I will no longer make eye contact with a woman at the workplace and assume anything

[basil67]

Edit: I missed a post.

Did she say you're handsome or are you just assuming she thought it?

Also, I've seen handsome guys in my workplace and am friendly towards them just like everyone else, but the fact they were handsome didn't mean that I was interested in dating them.  

 

Edited March 15, 2020 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

A smile does not mean she is attracted to you, OP. Nor does the fact that she's the only one to smile and say hello. 

You seem to have a lot of difficulty distinguishing normal social interaction from romantic signals, so I will ask again - have you dated much in the past?

[jspice]

Oh Lord, I smile at everyone. Everyone. 
Now I’m wondering how many men are pissed off at me because clearly I gave off the vibe I thought they were hot. 
 

this is such a dangerous mindset to have. It sounds like you need to work on your social skills. You assume great big things with no real proof. 

[preraph]

Yeah, I'm going to assume this is your first job where you work in a place with women.  People are PAID to be polite and congenial at work.  Some work harder at it than others.  Just remember that.  It doesn't mean anything.  And it doesn't mean they have to be anything but just polite if they see you out, and that means "Hey."  

 

It also doesn't mean every time you pass someone in the office you have to acknowledge them though, if they're moving with a purpose and preoccupied.  No need to say hi or try to catch someone's eye every time you go past them.  It's just about being polite and professional.  No worries, just let it go.  

[elaine567]

I worked with a girl once, she was always smiling and happy. Friendly polite entertaining, I never saw her angry or depressed, she never complained and whilst all that joie de vivre may have been a bit annoying to some old cynics, she was so genuinely charming to all that everyone thought she was great.
She spoke kindly to everyone, she was married and had a baby to a lovely genuine guy, so no "attraction" to stray men whatsoever...

[Cookiesandough]

5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 

We have two ways we can get upstairs,  the elevator or the stairs and I want sure that was our chance to talk beyond good morning.    The fact that she didnt wait for the elevator so we can find out each other's name confirmed she was being polite.    Plus no other woman in there speaks to me that way so I just knew it was attraction but I was clearly wrong

I agree with others that you cannot assume romantic or sexual interest from someone smiling at you. I make eye contact and smile at guys  I am not even remotely attracted to all the time. I like to connect with others in a friendly way. . I think it’s more her personality. Once, I turned down a guy’s advances and the weirdo proceeds to say that I should probably not smile at and giggle so much because it leads men on. Imo, that’s his problem...

 

So, it means very little and one of the women who don’t speak to you may actually be more attracted to you than her.

[FMW]

I smile and make contact with everyone - men, women, and children.  It has nothing to do with sexual attraction or interest.  I find it just makes life more pleasant and enjoyable 🙂

Basic people skills are used to tell the difference between friendliness and flirtatious interest.  Unfortunately not everyone has those skills.  

[Azincourt]

On 3/15/2020 at 5:36 AM, IntBrowser said:

Quote

started a job in January and would walk past this woman in the hall and she would always smile and say good morning.   I took it as her being attracted to me because no other woman was greeting me like that. 

 

Many women out there are naturally friendly.  When there's a combination of attractive woman + paying attention to the guy, it's not uncommon for the guy to assume she is interested in him, especially if he hasn't had a girlfriend in a while, or if he doesn't get much attention from women in general. Don't assume a woman is attracted to you simply because she treats you like a human being.

 

On 3/15/2020 at 5:36 AM, IntBrowser said:

 

  So earlier this week I was headed to work and noticed that she was walking down the street and was like......"OMG that's her and just knew she was going to say a little more than hello since we were not inside the job yet.     So I was holding the door open for her as she was walking in the building and said good morning to her and she just responded with a thank you and good morning and flew past me and no eye contact?  LOL

 

Maybe she was having a bad day? Maybe something told her something that set her off? Maybe her cat died? Maybe she is experiencing certain conditions that are peculiar to the female sex and she wasn't in the mood for social interaction?

 

 

On 3/15/2020 at 5:36 AM, IntBrowser said:

I felt like a fool because I assumed she was attracted and maybe interested but after that moment I decided not to even look at her again.   

Yeah, guys do seem to do that a lot. That's why so many women are guarded when it comes to interacting with men, because many men assume a woman is attracted to them since they are being nice. Because many men only notice the existence of women they are attracted to, and ignore women they feel no attraction for, which results in many men believing a woman wants to go on a date/sleep with the guy because she said hi to him.

