How to do this?

[ZA Dater]

I suppose in some respect I should be asking "should" I do this at all.

Went to a meeting last week with a whole variety of people, quite corporate, the MD of that company, FM and the marketing lady, a particularly attractive tall, athletic blond. My usual dating defeatist approach kicked in but also my "well it would be nice to go out with her" idea kicked in too.

Reality is she is probably far out of what I can actually expect to get so do I even bother, 99% of me is leaning toward simply "I cant ever expect to get a date with her" but that 1% is the part of me which says "well maybe".

Do I even bother with this? Honestly, based on looks alone she can choose any guy she wants and when compared to any guy I have nothing to offer that they don't. Anyone else been in this sort of situation. To be honest I have been somewhat conditioned to know what I can go out with and what I cant, that being virtually any person I don't find attractive at all.

My other idea was to just get to know her in a work context and forget about any sort of dating idea. This seems to be the best logical idea.

[Envy123]

From my experience, looks don’t really correlate with chances. Yes, you have to be presentable but even things like a big belly doesn’t seem like a turn-off for certain women. But compatibility/demographics is very important. Which means lifestyle compatibility, for example. If you travel a lot, then you can attract women who do. If you do not travel that much, you’re likely not going to be suitable for someone who travels a lot.

Looking back, I have always attracted women who share my carefree attitude and have been rejected by women who don’t.

Do you have much in common with this woman? Are you two likely going to be compatible? These are the questions you should be asking, not about your looks.

[alphamale]

9 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

...My other idea was to just get to know her in a work context and forget about any sort of dating idea. This seems to be the best logical idea.

^this^

[Lotsgoingon]

Your strategy is off ...

First say hello to this woman ... say a few words to her ... not words trying to pick her up ... Just hi ... react normally ... you only think of dating ... if there is SERIOUS electricity in the exchanges with this woman ... League thinking is off ... Think of how things move along with friends ... you don't just look at someone and imagine you're going to be a close friend. You interact with them ... Heck, friendship grows without intention at the start. 

Switch your strategy Z ... think hello ... think ... electricity ... without trying ... 

[2BGoodAgain]

worst thing she can say is "no".

best thing that can happen is her.

you choose. 

if you risk nothing, you gain nothing....if you risk something, you could get everything... 

you choose.

 

having said that... i once dated a woman way out of my league.. why she bothered to date me, no idea. let me put it to you this way, exclusive clubs, there was no such thing as lines, as long as i was with her. lol. the point is... she was HOT... and i enjoyed her in every way possible.

i know, you may be looking at more than that.. love and all that jazz... well, if you don't try, you will only guarantee failure. If you do try, mebbe you'll get it all the way?

good luck!

[SumGuy]

Unclear, do you work with her, does the company you work for work with her, or is she a part of your work/career circle?

If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then your social skills better be stellar (or hope she is in to you) or you could end up sh*ting where you live.

 

 

[ZA Dater]

20 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Unclear, do you work with her, does the company you work for work with her, or is she a part of your work/career circle?

If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then your social skills better be stellar (or hope she is in to you) or you could end up sh*ting where you live.

 

 

Well its a collaboration so yes I have considered this which I why I think I might just be pleasant but not bother trying to do anymore than that. Ultimately none of these risks ever really pay off for me and deep down and I know why so all I can really do is live vicariously.

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Envy123 said:

Do you have much in common with this woman? Are you two likely going to be compatible? These are the questions you should be asking, not about your looks.

Unlikely because I never have anything in common with people I find attractive. Unlikely to be compatible but again I am pretty much incompatible with what I end up finding attractive. Looks get one in the door and I don't have enough of them to open big ticket doors like this.

Its a nice idea in my mind though...

[Envy123]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Looks get one in the door and I don't have enough of them to open big ticket doors like this.

I looked average in secondary school and had interest from two girls who looked way better than me.

