What do women value in a man?

[Azincourt]

On 3/20/2020 at 12:46 AM, Letschill said:

My one friend has a great job. He's an accountant but he can't get a date to save his life. My other friend can't keep steady work and is a drunk and gets about 3-4 new women a month.And he continues to sleep with them for months. This confuses me as to what girls actually value. What do you want?

What does having a great job have anything to do with dating? is he fun? is he interesting? Does he hit the gym? Does he have all of his hair?

Women aren't all the same. Same women like a guy who is financially stable, like your friend, but they're probably too unattractive for your friend to notice their existence. Attractive women usually want attractive men, and being attractive can mean different things to many different women.

For the most part, most attractive women are into muscular men, so it never hurts to get into that. Some women are really into men with tattoos. Others like older men, say a 19 year old woman who spent all of her life with her parents and now is being charmed by a (dude takes care of his looks) 29 year old guy who isn't shy or hesitant about hitting on her, like many guys her own age happen to be.

There are women who are really into scandinavian men, like that blonde guy from True Blonde.

Other women who like the Southern European look, say Cristiano Ronaldo.

It all depends on the woman's personal taste in men.

Edited March 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[2BGoodAgain]

sometimes, a great job...aka stability ... is a huge turn on for a woman.. esp if the last ex was a complete and utter $#$$@#!@%$. lol.

[amaysngrace]

I want someone who can hold my interest. 

Is that really asking too much?

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

It's not news that some people do weird stuff.  But they don't represent most of us.    Re Lana del Rey:  the link didn't work - but videos and music are frequently works of fiction and don't necessarily represent the feelings of the performer.   

Well, as true as that sometimes is, it's also true that often performers are drawing on their (or someone they know's) life experiences and/or an underlying truth for their art.

It's hard for me to understand people who are "naturally monogamous", trans, or have foot fetishes, but all of those types (and many more) exist. I suspect it may be hard for women who don't have a thing for bad boys to understand the feelings of those who do as well.

I do definitely agree it's almost certainly not some huge percentage of women.

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, amaysngrace said:

I want someone who can hold my interest. 

Is that really asking too much?

Depends on how hard it is to hold your interest.

 

[2BGoodAgain]

3 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

I want someone who can hold my interest. 

Is that really asking too much?

funny thing about "interest"...usually it has a lot to do with liking someone.... and liking someone... now that's the tricky thing.

[Azincourt]

Just now, 2BGoodAgain said:

funny thing about "interest"...usually it has a lot to do with liking someone.... and liking someone... now that's the tricky thing.

Liking someone in what sense?

Being physically attracted to someone?

Quote

sometimes, a great job...aka stability ... is a huge turn on for a woman.. esp if the last ex was a complete and utter $#$$@#!@%$. lol.

When they reach their 30s and decide that maybe they want to get married or have kids, yeah a good job becomes important. Not so much when they're 18 and recently arrived at the college campus.  It's more about the guy being fun, not being needy, and being easy on the eyes. Which is easy. Gyms exist for a reason.

[amaysngrace]

1 minute ago, Azincourt said:

Depends on how hard it is to hold your interest.

 

Its not that hard if they’re just authentic.  Humans are amazing beings.  

Its when they put up a front it’s boring AF.  

Well actually it’s not boring to F so boring as something else then. 

[2BGoodAgain]

2 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Liking someone in what sense?

Being physically attracted to someone?

When they reach their 30s and decide that maybe they want to get married or have kids, yeah a good job becomes important. Not so much when they're 18 and recently arrived at the college campus.  It's more about the guy being fun, not being needy, and being easy on the eyes. Which is easy. Gyms exist for a reason.

Not at all!

having a good job, or a great job, or a high paying job... it's genetics... he must be something to get a job like that.. a title like that.. i mean, it could be pure luck, sure.. but then... don't i want to be with someone that is lucky too?

it's your primal gene mixing with your genes thinking... if you think of it like that. your genes are crying out to mix with his to produce offspring with genetic material to extend your own gene into theirs....

