RED FLAGS: Is she walking all over me?

[Becks7313]

Hi!

I reckon that my girlfriend is a good person. We have many common friends, have already been on a holiday together and she is a very loving person. However, I find myself in situations where I think that she’s acting pretty selfish. 

Financial issues are a big red flag: we usually take turns paying when we're going out, but still, I often end up paying at least a part of the bill. Once, we were planing to go out with my friends and I was waiting for her because she was already late. She arrives by running towards me, jumps on my lap and starts kissing me as if we hadn't seen each other for weeks. But as soon as we get in the subway, she goes "Well, I have 20 bucks for both of us, but if that's not enough, you can pay the rest of the bill". 20 bucks is definitely not enough for this restaurant and she went on a shopping trip earlier that day. When I tried to discuss it, she changed the subject "And I forgot to bring my jacket" (which usually implies: give me yours). After our money talk, she completly changes her attitude: I have to keep the conversaton going whilst she replies with short phrases or is rather focused on her business. When we leave the subway, she's suddenly not so eager about holding hands or kisses. 

Don't get me wrong: I'm don't think that she is only my girlfriend because my parents are rich. But her behaviour is so weird. It's not like she's poor - she's spending a lot of money on travelling, clothes or 13 bucks per cocktail. I have the impression that she is walking all over me. 

In my previous relationships I've been taken advantage of every time, I don't want that to happen again. 

Stay safe!

 

[Beendaredonedat]

But her behaviour is so weird. It's not like she's poor

No, it's more like she's a entitled princess and you're enabling it.  

 

[preraph]

I have an idea.  Go to cheaper places where they don't have $13 drinks and then you can both save money.  You say she's not poor, but do you make more money than her?  Because most men still make more money than women.  

 

I suggest you have a talk about how much money you're both spending and suggest you stop going to high-end places.  Tell her you are both spending too much money that would be best used for other things.  And of course she goes shopping.  Women have to look nice and stay up to date.  They can't wear the same suit for 10 years.  Their clothes aren't even made as well or made to last.  

 

So if you really want it all 50/50 and she makes less than you, or whoever makes less, really, then your spending and where you go and what you do needs to go down to the lowest level you can both afford.  You can't tell her how to spend her money.  You're lucky she's chipping in $20, to be real about it.  Maybe stop drinking??

 

And if it turns out she isn't interested in you after you curtail going to anyplace spending too much money, then you just weren't compatible and you can go find somone who doesn't like to go do that.  And she can go find a guy who does and doesn't mind paying the most.  

Edited March 18, 2020 by preraph

[Beendaredonedat]

BTW:  Most bars and restaurants are shut down now except for take out so if you're going to stay with her without voicing your truth, then you can take a breather for a while so you can figure out if she's the gal for you... or not.

If you've been taken advantage in other relationships then I suggest you stop your dating M.O. and get it ironed out fairly quickly with honest, open communication.  If they don't like it then you know you're with someone that likes your money/gifts/stuff more than you and you can untangle yourself from them before you allow yourself to be taken advantage of.