But the thing is, I still interacted with them without having the exact defeatist attitude you have. My attitude was similar to yours but with one major change - I figured that they probably wouldn't want romance but I'm fine with getting to know them as friends and if we go further, that's great, but if we don't, it's fine.

[Sinful]

You must first change your mindset if you ever want to have success with this, or any other woman for that matter. Take in some of the things I replied to you about in the other threads, and I'm here if you want my assistance. 

[Azincourt]

15 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I suppose in some respect I should be asking "should" I do this at all.

Went to a meeting last week with a whole variety of people, quite corporate, the MD of that company, FM and the marketing lady, a particularly attractive tall, athletic blond. My usual dating defeatist approach kicked in but also my "well it would be nice to go out with her" idea kicked in too.

Reality is she is probably far out of what I can actually expect to get so do I even bother, 99% of me is leaning toward simply "I cant ever expect to get a date with her" but that 1% is the part of me which says "well maybe".

Do I even bother with this? Honestly, based on looks alone she can choose any guy she wants and when compared to any guy I have nothing to offer that they don't. Anyone else been in this sort of situation. To be honest I have been somewhat conditioned to know what I can go out with and what I cant, that being virtually any person I don't find attractive at all.

My other idea was to just get to know her in a work context and forget about any sort of dating idea. This seems to be the best logical idea.

 

Being very attractive doesn't mean she's in a relationship or that she isn't interested.

Get to know her first.  Flirt with her. Does she flirt back? Ask her out. Does she change the subject?

Move on and meet other women.

[Foxhall]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Unlikely because I never have anything in common with people I find attractive.

find out what shes interested in and start developing an interest yourself in whatever that is,

sounds a bit artificial maybe but worth a shot and you might develop new interests and friends

 

[ZA Dater]

17 hours ago, Envy123 said:

I looked average in secondary school and had interest from two girls who looked way better than me.

But the thing is, I still interacted with them without having the exact defeatist attitude you have. My attitude was similar to yours but with one major change - I figured that they probably wouldn't want romance but I'm fine with getting to know them as friends and if we go further, that's great, but if we don't, it's fine.

Defeatist attitude as the result of being defeated. None want to friend zone me and to be honest I am not really in the mood to the support structure their boyfriends are not, been there done that and its just a use situation with no real benefit for me at all.

I struggle with friends full stop, don't really have a lot of time for them and my interests have never really aligned with those of other people so I maybe have three friends, one of which I see fairly regularly by virtue of the fact we work together. Given that fact its probably unsurprising I cannot date or get second dates, I simply don't have those skills or any sort of attractiveness.

For me at age 36 the ship sailed a long time ago so I find situations like this where I can sort of rationalise not bothering because lets face it the result will always be the same, people don't want an inexperienced 36yo, its acceptable sort of at 26 but not at 36. Again the usual chorus will chime in "it doesn't matter" well if that's the case then why don't I get any decent dates.

This lady is really good looking, most guys would look at her so by that logic I am up against lots of other guys and Its impossible to see ANY area where I might be more appealing than them. Its a great feeling to think I can chase someone like this but I am only deluding myself because never would I be the one chosen.

[ZA Dater]

16 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

Being very attractive doesn't mean she's in a relationship or that she isn't interested.

It does.  You yourself said it, like begets like so I have zero chance her. About the best I can hope for is some good conversation. Its ALWAYS been like this, this isn't my first scenario like this, my dating life is a mixture of lots of these sorts of scenarios. The only reason I still look is its good to think of how good it might be but the reality its simply not possible. Perhaps I just need to realise I cannot punch above my weight but I don't like the choice in my weight division either.

Never have I had mutual attraction.

[Azincourt]

36 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Defeatist attitude as the result of being defeated.

There are men out there who were born without arms and without legs, men who were born so deformed you'd think they are alien mutations and yet they manage to find wives.

