I will no longer make eye contact with a woman at the workplace and assume anything

[Azincourt]

5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Its very easy to have these view points if you have had the good experiences which apparently you have had, its quite another having had no good experience at all. Then yes a lot of this is on the aspirational scale. I have NEVER met anyone attractive who gets NO attention.

Most people have had good experiences in their dating lives. 

Humans are pain-adverse. If the majority of men and women were getting treated poorly by the opposite sex, if they were being rejected by everyone: do you think people  would still keep themselves in the dating pool?

Most people have romantic relationships, one-night stands. Most end up getting married eventually, even if it might take them a good while. Maybe not to their ideal partner. Many people have to make concessions to get what they want. They have to surrender here to get that.

I want a party girl who loves sex, is sexually open to new experiences, and isn't afraid to pursue men, to approach me, and to lay it thick on me. I've dated those women. Even though the risk of getting cheated on is always there, when the next shiny thing comes her way.

But how many women like that have been rejected by men they were interested in having a serious relationship with, but guys just ended up sleeping with them, doing a bad of it, and then dumping them because in their archaic mindset these women were ruined and were only good for sex?

How many guys have I had come up to me trying to ridicule me because I was dating the woman they ''smashed after knowing her for an hour?'

How many women have I met who were afraid of being seen as easy, because apparently if a woman sleeps with you early she does it with everyone and a woman's sexuality is her value as a human being. This is how many men in the west still think about sex and women. It's something sacred but at the same time, they want to have casual sex without being judged for it 🤣

It's confusing as F. You either spend your time wondering if she's sleeping with you because she figures if she doesn't you will move on quickly onto the next one because every woman is attractive, or you're going months without having sex with her yet, because she doesn't want you to sleep with her and them dump her like the last 10000 guys did.

Attractive women don't have an easy life, sure there are attractive women who end up rich by being the mistress of a Saudi Prince or by being married to a rich Real Madrid player(LMAO they are ALL RICH) but there are millions upon millions of attractive women and very few rich/well-off/not broke men, so most hot women will not get a Prince Charming.  And Prince Charming can end up being a closeted homosexual who leaves you after 20 years of marriage and 2 teenager kids.

Same goes for attractive men. You want to be an actor? Who doesn't? You want to be a model? So what, you know how much money most male models? Ain't worth all the dieting and smoke you fil your lungs with because that's the easiest way to keep your body looking like you are  still a 18 year old soccer player at the age of 35.

When you are an attractive man, many women assume you are a player, that you are going to dump her after you get what you want. Many think you are too attractive to be straight, that you must be an homosexual man. Others  won't introduce you to their friends because they are afraid you'll end up sleeping with their sisters, going as far as telling their sisters and cousins in front of you to ''stay away from him because he's crazy.''

Women, attractive women, dating or married to attractive men are under tremendous stress, always wondering if the guy is cheating on them, or if he's going to dump her for a younger woman, like that soccer player Hulk just did. He cheated on his wife with her niece.

When you are an attractive man you'll never know if she'll stay with you, if you were ever to lose your hair or if you developed wrinkles. And the list goes on, of why because an attractive man isn't easy. No one lives life on easy mode.

Aight, Prince William does live his life on easy mode, but he worked hard to be where he's at .

🤣

 

5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 

Whereas I have met lots of GOOD guys who get nowhere at all.

 

Being good is the bare-minimum. No one gets awarded participation awards just for being there. This ain't the boy-scouts. Be funny, be charming, be interesting. Look and feel like you are enjoying your life. Women want that positive energy in their lives.  I've met pretty average-looking scrawny men with wives and children of their own. These men weren't the CEO of America West Airlines. They're just normal dudes with normal jobs. Jesus, what is it with so many young men  and their deeply-set conviction that they have to be a 6'6'' 25 year old Brad Pitt for women to notice them.

Charm, charisma, and having the guts to approach women(the women who are sending the dude's signals) is more than enough to make you look attractive.

 

5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 

 

I have the good looking guys, made some look quite ignorant (he is taking her home anyway) and yet they still get chased by miss athletic. Those guys can behave how they please and still get plenty of attraction, its simply a matter of finding the next attractive lady.

