Was the ultimate goal to make me a booty call?

[dcsmom97]

I've posted several times regarding the guy that I am currently "friends" with. We live 45 minutes away and see each other about every other weekend due to job conflicts, children etc. He told me that he didn't want to rush into anything because he'd just gotten out of a LTR (8 years), but that we should be friends and "see where it goes". I wanted to try this because I have learned after 10 years and a divorce that there is something to be said for "taking it slow".

 

We talk often, maybe 4 or 5 times a week and have kissed and hugged and rubbed and such everytime that we've seen each other, even though at one point, we'd said that we wouldn't do anything other than hug since we were just "friends".

 

Well, this past weekend, he came to visit and we decided that he'd stay the night just do we could spend some more time together since we hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks. We'd had previous opportunities to do so and didn't, but he knew from previous conversations, that I was not going to have sex with him without a committment.

 

Anyway we go to be and of course we wind up kissing and cuddling etc. until we got tired and went to sleep. Well, over in the morning, this all started again, only this time, he got up and I heard paper tearing - I knew it was condom paper! WTF?!? Well, he climbs back into bed and proceeds to try to make moves to "get in" and of course, I said, "No." He said that he understood that I didn't want to have sex outside of a committed relationship and that he respected me for my decision. He said that he'd thought that I'd wanted to do it earlier (that night)...I told him that I DID want to do it that night before AND that morning, but (he'd told me before when things got hot and heavy that he couldn't promise me that if we had sex that things would change) I wasn't going to. Been there and done that too many times in the past...

 

I thought about things all day and finally called him that evening. I asked him where things got off track - what did I do that made him think that we were going to have sex? I told him that I, in no way meant to be a tease, that's not my style. I thought that we were clear on where each of us stood. He again said that he understood and that he respected me for it and that he would still like us to continue to talk and see each other.

 

Here's the problem (or not?): that was Monday and today is Thursday and I haven't heard from him again. We've been friends for almost 9 weeks and we haven't gone this many days without talking to each other before. I am not in love with him, but I do like him and enjoy spending time with him. I was interested in seeing where things were possibly going to go.

 

He'd always said that sex was not the primary thing in a realtionship for him anymore, so he wouldn't not see someone because they wouldn't have sex with him...Another time, when we were talking about how hot things had gotten on a particular encounter, he said,"Are you telling me that there is nothing that I could have said that would make you give in? If I'd told you 'what you wanted to hear'? OMG, I USED to be that gullible!

 

So in a way, I'm kind of put off that he had a condom in the first place. Did that mean that he was prepared to try to make me break down even though we'd already discussed where I stood on the matter?

 

Was I just a potential booty call that didn't work out the way he'd planned?

[elijahBailey]

hey girl, you should be proud of yourself for being firm and sticking to your beliefs. No one has the right to bulldoze his way in your space (or whatever). My belief is that if the dating scene slows done a wee bit these days, there'll be a lot more meaningful relationships that last.

 

It's pretty clear now what he was after. This is an acid test to determine what the guy is after. The one who's after your heart will be the one who'll wait.

 

There's probably three reasons why he hasn't called..

1. He was only after the booty and he's given up now

2. Though not any fault of yours, his pride is severely wounded. Any guy in his position would feel the same. But, then again, if he's stupid enough to go for the condom despite you saying no, he deserved it.

3. He's doing the withdrawal thing with you. And you might expect him to call at some point. And when he does, he'll look out for any signs that you've relented.

 

I vote for (2) and (3)

 

What you decide to do from now on is up to you. My take is that he's more interested in the booty than you as a person.

[dcsmom97]

EJ -

 

You and LB are the BOMB! You guys always seem to hit the nail on the head! I feel so much better after reading your post - it just solidified what I had already been telling my self. Thanks again!