What do women value in a man?

[lonelyplanetmoon]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s insecurities, SImpy. 😩 It is  sad 

Yes exactly my point.  In a relationship there is a component of your relationship with yourself as we see all over the boards.  For me this is no different.  I would not like the person I would become.  Sometimes we can’t help who we are.

Now if I came to know a man who was wealthy and lived humbly, who never showed his wealth and only disclosed it after I have fallen for him then that would be different.  Some  men tend to lead with financial success or excess.  I don’t like that so much. ie talking about their car collection etc.

But we digress.  For me it would not be money in the sense he should be wealthy but that he should have enough because he is responsible in regards to finances.

 

[Cookiesandough]

30 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

Yes exactly my point.  In a relationship there is a component of your relationship with yourself as we see all over the boards.  For me this is no different.  I would not like the person I would become.  Sometimes we can’t help who we are.

Now if I came to know a man who was wealthy and lived humbly, who never showed his wealth and only disclosed it after I have fallen for him then that would be different.  Some  men tend to lead with financial success or excess.  I don’t like that so much. ie talking about their car collection etc.

But we digress.  For me it would not be money in the sense he should be wealthy but that he should have enough because he is responsible in regards to finances.

 

I understand you completely. I would feel like that about some things too 

[basil67]

10 hours ago, simpycurious said:

I think that's sad Lonely.  You would pass on a good looking guy just because he is wealthy?  It is sad but it is very true unfortunately not just for Lonelyplanet.  You see (from a distance) a decent looking guy, very fit/athletic, and maybe your interested but when the $ factor is put into the equation all of sudden you aren't as interested, why?  That is a genuine question.  

Flipping it around, I think it's sad that you see mention decent looking, fit and athletic as traits which would make her want to date him.   These traits may be nice to have if he's a good guy, but on their own they have little value.    

[Emilie Jolie]

On 3/20/2020 at 12:46 AM, Letschill said:

What do you want?

I want Idris Elba with Atticus Finch morals, Albert Einstein brains, Monty Python humour, Tom Hardy down to earth-ness, Plato smarts, Saudi Prince-level finances, Jamie Oliver cooking skills, Timothée Chalamet charm, Patrick Warburton voice and Sean Connery swag.

 

I'm a girl of simple tastes, really.

 

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s insecurities, SImpy. 😩 It is  sad 

I guess my point is that.  You can be a decent guy or a good guy even if you have a lot of money IMO.  You can be a "decent catch" for the right woman.  The money is not what defines the person, it's how he treats others, what's in his heart and how sees LIFE.  Just an observation but of course everyone has their own opinions.

[simpycurious]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s insecurities, SImpy. 😩 It is  sad 

I think you nailed it Cookie. 

[Haydn]

14 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

I want Idris Elba with Atticus Finch morals, Albert Einstein brains, Monty Python humour, Tom Hardy down to earth-ness, Plato smarts, Saudi Prince-level finances, Jamie Oliver cooking skills, Timothée Chalamet charm, Patrick Warburton voice and Sean Connery swag.

 

I'm a girl of simple tastes, really.

 

 

I have 3 of those! 

 

[Emilie Jolie]

1 hour ago, Haydn said:

I have 3 of those! 

 

Done deal.

Wait. Which 3? 

Actually 'Bingo dating' could be the start of something big. We could be onto to a winner here.

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, Haydn said:

I have 3 of those! 

 

Sometimes it ain't enough, bro. Trust me. 😭

[mark clemson]

On 3/29/2020 at 4:47 AM, Cookiesandough said:

I am sure there is much to find contemptible about PUA and the like, but to me it’s always just been pitiable. These are mostly just  people who have faced rejection after rejection and treated like trash by women with  very little working, so they turn to an ideology and community where they find help, validation, and probably marginally more success than they were having, however wayward it be. At times it seems nothing more than a starving lion going after the slowest gazelle... 

Agree, while I'm no expert much of it does appear to be that...

[preraph]

At least they try, though there's probably other things they ought to try to fix first before resorting to trickery and manipulation.

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Done deal.

Wait. Which 3? 

Actually 'Bingo dating' could be the start of something big. We could be onto to a winner here.

There you go Emilie.  I was TOLD (in an unconventional way) today that IT can start with ONE HELLO

[Beachead]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yep. I used to lurk the pua and rooshv boards back in the day(before rooshv retired to become a baker lol)and it made me sad because a lot of guys spoke of experiences mirroring what some girls I have used to hang out with used to do to guys. They’d approach a normal way with normal conversation, and these girls would laugh and be straight up mean rolling their eyes and dirty looks. It was not an isolated incident either. So of course they are going to start negging and all that junk especially if it works on some insecure women...if you’re not having success, it’s completely rational to try something else. You don’t seek to alleviate a problem rhat isn’t there, 

That's what happens.    Those kinds of women think that stuff doesn't hurt..believe me, it damages. Men may deal with that damage differently depending their who they are which stems from their circumstances.  Some may get tired and quit on themselves.  Some turn to PUA tactics.  Some become MGTOW.  Some harden up and become unattached and play the field.   Whatever it is..the changes stems from pain. 

