What do you do/think when you're seeing a religious MM?

[texasgreeneyes]

Like many others when they first post on here, I can't believe I'm even in the life situation I am. I'm kind of just looking for input on a few things (not harsh criticism or bashing). Let me see if I can explain this in a way that makes sense...Sorry if it's too long! I've never written it all out before!

I've been seeing my MM since the end of November 2019. It's been a whirlwind/roller coaster to say the least in just these few months. How we met seems a little less common than what I see on here most times. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) at that time and had not had sex in about 18 months (ex-b has a lot of trust issues). Anyway, I posted on Craigslist (yes, you can still post things strategically, though I know they don't have personal ads technically anymore) looking just for someone to chat with. I'm not really sure completely where I thought it was going to lead--primarily maybe just someone to talk with about life but also maybe to sext with (trying to get out some of the sexual energy from lack of physical intimacy with my boyfriend).

So, of all the replies I got to my post for a penpal, my MM really stuck out to me. I'm a teacher and a sucker for well spoken men, so it wasn't tough to weed out most who replied (haha, yes, I know, can't have high expectations on CL). So we started responding to each other and I find out that he too has the same problem as I do (lack of sex with his wife). I should mention that for the first two weeks, he said he only had a girlfriend. Two weeks in and after countless emails and endless texting each other, we were pretty smitten with each other and finally decided to meet. We met one random morning before I had to go to work (kissed and talked a while) and the next day he confessed that he had lied about two things: his age (said he was 39, but was in fact 47) and his girlfriend (actually his wife). He said he was confessing to give me an out because he did not want to keep lying to me since he already cared for me so much already. I was already so head over heels for this man that I just decided I did not care about either of those things. So that puts 16 years between us in age...and a marriage obviously!

We didn't start having sex until December 31, as although he said he deeply cared about me, he was very fixated on his religious convictions about it all when it came to going ALL the way (we'd already done all sorts of handsy stuff, making out, etc). He said he'd never done anything like this before (yes, I know, take it with a grain of salt) and that he didn't know at that time (a little before December 31) if he could leave her or not. We slept together for the first time in a nice hotel and it was amazing of course (just like we thought it would be). We've been together many times since then, but there have been some rough moments in between. I did end up breaking up with my boyfriend at the beginning of January. It was tough as hell since we lived together, and I did end up confessing what I'd done (although I"m not sure that was necessary in hind sight, as that really did hurt him). He moved out and I've been in our rented house alone since January. There have been a few times between December 31 (3 to be exact I think), where my MM has decided we shouldn't talk anymore (blocked me two of those times) and sent grandiose emails of how much he loves and cares about me, but he doesn't think he can handle how much it would hurt his family, extended family though his marriage, and church family for him to leave. The first two times we lasted maybe only a day or two of no communication, and the third time I thought he was really done because it was 6 days until he extended the olive branch once more. I have to admit I am often terrified he's going to pull the rug out from under me again because of those times, and I have expressed this to him. He continues to tell me how amazing I am, how we would be together no doubt if he was single, and the various other compliments that seem to come with being head over heels for someone.

I should probably mention these facts too: His wife works at their church part time (for fun), they've been married 25 years, they have two grown boys (one is 18 and lives at home until the fall for college, and the older one is 22 and about to finish college and lives with roommates). They have one granddaughter who's two (older son). My MM is a project manager and makes well over six figures, lives in a very nice house that's paid off, and is deeply involved in church activities each week. OH- also, his wife cheated on him about 15 years ago and they separated for two years, but got back together for their children. Also, I was married myself way back when (together for 10 years, married 3) and then got divorced--so I know what it's like to get divorced (but no kids).

We typically only see each other when he can maneuver it around his work day (his work hours are pretty flexible), as he says he does not like lying to be able to come over and see me, and we never see each other on saturdays, sundays, or late evenings. I hate the weekends and evenings now because he typically can't text much at those times since he's at home (though he's been making a bigger effort the last few weeks with that since I asked about it). So it could be weeks in between seeing each other in person, or week--just always depends. Boy is there never truly enough time it feels like though! I'm sure some of you can relate there.

