Jayofcastleford Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I was with my wife for 12 years 11 as a couple 1 year married. We have 2 daughters 8 and 11 We had a miscarriage xmas 2018 and in may 2019 she told me she wasnt happy she felt broken inside she also thought I didnt care but I did I didnt want show it. I did start go out drinking more to deal with my pain. I suffer with depression and anxiety and around may that year the doctor switched my meds and they really wasnt working I was angry and moody allot due to bottling up my emotions and we didnt talk things through when they sorted my meds out around november I knew I couldnt lose my wife I was perfect husband romantic. Caring but she said was to little to late she left me and may daughters in our home start jannuary 2020. At this point I went off the rails I was begging for her back pleading trying anything I know I sound pathetic. Then she told me cause my actions in jannuary there no chance her comming back in feb I called down I tried do something valentines day and that thought things ok. But then I find out shes is seeing a man from her work. My ex wife is 29 he is 44 and he tried it on with her last year and found out caused a few trust issues between me and my wife but one thing I know my wife would never cheat. He is a seriel cheater he cheated on his ex wife 6 times cause she told me. So its hurt like hell finding out about him. My eldest daughter doesnt like him but told her mother give him a chance. Within 2 weeks he cheated on my ex wife wife with his ex wife but he talked his way out of it saying his wife said if he didnt do what she said he couldnt see his kids. Which I think is bulls*** there no excuse to cheat I didng look at another woman in 12 years. So she took him back and my eldest daughter found out and she is refusing to even be in same building as her mothernuntill hes gone. Shes gone as far telling people she hasnt got a mum her mums dead. Yes me and my ex wife have had arguments over the scum and got nasty s few times but I know my wife and shes not acting her self and we made promise our kids if they dony like our partners they go. Now the couple times md and ex have talked about us and I ask. She either says she prob would think give it another go or she doesnt know what future holds. My best mate told me he walked out on his partner and left kids for another woman but in time he realised he made a huge mistake but was to late his partner had moved on. He told me I need wait till honeymoon period is over and she will realise she wants bd with kids and try with me again. So does it sound like its grass is greener syndrome to anyone else or any advice? And yes I tried the no contact things a few times I'm pathetic I love her so much longest I did was 8 days. Want anymore info just ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 (edited) 58 minutes ago, Jayofcastleford said: I was with my wife for 12 years 11 as a couple 1 year married. We have 2 daughters 8 and 11 We had a miscarriage xmas 2018 and in may 2019 she told me she wasnt happy she felt broken inside she also thought I didnt care but I did I didnt want show it. I did start go out drinking more to deal with my pain. Shes neck deep in an affair I suffer with depression and anxiety and around may that year the doctor switched my meds and they really wasnt working I was angry and moody allot due to bottling up my emotions and we didnt talk things through when they sorted my meds out around november I knew I couldnt lose my wife I was perfect husband romantic. Caring but she said was to little to late she left me and may daughters in our home start jannuary 2020. At this point I went off the rails I was begging for her back pleading trying anything I know I sound pathetic. All you accomplish with this tactic is lowering your status and pushing them farther away. Then she told me cause my actions in jannuary there no chance her comming back in feb I called down I tried do something valentines day and that thought things ok. But then I find out shes is seeing a man from her work. Shes been cheating all along. That’s what really caused this. My ex wife is 29 he is 44 and he tried it on with her last year and found out caused a few trust issues between me and my wife but one thing I know my wife would never cheat. Sorry man but you are just in denial. She is and has been cheating on you. Go online and check your phone bill. That will tell you when this started. He is a seriel cheater he cheated on his ex wife 6 times cause she told me. So its hurt like hell finding out about him. My eldest daughter doesnt like him but told her mother give him a chance. Within 2 weeks he cheated on my ex wife wife with his ex wife but he talked his way out of it saying his wife said if he didnt do what she said he couldnt see his kids. Which I think is bulls*** there no excuse to cheat I didng look at another woman in 12 years. He maybe a loser but she picked him over you didn’t she. She’s the problem not her other man So she took him back and my eldest daughter found out and she is refusing to even be in same building as her mothernuntill hes gone. Shes gone as far telling people she hasnt got a mum her mums dead. Yes me and my ex wife have had arguments over the scum and got nasty s few times but I know my wife and shes not acting her self and we made promise our kids if they dony like our partners they go. Nope, this is apart of who she is. You’re Just in denial and making excuses. Until you wake up and get out of denial you’ll stay where you are. You are the