I will no longer make eye contact with a woman at the workplace and assume anything

[IntBrowser]

started a job in January and would walk past this woman in the hall and she would always smile and say good morning.   I took it as her being attracted to me because no other woman was greeting me like that.    So earlier this week I was headed to work and noticed that she was walking down the street and was like......"OMG that's her and just knew she was going to say a little more than hello since we were not inside the job yet.     So I was holding the door open for her as she was walking in the building and said good morning to her and she just responded with a thank you and good morning and flew past me and no eye contact?  LOL

I felt like a fool because I assumed she was attracted and maybe interested but after that moment I decided not to even look at her again.      Why would she smile and speak to me inside the job but not look at me at all OUTSIDE the job??    Very weird.      And I dont even know her name we just been speaking to each other and I was waiting for the opportunity for her to smile at me again and say good morning so I could responded with........"you know we speak all time and I dont even know your name, and say my name"      But I dont to worry about doing that now.     As of matter of fact,  I am no longer making eye contact with no woman in there, I will make sure I have my phone in my hand so I can pretend I am looking at a text.

[Marc878]

Just because a woman is friendly or smiles doesn’t mean much. 

However, it could have been a shock of seeing you outside of work.

I wouldn’t hide or change my mannerisms though.

 

[IntBrowser]

5 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Just because a woman is friendly or smiles doesn’t mean much. 

However, it could have been a shock of seeing you outside of work.

I wouldn’t hide or change my mannerisms though.

 

I definitely know that now

[chillii]

She's just one that makes a point of being warm and friendly man , l see nothing , nothing , to think otherwise about. Can't even imagine what the big deal was people look at each other all the time if they're saying hello or chit chat ahhh, it's normal.

[IntBrowser]

52 minutes ago, chillii said:

She's just one that makes a point of being warm and friendly man , l see nothing , nothing , to think otherwise about. Can't even imagine what the big deal was people look at each other all the time if they're saying hello or chit chat ahhh, it's normal.

I guess that's what most men want to think when they see a pretty face smiling at them more than once

[basil67]

She says hello because she's warm and friendly.   On the morning you held the door for her, she didn't stop and do eye contact because she was clearly in a hurry (clue: she flew by).  Perhaps she was late for a meeting or was busting for the bathroom.    But she did have the manners to say thank you.

However your reaction is not only petty, it's unprofessional.   I have no idea why you would choose to give a reaction like this.   

 

[Mystery4u]

Sorry OP but you seem inexperienced with women and a bit petty as mentioned.

Just because someone smiles and says good morning does not mean they are interested in you, it's called being polite.

In future if you like someone (even her) then take the lead and start a conversation and ask them out.

[Ruby Slippers]

I talk to and smile at all my male colleagues. Female colleagues, too. It's just being professional.

[Cookiesandough]

Have you considered maybe she was in a hurry? You act like holding the door open for her was some bold move, but it’s really not. I would say it just seems like you were being a polite person. Same for  making eye contact and smiling. . You know nothing about her interest from any of this, but you’re already reacting. I’m sorry to say but I think you should leave it alone. From what I’ve seen, it takes a lot of social fortitude to navigate the waters of dating a coworker. When it goes wrong,, it can go very wrong, 

[schlumpy]

Do you have a pet? Have your ever noticed how certain behaviors are area specific? If I sit on the couch I find Smudge sitting on my lap within 3 minutes demanding I pet him. Any other place he ignores me. If I walk into the kitchen where the food bowls I find my dog wagging his tail with a hopeful look on his face. When the dogs out she always goes bathroom in the same area of the yard.

Our behaviors are much the same. The differing responses we display can be tied directly to the environment we find ourselves in.

A smile and eye contact in the work environment where everyone knows the rules is not he same as a smile and eye contact on the outside of that safe zone. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

started a job in January and would walk past this woman in the hall and she would always smile and say good morning.   I took it as her being attracted to me because no other woman was greeting me like that.   

This was your mistake. Smiling and saying good morning to a coworker is professional and friendly. It is not a sign of attraction. You read far too much into that. 

And you're reading far too much into her not making eye contact when you held the door. She could have been busy, distracted by her own thoughts, in a rush. I doubt she thought twice about it. 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, have you dated much before? Applying significant meaning to an otherwise normal and meaningless interaction suggests you don't really know to interpret social cues. 

[Blind-Sided]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This was your mistake. Smiling and saying good morning to a coworker is professional and friendly. It is not a sign of attraction. .......

I agree 100% with that.  If this was a girl you would bump into at the local coffee shop most mornings... that is attraction. (out in public) but when it's people you are expected to work with... then it's just being friendly.

[d0nnivain]

By any chance is this your 1st job?  You seem to have no concept of how the world works.  Your co-worker was being friendly nothing more.  Outside of work she may have been in a hurry or she may have sensed that you like her & decided to nip it in the bud by not engaging you outside of work.  Out of context / out of the office, she may not have recognized you.  Her warm greetings in the office may have been based on location.