[Azincourt]

7 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

Its not that hard if they’re just authentic.  Humans are amazing beings.  

Its when they put up a front it’s boring AF.  

Well actually it’s not boring to F so boring as something else then. 

If they try hard to impress you, it's because they're attracted to you by a great deal.

  Guys who are authentic are guys who don't care much about being rejected by that woman, and if they don't have to put much effort into it, they reckon it's not worth it.  Back in college, due to  a severe male shortage, I ended up being approached by quite a few attractive women who madee everything easy for me. The only woman I cared about was the one who I spent a year trying to impress, because what is hard to get, is the most valuable in many a man's and woman's mind.

Edited March 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

Quote

having a good job, or a great job, or a high paying job... it's genetics... he must be something to get a job like that.. a title like that.. i mean, it could be pure luck, sure.. but then... don't i want to be with someone that is lucky too?

Prince William has the best job in the world. Did he work hard to acquire it? Trump inherited 400 millions from his dad. Did he put 50 years of hard work to get that money?

Money doesn't mean anything, bro. About 10 years ago I used to hang out with a highschool friend who moved to another Country. He gets there, gets a great job, was making thousands of dollars a month after taxes in Brazil, where even doctors make a few hundred dollars a month, and he was complaining to me that he couldn't get this woman who was ''so stunning.''

He sends me pictures of her. No, she wasn't stunning. Young women don't care that much about money, even in third world Countries. We're not talking about 95 million euros a year Neymar Jr. money here are we.

Why did he luck out with this young woman? Because he's boring. He's very mathematical-minded. He used to tell me that he offered to pay for a night in the best Rio de janero hotel, if she was to spend the night with him there. That didn't work. Only gold-diggers are impressed by money, and even then there's no real attraction there.

And honestly, although she wasn't attractive, she was still more physically interesting than him.

Quote

 

it's your primal gene mixing with your genes thinking... if you think of it like that. your genes are crying out to mix with his to produce offspring with genetic material to extend your own gene into theirs....

 

 I've met quite a lot more women who cared about my abs than I've met women who cared about my finances. Then again, most women I meet are in their early 20s.

[simpycurious]

On 3/24/2020 at 6:20 PM, 2BGoodAgain said:

Not at all!

having a good job, or a great job, or a high paying job... it's genetics... he must be something to get a job like that.. a title like that.. i mean, it could be pure luck, sure.. but then... don't i want to be with someone that is lucky too?

it's your primal gene mixing with your genes thinking... if you think of it like that. your genes are crying out to mix with his to produce offspring with genetic material to extend your own gene into theirs....

I am not necessarily following this 2BGood.  I really do need to start a thread to see what MEN desire or look for in a woman.

[simpycurious]

On 3/24/2020 at 6:11 PM, amaysngrace said:

I want someone who can hold my interest. 

Is that really asking too much?

Of course that is not too much to ask that should be a GIVEN in a relationship.

[basil67]

On 3/25/2020 at 10:24 AM, Azincourt said:

  Guys who are authentic are guys who don't care much about being rejected by that woman....

The adjective 'authentic' describes something that is real or genuine.  A genuine guy is honest to himself and others.    To not care about being rejected would be an adjective more akin to being bulletproof.  

I am certainly attracted to genuine guys.  But a guy who has no feelings such as you describe would be a big no from me.

 

Edited March 26, 2020 by basil67

[simpycurious]

On 3/22/2020 at 3:18 AM, Cookiesandough said:

Oh and simpy has always been real. He calls it like he sees it!

You are the best Cookie.  Hopefully, you are safe and doing well during all of this

[2BGoodAgain]

15 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I am not necessarily following this 2BGood.  I really do need to start a thread to see what MEN desire or look for in a woman.

if you take a step back, and instead of just looking at materialism for just that... look at what that implies instead.. that this person in some way shape or form is "successful"....that can be a turn on too.

as for what men look for women... that's kinda simple and complicated.