Vujicic was born in Melbourne, in 1982 to Dušanka and Borislav Vujičić, Serbian immigrants from Yugoslavia.[5][6]

He was born with tetra-amelia without fully formed limbs. According to his autobiography, his mother refused to see him or hold him when the nurse held him in front of her, but she and her husband eventually accepted the condition and understood it as "God's plan for their son."[7]

Vujicic has two small and deformed feet, one of which he calls his "chicken drumstick" because of its shape.[8]

What do you even want? Do you want women to throw themselves at you? You could even be a Saudi Prince but with that attitude and with how much you hate yourself, I don't think you'd be able to find a wife.

Again, notice what I said. I said your ATTITUDE  and your behavior. I didn't say anything about your physical appearance, so don't go that way again, and again and again. Stop ignoring everything people write to help you out, only to go and nitpick stuff to support your nuclear-like toxic mindset.

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None want to friend zone me and to be honest I am not really in the mood to the support structure their boyfriends are not, been there done that and its just a use situation with no real benefit for me at all.

Sounds to me you befriend these women with second intentions and these women can see right through you. How about instead of making friends with women with the intent of sleeping with them, actually befriend women, interact with them, learn from them how to not be socialy awkward, and  then when you've actually emotionally matured past the point of, ''IF I'M NOT BRAD PITT IMMA DIE ALONE,'' they'll introduce you to their single female friends.

 

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I struggle with friends full stop

 

Yeah, I can't figure out why is that.

 

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, don't really have a lot of time for them and my interests have never really aligned with those of other people so I maybe have three friends, one of which I see fairly regularly by virtue of the fact we work together. Given that fact its probably unsurprising I cannot date or get second dates, I simply don't have those skills or any sort of attractiveness.

 

How about you focus on your job, on your career, on your hobbies instead of trying to date women when you're clearly a life stage that isn't conductive to dating. Work on yourself. Get therapy.  Get a dog, I dunno, man. You sound pretty anti-social. I actually don't even know why you want a girlfriend for. You don't seem like you'd have a fun time hanging out with her, and it's not like couples have sex 6 times a day 7 days a week, if that's what you're trying to get a girlfriend for.

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For me at age 36 the ship sailed a long time ago so

WOW 36 YEARS OLD? That is like, so old! At the age of 36 you aren't going to be able to get a girlfriend. Women only want 20 year old women! Come on, man. Stop being ridiculous. You can get a girlfriend at 36, or at 50, or at 90. But you actually have to interact with women instead of looking at women and telling yourself, '' I could have her as a girlfriend if she wasn't so shallow.''

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I find situations like this where I can sort of rationalise not bothering because lets face it the result will always be the same, people don't want an inexperienced 36yo, its acceptable sort of at 26 but not at 36. Again the usual chorus will chime in "it doesn't matter" well if that's the case then why don't I get any decent dates.

So what?? one of my uncles only entered the dating scene at the age of 40 because he was busy taking care of his mother, all of his wife. Now he's 50, married, has a 8 year old son. And I know guys who are in their 70s and only know becoming a father, hell I'll probably become a dad for the first time in my 80's or 90s. Life doesn't end at 25, my man.

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This lady is really good looking, most guys would look at her so by that logic I am up against lots of other guys and Its impossible to see ANY area where I might be more appealing than them. Its a great feeling to think I can chase someone like this but I am only deluding myself because never would I be the one chosen.

Right. So instead you'd rather spend the next 50 years saying that you could never get an attractive woman. What I'm really wondering is why the hell you don't want a woman who is in the same league of you, looks-wise. Are you even interested in women, or are you obsessively fixated on women who are much more attractive than you because you know deep-down you will probably not be able to date them, and that's how you like it?

Closeted homosexual or incredibly low sex-drive?

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

Quote

Ziegel survived but suffered serious injuries: left arm was later amputated below the elbow, three fingers of his right hand were lost, in place of the thumb the big toe was transplanted; Ziegel became blind in one eye; his ears, nose and lips were burnt off. He also had shrapnel in his skull and a hole in the bone above the brow.[2][3] For future use part of Ziegel's skull was implanted into the fatty tissues of the upper part of his body and artificial plate was placed instead of it. Ziegel also lost his tear duct, replaced by a prosthesis.[2] As well, some parts of the face that were lost failed to recover even after more than 30 surgeries.[4]

Quote

In 9 March 2002, he moved to California. In 2008 in McKinney, Texas, near Dallas, he met Kanae Miyahara. They married on February 12, 2012.[18] The couple has four children[19][20][21][22] and reside in Southern California.[23]

 

He met and married someone AFTER he became horribly desfigured.

How did he manage to do this?

I can guarantee you he didn't spend his life complaining about what happened to you.

Women like men who have emotional and mental fortitude.

Quote

It does.  You yourself said it, like begets like so I have zero chance her.

Do you suffer from selective eye-sight? You only see what you want to see? I wrote you a bible-sized text on how YOU can get an attractive women despite lacking physical looks by having, developing, working on, MAKING REAL, personality attributes that women(yes, very attractive women) are attracted to, resulting in them dating and marrying and banging and making babies and going to starbucks together to drink pink latte.

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About the best I can hope for is some good conversation. Its ALWAYS been like this, this isn't my first scenario like this, my dating life is a mixture of lots of these sorts of scenarios. The only reason I still look is its good to think of how good it might be but the reality its simply not possible. Perhaps I just need to realise I cannot punch above my weight but I don't like the choice in my weight division either.

Perharps you need to realize that women aren't objects that you buy by looking this way or by having that much money.

 

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Never have I had mutual attraction.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be so picky then? Millions of Indian and Chinese men are getting married to whoever they can get to marry them. What's so special about you that you gotta have Claudia Schiffer or no woman?

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[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

 

What do you even want? Do you want women to throw themselves at you? You could even be a Saudi Prince but with that attitude and with how much you hate yourself, I don't think you'd be able to find a wife.

Again, notice what I said. I said your ATTITUDE  and your behavior. I didn't say anything about your physical appearance, so don't go that way again, and again and again. Stop ignoring everything people write to help you out, only to go and nitpick stuff to support your nuclear-like toxic mindset.

Sounds to me you befriend these women with second intentions and these women can see right through you. How about instead of making friends with women with the intent of sleeping with them, actually befriend women, interact with them, learn from them how to not be socialy awkward, and  then when you've actually emotionally matured past the point of, ''IF I'M NOT BRAD PITT IMMA DIE ALONE,'' they'll introduce you to their single female friends.

How about you focus on your job, on your career, on your hobbies instead of trying to date women when you're clearly a life stage that isn't conductive to dating. Work on yourself. Get therapy.  Get a dog, I dunno, man. You sound pretty anti-social. I actually don't even know why you want a girlfriend for. You don't seem like you'd have a fun time hanging out with her, and it's not like couples have sex 6 times a day 7 days a week, if that's what you're trying to get a girlfriend for.

WOW 36 YEARS OLD? That is like, so old! At the age of 36 you aren't going to be able to get a girlfriend. Women only want 20 year old women! Come on, man. Stop being ridiculous. You can get a girlfriend at 36, or at 50, or at 90. But you actually have to interact with women instead of looking at women and telling yourself, '' I could have her as a girlfriend if she wasn't so shallow.''

So what?? one of my uncles only entered the dating scene at the age of 40 because he was busy taking care of his mother, all of his wife. Now he's 50, married, has a 8 year old son. And I know guys who are in their 70s and only know becoming a father, hell I'll probably become a dad for the first time in my 80's or 90s. Life doesn't end at 25, my man.

Right. So instead you'd rather spend the next 50 years saying that you could never get an attractive woman. What I'm really wondering is why the hell you don't want a woman who is in the same league of you, looks-wise. Are you even interested in women, or are you obsessively fixated on women who are much more attractive than you because you know deep-down you will probably not be able to date them, and that's how you like it?

Closeted homosexual or incredibly low sex-drive?

All I want is for them to simply be friendly. That's all. For what its worth I don't befriend them to sleep with them, that's not why I try befriend them, its for the reasons you state but that never realty works because they find me very useful for being the emotional support pillar their boyfriends aren't. No they don't introduce me to anyone because why would they? This world doesn't operate on any form of kindness at all in that regard, I did once go with a friend to a club, he tried to set me up with about five ladies, could not get along with any of them, why, because they couldn't understand why I don't drink.

You want to know how I behave, I stick to myself, I go about my day unobtrusively, I'll speak to the lady café where I eat lunch most days, I'll walk past the yogis going to yoga, perhaps I'll one a second glance. The rare occasion I go out I'll mostly sit and chill or go with a friend who is pretty much exactly like me, observation can be a good thing, have I gotten better at dating, maybe but I still don't attract people I want. I don't find over weight appealing at all, please read that twice.

All I want is one good experience, it would be nice to actually take someone to dinner, take an interest in their life, buy them gifts, support them in bad times. I can be a very good guy at this sort of thing because people I have befriended have told me so. When I look to date I try and find people I can vaguely get along with, I try to find common philosophy but what I find is people are NOT receptive of someone who really doesn't care about being different, I am happy to stick to my beliefs and very rarely do I follow the crowd. Women don't like that at all.

You and I know the older one gets the worse the choice gets, at the moment its single overweight moms which have ZERO appeal to me AT ALL. Again if that's my pool I'd rather have nothing and fill my dating time chasing what would be hard/impossible to get.

Sure I am quite happy with someone SLIM in the same pool as me but then that person needs to be the other attributes I have and I don't really have much tolerance for apathy.

I am not fixated on overly attractive women at all. I simply refuse to date what I don't find wholly attractive.

In short I'd rather try set ambitious goals and fail than set easy ones and succeed.

[Azincourt]

20 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

All I want is for them to simply be friendly. That's all.

 

You only want women to be friendly with you. But you've also complained about women apparently using you as their emotional tampon while their boyfriends get to smash.   So what is it? Do you want friends, or do you want attractive women to sleep with you? Because if you want friends I can get you to join my 87 years old grandma during her bingo sessions.

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For what its worth I don't befriend them to sleep with them, that's not why I try befriend them, its for the reasons you state but that never realty works because they find me very useful for being the emotional support pillar their boyfriends aren't.

 

That's a two-way street. My female friends also talk to me about their dating problems. In return they listen to me talking about my dating problems. They also listen to me complaining about the stockmarket.

 

 

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No they don't introduce me to anyone because why would they?

Because that's what friends do. They see you are a great catch, they introduce you to their single friends. I know many guys who met their current girlfriends and ex-girlfriends that way. 

 

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This world doesn't operate on any form of kindness at all in that regard, I did once go with a friend to a club, he tried to set me up with about five ladies, could not get along with any of them, why, because they couldn't understand why I don't drink.

You could have simply said you're allergic to alcohol and they'd leave you alone. You don't need to pick up your feather-pen and write down the new testament to let them know why you don't drink. You kinda made yourself look boring to them by acting that way.

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You want to know how I behave, I stick to myself, I go about my day unobtrusively, I'll speak to the lady café where I eat lunch most days, I'll walk past the yogis going to yoga, perhaps I'll one a second glance. The rare occasion I go out I'll mostly sit and chill or go with a friend who is pretty much exactly like me, observation can be a good thing, have I gotten better at dating, maybe but I still don't attract people I want. I don't find over weight appealing at all, please read that twice.

All I want is one good experience, it would be nice to actually take someone to dinner, take an interest in their life, buy them gifts, support them in bad times. I can be a very good guy at this sort of thing because people I have befriended have told me so. When I look to date I try and find people I can vaguely get along with, I try to find common philosophy but what I find is people are NOT receptive of someone who really doesn't care about being different, I am happy to stick to my beliefs and very rarely do I follow the crowd. Women don't like that at all.