He did say he confessed to his wife about me about mid February. She was obviously very upset, but wanted them to work on things and him to cut contact with me (he tried to cut contact, but obviously it didn't stick). If it is true that he confessed (I am only slightly skeptical about this--but I do believe he did tell her I think), I believe she only throws him a bone because he forgave her cheating all those years ago.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. He has told me countless times that I deserve better and he wishes he could give me everything I want, but doesn't know when that will be. He has given me outs if I want to take them, but I haven't wanted to, and he's confessed he doesn't want me to. If I'm honest, I know the obvious answer is "break it off and find a single man," but I am mostly curious about if any of you have ever experienced the spiritual/religious side of this?? He does seem very concerned about what others would think of him if he leaves his wife, but he heavily gives the reasoning of it not being Godly of him to do so. I have only just come into trying to develop my relationship with God (exploring), so I don't look at this through the same lense. For me, religion or not, two people who have cheated on each other should probably not be together-regardless of how long they've been together. However, I have tried not to get too too involved with conversation about it because it gets me all riled and feeling sad about not getting to truly be with him thus far. We still talk pretty much all day on weekdays by text and sporadically texting on evenings/weekends. There's never a day where we do not have any communication. I 100% believe he is making small efforts with his wife only to appease. After I asked directly if she'd been trying harder with the no-sex thing a few days ago, he confessed they had slept together for the first time since I met him two times in the past two weeks (which is obviously an improvement from nothing). I admit I wish I hadn't asked!!! Sometimes I wonder if he really just is waiting for HER to pull the plug so he doesn't look like the complete bad guy if they divorced. Have you guys ever come across that? A guy who wants to leave, but the guilt from religious convictions keeps him shackled to his marriage until she ends it?

If you got this far, thanks for reading! It was so wonderful to get it out!

 

[assertives]

Yea nah. I don't believe he actually believes that he's not leaving his wife because it's not Godly to do so. He's not leaving his wife because of the appearances/pretense he needs to keep up to appear "Godly" to his community. He doesn't care about doing what's "Godly". What about his other ungodly actions like fornication, adultery, and lying? He shouldn't even have gone on to Craigslist's to look for lonely vulnerable people to prey on if his marriage is on the rocks.

Also, as a side note, the bible does states that God hates divorce. But the only reason that is listed as a valid reason for divorce is adultery. 

So nothing about his actions is "Godly".

He only cares about manipulating the bible where it fits his selfish agendas. It would be one thing to make a mistake and own it, we are all not infallible after all. But to use religion to manipulate others to serve his own selfish agendas is next level reprehensible.

Please take up one of those outs he has so graciously given you. 🙄 He's no prize and certainly not someone you can count on as a life partner.

Edited March 15, 2020 by assertives

[Amethyst68]

This is not a godly man. If you believe in the God this MM seems to then he'd have to believe God despised cheating so much he made it one of his commandments "Do not commit adultery". Yet this man has no way finding a way round CL's new posting guidelines to find his OW.

As the above poster days, adultery is approved of in the bible for divorce but not for your MM, it would be approved for his wife, the victim.

Think about it, this excuse is perfect for a MM. It has let him dictate him time and place due to his guilt and struggles while already laying the groundwork and excuses for not leaving his wife and family.

God has nothing to do with this man or at least nothing more than a surface relationship, one that's there so everyone else can see it.

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, texasgreeneyes said:

For me, religion or not, two people who have cheated on each other should probably not be together-regardless of how long they've been together. 

 

That’s not your call. What they decide for their marriage is none of your business.

I would respectfully suggest that you should have ended this relationship when he told you he lied about his marital status. I will never understand how one decides to trust a man when a relationship begins with a lie (or two). 

As to the fact that he can not leave his wife because it is not “Godly,” - how “Godly” was his decision to go on Craig’s list and find a woman with whom he could have an extramarital affair. It doesn’t get more “unGodly” than sex with a woman he searched for online.

His religious convictions don’t keep him shackled to a woman he does not love. He stays because he wants to stay. I would bet they are having more sex than he would ever admit. You REALLY need to think about whether you want to trust this man, because it seems to me that you are being used right now. 

Edited March 15, 2020 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

This man is an adulterer period.  He is basically slapping God in the face with his lies of being a follower.  He is not a decent man.  I have far more respect for MM who do not claim to be religious than ones like him.  You can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

[Starswillshine]

*If* he did confess to her about his affair, and if he confessed to you about sex (but only twice), I would bet money it was much more. Look up hysterical bonding. That is what is going on in his home right now. 