Never assume a woman is attracted to you. When a woman is attracted to you she makes it clear to you. She checks you out from the crown of your head down to your feet, and then up to your eyes.  She smiles at you showing the back row of her teeth. She plays with her hair while her eyes roam your face and body. She touches her neck. She always seems to be wherever you are, and she always comes getting closer and closer to you.

Simply saying hi and smiling ain't demonstrating interest you in as a MAN. What she's doing is being polite, like her parents taught her to be.  That's the problem with raising daughters, bro. You never know how many guys are going to bother their daughters over ''Durr durr, she didn't ignore my existence, she must want me bro ''.

 

On 3/15/2020 at 5:36 AM, IntBrowser said:

 

 

 

  Why would she smile and speak to me inside the job but not look at me at all OUTSIDE the job??    Very weird.      And I dont even know her name we just been speaking to each other and I was waiting for the opportunity for her to smile at me again and say good morning so I could responded with........"you know we speak all time and I dont even know your name, and say my name"      But I dont to worry about doing that now.     As of matter of fact,  I am no longer making eye contact with no woman in there, I will make sure I have my phone in my hand so I can pretend I am looking at a text.

That's a good idea, honestly. You're there in that workplace to make a living, not to meet women.  And the same goes for the women who work there aswell. They aren't interested in meeting men there. They're interested in making ends meet so they don't end up living on the street.

Hit the gym hard, then head out to nightclubs and bars and music festivals.  Glance at a woman and wait for her to glance back. If she does and she smiles at you while doing that - she is open to being approached.

Or you could try my approach to the dating world.

 watch my diet, make sure to take care of my skin, teeth and hair, dress nicely and then I chill by demonstrating to the women  I come across in the mall, subway, bus train, nightclub etc etc I'm interested in meeting, that I'm attracted to them by smiling at them for a second or two. Sometimes they approach me, sometimes they don't approach me. Either way I don't get bothered by it. 

Don't pursue this woman anymore.

 

[IntBrowser]

14 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with others that you cannot assume romantic or sexual interest from someone smiling at you. I make eye contact and smile at guys  I am not even remotely attracted to all the time. I like to connect with others in a friendly way. . I think it’s more her personality. Once, I turned down a guy’s advances and the weirdo proceeds to say that I should probably not smile at and giggle so much because it leads men on. Imo, that’s his problem...

 

So, it means very little and one of the women who don’t speak to you may actually be more attracted to you than her.

attractive women needs to be careful with doing that.    

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

attractive women needs to be careful with doing that.    

Yes, I know. I have 5 sisters who make a living based on their looks.

 

If i'd be gifted a dollar every time I worry about my sisters getting harassed because they were friendly to this guy or that - I would be richer than Jeff Bezos by now.

[jspice]

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

attractive women needs to be careful with doing that.    

WTF? No. 
you need to be careful assuming every woman who smiles at you is interested in you. 
Do you have any idea how creepy you sound? This is how those tragedies you hear on the evening news start. 
 

Stop it. 
Women, attractive or not can smile at whoever the hell they want. They can make eye contact with whoever they want. 
Next you’ll be saying they shouldn’t wear short skirts or low cut tops. 
 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

3 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I will no longer make eye contact with a woman at the workplace and assume anything

 

YOU... will be FAR better off if you go back to making eye contact and assuming that she's wearing a bra than if you are perceived to be attempting a visual determination about the bra.

[Azincourt]

He'll be better off if he goes back to making eye-contact because it will be awkward there if he starts ignoring and avoiding the women he works with.  Talk to them like you'd talk to a guy(assuming you aren't bisexual) and you'll be fine. Just don't hit on women in your workplace, okay? There are plenty of relationships that are formed between co-workers but they can turn sour and you need a job more than you need a girlfriend, dude.

[IntBrowser]

4 hours ago, jspice said:

WTF? No. 
you need to be careful assuming every woman who smiles at you is interested in you. 
Do you have any idea how creepy you sound? This is how those tragedies you hear on the evening news start. 
 

Stop it. 
Women, attractive or not can smile at whoever the hell they want. They can make eye contact with whoever they want. 
Next you’ll be saying they shouldn’t wear short skirts or low cut tops. 
 

it was a different type of smile.   Not in passing, but instead her waiting for something to print out and smiling at me from a distance as I became closer to her at the printer

[Azincourt]

10 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

it was a different type of smile.   Not in passing, but instead her waiting for something to print out and smiling at me from a distance as I became closer to her at the printer

You're imagining things.