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

if you take a step back, and instead of just looking at materialism for just that... look at what that implies instead.. that this person in some way shape or form is "successful"....that can be a turn on too.

as for what men look for women... that's kinda simple and complicated.

I will tell you that I seem MANY women that shy away from a man that is blessed financially and I honestly cannot figure out why. 

And yes you are right what men look for in a woman is very complicated.  I am hoping that Summer will start a very in depth thread on the 

subject

[basil67]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

I will tell you that I seem MANY women that shy away from a man that is blessed financially and I honestly cannot figure out why. 

Well that all depends on what else he has to offer.  An obvious one for me is that his finances could be there because he's a workaholic.   I value quality time - but if he's financially blessed because he's a workaholic then it won't work.    Also, I'm from blue collar stock and if he is from old money, our values could well be too different.

This doesn't mean that I wouldn't give him a chance.  If I find that he's not a workaholic, is generous to those in need, humble, doesn't put weight on which school someone went to when hiring and all the other things I like in a man, I wouldn't say no.  

Edited March 26, 2020 by basil67

[2BGoodAgain]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

I will tell you that I seem MANY women that shy away from a man that is blessed financially and I honestly cannot figure out why. 

And yes you are right what men look for in a woman is very complicated.  I am hoping that Summer will start a very in depth thread on the 

subject

if you think of every facet of a person as a characteristic... money, looks, sex, intelligence, style, etc... money is just ONE component of the whole... and no one size fits all.. whether men or women... then you have to take into consider the woman, the man... and any creepiness factor that the man has, that may trump any amount of money he may have.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

2 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I will tell you that I seem MANY women that shy away from a man that is blessed financially and I honestly cannot figure out why. 

I am one of those that would pass on a man who had a lot of money.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question.  While the dream of it is nice, the reality is that I would be very insecure in the relationship due to these questions:

Why would he want to stay with me if he can have any woman he wants?

What would be my value in the relationship?  Everyone wants to feel that they contribute.  How would I contribute if he has everything?    Would my love and adoration really be enough?

Fear of being judged for my lack of sophistication.  I am just a simple humble girl.

I may not be rich on my own, but at least I live my life on my terms and have a sense of accomplishment that I own.

Am I crazy for thinking this way?  

 

[basil67]

36 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

I am one of those that would pass on a man who had a lot of money.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question.  While the dream of it is nice, the reality is that I would be very insecure in the relationship due to these questions:

Why would he want to stay with me if he can have any woman he wants?

What would be my value in the relationship?  Everyone wants to feel that they contribute.  How would I contribute if he has everything?    Would my love and adoration really be enough?

Fear of being judged for my lack of sophistication.  I am just a simple humble girl.

I may not be rich on my own, but at least I live my life on my terms and have a sense of accomplishment that I own.

Am I crazy for thinking this way?  

 

• Can he have any woman he wants?   And what if he loves your simple humbleness?   Along with your other positive attributes.
• Does he have everything? There are so many things which money can't buy.  
• Judgement can come from many different types of people about all kinds of things

You're not crazy, but some of this doesn't make rational sense either

[K.K.]

” I prefer blue collar to three piece suits and wingtips. Rough and manly. Unless of course the corporate suit and tie also has a kinky side. “ -kk

Hey, I know what I said here about preferring blue collar but wowww is that Vice President Pence a fox! 😁 His suits are pressed so perfectly and fit soo right. His white hair is beautiful. He’s aged and manly. Serious natured and distinguished. Can’t take my eyes off of him. Plus, I bet he has a kinky side. Can’t stop picturing him with a whip in his hand giving me a good lashing. ”KK, stop crying or you’re going to get another !! 😠“ 

( I turned my head though when he did that weird thing with his teeth when he was standing off to the side and was no longer addressing the nation. ) 🥴
 

