What do women value in a man?

[mark clemson]

"The heroes of romance novels often seem like members of a more evolved species. They are natural leaders, rich, powerful, and well-connected. Their minds are intelligent and savvy, though they are reticent about their abilities and hide their inner demons. Despite the fact that they are a five-star general or lord of southern England, they hide a troubled and tempestuous soul that can only be healed by the magical balm of a woman’s love.”

― Ogi Ogas, A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, mark clemson said:

Despite the fact that they are a five-star general or lord of southern England, they hide a troubled and tempestuous soul that can only be healed by the magical balm of a woman’s love.”

That troubled soul is what can be very attractive to some women and I guess maybe why the bad boys, addicts. psychos, jerks and  the actually mentally ill can be so attractive.
He may be mixed up but I can fix him, I can love him like he has never been loved before... poor darling...

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

That troubled soul is what can be very attractive to some women and I guess maybe why the bad boys, addicts. psychos, jerks and  the actually mentally ill can be so attractive.
He may be mixed up but I can fix him, I can love him like he has never been loved before... poor darling...

Now I might be putting my foot inside my mouth with this one, but I'm pretty sure that it's the good looks the jerk, drug addict, bad boys have that gets the women's engine roaring, not the dude's behavior, because there's a lot of dudes out there that I see with these pretty eyes of mine taking women home while being absolute ''jerks'' because I dunno, they look like Brad Pitt?

Of course this isn't only limited to women being attracted to 'bad boys.'

I've always had a soft spot for party girls, whereas an equally attractive ''girlfriend'' material woman has always grown boring to me over time.

No wait, there's nothing soft about it.

Edited April 7, 2020 by Azincourt

[Miss Spider]

I’m trying to understand what people mean when they say girls like jerks? Can someone please explain the characteristics of these so-called jerks? I don’t think any girl I know  including myself has dated guys who were mean to them so can someone plz explain. Otherwise, I’m just going to assume ‘jerk’ is being used as it’s defined in nice guy vernacular: “any guy who is good looking, charming, and isn’t me.” Thanks 

Edited April 8, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

I think there's two different usages of the word.

1. There's the jerk who behaves as Azincourt frequently describes in his techniques of getting laid.  The guys who lie and manipulate in order to get what they want with no concern to whether she gets hurt.   He's all about himself and doesn't care about the feelings of others.

2. Then there's the use of the word as you've described above.  Though I wouldn't necessarily say that he even needs charm and looks (though it doesn't hurt!).  I think a guy who's bitter would describe a regular guy who's a bit of fun and can land a girlfriend as a jerk.   

The women want guy number two.   And as Azincourt has testified, he gets dumped frequently when women find the truth, so women don't want that kind of jerk.  That's the kind of jerk who causes emotional harm to women.

 

[Miss Spider]

Haha. Thanks, Basil. Basically what I thought. Jerk= a guy who gets laid xD 

Edited April 8, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Blind-Sided]

10 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I’m trying to understand what people mean when they say girls like jerks? ....

It's the bad-boy mentality. Let's face it... there is truth to that... and there is truth to the saying...  "Nice guys finish last."  I know women will always disagree, but I've seen it SO MANY times in my life... I can not disagree with it. 

I have the bad boy persona.  I ride motorcycles, I wear leather (and not gay a$$ HD's LOL) and I kind of push against the grain... and in my professional life... I'm the guy who comes in and tells people what they are doing wrong, and don't put up with anyone's BS. (Often firing people)  Even in college... I was a DJ, and was at every party... and EVERYONE on campus knew me.  I had my pick of the girls at the time. (but in reality being a nice guy, I picked a nice girl)   Also... I currently know 3 girls who are tired of their husbands... and have had affairs. (P and E)  The guys they are cheating with a D-bags... But the D-bag is fun to be with. (They want to go out, and drink, and party)  Where there "Nice", well providing husbands are at home taking care of the kids. (Bad boy, and grass is greener)  And even forgiving of what the wife has done. (although I don't think that will last much longer)

I think these women eventually wake up from needing a bad boy... but the damage is often done if that need is too late in life.

Edited April 8, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[poppyfields]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

The guys who lie and manipulate in order to get what they want with no concern to whether she gets hurt.   He's all about himself and doesn't care about the feelings of others.

 

 

This goes way beyond being a jerk imo.  Perhaps a better and more accurate way to describe such person is "sociopath." 

Takes being a jerk to a whole n'other level.

I define jerk as clueless.  May love his girlfriend, but has no clue how to treat her properly or behave while in a relationship. 

And as such, often unknowingly hurts her with his frat boy attitude and actions.

Hopefully, he'll grow out of it.

Bad boys are not necessarily jerks (to women), to me they're edgy, non-comformists, brash take no shyt, dance to their own tune type guy. 

Maybe been arrested a couple of times, rough around the edges.

But many of these bad boys treat their girlfriends really well, oddly enough.

My experience. 

 

Edited April 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

But many of these bad boys treat their girlfriends really well, oddly enough.

I agree.  I've known bad boys who get girlfriends they end up marrying who had no idea he was ever a bad boy because of how good he is to her.

[Content]

Women who like jerks or guys who mistreat then usually aren’t great humans themselves and/or have suffered abuse as kids.

Most  grown women I know don’t like jerks they like guys who respect them.

The only person  I know who seems to like toxic relationships was abused physically and sexually as a kid so to her abuse is normal.

Edited April 8, 2020 by Content

[Miss Spider]

Hmm. Interesting. Ty. 
 

Motorcycles scare the fuark outta me, tbh 

Edited April 8, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

This goes way beyond being a jerk imo.  Perhaps a better and more accurate way to describe such person is "sociopath." 

Takes being a jerk to a whole n'other level.

