Boxerhd Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 This woman and I had been dating for about 5 months. We got along really well and take away a few minor misunderstandings on her part things were moving forward. Then, she told me that her feelings got very strong and she didn’t think it was going to work and backed off. We chatted and spent a wonderful evening after the break up and a few days later she reiterated that statement. We’re still on good terms and we agreed not to talk at least for now. A short backstory- I recently changed careers and started grad school to advance within my company. On that front everything is going wonderfully. She comes from a wealthier background and although I brought this up to her in the beginning it didn’t seem to be a problem. She wants a family and I do too, however I’m not quite comfortable enough to start one and it has only been 5 months. She feels like her time is running out and I’m not on the same timeline. We never talked about it until after the split. During the time together she mentioned a few times that all the women in her family had children later in life. Of course now I know it is a problem and I’m not asking for advice on what to do. I started falling too and I want her to get what she wants I just wish she could see that with me This situation is new and bizarre to me and I know that I couldn’t have done anything differently. I just want to talk about it because truth be told, I’m a little devastated. I do understand her sentiment and even though I don’t necessarily agree with it there’s nothing I can or want to do. Has anyone ever had someone back off because their feelings got stronger? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 Actually I now know she’s seeing someone new. She posted some pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) You can’t make her do a thing. It’s hard to say what the issues are but don’t make the mistake of projecting. I love her so she must love me too. If that were the case she wouldn’t have dumped you. Would she? If you chase that normally pushes them farther away. They also don’t necessarily tell you the truth. Ah, now you have the truth. Let her go. Stay no contact. There’s nothing here for you. Edited March 11, 2020 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) No I understand that all. And I’d definitely not projecting. I’m just looking to talk. It was going to happen eventually. After doing some recon it sounds like someone she has dated in the past. Edited March 11, 2020 by Boxerhd Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 If it was an x you were probably just a rebound. Theres nothing to talk about. That most going to get you a thing except wasted time/effort. Closure comes from within. She’s not going to tell you the whole story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 (edited) Yeah except she was pretty convincing. Even during our last conversation. I think she meant what she said I’m just not a doctor. She told me she dated a doctor during the summer but that was it. Edited March 11, 2020 by Boxerhd Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Ok, skip the talk/words. Her actions tell you more. This relationship wasn’t working for her for whatever reason. Shes walked away. Unless you do the same you’ll just keep yourself tied up in this. That won’t get you a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
andytuotuo Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 When you see a future with the other person but it doesn't work out is the worst feeling ever. If I was you, I would think about what I want in life and how it involves her. Put down all your questions, future plans, your feelings and lay it all out with her. Then you will have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 The picture she's posting tell you the real story here, OP. Her fluffy words to you were not that sincere in the end. She had someone else lined up when she ended it with you. Time to block/delete, so you can heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 7 hours ago, andytuotuo said: When you see a future with the other person but it doesn't work out is the worst feeling ever. If I was you, I would think about what I want in life and how it involves her. Put down all your questions, future plans, your feelings and lay it all out with her. Then you will have your answer. Nah that ship has sailed. I have my answer by her dating someone else. I think I was too nice of a guy and didn’t set my boundaries correctly. That mixed with the other factors was enough for her to walk away. I think we worked but I acted like a push over. She wasn’t very good at communicating and would block me for a few hours call back and apologize and explain why what she did was wrong. I brush it off in my head as ‘hey she’s being sincere’. She already knows my feelings. We’re on talking terms but I think the right thing to do if she reaches out is to politely decline. Especially after she needed a back up to leave. I don’t think that’s very healthy. When I’ve broken up with women I did it because the situation wasn’t working and I was ready to be single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 17 minutes ago, Boxerhd said: She wasn’t very good at communicating and would block me for a few hours call back and apologize and explain why what she did was wrong. I brush it off in my head as ‘hey she’s being sincere’. She already knows my feelings. This was your gut trying to tell you that something wasn't right. Mature adults don't play the silly teenager game of blocking/unblocking, and if it were a truly solid connection, you wouldn't need to be brushing off these warning signs and trying to justify poor behaviour. Don't bother remaining on "talking terms", either. There's