[Beendaredonedat]

10 hours ago, texasgreeneyes said:

but I am mostly curious about if any of you have ever experienced the spiritual/religious side of this?

Spiritual/religious side of this?  Well if he's a Christian, then there is no other religious side of this except to say the man is committed a violation of one of the 10 commandments and is suffering in one of the 7 deadly sins.  You?  well you're just suffering in low self worth to the point that you've allowed yourself to mistake yours and his lust for love.

I suggest you get yourself into some personal therapy so that you work on topping up your self respect and love of self enough to stop enabling this man to continue to commit what goes against the very grain of religious/spiritual sides and you rehab from your addiction to the drama that him cutting you off and taking you back has instilled in you.

Perhaps you and your therapist will discuss any fear of commitment you may also be suffering in because anyone who was not having fear of commitment would never allow themselves to become vulnerable to someone that clearly cannot nor will not commit to them.

 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Beendaredonedat
typos (sorry)

[Beendaredonedat]

P.S.  Get yourself tested for STI's since he's having sex with two women at the same time.  Surely that alone makes your own skin crawl?

[pepperbird]

None of the background matters. He can't even keep on the straight and narrow when commanded to by the God he says he believes so strongly in? You can never trust him.

[Daisy2013]

I can tell you all about a relationship with a religious MM.  Review my previous posts.  He would meet when he felt like it, then pour on the guilt that he is a Christian.  He couldn’t leave bc of God and the church, and his roles there, but oh, I am his true love.  Do you know how difficult it was watching him be a “good husband” as he called it?  Or watching him stroll around at church doing his thing, laughing with people, looking good?   Yet he had no guilt not using protection.  He was great at making sure none of me was left on him, down to washing his hands with bleach wipes.  I have begun to think due to his crazy carefulness, I wasn’t his first rodeo with this wife.  This is not his first wife, either.  She kept him on a super short leash and he is afraid of her.  She is very selfish and not a nice person (this I know bc of church), and he asks “how high” when she says “jump.” She has emasculated him, gives him zero affection, he claims to want to leave, but has to stay because of God. He’s either a real chump or a great liar to me.

Run away from a religious man.

[Amethyst68]

Ok so I missed the part about his BW cheating on him all those years ago, if true then the bible would have supported his divorcing her, there's nothing there about revenge affairs.

As for you looking into your relationship with God, let me just say this, God (whatever denomination) will never lead you to another woman's husband.

[heartwhole2]

On 3/15/2020 at 2:52 AM, texasgreeneyes said:

Sometimes I wonder if he really just is waiting for HER to pull the plug so he doesn't look like the complete bad guy if they divorced.

 

This is incredibly common. A lot of cheaters are conflict avoidant . . . hence why they are having an affair rather than dealing with their primary relationship to begin with. What breaks my heart is when OW put stock in the idea that the MM would/will leave if only the wife would let him go. In most cases, once there is a DDay and you'd think the MM would just leave, he just tries harder to keep his primary relationship secure. The idea of making the affair the primary relationship is a nice fantasy, but often not one that the MM is willing to make a reality, whether or not his wife makes it easy for him. Is a conflict-avoidant man really going to go through the ostracism and stress of a divorce just to wind up with a different primary relationship? The truth is that he enjoyed the chase, the push/pull, the thrill, and getting to have his cake and eat it too. 

Also, my hunch is that your MM is a minimizer. Don't expect radical honesty from him. Sex "once a week" really means more than that. I also suspect that he hasn't told his wife the full truth about his relationship with you. He's probably let her know that there was some flirting and maybe a little making out. He tells "enough" of the truth to appease his own conscience, but if he really cared about his integrity he wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. 

[texasgreeneyes]

You guys, I just need some words of support right now. I know I am still in this situation because I've allowed it, so no need to remind me of that. I'm just really hurting BAD right now and don't know what to believe.

A lot has progressed/changed since my post in March! We have been seeing each other more frequently since then, every week as opposed to the sometimes weeks in between. He obviously has had to sneak around to be able to talk to me while at home in the evenings and on the weekends. Can any of you relate to the terrible feeling of waiting for that text and not knowing when it might come in the evening or on the weekend? But then you hear their text sound and ALL is right in the world. It's really tough!

