I feel so unworthy. With men. Like nothing ever really matters?

[sothereiwas]

7 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Well, where it concerns myself, I felt that something might've been wrong with these women to want to date me instead of wanting to date my friend(s) who were much better-looking, but over time I just figured that people like what they like, even when there's no reason for it 🤷

That's my conclusion as well, people want what they want. Don't overthink it, while still trying to figure it out. Or something. But foreclosing a good thing just because I don't get it has not in my experience been a winner strategy-wise. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

no I'm just pretty in the hood. That causes that reaction. I always wear jeans and dress normal The whole prostitute thing was figured out because I live in vegas. But I was talking about like at work and what not basically

So where you live they think every woman who lives in Las Vegas is a Prostitute?

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

I was not calling these people racist I was saying my problem was racism when I am trying to date. WHich btw a lot of women and men of color experience racism with the dating scene. I am describing the bad experiences I've had and how people have treated me like I was scary just off of my ethnic background

If you live in Las Vegas this is hard to believe.  There are people there of many ethnic backgrounds and I never experienced any problems when I've been there.  Are you only trying to date white men who are rejecting you?  How do black men treat you?

[Azincourt]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So where you live they think every woman who lives in Las Vegas is a Prostitute?

What I don't understand is:

A) Is she interested in dating these men who have been outright racist and sexist or:

B) The only men she meets are racist?

I lived in the Netherlands for a bit and from what I could tell the majority of men didn't assume this or that woman was a prostitute because she lived near the red district. Maybe the men OP crossed paths with wanted to hurt her by calling her a prostitute?

Quote

If you live in Las Vegas this is hard to believe.  There are people there of many ethnic backgrounds and I never experienced any problems when I've been there.  Are you only trying to date white men who are rejecting you?  How do black men treat you?

Same. Lived in Germany, where there are about 20 million Turks and I met a lot of German men(tall, blonde, blue-eyed) who had no problem dating Turkish women.  I met many men in Spain who were dating black women from Africa. I met men in Japan who were married to South American women.

Billions of men out there. Yeah, some are going to only want to date women who are part of their own race. But there are millions upon millions who are down to date black women etc.

[preraph]

I think if you live in Vegas or New Orleans, you have to dress really a notch more conservative and less sexy, or you will be mistaken for a prostitute.  I was mistaken for one in New Orleans because apparently they weren't familiar with rocker chick clothes.   So if you don't want that to happen, dress even more conservatively, and maybe wear your slightly sexier stuff on dates when you're with a man.  And just don't go overboard showing off your boobs or wearing skimpy clothes.  When you have a nice body, men can tell, even when you're wearing a suit!  You don't need to emphasize it, really.  They have x-ray eyes.  

[Azincourt]

9 minutes ago, preraph said:

I think if you live in Vegas or New Orleans, you have to dress really a notch more conservative and less sexy, or you will be mistaken for a prostitute.  I was mistaken for one in New Orleans because apparently they weren't familiar with rocker chick clothes.   So if you don't want that to happen, dress even more conservatively, and maybe wear your slightly sexier stuff on dates when you're with a man.  And just don't go overboard showing off your boobs or wearing skimpy clothes.  When you have a nice body, men can tell, even when you're wearing a suit!  You don't need to emphasize it, really.  They have x-ray eyes.  

I honestly don't know. I think she came across guys who were pretty scummy, nothing to do with the way she dresses.  When I first landed in Europe to attend college, I befriended a few guys and gals who took me to the beach. This was a family beach. Lots of old ladies with their grandsons and families enjoying their day. 

I'm sitting on the sand having a talk with my new friends when I feel ocean foam falling on my face. I look up and I see an absolutely gorgeous twenty-something woman wearing a g-string and topless. I look around and I spot a few more equally incredibly attractive women going topless a nd wearing g-strings or thongs. But no guy was looking at them. No guy was even noticing their existence.

I'll be frank here. At first I assumed these men were attracted to men, not to women, but over the years of living in Europe, I met many women who could be playboy models walking around in revealing clothes who complained about getting no attention from men.

10 years and some after first landing in Europe I'm still baffled by this, because back home in Cali I met so many guys who'd throw themselves(or they'd be rude to women who'd reject them or because they felt the women were out of their league) at any woman. Heck, my 60 year old mother can't leave the house without dudes hitting on her hardcore, everyday, even men(and women) who are 20 to 40 years younger than my mom, and I'm not even going to mention my sisters.

I still feel that the men OP met were just crummy human beings, but what do I know. I'm still trying to figure out how women can be so attractive and so many guys won't even glance at them for a second.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[sothereiwas]

50 minutes ago, preraph said:

They have x-ray eyes.  