truly no point, and it will eventually hurt you even more when you realize she's not "talking" to you at any given moment because she's busy with her boyfriend. Block her, for good, for your own sanity. You don't need this and it will prevent you from letting go of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 Cut her off my man. Just like other monkeybranching women this women had no guts to tell you the truth, vomited some bulls*** excusing for her interest in another man. Consider yourself lucky you got to see her true face soon. Sometimes it take years for us men to know that we were with a women who has dependency issues. Cut her off completely no friendship is required here. Trust me if you continue to be friends it will serve her only not you. Be strong be patient nothing was wrong with you, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This was your gut trying to tell you that something wasn't right. Mature adults don't play the silly teenager game of blocking/unblocking, and if it were a truly solid connection, you wouldn't need to be brushing off these warning signs and trying to justify poor behaviour. Don't bother remaining on "talking terms", either. There's truly no point, and it will eventually hurt you even more when you realize she's not "talking" to you at any given moment because she's busy with her boyfriend. Block her, for good, for your own sanity. You don't need this and it will prevent you from letting go of her. She reiterated that she had strong feelings and did say it’s best we don’t talk for now and she thinks it’s good we leave it in a good and positive place. I don’t know if I’ll hear from her again. I won’t be reaching out I know that. Part of me wants to hear from her so I can politely decline (Probably my ego talking). I do feel pretty stupid for all of this and how I reacted to her actions. It made her think they’re ok. The sex was incredible so I’m hoping I don’t get caught up in that if she does reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 The only one who could keep you tied up in this is you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 13 minutes ago, Boxerhd said: She reiterated that she had strong feelings and did say it’s best we don’t talk for now and she thinks it’s good we leave it in a good and positive place. If that were true, she wouldn't have dropped you in favour of someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 It's not you. She is a commitment phobe. When she started to feel something for you, she bolted. That is her thing. She's with a new guy because in the beginning it's all light & fun. She likes dating & sex. He gives it to her with no complicating emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 53 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: If that were true, she wouldn't have dropped you in favour of someone else. Thats true. However it’s true, we do love an hour away and I am not in the same financial bracket as some of the other guys she’s dated. I’m working on it, of course, but not yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's not you. She is a commitment phobe. When she started to feel something for you, she bolted. That is her thing. She's with a new guy because in the beginning it's all light & fun. She likes dating & sex. He gives it to her with no complicating emotions. I can see that however we didn’t have sex until maybe our 6th date. We didn’t sleep together every time we saw each other either. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I'm not saying all her decisions were based on sex. I'm saying they are all based on her fear of commitment. When she started to feel something for you , she ran scared. I used to be her. That was totally my M.O. Once there was a feeling, I was out the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm not saying all her decisions were based on sex. I'm saying they are all based on her fear of commitment. When she started to feel something for you , she ran scared. I used to be her. That was totally my M.O. Once there was a feeling, I was out the door. Would you say it’s likely I’d hear from her? Not to say I do or don’t want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 It sounds like she has an agenda - she wants a baby. You should be thankful you got out of the relationship before you got roped in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I'm not saying all her decisions were based on sex. I'm saying they are all based on her fear of commitment. When she started to feel something for you , she ran scared. I used to be her. That was totally my M.O. Once there was a feeling, I was out the door. She was engaged to someone she dated for 6 years and then to someone she dated for 6 months. Not of which she called off. One was a wealthy guy who drank a lot and the other was also wealthy. The last one gave her a very hard time when they split. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, Boxerhd said: Would you say it’s likely I’d hear from her? Not to say I do or don’t want to. It's unlikely. She's terrified of feelings. If they were there once, they will still be there if she goes back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's unlikely. She's terrified of feelings. If they were there once, they will still be there if she goes back. So your take is that she was sincere with her feelings but her excuse of us not working out because we’re on “different timelines” was made up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Boxerhd Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 After all that noise guess who just sent me a list of essentials because of this virus. Pardon my language but wtf? Link to post Share on other sites
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