Sounds like it's hard to get along with you.

 

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You and I know the older one gets the worse the choice gets, at the moment its single overweight moms which have ZERO appeal to me AT ALL. Again if that's my pool I'd rather have nothing and fill my dating time chasing what would be hard/impossible to get.

Nah.  There's lots of physically attractive women in their 30s who have never been married and don't have any kids. You can date  attractive women in their early 20s, as long as you keep hitting the gym hard and take care of your aesthetics and dress style, and don't act ''old.''

If your finances are in order, if you have your own house, if you have no college debt, no healthcare debt, no credit card debt etc -  many attractive women will be interested in you.

 

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Sure I am quite happy with someone SLIM in the same pool as me but then that person needs to be the other attributes I have and I don't really have much tolerance for apathy.

I am not fixated on overly attractive women at all. I simply refuse to date what I don't find wholly attractive.

In short I'd rather try set ambitious goals and fail than set easy ones and succeed.

Write down a list of what you are looking for in a woman, then write down what you have to offer and then compare both lists.

 

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

You only want women to be friendly with you. But you've also complained about women apparently using you as their emotional tampon while their boyfriends get to smash.   So what is it? Do you want friends, or do you want attractive women to sleep with you? Because if you want friends I can get you to join my 87 years old grandma during her bingo sessions.

 

That's a two-way street. My female friends also talk to me about their dating problems. In return they listen to me talking about my dating problems. They also listen to me complaining about the stockmarket.

 

 

Because that's what friends do. They see you are a great catch, they introduce you to their single friends. I know many guys who met their current girlfriends and ex-girlfriends that way. 

 

You could have simply said you're allergic to alcohol and they'd leave you alone. You don't need to pick up your feather-pen and write down the new testament to let them know why you don't drink. You kinda made yourself look boring to them by acting that way.

Sounds like it's hard to get along with you.

 

Nah.  There's lots of physically attractive women in their 30s who have never been married and don't have any kids. You can date  attractive women in their early 20s, as long as you keep hitting the gym hard and take care of your aesthetics and dress style, and don't act ''old.''

If your finances are in order, if you have your own house, if you have no college debt, no healthcare debt, no credit card debt etc -  many attractive women will be interested in you.

 

Write down a list of what you are looking for in a woman, then write down what you have to offer and then compare both lists.

 

No matter what they will always find some issue with me so I have largely given up trying to appease whatever it is they actually want. What you aren't getting is I am not matching with these apparently lot of unattached 30+yo who are in decent shape and don't have kids. What I am matching with are people with mountains of baggage and who largely don't look after themselves.

If I had to choose a compromise it would be someone I would like to date but who wont date me being friends with me. I get most of the benefits that way in terms of what I am looking for however inevitably I want all the benefits and not just some of them.

Clearly I am not a catch because I get introduced to nobody and when I am the match up is so wholly unsuitable it would be easier to negotiate a peace treaty than actually buying into the idea that person might like me. Remember this I don't know how to express interest and equally I cannot see when they are interested either so the only way I have of discerning this is by actually have a conversation.

Trust me I have used every excuse for not drinking, none are deemed acceptable in a society where apparently drinking is integral to socialising. For about the last 10 years dating for me has been more about the challenge of trying to do the impossible, looking around me at guys who are good at it, trying to understand what makes them good at it and then seeing how much of that I can apply. The reality is I cant apply any of it because I am fundamentally not that sort of person. They have charm, I have none, they make up the most amazing stories, I am brutally honest, they flirt, I can never get that right no matter what I try. Everything fundamental does not work, maybe that goes some way to explain why I do what I do and look for what I look for.

I wear what I like, for a while I went for makeover after makeover, it made no difference at all. I wasn't getting any better matches, I went out, tried to find common ground and mostly found none, the closest I ever got to getting laid with someone I did find attractive was a date who arrived at the date tipsy, left pretty drunk and was all over me. Morally I couldn't do that, sent her home in an Uber. We were supposed to have a second date, that never happened.