only one that can keep yourself in this. Your wife is just a very typical cheater. They all lie a lot. A hard no contact will bring more clarity. Talking gets you nothing in these situations except a longer stay in limbo. She dumped you and the family for another man. Happens all the time. She keeping you on the back burner while she test drives her new man. Until you wake up to reality you’ll stay right where you are. Edited March 18, 2020 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jayofcastleford Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 I know you trying be firm with me there and I'll agree with some you've said. But I know my wife is not a cheat she isnt the type if she was cheating why not leave me right away in may when said wasnt happy. She stayed all the way till new years. You could be right but I married my best freind I know her very well Link to post Share on other sites
Sinful Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 33 minutes ago, Jayofcastleford said: I know you trying be firm with me there and I'll agree with some you've said. But I know my wife is not a cheat she isnt the type if she was cheating why not leave me right away in may when said wasnt happy. She stayed all the way till new years. You could be right but I married my best freind I know her very well Maybe so, but she still walked out on you and your kids for another man. After, 12 years!! Mine did it in 3. Let her go and go hard NC as @Marc878 said. I know it's hard, but as long as you're there begging her to come back she will just continue to use and abuse you. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 (edited) 58 minutes ago, Jayofcastleford said: I know you trying be firm with me there and I'll agree with some you've said. But I know my wife is not a cheat she isnt the type if she was cheating why not leave me right away in may when said wasnt happy. She stayed all the way till new years. You could be right but I married my best freind I know her very well Nope, you know the woman you’ve put up on a pedestal. Shes married to you but having sex with her other man. Sorry but that’s cheating. You are in the betrayed spouse syndrome. Not uncommon but right now you’re living on hopium. You’ve put yourself and life on hold for a cheating wife. Go online and check your phone bill. You’ll probably see how long this has been going on. They always comeback is a myth. Better wake up to reality. You’re only a chump if you allow it. Edited March 19, 2020 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 (edited) What you are going through is pretty typical. You are only seeing what you want to see versus what is actually happening. They all follow the cheater script for the most part. That’s all this is. definition of friend = loyal, honest and trustworthy Edited March 19, 2020 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 12 hours ago, Marc878 said: She dumped you and the family for another man. She actually didn't. She left before she started seeing the new man. It was OP's lack of emotion and support during the miscarriages that made her want to leave. He cared of course but didn't show it, making her think he didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 11 hours ago, Marc878 said: Sorry but that’s cheating. She left him before she met the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 13 hours ago, Jayofcastleford said: I did start go out drinking more to deal with my pain. So she was left to deal with it on her own. No emotional support from you. No reassurance. She felt abandoned by you when she needed you the most. 13 hours ago, Jayofcastleford said: doctor switched my meds and they really wasn't working I was angry and moody allot due to bottling up my emotions and we didn't talk things through No communication. You weren't there for her. I can understand why she left and think Marc878 is wrong for accusing her of cheating. She told you there was no chance she was coming back, all before she met the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Forget your wife for now and get into therapy. You are too confused and emotionally distraught to make a decent decision. If your wife felt you abandoned her then she could have divorced you and not moved in with someone else keeping you on the shelf with her ambiguous, "oh yes, we might try again once I'm finished exploring myself through other people." (my reading of her intentions) You need a plan and a positive way forward and I don't believe it includes her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will87 Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 Sorry to hear about your problem, my SO left me out of the blue for her married boss. Hes ten years older (not good looking), married, with two daughters about your age. She was sleeping with him when I was away in work the ended the relationship with me the day I got home. I honestly cannot believe what she’s done, luckily no children are involved with us and I now have the house and dog. Her dad was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness and she leaned on her boss and not me. Hes merely a life raft for her, when her new reality sinks in her life will be difficult. I went hard no contact and have started therapy, also on medication. This was February, I still think about her regularly but i’m slowly pulling myself out of it. Cut al contact, focus on yourself and daughters. You will find your silver lining 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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