Circle the wagons boys, she's ratted us out!

[Azincourt]

16 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Circle the wagons boys, she's ratted us out!

Heh, honestly, I've lived in Countries where there's millions upon millions of attractive women going about their day who are considered to be average-looking, by themselves and large and large by men, that I don't really notice them despite the fact that when summer comes along, it's suddenly booty shorts time for almost every gal to wear. Remember that whale-tail thong fad that hit the world in the early 2000s?  Where every woman was sporting a thong and letting the world know about that ?

The fad never ended in Italy, Spain, Portugal, France etc, and that results in many women not getting attention because when everyone is hot - how is someone hot? When everyone wears revealing clothes - how is someone supposed to receive male attention from wearing something everyone else is wearing?

I'll be honest tho. When I was 18 and fresh out of the airplane, I couldn't take my eyes off all the beautiful women walking around but now I'm in my 30s and my sex drive is chilling,  I've grown used to ''beautiful'' being '' average'' and I just chill. Sometimes I get approached, sometimes I don't. Either way it doesn't faze me but Jesus did I almost have a heart attack every time I'd walk out of the college dorm when I was studying in Europe.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[sothereiwas]

13 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I couldn't take my eyes off all the beautiful women walking around

Yeah, the first few times in SEA were like that, couple an always warm climate with a median age of the mid-20s and then mix in an economy where people don't generally starve but food isn't abundant like in the West ... there was some adjustment needed.

Maybe in places like Vegas some of that applies too, so maybe that's part of what the OP is feeling?

[Azincourt]

8 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Yeah, the first few times in SEA were like that, couple an always warm climate with a median age of the mid-20s and then mix in an economy where people don't generally starve but food isn't abundant like in the West ... there was some adjustment needed.

Maybe in places like Vegas some of that applies too, so maybe that's part of what the OP is feeling?

Yup, especially when you end up in a college town where everyone is 18-21, it's 111F during most of the summer, and everyone is a part-time fashion model or actor/actress. Sure made me feel like I'd never left Muscle beach.

Naturally many women and men are going to feel invisible in these circumstances. Maybe OP is in the same boat? She's very attractive but everyone else is also very attractive?

Yeah, I was thinking about that.  It could be that she doesn't stand out because everyone's physically attractive and everyone  calls attention to themselves through personal attire or behavior.

I don't know how old OP is.  If she's in her 30s, she's going to be meeting men who have grown so used to beauty that someone being beautiful ain't going to motivate him to approach(like when I was visiting friends in India and I'd see tons of men approaching women, because there's hundreds millions more men than there are women).

But if she's in her early 20s, there should quite a few decent-looking chaps her age who'd love to approach her but feel intimidated by her looks. She could do what my mom did to my pops.  She approached my dad out of the blue, asked him out, and pretty much did everything since my dad felt she was too attractive to be real. 40 years after they're still happily married to each other.

So... take a chance, OP. Approach the men you'd like to get to know. You never know what might come out of it.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[oppositeage26]

4 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

I'm sure there is some racism in the dating scene, but I'm also sure it depends on what a person means by racism as well. People have preferences and types, for instance some fellas (inexplicably IMO) are really into blondes as one example. My own wife prefered dating white guys, even though she's a pacific islander with a lot of chinese ancestry. If that's the sort of 'racism' you're talking about then every guy who's been passed over because his eyes are not blue enough or he's not over 6' tall has experienced discrimination just as badly. People have preferences. 

Having said that, when I was still dating my type was "she's hot to me" and when it comes to race and color I'm an equal opportunity sorta fella. Most guys, IME, fall into that category. The guys with a very strong type a maybe a significant number but a minority. Maybe a third of us if I had to guess.  

yea you can keep ignoring me when I say I the whole slave thing also and often black women are called masculine those are actually racist statements etc. Dating online studies have shown it's roughest for black women btw so I'm not making it up but you're just avoid it

[sothereiwas]

7 minutes ago, oppositeage26 said:

roughest for black women

The toughest day a pretty woman has dating would be the best dating day of most guys' lives. I'm not trying to minimize your pain or whatever but let's have some perspective. You're young, you're pretty, you're well built, and you're a woman. Black or not, you've got a ton of top shelf things going for you in the dating game, it's up to you to figure out how to play a winning hand, basically. 

Edited March 16, 2020 by sothereiwas

[Azincourt]

14 minutes ago, oppositeage26 said:

yea you can keep ignoring me when I say I the whole slave thing also and often black women are called masculine those are actually racist statements etc. Dating online studies have shown it's roughest for black women btw so I'm not making it up but you're just avoid it

yes, there are racist men and women out there. 

So what?