When we are attracted to someone, our mind races to justify the interest we have on that person by coming up with ''proof'' she must be into us. It's like the busty waiter at the local restaurant. She smiles at me from the distance because she knows I'm going to drop a lot of cash. That's why I get that special smile and the next dude who is going to spend much less is going to be politely ignored.

It's not because she wants to sleep with me.  Women you work with and women who work in the service industry have polished themselves to be as pleasant as possible to make life for themselves better in the long-run.

That's why I chill when it comes to women.

One of my sisters working at a forever 21 store a few years ago, and everytime I'd go there to visit her, I'd have this co-worker of her split a smile wider than the borders of Russia, but she was a knockout and I'm not rich, so I chilled assumed she was just doing what the company told her to do(be extra nice to any client/potential client) and eventually she asked me out because she figured out I wouldn't be doing it any time soon.

Edited March 17, 2020 by Azincourt

[jspice]

11 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

it was a different type of smile.   Not in passing, but instead her waiting for something to print out and smiling at me from a distance as I became closer to her at the printer

I don’t care if she smiled at you in glitter. 
you have no right to tell women how to smile because YOU have boundary issues. 
 

[preraph]

A few years ago I heard about a study on the radio that found that the more attractive a woman was when men were shown pictures of her, the more men thought she would be interested in them. Which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

 

[Azincourt]

6 minutes ago, preraph said:

A few years ago I heard about a study on the radio that found that the more attractive a woman was when men were shown pictures of her, the more men thought she would be interested in them. Which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

I'm actually the opposite. The more attractive a woman is, the least I feel she is attracted to me, and when she does approach me/hit on me/ask me out, I invariably feel like she has low self-esteem or she has been hurt by men in her league and she wants to be with a guy who is less likely to cheat on her - because the rationale behind that logic is: ''where can he find a woman as attractive as me?''

In Ibiza, Tenerife, apparently.

There's thousands of them walking the streets. So, in the end lots of women end up getting hurt by men even tho they've lowered their standards to date men who are merely catalog models, instead of actually pursuing men who are as attractive as they are - Calvin Klein models.

I'll never understand why people lower their standards just to be with someone. It's better to be single than with someone just because.

 

Quote

 

 

Edited March 17, 2020 by Azincourt

[preraph]

I personally agree with you but it completely depends on what your goals in life are. People who really want to have a family may adjust their priorities to find someone to have kids with.  

[Cookiesandough]

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

I'm actually the opposite. The more attractive a woman is, the least I feel she is attracted to me, and when she does approach me/hit on me/ask me out, I invariably feel like she has low self-esteem or she has been hurt by men in her league and she wants to be with a guy who is less likely to cheat on her - because the rationale behind that logic is: ''where can he find a woman as attractive as me?''

In Ibiza, Tenerife, apparently.

There's thousands of them walking the streets. So, in the end lots of women end up getting hurt by men even tho they've lowered their standards to date men who are merely catalog models, instead of actually pursuing men who are as attractive as they are - Calvin Klein models.

I'll never understand why people lower their standards just to be with someone. It's better to be single than with someone just because.

 

 

 

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

I'm actually the opposite. The more attractive a woman is, the least I feel she is attracted to me, and when she does approach me/hit on me/ask me out, I invariably feel like she has low self-esteem or she has been hurt by men in her league and she wants to be with a guy who is less likely to cheat on her - because the rationale behind that logic is: ''where can he find a woman as attractive as me?''

In Ibiza, Tenerife, apparently.

There's thousands of them walking the streets. So, in the end lots of women end up getting hurt by men even tho they've lowered their standards to date men who are merely catalog models, instead of actually pursuing men who are as attractive as they are - Calvin Klein models.

I'll never understand why people lower their standards just to be with someone. It's better to be single than with someone just because.

 

 

Maybe she isn’t lowering her standards. Maybe she just doesn’t find Calvin Klein model looking guys attractive. Everyone’s different 

[Azincourt]

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

 

Maybe she isn’t lowering her standards. Maybe she just doesn’t find Calvin Klein model looking guys attractive. Everyone’s different 

Nah. This is a college town.

Everyone knows everyone. I've met their ex-boyfriends. They all look like muscular Sean O'Pry's type(one of the most well-paid models in the world, and the top male models make more than less than what the top female models make).

I can't compete with that. Not every super hot guy is a jerk, and there's plenty of average-looking guys who are jerks, but I'm pretty sure women that look this good are more likely to get used and treated badly by guys who look like that, which in turn makes these women lower their standards as they want to be better treated by the men they are in a relationship with.