As for your plan to never make eye contact again & always be on your phone, that is simply childish.  In the office be professional.  That means engaging with co-workers in a professional manner.  It also means not being on your phone at work, even as a smoke screen to compensate for your social awkwardness.  

Do smile & nod when greeted by others.  Stay off your phone & work.  Do your job.  Get paid.  Go home.  Date people outside of your place of work.  

Edited March 15, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Lotsgoingon]

Some of the most friendly-smiley people you meet at a new job ... are not the most friendly warm people at the job. 

No connection ...  At work, definitely don't trust first impressions.

[OnlyHonesty]

You need to look for more than one or two signs, and also consider the base line and environment. It's best to focus on behavior they cannot consciously control, or aren't very aware of. A simple smile and greeting on its own, generally means nothing.

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Have you considered maybe she was in a hurry? You act like holding the door open for her was some bold move, but it’s really not. I would say it just seems like you were being a polite person. Same for  making eye contact and smiling. . You know nothing about her interest from any of this, but you’re already reacting. I’m sorry to say but I think you should leave it alone. From what I’ve seen, it takes a lot of social fortitude to navigate the waters of dating a coworker. When it goes wrong,, it can go very wrong, 

 

We have two ways we can get upstairs,  the elevator or the stairs and I want sure that was our chance to talk beyond good morning.    The fact that she didnt wait for the elevator so we can find out each other's name confirmed she was being polite.    Plus no other woman in there speaks to me that way so I just knew it was attraction but I was clearly wrong

[IntBrowser]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This was your mistake. Smiling and saying good morning to a coworker is professional and friendly. It is not a sign of attraction. You read far too much into that. 

And you're reading far too much into her not making eye contact when you held the door. She could have been busy, distracted by her own thoughts, in a rush. I doubt she thought twice about it. 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, have you dated much before? Applying significant meaning to an otherwise normal and meaningless interaction suggests you don't really know to interpret social cues. 

It was easy to think it was attraction because she was the only woman out of about 30 who speaks to me in the morning period

[IntBrowser]

6 hours ago, OnlyHonesty said:

You need to look for more than one or two signs, and also consider the base line and environment. It's best to focus on behavior they cannot consciously control, or aren't very aware of. A simple smile and greeting on its own, generally means nothing.

When I noticed her the 1st time she was at the printer and was smiling from a distance as I got closer so most men will think that is attraction.     I dont smile at woman who I work with because I dont want to give off the wrong impression which has happened before.

[sothereiwas]

8 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I agree 100% with that.  If this was a girl you would bump into at the local coffee shop most mornings... that is attraction. (out in public) but when it's people you are expected to work with... then it's just being friendly.

Probably, maybe, or maybe more, there's more than one way to find out for sure. Being cheesed off about not being adequately acknowledged for holding a door ain't it. 

[sothereiwas]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

When I noticed her the 1st time she was at the printer and was smiling from a distance as I got closer so most men will think that is attraction.

Please don't speak for "most men", I've worked in offices a lot, and sometimes a smile is just a smile. Sometimes not. Act mature and be a pro, and maybe you'll get the chance to figure out which sort of smile this was. 

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Probably, maybe, or maybe more, there's more than one way to find out for sure. Being cheesed off about not being adequately acknowledged for holding a door ain't it. 

I was planning to ask her what her name is while holding the door because I was expecting to look at me and smile again and say good morning.

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Please don't speak for "most men", I've worked in offices a lot, and sometimes a smile is just a smile. Sometimes not. Act mature and be a pro, and maybe you'll get the chance to figure out which sort of smile this was. 

so if a woman  is smiling at you halfway down the hall while standing at the printer you would just see that as being polite?    When I am the printer I am not looking at people when they are walking down the hall

[basil67]

32 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

so if a woman  is smiling at you halfway down the hall while standing at the printer you would just see that as being polite?    When I am the printer I am not looking at people when they are walking down the hall

Yes.  If she's standing there waiting for it to do it's job and catches someone's eye, why not smile?  She would probably do the same for any other coworker.

The fact that she's the only woman out of 30 who speaks to you indicates nothing more than she's a kind person.  If you refuse to look at her again, then you've just lost yourself the only person in the workplace who was thoughtful towards you.  

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes.  If she's standing there waiting for it to do it's job and catches someone's eye, why not smile?  She would probably do the same for any other coworker.

The fact that she's the only woman out of 30 who speaks to you indicates nothing more than she's a kind person.  If you refuse to look at her again, then you've just lost yourself the only person in the workplace who was thoughtful towards you.  

Ok and I thought I caught her eye and she was like...."Oh He is handsome" since she didnt break eye contact until I said hello

[IntBrowser]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes.  If she's standing there waiting for it to do it's job and catches someone's eye, why not smile?  She would probably do the same for any other coworker.

The fact that she's the only woman out of 30 who speaks to you indicates nothing more than she's a kind person.  If you refuse to look at her again, then you've just lost yourself the only person in the workplace who was thoughtful towards you.  

I dont think she will speak to a woman like that