 

Nah. Lots of good-looking men get rejected by women, even by women who are less attractive than them. Had this half-dutch guy in my college, way back. 6'3'', looked quite a bit like a young Denzel Washington. He dated 50 women, don't really know how many women he actually slept with, but he was rejected by hundreds, and many women thought he was a sleaze bag and outright avoided him.

I was actually his only friend. He was a bit of a douchebag to the women he dated, so he'd end up getting dumped. Guys didn't like him because he was really attractive and they were afraid of losing their girlfriends.

He took me to a modelling agency and that's how I got my start, and how I realized that average and beautiful, and gorgeous is all relative to what's around. I'm average to this woman, I'm hot to that other one etc.

Meaning there's lots of women out there in the world who think you are hot. You just need to put yourself out there and meet women.

I've been rejected once in my life(the only woman I've ever approached) and I've met tens of thousands of women.

You think I've slept with thousands of women? Or hundreds?

I wish, man.  My lifelong idol has always been Giacomo Girolamo Casanova, and by my age he'd already slept with more than one hundred women.

I've been rejected by thousands and thousands of women - because although some of those women here and then might have been attracted to me, they never did much other than staring and smiling at me.

And I have a strict rule about myself. I never approach. I never ask women out first. And I never hit on a woman first.

I wait for her to make the first move. That means that I lose out to many other men aren't as attractive as Brad Pitt, not even half of it, but don't mind bothering women in hopes of getting to smash.

5 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I am bitter yes and like the OP tried the workplace thing, heck where was the bf when she was moving, nowhere to be seen, who helped her: me. There have been countless other examples across many ladies they keep going back for more. At least I walk way knowing I am a better person than those bf's.

Everyone is bitter, bro. I'm bitter about one of my former bosses getting married to a 21 year old victoria's secret model despite the dude looking like the Elephant man because he makes 4 millions a year after taxes, and I'm just an upper-middle class American man who was told by that girl, ''you're cute, but you can't afford me.''

But one day I will if the gods bless me and I win the Euromillions 🤣

[ZA Dater]

18 minutes ago, Sinful said:

And this mentality is exactly why you have no success with women. You've already given up before you even get yourself in the game. 

 

True, but in that case if you're the 45 yr old who wants the Victoria Secret model then you should know you need to up your game starting with your wallet.

I just simply want someone who isn't over-weight. Instead I seem to attract every single over-weight person on OLD.

Yes I have pretty much given up because there is zero prospect of success. Like the OP I tried this sort of a few times and got the same result, why bother, its far easier and happier to sit and watch dating go buy, the athletic brunette who I see most mornings getting a coffee, the yoga instructor walking to the yoga studio, the model walking into the model agency, heck that attractive lady walking between offices. All unattainable so mostly I pretend I can actually attain that, at least I have some inner peace doing this, else I'd spend most of my time lamenting being a 36yo virgin.

[ZA Dater]

8 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Most people have had good experiences in their dating lives. 

Humans are pain-adverse. If the majority of men and women were getting treated poorly by the opposite sex, if they were being rejected by everyone: do you think people  would still keep themselves in the dating pool?

Most people have romantic relationships, one-night stands. Most end up getting married eventually, even if it might take them a good while. Maybe not to their ideal partner. Many people have to make concessions to get what they want. They have to surrender here to get that.

I want a party girl who loves sex, is sexually open to new experiences, and isn't afraid to pursue men, to approach me, and to lay it thick on me. I've dated those women. Even though the risk of getting cheated on is always there, when the next shiny thing comes her way.

But how many women like that have been rejected by men they were interested in having a serious relationship with, but guys just ended up sleeping with them, doing a bad of it, and then dumping them because in their archaic mindset these women were ruined and were only good for sex?

How many guys have I had come up to me trying to ridicule me because I was dating the woman they ''smashed after knowing her for an hour?'