Meanwhile, I only look like a clone of the 1940's+  Hollywood movie star, Farley Granger, so I'm pretty average-ish looking. Which means these women are lowering their standards. Part of the reason why I don't really invest myself that much in my romantic relationships. I know I'm being settled for and that if a rich Cristiano Ronaldo comes along, I'm probably going to get dumped

 

🤣

Edited March 17, 2020 by Azincourt

[simpycurious]

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

 

Maybe she isn’t lowering her standards. Maybe she just doesn’t find Calvin Klein model looking guys attractive. Everyone’s different 

That's so true.  Everyone really does not see beauty the same way.  To one guy a certain woman  is serious "heat" and to another the same woman is

just "decent" looking.  Obviously, the same applies to how women see men. 

[Azincourt]

27 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

That's so true.  Everyone really does not see beauty the same way.  To one guy a certain woman  is serious "heat" and to another the same woman is

just "decent" looking.  Obviously, the same applies to how women see men. 

I moved to Europe as soon as I turned 18.

I befriend a few European guys and gals and eventually they invite me to hang out with them at the beach.

I'm chilling on the beach towel talking to my new friends when I feel ocean foam dripping onto my face. I look up and I see the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen up until that point in my life.

A twenty-something Claudia Schiffer. Wearing a g-string. Topless. I look around ,and I spot a few more young women the same, also wearing the same.

No guy was paying attention to them.

At first I thought I had been befriended by a group of homosexual men, but then I enrolled in college and my college had 5+ times more women than men, and most of the guys acted the same way my friends had acted. Instead of talking to the stunning-looking women who were dressed and perfumed like they were going to hang out with Brad Pitt back in the 90s, they just wanted to talk amongst themselves about Pokemon and about that Japanese cartoon thingy.

The average woman was 5'9'' and 110-120lbs with clear skin, straight white teeth, big eyes, full lips, and clear skin, and I'm not even going to talk about the women who could easily make money starring in a Drake music video.

I got to know these women, and I came to find out that many, many, many of them were single, with several still being a virgin in their early 20s and mid 20s. They thought of themselves as average-looking, they had low self-esteem.

Meanwhile I was staring at them as they were saying this and telling myself that they could become rich by working for Playboy back in the States  🤣

When there's an abundance of beautiful women, the women have no option but to compete for men to get a boyfriend. They approach you, ask you out, pay for the date, initiate the first kiss, sex, etc.

Why? Because women get lonely. They want a boyfriend. They want a husband,  and they want children.

Hence why the divorce rate in The Netherlands is at 70% after 4 to 7 years of marriage, 80% for 2nd marriages after the same period of time, and 90% for third marriages.

Women have historically lowered their standards in men. Because they had to, as women were sold off as property(sadly still are in most of the world) by their parents, and now they have to lower their physical standards on how their potential significant other should look like, because most men are either broke and living with mommy and daddy, or because these guys don't watch their expanding waistline.

Now, are there exquisitively gorgeous women who are actually sexualy attracted to men who are only say, a 8/10 in terms of looks? Sure there are.

But it's likely there's intelligent life out there in the Universe and I ain't never gonna find about it now am I.

Edited March 17, 2020 by Azincourt

[ZA Dater]

On ‎3‎/‎16‎/‎2020 at 4:51 AM, Cookiesandough said:

I agree with others that you cannot assume romantic or sexual interest from someone smiling at you. I make eye contact and smile at guys  I am not even remotely attracted to all the time. I like to connect with others in a friendly way. . I think it’s more her personality. Once, I turned down a guy’s advances and the weirdo proceeds to say that I should probably not smile at and giggle so much because it leads men on. Imo, that’s his problem...

 

So, it means very little and one of the women who don’t speak to you may actually be more attracted to you than her.

You are correct with all of this however put yourself in the shoes of a guy who gets rejected, never gets any attention and then you realise why he may interpret those signals as interest.

[Azincourt]

4 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

You are correct with all of this however put yourself in the shoes of a guy who gets rejected, never gets any attention and then you realise why he may interpret those signals as interest.

I've never met a guy who ''doesn't get any attention'' from women.

The average man here is 6 feet tall and 160 to 180lbs at 10% body fat, when they don't work out, or when they don't work a physical job, and they don't really have to put that much effort into getting a girlfriend.

When people say that this guy or that guy doesn't get female attention, what they actually mean is that those men aren't noticed by women who are in the same league looks-wise. Women are part of their league looks-wise notice them and are attracted to them, but the guys would rather complain and be alone.