[Cookiesandough]

On 3/21/2020 at 6:23 PM, mark clemson said:

I agree. To me it seems like originally a concept that has some validity for some, possibly many women, but that's sort of been usurped by people now, particularly PUA and incel types. So both people who want to make a buck attempting to teach lonely guys how to find love and a convenient excuse for men who aren't seen as desirable or who have personality issues. I'm not "alpha enough" or "I'm alpha" therefore it's "natural" for me to treat women poorly or want to go my own way and therefore I've never settled down, etc.  So, things that aren't really leadership traits per se.

I do think there's some danger of circular definitions. If women like "alpha traits" (and I think many do) does that mean by virtue of women finding a trait attractive it's "alpha". Some women prefer men with more money. Does that mean having money is "alpha" in and of itself? Money can give you power in a certain way in our culture, as well as material resources so is being rich "alpha"? What about having a handsome face, which clearly can help. Alpha trait? Dunno.

I do think there's exceptions to every rule. As noted by several folks above, the specific traits that a specific woman values/find attractive will vary. Some things also may be unconscious, like the "broken attracts broken" phenomenon where partners from dysfunctional backgrounds sometimes find and feel comfortable with each other, despite significant problems. And just like some men find "complicated" women alluring, some women go for a-hole and even dangerous men.

In addition, I suspect some women don't want to deal with competing for "alphas" and some may prefer the emotional security of a somewhat less desirable and/or "beta" guy (and so presumably less risk of  infidelity occurring, but possibly good stable dad material etc). Also, like men, women pursue different "strategies" in mate selection, for example the ones looking for a guy to "fix". He's "almost good enough" and if I can just make him a little bit better, viola - BF material.

Good post that I somehow missed. 
 

I am sure there is much to find contemptible about PUA and the like, but to me it’s always just been pitiable. These are mostly just  people who have faced rejection after rejection and treated like trash by women with  very little working, so they turn to an ideology and community where they find help, validation, and probably marginally more success than they were having, however wayward it be. At times it seems nothing more than a starving lion going after the slowest gazelle..

Indeed, it all varies. I agree it’s largely shaped by the male presence a woman had in her life since she was born. What she comes to value in men depends a lot on how those men interactions with those men or lack thereof. There are some other variables thrown about, including some characteristics that are more generally desired, but nothing universal. 

Basically, these threads are just a compendium of what various loveshackers think they find desirable or want other’s to believe they find desirable, but little beyond that. 

[simpycurious]

On 3/26/2020 at 8:32 PM, lonelyplanetmoon said:

I am one of those that would pass on a man who had a lot of money.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question.  While the dream of it is nice, the reality is that I would be very insecure in the relationship due to these questions:

Why would he want to stay with me if he can have any woman he wants?

What would be my value in the relationship?  Everyone wants to feel that they contribute.  How would I contribute if he has everything?    Would my love and adoration really be enough?

Fear of being judged for my lack of sophistication.  I am just a simple humble girl.

I may not be rich on my own, but at least I live my life on my terms and have a sense of accomplishment that I own.

Am I crazy for thinking this way?  

 

I think that's sad Lonely.  You would pass on a good looking guy just because he is wealthy?  It is sad but it is very true unfortunately not just for Lonelyplanet.  You see (from a distance) a decent looking guy, very fit/athletic, and maybe your interested but when the $ factor is put into the equation all of sudden you aren't as interested, why?  That is a genuine question.  

[Cookiesandough]

7 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I think that's sad Lonely.  You would pass on a good looking guy just because he is wealthy?  It is sad but it is very true unfortunately not just for Lonelyplanet.  You see (from a distance) a decent looking guy, very fit/athletic, and maybe your interested but when the $ factor is put into the equation all of sudden you aren't as interested, why?  That is a genuine question.  

It’s insecurities, SImpy. 😩 It is  sad 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough