Okuhle96 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 It started about late September last year. A guy I was working with asked me out. He was really just one of those loved by everyone in the office especially the ladies. He asked me out and I agreed we went on a couple of dates, now we were both in serious relationships we agreed that it was just fun, but that never really lasts does it. One always catches feelings and this case it was me. He started being distant barely texting and calling, worse part we worked together. I used to call him out on not giving me enough attention and why his being distant. Things did remain professional in the office of course. On our last vacation all things changed when we got back. He was more distant and clearly had no time whatsoever for me. Silly me I had already ended my relationship it wasn’t long my contract ended at work and the same week of my last day he broke up with me. I begged and pleaded made a complete fool of myself begging someone and just get constant rejects. His last words were ‘what part don’t you understand about we can’t be together?’ This was last week Thursday Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Did he tell you why he was done with you? Did you end up leaving your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Sinful Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 5 hours ago, Okuhle96 said: now we were both in serious relationships we agreed that it was just fun. His last words were ‘what part don’t you understand about we can’t be together?’ Well, I do feel for you but you guys did agree from the jump that is was just "fun". It's not necessarily his fault that you started catching feelings and wanted more, if he was clear with you from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Well he doesn't seems to care about you. And your begging and pleading made you look weaker and gave him a upper hand. Rejections always hurt be it in love job anywhere. You can't do much here, mend your heart get up and start to move on. It's sad he still have power to upset you. Why are you still talking to him?? Hope there's no agreement to being "friends" cut contact with him he clearly doesnt bothers about you. He had his fun and no longer needs you its harsh. Cut contact. Leave him in dust. You'll be better off 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 31 minutes ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: Well he doesn't seems to care about you. And your begging and pleading made you look weaker and gave him a upper hand. Rejections always hurt be it in love job anywhere. You can't do much here, mend your heart get up and start to move on. It's sad he still have power to upset you. Why are you still talking to him?? Hope there's no agreement to being "friends" cut contact with him he clearly doesnt bothers about you. He had his fun and no longer needs you its harsh. Cut contact. Leave him in dust. You'll be better off ^^this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 This is painful lesson in why it's a bad idea to poop where you eat. Make this the last coworker you get romantically involved with. You've lived the reason why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 I don't see how you were taken for a ride. You both were in serious relationships and you both agreed that this was just fun. He was not obligated to be texting and calling and giving you attention. He is not your boyfriend and he is in a serious relationship with someone else. I don't think he led you on in anyway as you've indicated how he was distant most of the time. He was true to his intentions of this being something fun. Seems like he did make it clear in the beginning, during and even after that you guys cannot be together. Stop begging him or contacting him. Preserve your dignity and walk away. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 11 hours ago, stillafool said: Did he tell you why he was done with you? Did you end up leaving your relationship? He said the reason for our breakup was purely my behavior Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 16 hours ago, Okuhle96 said: It started about late September last year. A guy I was working with asked me out. He was really just one of those loved by everyone in the office especially the ladies. He asked me out and I agreed we went on a couple of dates, now we were both in serious relationships we agreed that it was just fun, but that never really lasts does it. One always catches feelings and this case it was me. He started being distant barely texting and calling, worse part we worked together. I used to call him out on not giving me enough attention and why his being distant. Things did remain professional in the office of course. On our last vacation all things changed when we got back. He was more distant and clearly had no time whatsoever for me. Silly me I had already ended my relationship it wasn’t long my contract ended at work and the same week of my last day he broke up with me. I begged and pleaded made a complete fool of myself begging someone and just get constant rejects. His last words were ‘what part don’t you understand about we can’t be together?’ This was last week Thursday I am very sorry to hear this. I know it hurts. But you should stop begging and chasing after him from this moment on. That's the only right thing for you to do right now. It's not his fault that he doesn't want you, but it's your fault for wanting someone who doesn't want you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 22 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: I am very sorry to hear this. I know it hurts. But you should stop begging and chasing after him from this moment on. That's the only right thing for you to do right now. It's not his fault that he doesn't want you, but it's your fault for wanting someone who doesn't want you. This hurts but you are right I must say however at this moment I’m not sure if I’ll get through this. Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rex12 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 You've got to let this one go OP. Clearly, the guy had no intention of taking things further with you as he was in a 'committed' relationship, as you were. You wanted more, he was just getting his rocks off at your expense. I know it's not nice to hear, but, use this fact & the begging & pleading you did as fuel for the fire to get over it. The hurt, foolishness & embarrassment you're feeling now will turn to contempt then apathy. Let it happen. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Okuhle96 said: He said the reason for our breakup was purely my behavior Do you know what behavior specifically he's referring to? Did you become a clinger or something? My guess is that this is a guy who needs the challenge of the chase, but once you were easily conquered –– game over. You know, if the roles were reversed, if you had been the one who lost interest, you'd be on here asking "why can't he just accept that it's over and move on?