How many women have I met who were afraid of being seen as easy, because apparently if a woman sleeps with you early she does it with everyone and a woman's sexuality is her value as a human being. This is how many men in the west still think about sex and women. It's something sacred but at the same time, they want to have casual sex without being judged for it 🤣

It's confusing as F. You either spend your time wondering if she's sleeping with you because she figures if she doesn't you will move on quickly onto the next one because every woman is attractive, or you're going months without having sex with her yet, because she doesn't want you to sleep with her and them dump her like the last 10000 guys did.

Attractive women don't have an easy life, sure there are attractive women who end up rich by being the mistress of a Saudi Prince or by being married to a rich Real Madrid player(LMAO they are ALL RICH) but there are millions upon millions of attractive women and very few rich/well-off/not broke men, so most hot women will not get a Prince Charming.  And Prince Charming can end up being a closeted homosexual who leaves you after 20 years of marriage and 2 teenager kids.

Same goes for attractive men. You want to be an actor? Who doesn't? You want to be a model? So what, you know how much money most male models? Ain't worth all the dieting and smoke you fil your lungs with because that's the easiest way to keep your body looking like you are  still a 18 year old soccer player at the age of 35.

When you are an attractive man, many women assume you are a player, that you are going to dump her after you get what you want. Many think you are too attractive to be straight, that you must be an homosexual man. Others  won't introduce you to their friends because they are afraid you'll end up sleeping with their sisters, going as far as telling their sisters and cousins in front of you to ''stay away from him because he's crazy.''

Women, attractive women, dating or married to attractive men are under tremendous stress, always wondering if the guy is cheating on them, or if he's going to dump her for a younger woman, like that soccer player Hulk just did. He cheated on his wife with her niece.

When you are an attractive man you'll never know if she'll stay with you, if you were ever to lose your hair or if you developed wrinkles. And the list goes on, of why because an attractive man isn't easy. No one lives life on easy mode.

Aight, Prince William does live his life on easy mode, but he worked hard to be where he's at .

🤣

 

 

Being good is the bare-minimum. No one gets awarded participation awards just for being there. This ain't the boy-scouts. Be funny, be charming, be interesting. Look and feel like you are enjoying your life. Women want that positive energy in their lives.  I've met pretty average-looking scrawny men with wives and children of their own. These men weren't the CEO of America West Airlines. They're just normal dudes with normal jobs. Jesus, what is it with so many young men  and their deeply-set conviction that they have to be a 6'6'' 25 year old Brad Pitt for women to notice them.

Charm, charisma, and having the guts to approach women(the women who are sending the dude's signals) is more than enough to make you look attractive.

 

 

Nah. Lots of good-looking men get rejected by women, even by women who are less attractive than them. Had this half-dutch guy in my college, way back. 6'3'', looked quite a bit like a young Denzel Washington. He dated 50 women, don't really know how many women he actually slept with, but he was rejected by hundreds, and many women thought he was a sleaze bag and outright avoided him.

I was actually his only friend. He was a bit of a douchebag to the women he dated, so he'd end up getting dumped. Guys didn't like him because he was really attractive and they were afraid of losing their girlfriends.

He took me to a modelling agency and that's how I got my start, and how I realized that average and beautiful, and gorgeous is all relative to what's around. I'm average to this woman, I'm hot to that other one etc.

Meaning there's lots of women out there in the world who think you are hot. You just need to put yourself out there and meet women.

I've been rejected once in my life(the only woman I've ever approached) and I've met tens of thousands of women.

You think I've slept with thousands of women? Or hundreds?

I wish, man.  My lifelong idol has always been Giacomo Girolamo Casanova, and by my age he'd already slept with more than one hundred women.

I've been rejected by thousands and thousands of women - because although some of those women here and then might have been attracted to me, they never did much other than staring and smiling at me.

And I have a strict rule about myself. I never approach. I never ask women out first. And I never hit on a woman first.

I wait for her to make the first move. That means that I lose out to many other men aren't as attractive as Brad Pitt, not even half of it, but don't mind bothering women in hopes of getting to smash.

Everyone is bitter, bro. I'm bitter about one of my former bosses getting married to a 21 year old victoria's secret model despite the dude looking like the Elephant man because he makes 4 millions a year after taxes, and I'm just an upper-middle class American man who was told by that girl, ''you're cute, but you can't afford me.''