[preraph]

I think just about everyone in middle school has had other kids roll their eyes and laugh at them by then.  Shame it continues for some into adulthood, but it makes me think maybe they're hitting on girls that are too young, because I don't know any adult women who would do that, at least to their faces. 

[Tristian]

Folks, after doing some house cleaning I'm going to ask that everyone keep the original question in mind.   "What Do Women Value In A Man"

[chillii]

On 3/27/2020 at 9:46 AM, simpycurious said:

I will tell you that I seem MANY women that shy away from a man that is blessed financially and I honestly cannot figure out why. 

And yes you are right what men look for in a woman is very complicated.  I am hoping that Summer will start a very in depth thread on the 

subject

 

Well , it's only money , what about the rest , there's gotta be more than just money and who'd want a woman that was only with you for money anyway..

But incidentally , l was fairly wealthy quite young , and good lookin , and married , so none of it mattered in this sense anyway but l can tell you , the minute l started showing any wealth , like l finally bought a really nice car for example, the day l got that car women started turning away from me , even if l was dressed in work clothes paint and crap all over them. Yet before l got that car l still only drove work bombs and you wouldn't really know there was any money but there was never any shortage of attention my whole adult life before that car. l had to sell it later on because it was pretty well useless apart from being very comfortable and nice to drive , over all though l was much happier in my work and fun cars and the minute l went back and just looked like an average dude again money wise things got back to normal .

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

I totally get the car thing Chillii.  When I see a flash car, rightly or wrongly, I assume the driver is a show off or compensating.  

[chillii]

One thing l would like to ask in this thread , seems as gooda place as any.

What do women mean these days when they say , she only wants her equal ?

You hear it a lot these days and l often hear it from say someone where say he is much better off employment or financially wise where as it sounds like it's talking about that kinda of thing to me , but so obviously that hasn't been the case and so l've often just thought well how do they mean , their equal then.

Equal how ?

Edited April 6, 2020 by chillii

[Emilie Jolie]

Most people want an equal, don't they? I see this as wanting a partner who puts in the same level of effort in making the RL work as you do. When a woman says it, she says she doesn't want to be a cook, cleaner, childminder, counsellor and banker to a guy who will just grace her with his presence, as was the norm only a few decades ago. I know I want someone as invested as I am, regardless of education, employment or finances.

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, chillii said:

What do women mean these days when they say , she only wants her equal ?

 

I haven't heard this, but 3/4 of my friends are married and the others don't talk about what they want.

For myself, I would turn the sentence around somewhat.  I want a man who treats me as an equal.  Not "same" because we contribute different things to a relationship, but equal.  Equal in terms of decision making, commonsense etc.  

[Azincourt]

20 hours ago, chillii said:

One thing l would like to ask in this thread , seems as gooda place as any.

What do women mean these days when they say , she only wants her equal ?

It means they want a man who is as academically accomplished as they are, who has zero college debt or close to it, like them, who has life savings, a future plan for his life, who has a good job like they do, and someone they can ''emotionally'' depend on.

Quote

You hear it a lot these days and l often hear it from say someone where say he is much better off employment or financially wise where as it sounds like it's talking about that kinda of thing to me , but so obviously that hasn't been the case and so l've often just thought well how do they mean , their equal then.

Equal how ?

Equal like I said. A guy who can pull his own weight, who isn't going to decrease their life quality, and a guy who can be depended on. No one wants to end up a single mom, yo.

Quote

For myself, I would turn the sentence around somewhat.  I want a man who treats me as an equal.  Not "same" because we contribute different things to a relationship, but equal.  Equal in terms of decision making, commonsense etc.  

So if I a guy deadlifts 300lbs at the gym he should expect to find a woman who can also deadlift a minimum of 300lbs at the gym?

My most recent ex-girlfriend would need to be Wonder Woman to be able to lift 300lbs when she's only 90lbs, but I considered her equal to me in other ways because she was a great cook, was a med-student, which is something most people would never be able of being, and she was good with money, and she taught me a lot about saving money, something I really wasn't expecting considering my nickname in college was Uncle Scrooge.

Edited April 7, 2020 by Azincourt

[amaysngrace]

This new guy I’m talking to is everything I want in a man.  He’s a total sweetheart, kind, gentle, funny, smart, adorable.  

He doesn’t drink very much, like maybe one when he goes out, but that makes him able to drive and I can just chill.

My perfect man 💗

[Azincourt]

That's really sweet.

[MeadowFlower]

I value a man who likes me, who is my friend. 

[Azincourt]

6 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said:

I value a man who likes me, who is my friend. 

Yes, but there's something else that makes you see this guy as a platonic friend, and that other guy as a romantic partner, whatever is the reason why you are attracted to this man as romantic partner, and not that other guy.

That's what people are asking in this thread.