I was once rejected by a natural blonde, blue-eyed German woman back in college. Why did she reject me?

Not that I asked, nor was I expecting her to tell me why.  But she told me she wouldn't sleep with me or date me because I have the same skin color Antonio Banderas got.

I'm naturally deeply tanned whereas she had skin so fair you'd think she's Snow White, was her hair black instead of blonde. Later I found out she was the daughter or grandaughter of a Nazi Germany officer.

So yeah... did that keep me from the dating world? Did I stopped being attracted to blonde German women like I'm attracted to Dark haired, dark skinned Iranian women an so on and so on?

NO!

Dating ain't easy. My parents are happily married to each other yes, but before they met each other their dating life had it's up and downs. My mother had been married and divorced when she met my dad. My dad was dumped by 20 women and dumped 30 more. But they were a perfect match.

Why do you feel there ain't a man like that out there in the world for you? There's literally billions of men.

You just need to put yourself out there. First you need to take care of that self-esteem and sense of self-worth, because ain't no one gonna love you like you deserve to be loved if you don't love yourself. 

Listen, I'm literally surrounded by Calvin Klein models, Armani models, Dior models etc. I'm nothing special, and I still manage to get girlfriends, and hook-ups and lovely friendships with women. Because I don't let my not-perfect-looks keep me down from enjoying myself and my life, and that shows, and that makes me attractive to women(and men).

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[Miss Spider]

13 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

yeah must be my fault that your people are racist. Ok I said it finally being blatantly honest. I don't like saying it. I let that be the elephant in the room. And the only time your men are ok with me is when they don't know I'm black. Just being truthful. I play every negative statement off and pretend it has nothing to do with my race even the one where the guy I lost my v to said he wanted me to be his slave. And wanted me to call him master. Even then I tried to ignore it. Pretend he meant something else. So yeah now that I said it's cuz I am not good enough to feed anyone's fetish because I'm mutt and I'm not white nor look like them in reality. No white guy ever approaches me. All I was raised around was white people. And my dad who is ls black. So I never got to develop attraction to ds black men. The black men I like like dark skinned black women when they like black women I'm too dark for the ideal mixed girl too. So yeah anyway it's not about sanity if anything it's the irrationality of racism of your people. So please don't give that rubbish and Iam saying this to you and preraph for that matter

 

Lastly I have seen therapists I've been good there in the past but yea since I was a virgin until 26 I must be crazy. Pretty ignorant don't you think?

I see.  To begin with I am not completely white either, but I was not trying to marginalize what you may have experienced with racism or say that you haven’t experienced it etc. I was just saying that there are a few signs of irrational thinking in your posts. Like “all  white people are racist, so that is why I am having trouble finding a dating partner” That cannot be true. Also that you are too beautiful and have boobs too big and that is why everyone thinks you’re a prostitute and you can’t get laid. This stuff just doesn’t make sense at all. That’s all I meant. So I was suggesting a therapist to work through these problems and also your feelings about them, like the prejudice you feel you’re experiencing. That’s all. I am sorry if was taken wrong. Hope it works out for you 

Edited March 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[oppositeage26]

4 hours ago, stillafool said:

Of course some people are racist, both white and black people of all nationalities.  It isn't just white people.  The person who said they want you to be their black slave was racist but that isn't all men.  You should not talk to men who say those type of things to you.  Nor want them romantically.

yes I've had these problems constantly though so I just ignore it. For me I've had it where like people will say stuff like they don't want to date black women and then still be talking to me. I've had it where people have fetishes I can't fulfill like having a big butt etc... I have had it where it's expected I act and sound a certain way. So it's a bit hinderance in the black american community

[oppositeage26]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

I see.  Well, to begin with I am not completely white either, but I was not trying to marginalize what you may have experienced with racism, etc. I was just saying that there are a few signs of irrational thinking in your posts. Like “all  white people are racist, so that is why I am having trouble finding a dating partner” That cannot be true. Also that you are too beautiful and have boobs to big to be laid and that is why everyone thinks you’re a prostitute. This stuff just doesn’t make sense at all. That’s all I meant. So I was suggesting a therapist to work through these problems and also your feelings about them, like the prejudice you feel you’re experiencing. That’s all. I am sorry if was taken wrong. Hope it works out for you 

you came up with that made up statement that all white people are racist I never said that in fact on youtube that I've had bad experiences and racist experiences with black and white men and it does not mean they are all bad men. Now take your advice and stop thinking irrationally because I didn't think that you did because you posted it not me

[oppositeage26]

5 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

yes, there are racist men and women out there. 

So what?

I was once rejected by a natural blonde, blue-eyed German woman back in college. Why she rejected me?

Not that I asked, nor was I expecting her to tell me why. Because I have the same skin color Antonio Banderas. I'm naturally deeply tanned whereas she had skin so fair you'd think she's Snow White, was her hair black instead of blonde. Later I found out she was the daughter or grandaughter of a Nazi Germany officer.

So yeah... did that keep me from the dating world? Did I stopped being attracted to blonde German women like I'm attracted to Dark haired, dark skinned Iranian women an so on and so on?

NO!

Dating ain't easy. My parents are happily married to each other yes, but before they met each other their dating life had it's up and downs. My mother had been married and divorced she met my dad. My dad was dumped by 20 women and dumped 30 more. But they were a perfect match.

Why do you feel there ain't a man like that out there in the world for you? There's literally billions of men.

yeah I relate to this deeply it isn't easy but sometimes because it's not easy and I'm not getting approached irl it can be hard on you. I don't feel there's no man out there for me. I feel like it's hard to deal with all the negativity but more than that it's to me just a little sad irl I don't get approached and that online is the only luck I get I get luck but it's only online and that was all my complaint was about

[sothereiwas]

This whole "your men" thing is really troubling as a turn of phrase thing, the ideas and thought process indicated are ... an issue. Just my opinion. I honestly don't know what else to say about that. That's a bit of an accomplishment I guess. 

[Azincourt]

10 minutes ago, oppositeage26 said:

yes I've had these problems constantly though so I just ignore it. For me I've had it where like people will say stuff like they don't want to date black women and then still be talking to me. I've had it where people have fetishes I can't fulfill like having a big butt etc... I have had it where it's expected I act and sound a certain way. So it's a bit hinderance in the black american community

My father is an Anglo-Saxon American.  He and his family are 100% WASP.

Blue eyed, blonde haired, fair skinned. My mother is Italian. Her father is from Iran. Her mother is from Brazil, and her mother's parents are black.  I also got Jewish blood in the family, and my family was in the Iberian Peninsule for centuries before they went out to Greece and Italy and France. The Moors ruled over that region for almost a thousand years. Guess who has moorish blood from Syria, Morrocos and Iraq?

Does my mother sound like she's the poster child for white women?

She still managed to date white men, black men, South American men. 'Cause my mom's always got a smile on her lips and just chills.

 

Edited March 16, 2020 by Azincourt

[oppositeage26]

13 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

The toughest day a pretty woman has dating would be the best dating day of most guys' lives. I'm not trying to minimize your pain or whatever but let's have some perspective. You're young, you're pretty, you're well built, and you're a woman. Black or not, you've got a ton of top shelf things going for you in the dating game, it's up to you to figure out how to play a winning hand, basically. 

that's my thing I'm not trying to play a game it annoys me so many people are. Most guys lose their v before 22 so how do they have a worst if I couldn't even get my first kiss before 24? I mean I think that's the problem here people assume pretty girls have to have it good. Despite the obvious facts

[Miss Spider]

13 hours ago, oppositeage26 said:

yeah must be my fault that your people are racist ... And the only time your men are ok with me is when they don't know I'm black. Just being truthful ... So yeah now that I said it's cuz I am not good enough to feed anyone's fetish because I'm mutt and I'm not white nor look like them in reality. ... No white guy ever approaches me. 

 

 

That is literally what you said. You never said “some”. I am just taking your words as you wrote them. And there are all kinds of other generalizations that you make in your posts.

 

Regardless, hope you find the help you need 

Edited March 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[sothereiwas]

Just now, oppositeage26 said:

that's my thing I'm not trying to play a game it annoys me so many people are. Most guys lose their v before 22 so how do they have a worst if I couldn't even get my first kiss before 24? I mean I think that's the problem here people assume pretty girls have to have it good. Despite the obvious facts

Honestly I was thinking "If I was single and about 20 minutes younger I'd try to date her" until you busted out that "your men" thing. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's an attitude thing? Hard to say. Has to be something, because your experience is not typical. 

[oppositeage26]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

That is literally what you said. You never said “some”. I am just taking your words as you wrote them. And there are all kinds of other generalizations that you make in your posts.

 

Regardless, hope you find the help you need 

no I never said all white men were racist if I thought that way I would be very negative towards another race of men I am not I can be harassed and make three police reports on race of men bothering me and I will never make assumptions on them and same with white men skin color doesn't determine your actions imo

[oppositeage26]

1 minute ago, sothereiwas said:

Honestly I was thinking "If I was single and about 20 minutes younger I'd try to date her" until you busted out that "your men" thing. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's an attitude thing? Hard to say. Has to be something, because your experience is not typical. 

I blame living in vegas tbh f***ed my dating life up

[sothereiwas]

That makes some sense - LV is probably a bit of a cesspool.