As with everything its good to measure progress against goals and honestly I don't have dating goals anymore, the only thing I try do is simply maybe find the odd date I do enjoy, perhaps a decent looking match, the bar is set very low here so there is never much disappointment because I have zero expectations to begin with.

I know if I tried anything with this blond it would end in disaster, well because it always does and honestly I don't exactly fit the "catch" criteria.

Consolation: there are other parts of life which do give me the wow I like, almost enough to offset the communist grey wall that is dating to me.

[Envy123]

6 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

This lady is really good looking, most guys would look at her so by that logic I am up against lots of other guys and Its impossible to see ANY area where I might be more appealing than them. Its a great feeling to think I can chase someone like this but I am only deluding myself because never would I be the one chosen.

Well, I am obese and need a combination of exercise and liposuction to actually become somewhat average looking. I do look permanently pregnant.

But I not only attract women who look like models my whole life, it's the only type of woman I attract. While I fail to attract the girls who are quirky and down-to-earth.

It is about lifestyle, demographics and compatibility in the end of the day. I don't read books, nor do I travel, so I do not attract women who do either of those things often. But the women I attract have a carefree attitude, much like myself, so there is some compatibility to at least start things off.

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, Envy123 said:

But the women I attract have a carefree attitude, much like myself,

That is a trait that is very attractive to all sorts of women.
Many would easily sacrifice classic good looks for a chubby, cheery guy who is easy going and happy. 
Few women really want to be with a guy who is depressing and has the cares of the world on his shoulders.

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

That is a trait that is very attractive to all sorts of women.
Many would easily sacrifice classic good looks for a chubby, cheery guy who is easy going and happy. 
Few women really want to be with a guy who is depressing and has the cares of the world on his shoulders.

So true.

I'm not chubby, yet being chill, easy going and happy is key...even quirky and down to earth women like it.       I'm all about the nerdy and down to earth.

[Azincourt]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

That is a trait that is very attractive to all sorts of women.
Many would easily sacrifice classic good looks for a chubby, cheery guy who is easy going and happy. 
Few women really want to be with a guy who is depressing and has the cares of the world on his shoulders.

That's because many women are afraid of being used and dumped by the guy with classic good looks, so what they do is to enter a romantic relationship with a guy who isn't her ideal type, but who is good enough.

I've rejected women who were way too attractive because I didn't want to spend my days worrying about all of the guys who were taller and had a better body than my own hitting on my girlfriend, so I usually pick women who are attractive but aren't going to win the America's Next Top Model #1 prize.

They're chill, low-maintenance, they don't expect me to spend money on them, and the chances of getting dumped for a rich soccer player are low, because there's plenty of women more attractive around for the soccer players  to select from.

Oh, and I've met the ex-boyfriends of these women who were way too beautiful to date. I can't compete with giorgio armani's male models.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Azincourt

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

That's because many women are afraid of being used and dumped by the guy with classic good looks, so what they do is to enter a romantic relationship with a guy who isn't her ideal type, but who is good enough.

No, some women just want to date good guys who make them feel good.
Looks are overrated.

Edited March 18, 2020 by elaine567

[Sinful]

9 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

This lady is really good looking, most guys would look at her so by that logic I am up against lots of other guys and Its impossible to see ANY area where I might be more appealing than them. Its a great feeling to think I can chase someone like this but I am only deluding myself because never would I be the one chosen.

Your mentality is the EXACT OPPOSITE of mine. When I see a girl that most guys would look at and want to be with, I could care less about any other guys that want to compete for her. I know who I am and what I have to offer and have enough confidence to know that she should consider herself fortunate to be with a guy like me. And if she doesn't see that, then that's her loss. 

I don't have to chase anybody or compete against anybody else and neither should you. My ex, in time, will realize that she threw away her relationship with the best guy that ever happened to her. But that's her loss. 

Change your mindset and watch your whole life change along with it.