Met someone great and now the world is shutting down.

[planb1973]

9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

What if you’re talking to someone a long time and you meet a long time later but is no chemistry in person? 😟

We met in person twice. The chemistry was great right from the start. I can't seem to keep the chemistry going through phone calls however. We were supposed to have a "phone date" last night. She ended up not calling, which was probably for the best, by evening my mood had gone rapidly down hill due to the current situation in the world.

[Versacehottie]

On 3/20/2020 at 5:54 AM, planb1973 said:

Update,

We have been talking on the phone most days. She is in a good place at the coast, but may have been exposed to the virus. This was right after she had told me she wanted me to come visit, currently she is quarantining herself. I have taken to daily messages in the morning sharing my photography and feel good messages. She in turn has taken to referring to me as darling. 

I don't think I will get a chance to see her for a few weeks. One challenge I have is flirting, Since I hardly know her and we only got a chance to make out once before people went on lock down. I'm am not the best flirt until things have started escalating physically. 

It is obvious she is still interested. I guess I'll just work on my courtship skills over my dating skills. 

Great! This is sounding good.  I would say you need to work on your skill of flirting BEFORE things have escalated physically. No time like the present  Give a girl a little something, we live for this sh*t.  Plus since she obviously likes you, you should have the confidence to flirt.  And maybe broaden your definition or interpretation of flirting, like playful is as good as or better than overt IMO as most girls I know think similarly.  I'm glad you called it a challenge, that's all it is.  Treat it like a personal challenge or growth thing.  If you listen to what a person says or messages, there are almost always openings to flirt if there actually is chemistry--which I believe you that there is so it should be easy to find.  Good luck!

[Hopeful30]

Why are you worried? This is a GREAT opportunity to let the anticipation build  Imagine talking for a few weeks, truly getting to know each other, and when you finally get that 3rd date, you will already have a more developed relationship. This 3rd date is going to be so much better.

I don't see a bad side to this lol

[simpycurious]

4 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

Why are you worried? This is a GREAT opportunity to let the anticipation build  Imagine talking for a few weeks, truly getting to know each other, and when you finally get that 3rd date, you will already have a more developed relationship. This 3rd date is going to be so much better.

I don't see a bad side to this lol

This is great advice.  SEE THE POSITIVES not the negatives.  With the isolation, you can talk/text whatever and like Hope said build the anticipation and enjoy getting to know one another. 

[miss2017]

On 3/17/2020 at 12:42 AM, planb1973 said:

I had a great date with a woman last week. Within minutes I knew I would be wanting a second date. Apparently the feeling was quite mutual and a second date was scheduled a couple days later. This is the first woman in almost 2 years I have really been interested in. The second date was just fantastic!

For the 3rd date she wanted to make me dinner

And then the whole world went on lock down!

In the course of one day everything started closing and she lost her next 4 months of employment, and had to quickly move 3 hours away for a temporary position. 3rd dated had to be canceled. 

What to do now?

We have been talking a bit, but with all the uncertainty in the world dating seems unlikely for an undisclosed amount of time. 

 

There are people in the world who have long distance relationships for months and even years and are able to keep it remotely through phone, video calls, messaging, etc. Why don't you do that with her for the mean time if she wants it too?

[simpycurious]

1 hour ago, miss2017 said:

There are people in the world who have long distance relationships for months and even years and are able to keep it remotely through phone, video calls, messaging, etc. Why don't you do that with her for the mean time if she wants it too?

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if she means ENOUGH to you.  Enough to figure it out one way or the other.  The situation stinks with the reduced travel, the social distancing, etc but if the relationship MEANS ENOUGH surely you can figure something out.  

Edited March 25, 2020 by simpycurious

[planb1973]

On 3/21/2020 at 6:22 AM, Versacehottie said:

Great! This is sounding good.  I would say you need to work on your skill of flirting BEFORE things have escalated physically. No time like the present  Give a girl a little something, we live for this sh*t.  Plus since she obviously likes you, you should have the confidence to flirt.  And maybe broaden your definition or interpretation of flirting, like playful is as good as or better than overt IMO as most girls I know think similarly.  I'm glad you called it a challenge, that's all it is.  Treat it like a personal challenge or growth thing.  If you listen to what a person says or messages, there are almost always openings to flirt if there actually is chemistry--which I believe you that there is so it should be easy to find.  Good luck!

