do you guys think she is cheating on me

[Krisdavid]

Well my wife always talks about this guy at her work, god he has only been there a few weeks and she tells me he’s like a Brother to her, what already, how,..
She started dressing sexy on the days he was there. 
See I am a nice guy type. She has always liked the bad boy type that rides Harley Davidson, that’s this guy.
We had a fight over this guy Flirting with her, but she doesn’t think it is flirting
I looked on her phone and facebook and she had been looking him up each day and also looking up two other ex boy friends, one of witch she tells me has the biggest penis she has ever had. Like I need to know. 
Don’t you think just looking up ex boyfriends and messaging one of them is cheating alone. I think so.
So after I seen and read the texts she Said he was falling in love with her and she was just friends and likes the guy as good friends, but I think if I didn’t find this out they would’ve cheated 
Please tell me what you guys think
Okay it doesn’t let me add photos of the Messages but this is what was said.
him, ....morning how are you can you talk?
Her,.... not at the moment I start work soon, what time do you finish today?
Him ...2;30.
Her.. I finish at 2, do you want to call when your finished work.
Him... thumbs up
Her... I just wanna make sure you’re okay? As you was really quiet yesterday. 
Him ... I am finding it pretty hard at the moment” I felt a vibe from you yesterday , so will be alright 😉
Her... what sort of vibe are we talking about? 
Her... just you seemed sad yesterday.
Him.... I am okay sort of just move on Paul (that’s him talking about himself) but that’s okay, I just have to. I am okay sad. Maybe because of not seeing you....
But I will be okay. 
Her... no not at all I was just pretty nervous about being back at work. I had to be careful as well as Riaan ( her Client ) goes back and tells her mother everything.
Him ... all good love , talk this afternoon 😉
Her ... no worries talk then. 
Him ... sends big heart. 
She goes on to say he just wanted to talk about his feelings for her.

[schlumpy]

I'm sorry but there isn't much you can do if your wife has decided to not honor your marriage. Your only recourse now is to let her know firmly the consequences of her straying and then protect yourself. Do not make any threats that you are not willing to back up with action. She seems to be under the impression that she can dabble and you will forgive or overlook. Why is she thinking that way?

Look up the 180 which you can find on the Chump lady's website. It will help you detach your feelings so you can make decisions based on your best interest. Start getting yourself in a better financial position so you aren't blindsided.

Talk to her family and see if you can't get some moral support. In helps greatly to have allies in this type of situation.

Do what you need to do to gather intel. The more you know, the better the decisions you will make. Check out her boy friends life and background. They may have a wife or SO that you can leverage in your favor. 

If she cheats then do everything you can to cut her off financially. 

See a lawyer and take their advice.

You can sit tight and wait until she actually crosses the line or you can meet her head on and ask for a divorce. Tell her you can see where everything is heading and you would like to get ahead of the curve. 

Whatever approach you take depends on your personality.

Good luck.

 

[usa1ah]

Yes she is cheating on you. 
 

She is having an emotional affair at the very least. I am willing to bet it is a physical affair also. 
 

Do not play the choose me game with her. In other words, don’t follow her around like a lost puppy saying I love you. Don’t buy flowers for her. Don’t do anything that would make you look weak and show that her cheating on you is your fault. 
 

Take the text and tell her to choose between the two of you. That you will not be a doormat or a cuckold. 
 

Read The 180 and No More Mr Nice Guy. 
 

If you are not your wife’s type, why did she marry you?

 

Why is she in touch with an ex and talking about how big he is? Do you just sit back and take it?

 

Do not threaten anything you are not willing to back up. Read up on everything before you confront her. See if there are any more texts. 
 

Funny as hell that she told you she was listening to her other man poor out his love for her. The fact that she listened to it says everything I would need to know to divorce her cheating azz. 

[Sinful]

Whether she's physically cheating on your or not with this guy, she definitely has a relationship with him that is inappropriate at the least considering her marriage to you. She's also blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship by doing the things she's doing. If it were me I'd end it, as it seems like she's already decided she's done with you and out playing the field for APs.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed, would your wife be so accepting as you?

 

[mark clemson]

I can't tell you whether she's cheating or not (although all this does sound pretty suspicious - "his feelings for her"?? ). However, as a spouse you get to determine and, if necessary, enforce boundaries in your marriage. If you are uncomfortable with what's going on, it's very much within your rights, IMO, to insist that it stop. If this guy is just a friend, she can give him up and find a new friend. If she won't, she's putting him above you.

Unfortunately, to "enforce" boundaries there need to be consequences. This is where it gets very tricky and you need to be very cautious. If you go suggesting opening the marriage, trial separation, or divorce, there is always the chance she will agree - something you need to keep in mind. So, like any major negotiation, you want to have your position, fall back, what you're willing to tolerate/compromise on, and deal-breakers fully thought out before you discuss this. So, I very much agree with @schlumpy. And make no mistake - this might end up being one of the major negotiations of your life. If you're like many, possibly most men, you'd rather divorce than tolerate a cheating wife. But you don't want to push her into a divorce if it doesn't make sense to. So you really need to fully think through where you stand IMO.

Further thought - if/when you start to enforce boundaries, she may take whatever this is "underground" and be much more careful about hiding it. So, even if she agrees to stop, you should probably keep half an eye on her. "Trust but verify" is sometimes necessary in a marriage IMO.

GL, you may need it.

 

[Just a Guy]

Hi Kris, having read your post all I can say is that your gut seems to be telling you something and the common consensus on this forum is that you should trust your gut and pay heed to what it is trying to tell you. I have said this before to others and I will repeat it for you. "Trust but verify". If you can afford a PI use one to gather concrete facts about your wife's interaction with this guy. If you cannot afford a PI then use whatever other means you can like VARs in her Car and in places in your home where you know she can talk to him out of ear shot from you. Also, if you can get her phone on the quiet then you can scan it for messages/call details which are repetitive in nature and also scan the call records from your service provider for details of messages which may have been deleted from her phone. Whatever information you gather is for your use only and for you to confirm if any cheating is going on. Other folk will be able to give you more detailed information on how to monitor your wife for suspicious behaviour.

However, you may be able to gather a lot of incriminating information on your wife but if you are not prepared to act decisively on it and have a clear plan of action as to what you are going to do if you find such incriminating information then it is all wasted effort on your part. If that is what it is going to be then I would advise you to just sit back and enjoy the spectacle of how another man seduces your wife and steals her away from you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I have seen many cases here on this forum where guys like you have faltered at crucial points if time and have lost out on being able to save their marriages. Best wishes

[Krisdavid]

Thanks guys, Just the fact that she was looking up that guy her ex f*** busy with the huge cock and her ex and was talking to them is enough for me to think about leaving. She tells me that looking them up means nothing to her, and doesn’t know why she done it. She is telling me she promises to never do it again, but I don’t believe her. Anyways thank you all 

[preraph]

They're laying it on pretty thick alright.  That said, it would be kind of hilarious if this guy turned out to be gay -- and I thought of that because I don't know many straight guys who get all "sensitive" texting....so maybe there's hope.   

 

No, I don't think it's cheating to just look at social media on past guys you knew.  But to flirt with them, yes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Kris, So what's it going yo be? Do not let something like this remain up in the air. Do something decisive about it. Your wife seems to have one foot out the door. Now take a decision. Best wishes.