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 2 hours ago, salparadise said: Do you know what behavior specifically he's referring to? Did you become a clinger or something? My guess is that this is a guy who needs the challenge of the chase, but once you were easily conquered –– game over. You know, if the roles were reversed, if you had been the one who lost interest, you'd be on here asking "why can't he just accept that it's over and move on?" Well I can only wish the roles were reversed. I only became clingy after the breakup I guess with all the begging and pleading. The behavior he is referring to was me basically expressing how I felt when somethings didn’t sit well with me. He said I said the most hurtful things and turn around and say sorry. Mind you these hurtful things are me expressing my feelings, maybe I may have said things I shouldn’t have said but to the extent that his putting it I’m not sure. He got tired of my complaining apparently and the list just goes on of all the things he said I did. I’m not excusing myself from any of it perhaps I was wrong at times. It’s just that I guess I was hoping we could work things out with someone who wasn’t even mine to begin with. I sought reassurance from someone who didn’t owe me any and I just took it too far I guess. he is a guy who likes a good chase he mentioned that to me several times when things were still great between us. Guess I got easy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 3 hours ago, Rex12 said: You've got to let this one go OP. Clearly, the guy had no intention of taking things further with you as he was in a 'committed' relationship, as you were. You wanted more, he was just getting his rocks off at your expense. I know it's not nice to hear, but, use this fact & the begging & pleading you did as fuel for the fire to get over it. The hurt, foolishness & embarrassment you're feeling now will turn to contempt then apathy. Let it happen. Good luck. Thank you. I will try, in fact I’ve started Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 On 3/19/2020 at 3:40 PM, Okuhle96 said: I agreed we went on a couple of dates, now we were both in serious relationships we agreed that it was just fun, but that never really lasts does it. Depends. Some people have casual relationships or friends with benefits for years. But what you’ve learnt is that it doesnt work for you. You have learnt a good lesson even if its painful. Watch Mouth of the Ape On youtube for some post breakup help. Something else concerns me. Your serious relationship - are you in an open serious relationship or are you cheating on him? What were your reasons for wanting a fling - be honest, I’m not here to judge but to try and understand because whether your Serious relationship is open or not, its clear you are not getting enough from it to stop you going elsewhere and this also could be adding to your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 20, 2020 Author Share Posted March 20, 2020 45 minutes ago, Supernova11 said: Depends. Some people have casual relationships or friends with benefits for years. But what you’ve learnt is that it doesnt work for you. You have learnt a good lesson even if its painful. Watch Mouth of the Ape On youtube for some post breakup help. Something else concerns me. Your serious relationship - are you in an open serious relationship or are you cheating on him? What were your reasons for wanting a fling - be honest, I’m not here to judge but to try and understand because whether your Serious relationship is open or not, its clear you are not getting enough from it to stop you going elsewhere and this also could be adding to your pain. Thank you I’ll check it out. it wasn’t an open relationship I felt we grew apart. I can say that I really don’t think I still have feelings like that for him and I don’t think he does as well, but none of us are ready to tell the other. When he moved away the distance just made it even more complicated so when this guy came along I guess that was that excitement again that was sparked in me I guess you can say ‘new love’ though it turns out it wasn’t love. I don’t know how the other relationship will end but I just don’t see it going anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 14 hours ago, Okuhle96 said: Thank you I’ll check it out. it wasn’t an open relationship I felt we grew apart. I can say that I really don’t think I still have feelings like that for him and I don’t think he does as well, but none of us are ready to tell the other. When he moved away the distance just made it even more complicated so when this guy came along I guess that was that excitement again that was sparked in me I guess you can say ‘new love’ though it turns out it wasn’t love. I don’t know how the other relationship will end but I just don’t see it going anywhere Yep definitely check out Mouth of the Ape. You sound really messed up and I feel for you because we all go through times when life is hard and it hurts. The way to get over any relationship is two things: 1) instigate no contact (or minimal if you have kids, work together) 2) start self focus There is too much material to go into here but MOTA will help you too. People make mistakes and cheat in relationships but my personal stance on this is that you should own up to it. It may well end the relationship but the problem is right now you’re living a lie and this isn’t just about you, he has the right to decide whether he wants to stay with you. Give this other guy total no contact but ensure you start reading up about self love and self focus. If you only do no contact and do not do self focus, it will be much harder to get over this. A very rough guide, you need to look at what you want from life, look at whats serving you and what isnt, look at how you spend your time. What are your passions - dont have any? You need to find them. I wish you all the best x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Okuhle96 Posted March 21, 2020 Author Share Posted March 21, 2020 4 hours ago, Supernova11 said: Yep definitely check out Mouth of the Ape. You sound really messed up and I feel for you because we all go through times when life is hard and it hurts. The way to get over any relationship is two things: 1) instigate no contact (or minimal if you have kids, work together) 2) start self focus There is too much material to go into here but MOTA will help you too. People make mistakes and cheat in relationships but my personal stance on this is that you should own up to it. It may well end the relationship but the problem is right now you’re living a lie and this isn’t just about you, he has the right to decide whether he wants to stay with you. Give this other guy total no contact but ensure you start reading up about self love and self focus. If you only do no contact and do not do self focus, it will be much harder to get over this. A very rough guide, you need to look at what you want from life, look at whats serving you and what isnt, look at how you spend your time. What are your passions - dont have any? You need to find them. I wish you all the best x Very insightful and honestly great advice. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 He wasn't looking to give up his serious relationship, probably. Just doing people on the side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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