This past Monday morning, he texted that he can't do this anymore (after a weekend of a lot of sneaking around to message me). I got upset and wrote it off and blocked him on my cell phone myself (I've never been the blocker). Four days passed with no contact and he emailed me on Thursday afternoon (couldn't bring myself to block his email address...although it would have been futile because he emailed the same email twice to me with his old email address that I knew and a new one). I am of course weak and still madly in love with him, so I unblocked him on my phone and we've been talking nonstop for the most part since. Some things he has expressed to me have been very different than in the past. I realize it could all be to keep me on the hook. He cried when I unblocked him and responded by text (which he's never done), told me he loved me and wanted to be with me immediately (he doesn't say ILY a lot). He said he has thrown all his convictions to the side and then started talking about the logistics of leaving. He said he is only now worried about losing his house (he's basically remodeled the whole thing himself) and the relationships he has with his two adult sons. He asked me several times if I would really want to be with him if he took the leap. I of course said yes and tried to reassure him in that aspect. I did also say some things I hadn't before to try and express to him how this all makes me feel. I told him I can't go through another release and come back type thing with him again, because I love myself enough to not want to continue getting my heart stomped on in that way. I also told him that he would need to take action sooner rather than later so that we could all at least try to start being at peace. Meaning, he needs to leave and commit to me even with the storm that may come with it, or let me go with no more contact ever. He continues to say he can't lose me. I continue to say I won't be the other woman indefinitely. Now we're to the weekend and I'm stuck in that "when is he going to text or contact me" limbo that I'm sure you other women or men have found yourselves in. Just wanting to hear from someone who might can relate at this point. Not really looking for advice. Has anyone ever waited and it worked out how you wanted it to?

[NomiMalone]

With a few nice words (which he seems to be very good at), he’s got you unblocking him and right back to where he wants you. You’re where I was 8 or so months ago, unable to tolerate the situation, but also unable to let go because I genuinely loved him and still held onto a sliver of hope that things would work out. My happiness every day hinged on whether that text arrived or not, and I was disengaged with my real life at work and with friends because my mind was far away, waiting for texts. It was a horrible way to live. 

So, to answer your question - no, it never got better. In fact it got worse, as the crumbs he’d toss me got smaller and smaller, because he knew he could always get me back with a few nice words and gifts. It only ended when I realised my self respect was at absolute rock bottom, and I had no other choice but to cut him off. I’ll always regret not dumping him sooner. 

Edited April 11, 2020 by NomiMalone

[Venus2020]

OP, 

I know how badly it hurts girl! I am not going to tell you the obvious about your situation. I am just going to answer your last question,  yes I waited and it never happened for me. finally after 2 years ,  I gave him the ultimatum and He buckled. Push came to shove, and he chose his wife. Most men who seek to cheat instead of addressing their marital issues do not have it in them to breakup with their partners. I was obsessively in love with him.... but honestly once I was past the Unbelievable hurt ( that you are experiencing) I felt like I finally saw the light at the end of the 2 dark years of my life! I was NOBODY’s secret!!!  nobody was shoving me in the closet anymore. 9 years since that ended.
when I look back .. while the euphoria of love in those 2 years was like anything ever experienced... my heart still tells me that those 2 years were the darkest of my life!
 I am rooting for you , just muster the strength to put yourself first, demand to be his first choice.

[NomiMalone]

Being religious on its own doesn’t say much a person’s moral fibre. All it means is that they believe in God.

My brother is religious and involved with his church. He’s also one of the meanest people I’ve ever known. 

[texasgreeneyes]

 

Nomi-- I'm not sure that I feel like the breadcrumbs are getting smaller. If anything, it seems like a bigger effort to stay in contact with me the past couple of days--even contacting me for a couple of hours late last night, which he never does. Now I know maybe that will die down and it could be a ruse to keep me on the hook. I know my hopes are probably much too high. It's pretty hard to even think about letting go of that hope that he will leave her for me because he brings it up in some way so often. I met him about 5 months ago, so I can't imagine waiting or feeling this way for years. It's a strange kind of feeling because when he texts or comes to see me, I'm great, I'm good, and feel wonderful. But then when he has to go is when the worry creeps in--that's the part I hate the most.

Venus - Thanks for sharing your experience--it really does help. I guess it just feels impossible to want to give that true ultimatum right now because I don't actually want to risk losing him (silly as it is). You know the other crazy part to me? I have been using a dating app in hopes of maybe that altering how I feel about my MM, and actually do have a couple of nice guys after me--and they're great (one even a teacher like me). BUT, I'm still hopelessly in love with my MM. I hate it that I haven't been able to stick to my guns when he reaches out. I know only I can fix that, and perhaps it just takes time to really muster up the strength. What did you say exactly for your ultimatum? Did you give him a time period to follow through on it? I'm super curious to hear from any OW who did the same and it did work out in their favor. I feel like ultimatums don't usually go well in any situation when it comes to the person giving it.

[BTDT2012]

Just remember that your relationship started with him lying to you. He is lying to his wife, and possibly about his wife . Why don't you feel that you deserve more? Read LilKitKat's thread.

On the religious aspect, temptation is real. Perhaps you are his stumbling block.

Edited April 11, 2020 by BTDT2012

[pepperbird]

19 hours ago, texasgreeneyes said:

You guys, I just need some words of support right now. I know I am still in this situation because I've allowed it, so no need to remind me of that. I'm just really hurting BAD right now and don't know what to believe.

A lot has progressed/changed since my post in March! We have been seeing each other more frequently since then, every week as opposed to the sometimes weeks in between. He obviously has had to sneak around to be able to talk to me while at home in the evenings and on the weekends. Can any of you relate to the terrible feeling of waiting for that text and not knowing when it might come in the evening or on the weekend? But then you hear their text sound and ALL is right in the world. It's really tough!

This past Monday morning, he texted that he can't do this anymore (after a weekend of a lot of sneaking around to message me). I got upset and wrote it off and blocked him on my cell phone myself (I've never been the blocker). Four days passed with no contact and he emailed me on Thursday afternoon (couldn't bring myself to block his email address...although it would have been futile because he emailed the same email twice to me with his old email address that I knew and a new one). I am of course weak and still madly in love with him, so I unblocked him on my phone and we've been talking nonstop for the most part since. Some things he has expressed to me have been very different than in the past. I realize it could all be to keep me on the hook. He cried when I unblocked him and responded by text (which he's never done), told me he loved me and wanted to be with me immediately (he doesn't say ILY a lot). He said he has thrown all his convictions to the side and then started talking about the logistics of leaving. He said he is only now worried about losing his house (he's basically remodeled the whole thing himself) and the relationships he has with his two adult sons. He asked me several times if I would really want to be with him if he took the leap. I of course said yes and tried to reassure him in that aspect. I did also say some things I hadn't before to try and express to him how this all makes me feel. I told him I can't go through another release and come back type thing with him again, because I love myself enough to not want to continue getting my heart stomped on in that way. I also told him that he would need to take action sooner rather than later so that we could all at least try to start being at peace. Meaning, he needs to leave and commit to me even with the storm that may come with it, or let me go with no more contact ever. He continues to say he can't lose me. I continue to say I won't be the other woman indefinitely. Now we're to the weekend and I'm stuck in that "when is he going to text or contact me" limbo that I'm sure you other women or men have found yourselves in. Just wanting to hear from someone who might can relate at this point. Not really looking for advice. Has anyone ever waited and it worked out how you wanted it to?

why, why, WHY are you leaving your life path up to this jackass? Come on. You're a smart lady, you can see him for what he is. I also know how hard it can be to see someone you care about for what they really are.

Edited April 11, 2020 by pepperbird

[texasgreeneyes]

14 minutes ago, pepperbird said:

why, why, WHY are you leaving your life path up to this jackass? Come on. You're a smart lady, you can see him for what he is. I also know how hard it can be to see someone you care about for what they really are.

It's a tough thing to really explain pepperbird! I am trying to get up the nerve to REALLY give him the ultimatum to choose me or her (especially since he keeps saying and hinting further that he's leaning towards me the past couple of days), but I know in order to do that, I have to be ready to walk away on my own too (and I'm just not) if he chooses her. Sitting at home for this many weeks (I am a middle school teacher) is already hard enough--so sitting at home with nothing to really occupy my time in a meaningful way really makes my fretting and anxiety over this situation with him skyrocket. I've actually come clean to my mother (many weeks ago) about my whole situation, but I know she's tired of hearing about it because she doesn't like seeing me hurting. I know it's a situation really only I can change at this point. I just don't feel strong enough to let go completely. Do you think every OW just KNOWS when it's that point? It sounds like it from a lot of posts on here. In my head I'm still at the point where I'm screaming "CHOOSE ME!"

[pepperbird]

1 minute ago, texasgreeneyes said:

It's a tough thing to really explain pepperbird! I am trying to get up the nerve to REALLY give him the ultimatum to choose me or her (especially since he keeps saying and hinting further that he's leaning towards me the past couple of days), but I know in order to do that, I have to be ready to walk away on my own too (and I'm just not) if he chooses her. Sitting at home for this many weeks (I am a middle school teacher) is already hard enough--so sitting at home with nothing to really occupy my time in a meaningful way really makes my fretting and anxiety over this situation with him skyrocket. I've actually come clean to my mother (many weeks ago) about my whole situation, but I know she's tired of hearing about it because she doesn't like seeing me hurting. I know it's a situation really only I can change at this point. I just don't feel strong enough to let go completely. Do you think every OW just KNOWS when it's that point? It sounds like it from a lot of posts on here. In my head I'm still at the point where I'm screaming "CHOOSE ME!"

You know, for all BS and OW/OM might bicker, we really are the same. That horrible "pick me" dance...if we are just smart enough, funny enough, attractive enough, witty enough, good enough in bed or  whatever, the person we have lost our heart to will chose us, and if and when they either don't or they keeping us on a string, we find ways to blame ourselves.

It sounds like you are stuck at home and have a lot of time to spend with yourself. Have you given any thought to writing all this down and trying to sort through it and gain strength that way? Sometimes, seeing it all written out in ink and on paper can be really helpful in sorting out your own thoughts and feelings.

It sounds very much to me like you are intelligent, well educated, kind and have a lot to offer. To be frank, I don't think this man deserves you.

[BaileyB]

27 minutes ago, texasgreeneyes said:

I am trying to get up the nerve to REALLY give him the ultimatum to choose me or her.

But this is what we are trying to say, gently. You don’t really want him, this hypocritical, lying, cheating man... You really don’t want this many in your life...

[texasgreeneyes]

Pepperbird - It's tough to break free from that "choose me" mentality. I haven't gotten there yet at least. When all is said and done, he really WILL have to choose somebody. I'm still honestly wondering if this is all a waiting game for him to confess to his wife that he never did stop contact with me (when he confessed months ago originally) and to then see if she kicks him out. The pathetic part of me wishes she'd find out on her own just to see what would happen as a result. The other part of me would prefer he be with me because he truly chose me--not by default of her kicking him out or such. Even more honestly, I don't even know that she would kick him out if she found out again. I'm sure there's some sort of comfort in being married 25 years that'd be tough to let go of when you're as financially stable and rooted in your church as they are. I don't know--I'm just rambling a little at this point because it feels at least a little good to try to get all my thoughts out in a way that might garner input or support. I have done a lot of freehand journaling about all this at home, but it doesn't seem to ease my anxiety much about it if I'm honest.

Bailey - I get your message. I just, actually, really DO at least feel like I want him in my life. I'm not saying it's a decision based on logic completely. No affair in which you've fallen madly in love seems to ever include much logic from what I've read in this forum!

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, texasgreeneyes said:

Bailey - I get your message. I just, actually, really DO at least feel like I want him in my life. 

I believe that, I really do. 

Sadly, there are some lessons in life that can only be learned through experience, and this may be one of those lessons for you. 

The only “winner” in the “pick me dance” is the person who is doing the picking... any woman who allows herself to be put in this position has lost, regardless of the decision that is made...

Edited April 11, 2020 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

I’m sorry, for all the discussion about religion in this post... let’s not forget, you met this man on Craigslist. A married man does not go on Craigslist looking for a “pen pal.” Besides, assuming that you were naively looking for a “pen pal,” how is it exactly that you were both quickly discussing your sexless marriages...

Darling, the lesson you need to learn here is not to trust a married man on Craigslist who is lying to you about his age and his marital status. You will not find your future husband on Craigslist, where he clearly soliciting women hoping to find someone for whom the fact that he is married and lying about his age is not a dealbreaker... hoping to find sex. 

You do seem like a very nice woman. Please, value yourself more than this. 

Edited April 11, 2020 by BaileyB