But one day I will if the gods bless me and I win the Euromillions 🤣

Again you have had the experience that many of us here would love to have. That's what it boils down to really. We all essentially want variations of the same thing so logic would say there are some of us who wont get it.

I have lived in your world and still do from time to time but only as an observer as to what goes on, I have met amazing people though, many of which are warm, friendly but they aren't attracted to me which is ok I guess because at least they were friendly and gave me some attention. That's the thing everyone is looking for that attention, how we perceive it differs and the thing is when you have had some of it, its all you really want. I have long said I don't actually need to date someone like that, I'd be fairly happy to just be their friend because they bring out the best in me, I am forced to be more confident, forced to be the best version of myself, when I meet the apathetic unfit lady, well I can just be anything I want because it doesn't matter.

The thing is that world can be a good place, typically people are more educated (look at my location and you will understand that comment) and while some might not be super business minded that do bring a different perspective.

Essentially it is what it is.

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

That's exactly my point, people here seem unwilling to acknowledge that ALL that matters to MOST are looks and money. One can be the most thoughtful guy, well mannered, motivated in life, passionate about things ALL of those things are irrelevant ALL of the time because NO matter what ladies tell you, you CANNOT win against the poorly mannered, unmotivated trust fund guy.

People are unwilling to acknowledge that is all that matters because their own experiences show your conclusion to be false.  They have actual experiences being that guy without a trust fund or being that women who went for the without the trust fund, compared to conjecture based on your limited observations.

Those positive things are not worthless.  They do need to be genuine, stem from a core of confidence, a chip on one's shoulder is completely incompatible with that.   Three other important traits that I've found attract women are empathy, being charitable and having a sense of humor, cannot emphasis enough how important laughter is to interest.   By empathy I mean being able to put yourself in another's shoes and see it as they see it, to  feel it, to understand...not just pick up on their emotions. 

I've "won" against poorly mannered, unmotivated trust fund guys.  It really was no contest, they were never in the running, so hard to call it winning as they were never in the game.  Sure they may think they were, as they are nothing but unfounded ego.  There are plenty of gorgeous women who are not financially desperate, who are more than capable of paying the bills, and whose idea of the perfect life is not lifestyles of the rich and famous.   They want to be seen for themselves, not some two dimensional representation constructed from men's fantasies or ego protecting frustrations. 

[Sinful]

18 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I just simply want someone who isn't over-weight. Instead I seem to attract every single over-weight person on OLD.

Get off the OLD sites and get out there and meet and interact with girls in real life. You can't develop the skills you need to be successful with dating by sitting behind a computer screen. How are you going to expect to learn how to approach and talk to girls, and not bore them to death if you never actually do it? You don't get better at anything without practice.

[Azincourt]

24 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I just simply want someone who isn't over-weight. Instead I seem to attract every single over-weight person on OLD.

 

Bro, women who aren't overweight aren't that picky. There are SOME  women who have a healthy weight for their height who turn into gold-diggers and will only date rich men, but for every woman like that, there's a a healthy-weight woman who's dating a man who ain't rich.

  I have a professional soccer's body build. Not muscular, just healthy. The women who check me out, they check out my body more often than the rest of me.

Say, off my mind, the professional soccer player whose body-type most closely ressembles my own is David Beckham, an English player who used to play for Manchester United and Real Madrid.

I don't work out.

I used to work construction as a young man, which is what probably gave me wide shoulders as I got into my late 20s, but you can get that too, just lift heavy stuff, man. And I don't eat fast food. I haven't had a burger in the last 20 years.

I have a mediterranean diet, and I don't smoke, nor do I drink alcohol. I don't drink coffee. I don't drink soda. I don't eat chocolate. I eat veggies and fruit and salmon and rice and chicken and all that stuff that gets boring but keeps me healthy.

Women aren't all attracted to just a certain type of body build, or the guy has to have long-hair, or he has to have a jawline so square you could build New York City on it etc.

 

24 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Yes I have pretty much given up because there is zero prospect of success.

 

Why give up? 

