Sher234 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 A few years ago I met an incredible guy, he was handsome, fun, humble, purpose driven, very loving and caring. The only thing I had against him was that since he was really goal oriented I always thought he was taking me for granted and that I wasn't his top priority, although he was always good to me, always making me have great time and taking care of me, inspiring me etc. I fell in love very fast and he was the best boyfriend I ever had, we had a soul mate kind of chemistry. I always thought I loved him more than he did because he wouldn't be fully into the relationship, but I thought that it was maybe me being a bit needy. 7 months into our relationship I had to go study abroad for a year, I didn't want to go to stay with him but he convinced me to go to follow my dream and supported me, and we decided to try long distance. After a months he came to visit me and we spent an incredible week together traveling around. He had to go back home and said he would come back to visit me a month after. However a month after he asked me if I would mind if he canceled because he was very busy working on his business and had some financial issues. I was supposed to come back home just a month after that for the summer so we both agreed it wasn't a big deal to have one more month long distance. During those extra weeks he started planning summer vacations for us for when i come back. But something happened, I started being very attracted to another guy at school who was really hitting on me. When the time came to go back home for the summer I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to go back and if I still wanted my long distance relationship with him, I felt I wanted to keep enjoying this new country, this new adventure. I texted my boyfriend that I decided to not come back, he said well does that mean that we're done ? And I told him yes, he pleaded for a couple days, reminded me of those memories and chemistry we had and that he loved me so much, he then called me for 2 hours and said he loved me, he was so sorry for not coming the month before when he was supposed to and seemed full of guilt and regrets for neglecting me, he promised me he would be more committed to us and less to his business. I told him I would think about it and call him the next day. But the truth is that I was falling in love with this new guy and I'm very scared of confrontations and ended up not calling my now ex boyfriend back and kinda ghosted him. After a few days he texted me to know if I had made my mind up, and I was very cold to him and said sorry but that I really wanted to do what was best for me and stay over there to travel with a "friend". He tried to plead more but quickly decided to go no contact. I started dating this new guy. After 3 weeks my ex boyfriend broke no contact said that he needed to talk to me in person and that he couldn't find closure because of the text breakup, he said he was so confused. He flew to the country where I was and and asked to see me as friends. I accepted to see him and I saw he was sad but yet he didn't try to make any drama and was just making me have a good time and making me laugh, we were drinking wine and suddenly he tried to kiss me, I rejected his kiss and said I had to go and stormed off the apartment while he was trying to apologize for taking me for granted. The next day I texted him I was really sorry for leaving but that I had met another guy and that we couldn't be together again. In the next 6 months he tried to contact me a few times in friendly and respecting ways but I decided to either ignore him or answer in a cold way for him to understand and move on. After those 6 months he never contacted me again. A year after it ended with my new boyfriend as we both had to go back home to our respective countries and he didn't want to do long distance. I was sad for a few months alone back home and then it hit me hard. I started missing my first boyfriend and realized that he could have been my soul mate and never really did anything wrong and that I just didn't see a future with him because of the distance at the time. I started really missing him and realized the mistake I had made, I gave up on what could have been a magical long term relationship for a temporary over sea romance. I was eaten by regrets and depression. After stalking his social media I saw that he had become wealthy, successful, doing youtube traveling the world and I was back home to reality alone with a s***ty job. I couldn't take it and reached out to him saying I loved him and I had made the mistake of my life, he was still humble and nice, funny like before, he seemed to hold no grudge or resentment towards me, but told me he was severely depressed for a whole year after I dumped him, he said he still had feelings for me but could never fully forgive me or trust me again for breaking his heart like that and that he had finally started to move on with a new girl. I live with regrets every single day and I feel like I lost the love of my life and it's all my fault. Is there a chance I could get him back ? I'd be willing to do anything even wait for him. I realize how much of a bad person I was and how I broke his heart with a cold breakup, but this experience made me mature a lot and I feel like I could be a better girlfriend, I miss him more than I can express and I'm begging him for another chance ... Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I'm confused, did you break up with him because he took you for granted or because you wanted the new guy more? Getting back with him would require being honest with him on that point. PS, I'm not confused, I know exactly why you broke up, you are the one who seem confused, you seem to minimize the whole cheating part and focus on how you dumped him because you wanted to chase the new guy. Focus on why you cheated and how you can prevent it in the future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Negotaurus Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) I don't think he took you for granted. I think you took him for granted. He's better off now. Let him be. Edited March 12, 2020 by Negotaurus 5 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I think you are suffering from Kharma flu. It gets around. Be that as it may, you made a choice that seemed right to you at the time but now you regret it. Your old boy friend has had a year to get over you and now you rip the wound open again. What you should done was write him a heartfelt letter where you told him what happened with the breakup. You could have then expressed your remorse (if genuine) and asked him for another chance. Then you would have dropped contact and allowed him to make a choice without any pressure from you. My personal opinion is that you can't recover the relationship you once had with him. It would be smarter to recognize the mistakes you feel that you made, correct them and move onward in life with someone new. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I think you are just lonely again and now that you see he has made something of his life and you are left with a sh---y job, the other guy didn't want a long distance relationship with you so now you want him back. You say he now has a new gf but are asking how can you get him back. You can't, he's moved on with someone else. What do you expect him to do cheat on her to be with you? He's smart enough not to do that so I suggest you use this time to be alone and work on your career to be where you want to be as it relates to your job. You need to learn how to be alone without a man before you enter another relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 3 hours ago, stillafool said: I think you are just lonely again and now that you see he has made something of his life and you are left with a sh---y job, the other guy didn't want a long distance relationship with you so now you want him back. You say he now has a new gf but are asking how can you get him back. You can't, he's moved on with someone else. What do you expect him to do cheat on her to be with you? He's smart enough not to do that so I suggest you use this time to be alone and work on your career to be where you want to be as it relates to your job. You need to learn how to be alone without a man before you enter another relationship. I agree with the above. You need to learn how to be alone without someone else before going into another relationship. Have you spent any significant amount of time in your adult life as a single woman? Someone that meets your own needs? You should try it. I think what happened is karma. You describe yourself as very cold to him during the break up, even ghosting him because you selfishly couldn't confront him with the truth that you actually found someone else in the new country to spend time with and you were leaving him for this new person. Now that you got broken up with and moved back to the same country somehow you are mature, and feel you could be a better girlfriend? Well that's convenient for you. Not him, he has a new girlfriend and has moved on. If you truly care about HIS happiness, leave him be. Give yourself some time to be alone, not as a punishment but as a learning experience and growth opportunity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 So you are feeling lonely and now wants your ex boyfriend back while the whole year you were enjoying sex, life and making future dreams with another man while he was sobbing trying to contact you trying to make things work. I m not trying to be rude here, but come on be real to yourself you just want to be alone that's all. If you love someone you dont ignore them for months or a year. Let that man go now, even if you go on to be together he wont be able to see you as he used to. It hurts a lot when you are being left for someone else right away. Poor guy has made a life without you now and had moved on. Learn from your mistakes as you have said, dont make real love wait for someone who's genuine. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) Quote A year after it ended with my new boyfriend as we both had to go back home to our respective countries and he didn't want to do long distance. I would call this a good example of karma coming back to kick you in the ... Time to realize that finding true romance has a lot to do with timing. You two were not together at the right time. If you really did love him, you wouldn't have left him in the first place. Accept it's done, forgive yourself and know that there is a man out there that you are yet to meet wherein the timing will be right on. Edited March 12, 2020 by Beendaredonedat Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sher234 Posted March 13, 2020 Author Share Posted March 13, 2020 Do you think it’s because of the way I ended it ..? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 Often people feel this regret not because they have genuinely figured out that this previous lover was right ... no ... most of the time this regret is just a sign that your current life is messier than you want it to be ... Viewing this guy's "success" ... his so-called "fabulous" life .. .very easy to do because you're not with him ... not experiencing all that stuff about him and the relationship that led you to want to leave in the first place. BTW: seeing people looking happy on social media ... completely unreliable ... you have no idea how happy he really is ... nor how much debt he has in addition to his supposed wealth. Focus on improving the life you have right now ... there is a reason you left him ... and the reason isn't because you were "dumb" or that you made a "mistake." It takes serious energy and determination to dump someone ... I think you have blocked out all the ways you were unhappy ... the truth is ... a day into a renewed relationship with him, all the old unhappiness would come right back. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Yep, you poo pooed him and his feelings, ghosted him. You had no real issue doing it but know he is moving fed and doing well you want back in with him. Sorry but I feel you won’t be able to get him back. kind regards Buffer Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 You’re looking at it with rose-colored glasses. If he was all that to you, you would not have left or liked another guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sher234 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Share Posted March 15, 2020 I did love him but I thought the distance was going to be a problem while I was over there .. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 The way you ghosted someone that important to you in your life was so disrespectful. It's that he'll have a hard time ever forgetting about. In the end, you cheated on him and ghosted him leaving him very confused and hurt. You will never get that trust back from him again. Even if he gives you another chance if this woman doesn't work out, he's not going to be the same guy with you because he can't trust you now not to hurt him, and honestly, I just don't think you were in love with him of you wouldn't have just met this other guy and left him. I agree it's time to spend some time on your own. I do understand the excitement and pull of living in a new country experiencing new things. Nothing wrong with that. It's good to explore. But I mean, you and the old guy traveled and he was up for all that too, so yeah, you might have made a mistake letting him go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Sher234 said: I did love him but I thought the distance was going to be a problem while I was over there .. The key is that you DID NOT love him enough....enough to fight for the relationship and do whatever it took to be together. In most cases (not all), if the will/desire is there you can find a way to be with someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sher234 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 Im Following advice of taking time alone . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I don't think you have a chance with him, no. That ship has sailed and he's happy with someone else now. You treated him poorly, and are continuing to do; while I am sure you're not trying to be malicious, this very much looks like he's just your Plan B. He recognizes that, and he has already lost interest, girl. Take this as a lesson learned, stay single for a while you get your life back together, and you will be in a a far better place to meet a guy who is a good match for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 On 3/12/2020 at 3:43 AM, Sher234 said: Is there a chance I could get him back ? I No. You treated him poorly. He has now moved on with someone else. Don't ruin that for him. Let him be happy now. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 On 3/15/2020 at 7:17 PM, Sher234 said: I did love him but I thought the distance was going to be a problem while I was over there .. No, it was because you got the hots for another guy. So you treated your ex like crap hoping he would get the hint instead of just being honest and respectful to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 (edited) It seems like it's all about you. You didn't even treat him with respect when you ended it. You treated him like a piece of trash to throw away because you had your new shiny object. Only when that turned dull did you start thinking about him again. You're lucky he was nice to you when you contacted him, but you should definitely leave him alone and find somebody else. He deserves better than you treated him. Edited March 21, 2020 by Highndry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 Do what is right for you, but really it was always about what you wanted. buffer Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts