What do you do/think when you're seeing a religious MM?

[texasgreeneyes]

Bailey, out of curiosity, why do you say the only person who is the winner is the one doing the picking?  We were both discussing our sexless relationships because you eventually get around to that question of "why are you posting on CL to begin with?" since I was the original poster and then "So what has you responding to CL posts?" for him. The difference is, my problems were only with a boyfriend and his with a wife. As you know, I broke up with my boyfriend. It probably would have happened eventually, but I know I accelerated it because I met my MM and am hopeful to this day that we will end up together. Tonight has been a little bit of a roller coaster. I'm sure you read earlier that I'm kind of in that constant limbo during the weekend of "when will he get to text me". He did text me a couple hours ago and we talked for a little while by text. I'm not really sure what compelled me (perhaps bottling up stuff never really sits well with me), but I brought up the whole "This is hard. I don't want to get my heart broken when you get to thinking tomorrow as you usually do on Sundays" and then somehow that lead to us talking about him leaving for me. He said he had to make sure he was strong enough for the fallout first, as a lot of dominoes will fall. He said Monday-Saturday each week, he's always positive he wants to be with me, and then Sunday brings him back to feeling a little guilty spiritually. I don't know Bailey--it's probably all just more fodder to keep me on the hook for a little longer. I guess we all just want to be the exception to the usual outcome as the AP right? I feel a little guilty for pressuring him again, but I couldn't seem to resist. I hate this feeling that I know I'll have all weekend since he's always less accessible then. I hate that it will make me feel horrible on Easter Sunday tomorrow (because I'm sure he will be even less accessible due to the holiday).

 

[BaileyB]

8 minutes ago, texasgreeneyes said:

Bailey, out of curiosity, why do you say the only person who is the winner is the one doing the picking? 

I say that the only winner is the picker because he has all the control, and he gets what he wants. 

He has two women vying for his affection. Two women have been pit against each other, both of whom have given control of their lives to a man who could, at any moment, decide they matter so little to him that he would chose another.

Let’s say that he chooses you - woo hoo! You win a man who you should not trust (given that he lied to you about two VERY important things when you first met). A man who you know for a fact is an unfaithful partner. After all, this didn’t just happen, he went on Craigslist SEEKING a woman with whom he could have an extramarital relationship. I’ll say it again, this is not a man to be trusted. That’s not a win. Not at all. 
 

[texasgreeneyes]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

I say that the only winner is the picker because he has all the control, and he gets what he wants. 

He has two women vying for his affection. Two women have been pit against each other, both of whom have given control of their lives to a man who could, at any moment, decide they matter so little to him that he would chose another.

Let’s say that he chooses you - woo hoo! You win a man who you should not trust (given that he lied to you about two VERY important things when you first met). A man who you know for a fact is an unfaithful partner. After all, this didn’t just happen, he went on Craigslist SEEKING a woman with whom he could have an extramarital relationship. I’ll say it again, this is not a man to be trusted. That’s not a win. Not at all. 
 

Bailey  -  I have told him on multiple occasions that he is the one who wins no matter what because he will end up with a woman who loves and adores him no matter who he chooses. I hadn't really considered that he might really be the only winner no matter what, but your words do ring true it would seem! I guess the initial couple of lies don't phase me as much anymore, because it wasn't too long into us talking (2 weeks) that he confessed and gave me an out. I willingly decided to ignore them at that time and moved forward because I was already so attached at that point. I'm not really sure where I stand at this point, as my emotions really seem to get me all worked up with him in so many ways. Sometimes I get caught up in our little bubble and just decide to enjoy the moments/chats/visits we do have. Other times, we're sitting there texting about how much we want to be in each other's presence at that moment and I'm just thinking "Then why aren't you here?! We aren't we together?!". I imagine at some point I will reach a breaking point and not be able to handle the craziness anymore. It sounds like most other women on here had to get to that before they ended things or gave an ultimatum that ended things.

[NomiMalone]

Texasgreeneyes, do you really want to be with a man who goes looking for OW on Craigslist? He’s done it to his W, so he’ll do it to you too if you marry him. He’s no prize. Right now you have the freedom to walk away from him and find a man of quality. His W, on the other hand, is stuck with him. You’re the winner here. 

[BaileyB]

This ^^^

Lets be honest here, you have known this guy a couple of months. You may be infatuated with him, but you have not known him long enough or well enough to have true feelings of love for the guy...

No, you don’t want a man who goes looking for women on Craigslist. There is a wonderful poster on this board who’s husband did just this, they shared two children and she divorced him faster than he could close his browser...

This is not a man that you want in your life. 

[texasgreeneyes]

Thanks for the sentiments guys! I know you're probably right! We are at a little over 5 months since we met, but it certainly feels like longer! To be fair, I was the one who posted on CL to begin with (also having had a bf at the time)--so I feel like it's a little hypocritical for me to harp on the fact that he came onto CL to begin with (since I was there too). That's probably why I don't put much stock into that aspect to be honest.

[boymommy]

Well his religious argument falls apart given that he's having an affair. I'm pretty sure adultry is a sin. 

[texasgreeneyes]

1 hour ago, boymommy said:

Well his religious argument falls apart given that he's having an affair. I'm pretty sure adultry is a sin. 

I agree with you that it doesn't quite jive. He himself has said adultry is a sin more times than I can count. Honestly the religious card has been more downplayed over the past few weeks than it has in the past. I'm not sure what that indicates, but it definitely hasn't been brought up obsessively like before when I originally posted this thread.

[boymommy]

22 hours ago, texasgreeneyes said:

I agree with you that it doesn't quite jive. He himself has said adultry is a sin more times than I can count. Honestly the religious card has been more downplayed over the past few weeks than it has in the past. I'm not sure what that indicates, but it definitely hasn't been brought up obsessively like before when I originally posted this thread.

I gotcha. I didn't read every single post in the thread but read a lot to get the general idea. My take is that he (along with a lot of MM) probably use religious arguments to justify remaining in their marriage yet keeping their affair partners on the hook. Whether he really does have religious scruples or he is just using that as a justification, the benefits he is receiving override what he claims that his value system is. In reality thats in most cases. People can say they have certain religious or moral values all day long, but if push comes to shove and the benefits justify the means then those values get shoved aside. 

[texasgreeneyes]

1 hour ago, boymommy said:

I gotcha. I didn't read every single post in the thread but read a lot to get the general idea. My take is that he (along with a lot of MM) probably use religious arguments to justify remaining in their marriage yet keeping their affair partners on the hook. Whether he really does have religious scruples or he is just using that as a justification, the benefits he is receiving override what he claims that his value system is. In reality thats in most cases. People can say they have certain religious or moral values all day long, but if push comes to shove and the benefits justify the means then those values get shoved aside. 

You're not wrong at all! I have literally watched that happen as the months have passed. Obviously any of us involved in an affair have questionable morals/values in most people's eyes. But it never feels quite so black and white when you're in the thick of it!

Edited April 23, 2020 by texasgreeneyes