a few weeks and I suggested that we have a catch-up phone call or something since we haven't heard each other's voices in a while. But what I got in response was silence. It has now been a week and I've still heard nothing from him. He has been active on social media (whatsapp is the only social media we share) so it seems as though he is okay which was my initial worry. It is very unusual of this man to suddenly disappear, he seemed very decent and mature if nothing else and I know he would end things properly rather than 'ghost' me. And I am interested, I don't just want this to fade away into nothing. So I am wondering, if I should send a 'hope you're ok' text, or if I should just wait it out a little more? Edited March 30, 2020 by babybrowns Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) You have more than one thread going about this guy. I answered the other one. Well now that thread and my reply to you is gone. I forgot what I said. Sorry about that they must have removed it or something. Edited March 30, 2020 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
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