Harry Korsnes Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Hi all! Your single between 25 - 35 maybe a bit macho live alone have a job and quite happy with your life, laze around in the afternoons/eavenings on the sofa with your feet up on the table with a beer and the remote flicking between sports, auto and music Chanels. Life's great hah! You go out once in a while for some drinks with friends. Fun! And then you meat this girl, Nice, Then you become a couple, Nice. For a while. But... Your life changes. No more feet on the table, no more sports and auto Chanels. YOU have to learn to watch soaps and drama. Go out with her friends, while the guys dont understand Whats happend to you! Then!! She starts bying clothes for you, orders an hour at the thair dresser maybe eaven a manicure. Tells when to shave, when you can drink beer at home. Dandy right? But! After a while she'l just kick you out coz you aint the man you used to be! But you love her. Why do they have to change us? There's an old saying that goes Love me for who i am not for who you want me to be! Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Are you speaking from personal experience Harry? Two things come to mind, no one can change you, but you can change yourself, and that relationships require compromise on both parts. My husband can still put his feet on the table and laze an afternoon away watching sports. Still goes out with his friends, still is into action sports etc. I do nag him to shave - puts a damper on making out and oral sex He works at a beer brewery - I do not lord over beer drinking 😆 I, like the other women in my family do not watch dramas or soap operas. Ya know what does work? Finding someone you are compatible with, and someone you can comfortably share your life with. We both can watch the same dumb cop shows, I'll save antiques road show for when he isn't home. I busy myself with other things while he watches football or the fights (I do like making food for his friends that come over to watch though - cooking is one of my hobbies). He can spend a day off riding motocross - I don't mind, I am out riding my horse. I guess I am saying, it doesn't have to be like you describe. When people share things in common, it tends to be less about what he wants and what she wants, but what "we want" feels natural. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 so true Link to post Share on other sites
Author Harry Korsnes Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 4 minutes ago, RecentChange said: Are you speaking from personal experience Harry? Two things come to mind, no one can change you, but you can change yourself, and that relationships require compromise on both parts. My husband can still put his feet on the table and laze an afternoon away watching sports. Still goes out with his friends, still is into action sports etc. I do nag him to shave - puts a damper on making out and oral sex He works at a beer brewery - I do not lord over beer drinking 😆 I, like the other women in my family do not watch dramas or soap operas. Ya know what does work? Finding someone you are compatible with, and someone you can comfortably share your life with. We both can watch the same dumb cop shows, I'll save antiques road show for when he isn't home. I busy myself with other things while he watches football or the fights (I do like making food for his friends that come over to watch though - cooking is one of my hobbies). He can spend a day off riding motocross - I don't mind, I am out riding my horse. I guess I am saying, it doesn't have to be like you describe. When people share things in common, it tends to be less about what he wants and what she wants, but what "we want" feels natural. Hi there! Yes it happend earlier. Older and wiser now. You two sound like a fun couple😀 Now Im where i want to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 The mistake you made was to assume you had to learn to watch soaps and go out with only her friends, and lose your own friends. When you stop doing the things and behaving in the ways that make up who you are, you become a lot less interesting to your partner. So choose someone who won't stop you doing the things you love, and perhaps loves doing some of the same things you do! The rest will have to learn 😉 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Harry Korsnes Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 4 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: The mistake you made was to assume you had to learn to watch soaps and go out with only her friends, and lose your own friends. When you stop doing the things and behaving in the ways that make up who you are, you become a lot less interesting to your partner. So choose someone who won't stop you doing the things you love, and perhaps loves doing some of the same things you do! The rest will have to learn 😉 Thanks. Found that out and now i have a new life and we are ms. and mr. right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 Harry, there was a very important word which was missing from your vocabulary when you were with her: NO. "No" not only keeps you true to who you are, but will ultimately gain respect from a partner. Of course, some may also leave you because you won't change, but if that thing is important to you, then they aren't your right fit anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 Couples are always hoping to change the other person into their ideal. Their ideal doesn't even exist, though, except in their head. Nothing wrong with going along with some clothing changes or hair changes to be more attractive to someone, but there's no reason to give up your tv time for her tv time. I mean, hello, get another tv and put it in another room. You don't have to MATCH. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 Men are neanderthals 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I kind of have to agree with basil67, you had the ability to say "No". Early in my present relationship, my girlfriend was over my home. She was complaining about this and that, in an effort to start the process of changing me. I got up, took a post it note and wrote "DOOR" on it then placed that post it note on the front door of my home. She asked why did I just do that. My answer... "Apparently, you forgot where the door was, I was just marking it for you. If you don't like who I am or how I act, use the door... its the one I just marked for you." Problem solved... I drink my beer when I want, watch my sports and put my feet up on my coffee table. I shave when my beard starts to itch, not before. As far as TV viewing, there are two TV's in the house, each one has a ROKU attached to it. When my girlfriend comes over, she can watch what she wants, and I can watch what I want. Lately, she has been binge watching the "Real Housewives of New York"... no way I'm even staying in the same room when that show is on. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) Find someone a bit less controlling? Also, always remember to show some spine, with important things, even though it is wise to pick your battles for the sake of "harmony". If you never stand up for yourself on things she eventually won't respect you IMO. Edited March 12, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Author Harry Korsnes Posted March 12, 2020 Author Share Posted March 12, 2020 Hi again! Thank you all for great insights. Read them all cairfully. Most of the things happend to me when i was Younger. I know a lot of guys feel the same way to. In a way this is kind of a vent and an answer to meadowflower's thread tittled "males". Kind agree with her to. But it got thinking that we males have feelings to. Now Im older and wiser, learned a lot since then ( got a call yesterday from my youngest that grandkid nr, 6 is on its way and i cried) ive learned to respect both male and female. So i wonder why these girls/woman pick guys like me? Three days unshaved jeans and tshirt, when the're looking for someone whith slick hair and suit? The one word that struck me the most was from mark clemson was HARMONY. We have to respect both male and female wants and needs! Sorry for my back and forth up and down, like i Said im venting/thinking Wish you all the best. HK 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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