  You don't live in China where there's hundreds millions more men than there are women, resulting in millions of young men not finding themselves a wife. You  live in the United States of America. Yeah, there's lot of obese women, just like there are men. There's tons of gold-diggers that wouldn't even get a meal at Mcdonalds paid for if they lived over here, where the average woman could give 1990's Jennifer Anniston a run for her money 🤣 but there's still millions and millions of averagish-skinny women who aren't looking for the next Drake before he blows up and becomes a superstar.

They want just a guy. A guy who treats them well, and loves them, and respects them. That's easy af, to do. To fall in love with a woman and to treat her well, like every woman deserves to be treated, including gold-diggers.

 

24 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 

 

Like the OP I tried this sort of a few times and got the same result, why bother, its far easier and happier to sit and watch dating go buy, the athletic brunette who I see most mornings getting a coffee, the yoga instructor walking to the yoga studio, the model walking into the model agency, heck that attractive lady walking between offices. All unattainable so mostly I pretend I can actually attain that, at least I have some inner peace doing this, else I'd spend most of my time lamenting being a 36yo virgin.

How are those women unattainable?

bro, there's this Portuguse actress called '' Sara Barradas ''

Google her up.

Now google her husband. His name is José Raposo.

Now search for a bit and figure out what he does for a living.

Dude, I know guys who make 5 times his money(and trust me - that guy is cash-poor) and they were rejected by her for him. Guys who looked like pretty much the  physical copy of 90's Italian Brad Pitt, actor Raoul Bova.

Am I saying that you are entitled to an attractive woman?

No one is entitled to anything or anyone, but there's billions of women out there in the world, millions of attractive women, and you ending up with an attractive woman isn't an impossible thing to happen.

Work on your bitterness. Work on yourself. Love yourself  first.

[Sinful]

5 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Women aren't all attracted to just a certain type of body build, or the guy has to have long-hair, or he has to have a jawline so square you could build New York City on it etc.

Work on your bitterness. Work on yourself. Love yourself  first.

Exactly

[Azincourt]

37 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Again you have had the experience that many of us here would love to have. That's what it boils down to really. We all essentially want variations of the same thing so logic would say there are some of us who wont get it.

Only because I make it a point to get out of the house and go to parties, nightclubs, music festivals, birthday parties, group trips to the beach. I've lived in Africa and South America and the Middle-East and Japan, I went to college, I went to this particular college because it had so many more women than it had men.

I studied what I studied in college because that was the key I needed to enter the Countries that would otherwise have rejected me, because I wanted to meet the women who live there, and who aren't allowed out of their birth-countries. I learned foreign languages because not every woman speaks English, and they are flattered when an American tourist can speak in their native tongue. I put in hard work to befriend  very attractive women because that's how I was able to end up in the same social groups of rich actors and atheltes, which in turn expanded my potential dating pool. With women that I really wanted to be with.

I've been putting myself out there since I was a young teen.  You can't have the same experiences that other men have when you are afraid of rejection. 

My grandma didn't set tea and biscuits on a table to invite 10000 women to meet me, like a certain Royal Prince 🤣

37 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I have lived in your world and still do from time to time but only as an observer as to what goes on, I have met amazing people though, many of which are warm, friendly but they aren't attracted to me

I've met many women who weren't attracted to me. That didn't stop me from enjoying their company and being their friends. When you are a chill guy, women see you aren't pushy. You're respectful. They introduce you to their single friends and suddenly you might find yourself with a girlfriend. That's how dating works for a very large amount of people.

 

37 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 

which is ok I guess because at least they were friendly and gave me some attention. That's the thing everyone is looking for that attention, how we perceive it differs and the thing is when you have had some of it, its all you really want. I have long said I don't actually need to date someone like that, I'd be fairly happy to just be their friend because they bring out the best in me, I am forced to be more confident, forced to be the best version of myself, when I meet the apathetic unfit lady, well I can just be anything I want because it doesn't matter.

The thing is that world can be a good place, typically people are more educated (look at my location and you will understand that comment) and while some might not be super business minded that do bring a different perspective.

Essentially it is what it is.

I don't mean to be rude but have you considered therapy?  There's nothing wrong with therapy, and it will make you better and more prepared for a future romantic relationship.