I define jerk as clueless.  May love his girlfriend, but has no clue how to treat her properly or behave while in a relationship. 

And as such, often unknowingly hurts her with his frat boy attitude and actions.

Hopefully, he'll grow out of it.

Bad boys are not necessarily jerks (to women), to me they're edgy, non-comformists, brash take no shyt, dance to their own tune type guy. 

Maybe been arrested a couple of times, rough around the edges.

But many of these bad boys treat their girlfriends really well, oddly enough.

My experience. 

 

Poppy, where do the athletic guys fit into all of this.  A guy that was an accomplished athlete and is more of the GQ type.  In your opinion 

Edited April 8, 2020 by simpycurious

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

Poppy, where do the athletic guys fit into all of this.  A guy that was an accomplished athlete and is more of the GQ type.  In your opinion 

Like jerk versus jock?  lol

Is that a trick question?  I can't help but think there is only one "right" answer.  

Let me think on it. 

Edited April 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[chillii]

9 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

It's the bad-boy mentality. Let's face it... there is truth to that... and there is truth to the saying...  "Nice guys finish last."  I know women will always disagree, but I've seen it SO MANY times in my life... I can not disagree with it. 

I have the bad boy persona.  I ride motorcycles, I wear leather (and not gay a$$ HD's LOL) and I kind of push against the grain... and in my professional life... I'm the guy who comes in and tells people what they are doing wrong, and don't put up with anyone's BS. (Often firing people)  Even in college... I was a DJ, and was at every party... and EVERYONE on campus knew me.  I had my pick of the girls at the time. (but in reality being a nice guy, I picked a nice girl)   Also... I currently know 3 girls who are tired of their husbands... and have had affairs. (P and E)  The guys they are cheating with a D-bags... But the D-bag is fun to be with. (They want to go out, and drink, and party)  Where there "Nice", well providing husbands are at home taking care of the kids. (Bad boy, and grass is greener)  And even forgiving of what the wife has done. (although I don't think that will last much longer)

I think these women eventually wake up from needing a bad boy... but the damage is often done if that need is too late in life.

 

So why aren't you telling their husbands , what you like these women , you think that's a good thing ? lt's not their fault it's the poor quality low intelligence women they've married. lf that was the husbands screwing round and partying because of the nice little wifey at home it'd be poor wifey and he'd be scum but somehow your still poor wifey type thing in the reverse. Takes two people to make a marriage work it's not all on just one.

 

 

 

Edited April 8, 2020 by chillii

[Woggle]

Men can still play by their own rules and be strong but have honor and integrity. I am like that. I am loyal as hell, generous and if I love you I would take a bullet for you but betray my trust and I will cut you from my life almost overnight and I will never let anybody put their boot on my neck no matter who. A woman gets one chance to have this level of love, devotion and trust from me and if she ruins it then she will never get it back again. 14 years and my wife has yet to do anything to betray it so she gets me at my very best. 

[simpycurious]

44 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Like jerk versus jock?  lol

Is that a trick question?  I can't help but think there is only one "right" answer.  

Let me think on it. 

well, it was along the lines of the jerk, the bad boy versus the jock sort of a comparison but I understand that is considered a personal 

question which I am sorry for asking so no need to respond

[poppyfields]

28 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

well, it was along the lines of the jerk, the bad boy versus the jock sort of a comparison but I understand that is considered a personal 

question which I am sorry for asking so no need to respond

Hey, no need to be sorry sc, it's actually a very difficult question to answer!

You see, my last long term ex was at times a jerk, was also a huge jock (track and field) AND a bad boy!

Hence my dilemma in answering. 

But he treated me REALLY well for years.  Until he didnt which is a whole n'other thread. 

 

Edited April 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[basil67]

8 hours ago, poppyfields said:

This goes way beyond being a jerk imo.  Perhaps a better and more accurate way to describe such person is "sociopath." 

Takes being a jerk to a whole n'other level.

I define jerk as clueless.  May love his girlfriend, but has no clue how to treat her properly or behave while in a relationship. 

And as such, often unknowingly hurts her with his frat boy attitude and actions.

Hopefully, he'll grow out of it.

Bad boys are not necessarily jerks (to women), to me they're edgy, non-comformists, brash take no shyt, dance to their own tune type guy. 

Maybe been arrested a couple of times, rough around the edges.

But many of these bad boys treat their girlfriends really well, oddly enough.

My experience. 

 

Wow, this is a whole different world to what I’ve experienced.   Give me a regular guy any day.   

[Blind-Sided]

4 hours ago, chillii said:

 

So why aren't you telling their husbands , .....

With girl #1.  I have told him that if he wants to talk, I will be there to help. I think he is in denial at the moment, and is hoping for the best.  But he's not dumb, and his wife is going out with her "Friend" a couple times a week, and sometimes doesn't come home. At one point, her and her EA stopped seeing each other, and she went back to focus on her H and her family.  But the OM started talking nice... and she has her rings off again.

With Girl #2... she felt guilty, and told her husband.  In this case, I didn't need to say anything.  I think they are still married because of the kids and he's just trying to figure out his escape plan.

with girl #3... she's out often, and I haven't figured out if her H just doesn't care, or if he's dumb. They have only been married a short time, (6 mo) and broke up several times before getting married.  I've asked her why did they even get married, and she says she doesn't know. In this case... it truly seems like her and her H are just room mates anyway. They have separate finances, no kids, and even their cars are in their own names.  The only thing they have to split is the house. (But there's not equity in it anyway at this point)  In this case... I think she is going to file for an annulment as soon as the courts open again. 

To answer your question directly... I only know husband #1 well enough to approach him.  In case #2, don't need to. In case #3... I don't think I need to either.