There is no lack of trying on my end. My flirty texts go unanswered, and when we talk on the phone she seems to shut me down if I try to compliment or flirt with her. I think she is in a really bad place emotionally, with everything going on in the world, everything in her life fell apart in a matter of days. Its really hard to have light flirty conversations right now.

Personally if I had an address for her I would write letters like they used to do in the old days, like one of us went of to war or something. 

[planb1973]

Update.

I think I am getting ghosted.

Its been just over a month since we met and she has been at the coast isolating herself. We continued having phone calls every 2-3 days, some lasting 3-4 hours. A week ago was the last time we talked, it was a 3 hour conversation, plenty of deep questions asked. At one point she expressed she wanted to take plenty of time to get to know someone before getting serious. I replied that this entire world shut down certainly forces that to happen, but that I was struggling through phone calls only to build that connection. I felt it in her presence, but without seeing her body language and facial expressions I was only getting 30% of the communication I need to form real connection.

Maybe I shot myself in the foot with that, but its how I feel. 

I called her two days later after having a great day, I wanted to share it with her, and left a message. 

That's it, It's been a week now of radio silence. 

I want to reach back out for some clarity, the other part feels that something was said that turned her off.

Or this is some sort of sh** test

Or she just cant do this right now

Or...

Or...

 

Edited April 10, 2020 by planb1973
typo

[Gaeta]

planb: In the best of time, in the dating world, most people ghost us so add to this a pandemic it will not help. You did nothing wrong, just let it go. Men often mistakenly think that if they had done something different, if they had said some magical words, that the outcome would have been different, it doesn't work that way. For some reasons she stopped being into you. It sucks  but it happens. 

[texasgreeneyes]

PlanB - Any word from her this past week? Still radio silence?

[planb1973]

16 hours ago, texasgreeneyes said:

PlanB - Any word from her this past week? Still radio silence?

She reached out after a week of silence. We talked for a half hour during which she said she wasn't in a place to be dating right now. I agreed with her. The emotional impact of what is going on in the world is really hard, as much as I liked her, not being able to interact was not working for me either. 

I know she was probably just letting me down easy. She did tell me to keep in touch. I don't think I will.

One thing that stands out to me in our conversations is that she had told me she had never dated a "really good guy" and she didn't know how to handle it, she typically attracts a**holes as she said. 

Anyway, I'll just let this one go. It makes me sad as she was the first woman in 2 years that really sparked my interest, and I think if the world was not in such turmoil there would have been a good shot at something. But who knows. Dating right now really is not a viable option. I'm chatting with some women online right now knowing I will probably never even ask them on a date.

Edited April 18, 2020 by planb1973
typo

[dangerous]

On 4/18/2020 at 3:18 PM, planb1973 said:

She reached out after a week of silence. We talked for a half hour during which she said she wasn't in a place to be dating right now. I agreed with her. The emotional impact of what is going on in the world is really hard, as much as I liked her, not being able to interact was not working for me either. 

I know she was probably just letting me down easy. She did tell me to keep in touch. I don't think I will.

One thing that stands out to me in our conversations is that she had told me she had never dated a "really good guy" and she didn't know how to handle it, she typically attracts a**holes as she said. 

Anyway, I'll just let this one go. It makes me sad as she was the first woman in 2 years that really sparked my interest, and I think if the world was not in such turmoil there would have been a good shot at something. But who knows. Dating right now really is not a viable option. I'm chatting with some women online right now knowing I will probably never even ask them on a date.

PlanB, I agree with your last summary. dating online, without the chance of meeting soon, is at best a slow burn. And like you, many of us won't be able to carry on with the online communication for that long: it's just not a normal escalation eg. match,. text, (phone) meet and decide if date or end. The idea of endless texting, escalating to video calls/virtual dates just does not work for many of us.