dilemma08 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Hi all, a short intro on my current relationship with my guy. We been dating for almost a year but due to the nature of his work, he is always overseas and I barely meet him. However, we did live together for almost 2 months and now he is in another country and we have no idea whether will he be coming back as the current Covid-19 had affected him badly in terms of his career. We started dating with the goal in mind (i.e have a family within 2 years) however, as the time passed, his priority shifts and lots of new plans came up. He treats me very well when he is around but then he is away, there is not much of a communication between us. I tried but its more like a single hand. I been open to him that I have concerns over our future and I can't see any commitment from him and he revert back on the struggle that he is facing right now so I did not push any further as it is not within his call. He did said that he still have lots of plans in mind and he has to be grounded before starting a family and requested to wait and see in the next 6 months. He did asked me to rethink what do i want in life, what lifestyle do I want rather than being influenced by him. In the same time, I came to know this guy who is stable in terms of life and financially whereby he is really firm on having a family within a year or two. Mainly because he was divorced due to the reason that his wife did not want to have kids. We are having a 14 years gap while my currently relationship is 11 years gap. I'm in the dilemma, should I remain in a relationship whereby there is no stability nor commitment from him or should I just decide for myself and go for what I want from the very beginning. A commitment and a family. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 How well do you know this new guy? You can't really make a decision if you don't know him very well. I guess you need to let the other guy know that you were at least going to keep your options open so that he can do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dilemma08 Posted March 19, 2020 Author Share Posted March 19, 2020 I don't want to have an open relationship and I know my guy deserve better so I'll not be seeing two guys at the same time. Is either I leave or stay in the relationship. I don't know this new guy that well but I don't want to be involved with him while I'm still in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 You need to analyze these separately. Assume the 2nd guy doesn't exist. How do you feel about your present relationship? Are your needs met? Can you realistically see his work / travel schedule changing if you marry or have a family? If you would break up with him if the other guy didn't exist, then do it. If you are only dumping him because you have other prospects, did deeper. The fact that you are talking to another guy about his plans for the future & desire for kids tells me you already have one foot out the door of the existing relationship. So you might as well go all the way & be done. Now, as for the 2nd guy, understand men tell women what they want to hear. Just because this older man who is recently divorced told you he wants kids doesn't mean it's true or that he wants them with you. He's not an instant fix to your problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Well if you are not seeing the long distance guy, make a friend of or date the new guy. If the long distance guy comes back, I guess you'll have a decision to make. But honestly, that long distance relationship does not seem too good, it's probably not worth much. A relationship consists of dates, seeing each other - if you hardly ever see him, I don't think you have much. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Do you decide out of convenience or out of love? To me, it wouldn't be a dilemma. I'd go for love. But your post makes me think you don't love neither of the two guys. Also, how did you start seeing the new guy? Did he ask you out on a date? And if so, why did you accept if you are in a relationship with someone else already? And, does this new guy know that you have a boyfriend? You keep saying you don't want open relationships, but most of all I guess the two guys are not looking for an open relationship either (though the first one makes me doubt he might have a wife home, and you can tell that easily: can you call him whenever you feel like and will he pick up the call?). Link to post Share on other sites
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