Curious about the impact of COVID-19 on my affair partner's relationship with their spouse

[msoptimistic]

MadlyDeeply...I am doing well. Thank you. He’s gone dark as would be expected. It’s sad but necessary. I really wanted to be ok with being the OW but I just couldn’t get there. I wanted to make M work and H has honestly not done a thing to deserve any of this. I absolutely do love my MM. But I also know his history and as much as I would like to be an exception to the rule, I realistically know I’m not. I look back on other things I thought I would never get over but I did. Time and distance to let the fog settle is what I need and boy am I getting it! It hurts. It sucks. I wish it could have been different but it is what it is. As much as the phrase has gotten really old, it’s time for me to put my big girl panties on and accept it. I don’t wish that it had never happened but I do wish I had gotten out earlier! Enjoy your time with your kids. Think about the fact that we really do deserve better and the only thing standing between us and that happiness is ourselves!

 

[msoptimistic]

ABernie...😘😘😢😢 I think there’s a whole lot of us OWs out here that hope a few other people come to realize they don’t like each other’s company too much! May not mean the road leads them to us but hey, I wouldn’t mind knowing this caused a little stress!!!!

[simpycurious]

12 hours ago, msoptimistic said:

MadlyDeeply...I am doing well. Thank you. He’s gone dark as would be expected. It’s sad but necessary. I really wanted to be ok with being the OW but I just couldn’t get there. I wanted to make M work and H has honestly not done a thing to deserve any of this. I absolutely do love my MM. But I also know his history and as much as I would like to be an exception to the rule, I realistically know I’m not. I look back on other things I thought I would never get over but I did. Time and distance to let the fog settle is what I need and boy am I getting it! It hurts. It sucks. I wish it could have been different but it is what it is. As much as the phrase has gotten really old, it’s time for me to put my big girl panties on and accept it. I don’t wish that it had never happened but I do wish I had gotten out earlier! Enjoy your time with your kids. Think about the fact that we really do deserve better and the only thing standing between us and that happiness is ourselves!

 

MS, do you have a family of your own with an H and all?  What did you THINK or hope the eventual outcome of the A would be?  Marriage? Was your A both sexual and emotional? 

[msoptimistic]

Hi SimplyCurious!

i have two mostly grown children. And I have a very full life. My H is a good guy. Very respected and highly thought of in our community. But when I fell for MM, I fell hard! Of course at first I wanted him to dump his W and come running to me and sweep me off my feet. Yep, the whole fairy tale. Time has taken care of that fantasy. Now I just look for peace and making NC happen one second at a time.

[Eris1234]

I’m the dummy that broke NC with my MM right before quarantine happened. It’s kind of forcing NC but he still finds ways to connect. A Facebook message, a text, calls when he can. It’s almost like he is more attentive now than he was when I ended things last month! We are both married with kids and live far apart, but if we were close by we would probably find ways to see each other.

[ElecLibre]

I feel you OP, even though MM has always been clear that I'll never be a priority in his life and I accepted that, it still feels strange not knowing when we'll be finally allowed to see each other and if he will still want to see me then or if he would have used this time to reconcile with his wife. I get an occasional text asking how I'm doing but nothing deep or sentimental which enforces the idea that maybe he's moving onto other things. Given that I live alone and am working from home, so literally zero human interactions, even just a "wish I was there" would make me smile at this point...  What also feels strange is to think that the last time we met (6th March) might have been the last time we'll ever spend time together in that way... I wasn't exactly ready for that! 

Hang in there!

Edited April 1, 2020 by ElecLibre

[msoptimistic]

Hi Eris and Elec...hope y’all are doing well. I’ve been doing pretty well accepting that this crisis will bring lots of changes. How it affects their M is not my business and beyond my control. I feel like it will bring them closer together and if that’s meant to be then so be it. If not I have determined that I would not act on our A anyway. Even if it drives a wedge between them I’m not taking a risk with him. He could have left before the crisis many, many times. I’m tired of the rollercoaster ride and have decided to make my mission during this to be telling myself everyday how much better off I’ll be on the other side! AND I walked 3.71 miles today! Plan on looking good on the other side too! If I hear from him, I will answer. I love him. But that love is now conditional and he’s not meeting the conditions. Hope to hear from you. Would love to know how others are coping!

[ElecLibre]

9 hours ago, msoptimistic said:

 But that love is now conditional and he’s not meeting the conditions. 

I think it's great that you've understood and accepted this, which isn't an easy thing! Take this time to focus on yourself, that's the best thing you can do. I guess it's a good reality check after all. My situation is slightly different because love hadn't developed (yet) - we were still in the lust phase I guess, and we had a great emotional connection which is what I miss a lot, but I always knew he would never leave his wife and son so I was prepared for this in any case - just didn't think it would be a global pandemic that would put an end to the A!! When I take myself out of the equation, I truly hope he is rebuilding something with her, because I do want him to happy at the end of the day, and even though what we had was full of passion and excitement, it was never meant to be a long-term solution. But then of course since I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment, I'm craving his cuddles :(

[Prudence V]

On 3/23/2020 at 11:31 PM, msoptimistic said:

I think there’s a whole lot of us OWs out here that hope a few other people come to realize they don’t like each other’s company too much! May not mean the road leads them to us but hey, I wouldn’t mind knowing this caused a little stress!!!!

During our A, my (now)H had to spend time with his (then)BW over Christmas. He was stuck in the same house as her for over a week. He spent the time locked in his room trying to minimise any contact, while still seeing the kids, but even that got to him. At the end of the Christmas / new year period he’d had it, and had the Divorce Talk with the kids, told the BW he was leaving, and started looking for a place to move to. Within a few weeks he was out! And U.K. divorce stats typically peak at that time of year, after people are forced to spend time with people they don’t like, or apart from people they love - so this period of lockdown may well be all that on speed! 

[msoptimistic]

Hi Prudence V! I just saw this post and thank you for that insight! My MM is 100% adamant that his child will have both parents in the same house no matter what. I think that line of thinking will prevail and they will find some sort of common ground during this lockdown to move forward. You have such a different perspective and I really am excited for you that you got the “happy ending” that eludes the majority of us! Since you’ve read this post, did you have the same thoughts that keep running through my mind? Seeing them being blissfully happy and reconnecting and starting over while  professing their undying love for each other? I know, a bit dramatic but that’s exactly where my mind goes! We’re you able to stay in contact with him during that holiday period? I cannot. That’s rough because not knowing anything is what sends the mind into a tailspin! Thank you again!

[simpycurious]

So now this thread has turned towards hoping this guy gets a divorce due to the Coronavirus Pandemic?  That's COLD. 

[texasgreeneyes]

I've read all the posts and wondering how everyone is doing in their situations? It seems like a mix of things getting harder to keep contact, things staying the same, and this virus actually causing some of the MM to try a little harder with contact in here! Hope everyone is well!