He said is just friendship and now I don't know what to do?

[miss2017]

I met this guy online and we started talking every day non-stop. We don't live far away but because of the virus going on we can't meet up at the moment.

We get along really well and conversations are really non-stop about everything. This morning our conversation got a bit juicy, we talked about sex but just on a banter kind of way, but then in the afternoon I felt he stepped back.

He started talking how is just friendship between us, etc, etc. And we haven't talked again since.

I'm not sure if he got intimidated for the conversation in the morning. I was just having banter and didn't take it too seriously, and I don't even want to have anything serious before we meet up and see how we feel, but don't understand the need to step back either. 

It's clearly not just friendship though, but I am very open and honest and see no reason to hide it or be afraid.

I was just being myself and enjoying the conversations with him and now I just feel stupid and I'm the one who is going to step back now. Any advice? Thank you.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

Sounds like he just let you know it is just friendship.  You can't be much more clear than he was.  You better take him at his word.  He's not going to follow through.  

[miss2017]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

Sounds like he just let you know it is just friendship.  You can't be much more clear than he was.  You better take him at his word.  He's not going to follow through.  

Thank you. In that case I'm gonna step back too.

[preraph]

You'll save yourself a lot of wasted time if you take him at his word.  Why else would he even say it.  You were talking about sex and he thought, Hey, I better let her know I'm not interested that way.  He may be inexperienced or have a gf already or any number of things, but he made it clear, so move on to the next contender!

[miss2017]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

You'll save yourself a lot of wasted time if you take him at his word.  Why else would he even say it.  You were talking about sex and he thought, Hey, I better let her know I'm not interested that way.  He may be inexperienced or have a gf already or any number of things, but he made it clear, so move on to the next contender!

You're right. I just don't understand why he started the sex conversation then. If is just friendship, he could have just not initiated that kind of talk. Anyway thank you to him for letting me know.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[smackie9]

Sounds like his GF suspects something is going on and he baled

 

[ExpatInItaly]

23 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

It's clearly not just friendship though, but I am very open and honest and see no reason to hide it or be afraid.

I was just being myself and enjoying the conversations with him

This stood out to me. Hide what, exactly?

I am wondering if you said something that prompted him to remind you that you two are not more than friends. Can you share some details of the conversation? (minus the explicit bits, obviously) It seems you felt the sex talk meant something more, and yet I don't think you have ever met in person. Is that accurate? 

How long have you been talking online?

Edited March 21, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[stillafool]

11 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

You're right. I just don't understand why he started the sex conversation then. If is just friendship, he could have just not initiated that kind of talk. Anyway thank you to him for letting me know.

Because men can't help but talk about sex.  I'm sorry you took him seriously but I  agree he doesn't want more than friendship.

[miss2017]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This stood out to me. Hide what, exactly?

I am wondering if you said something that prompted him to remind you that you two are not more than friends. Can you share some details of the conversation? (minus the explicit bits, obviously) 

How long have you been talking online?

There was no explicit things. I said to him I did a home workout (because we are on lockdown here), and he asked me if I was sweaty, I said yes and he said he finds that very erotic in a woman. I said I find that very erotic in a man too. Then he asked if I was going to take a shower, I said yes and he said that makes him think about shower together and do certain things, and I just laughed at it. Then he said he can't stop thinking about sex because he is stuck at home, I said is normal and I went to take a shower. He asked what else I am going to do in the shower.

Then after the shower he said it would be nice if I could go to his house and cuddle on the sofa. I said that would be nice but we can't.

Then after a couple of hours he said that friendship thing to me! 

So if is just friendship why all the spicy conversation before!? It just makes me confused and feel stupid.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

I suggest you put a boundary in the future and don't participate in talking to men you haven't met about sex.  When you think about it, it's wildly inappropriate on both sides!  Save it for if you meet and hit it off.  

[miss2017]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

I suggest you put a boundary in the future and don't participate in talking to men you haven't met about sex.  When you think about it, it's wildly inappropriate on both sides!  Save it for if you meet and hit it off.  

Yes you are right. To me it was just banter and I didn't take it seriously, but it seems he did.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

One reason I say that is a practical reason.  Suppose you get all sexy feeling about a guy on internet and then you got NOTHIN for him when you finally meet in person, bad chemistry.  Then what you gonna do?  Because you already made him think there will be sex coming right up.  It's just not a good idea.  

[miss2017]

4 minutes ago, preraph said:

One reason I say that is a practical reason.  Suppose you get all sexy feeling about a guy on internet and then you got NOTHIN for him when you finally meet in person, bad chemistry.  Then what you gonna do?  Because you already made him think there will be sex coming right up.  It's just not a good idea.  

You are absolutely right! But as I said, to me it was just banter, nothing else. Or just some flirting. It doesn't mean promise of sex when we meet in any way shape or form.

Friendship only it is now.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

I think guys take it more seriously and that it does sometimes mean something to them.  I mean, you're talking sex to a stranger.  They know they're not the only stranger you'd talk sex to.  I get that it's just banter and it comes up. I mean, I can't speak for anyone else, but I wouldn't want to feel like a guy finally agreed to take me out and wonder if it was just because I bantered about sex with him so he considered he was likely going to get laid.  Of course, yeah, you can always just say, Uh, no, but it's like fishing for a guy who only wants sex in some ways.  It's just something that's unnecessary and has potential unknown consequences, that's all.  

[Miss Spider]

Tell him to get the off a dating app if he’s looking for friends. And he’s made you feel like you were wrong to assume? Nope. It is a DATING app, not a FRIENDSHIP app.  I’m sorry but this social distancing is going to give more people excuses to waste each other’s time on dating sites. Be wary 

Edited March 21, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miss2017]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Tell him to get the off a dating app if he’s looking for friends. And he’s made you feel like you were wrong to assume? Nope. It is a DATING app, not a FRIENDSHIP app.  I’m sorry but this social distancing is going to give more people excuses to waste each other’s time on dating sites. Be wary 

Exactly, that's what I think. Of course without meeting we are not going to know how we feel and get into a relationship, but makes no sense to keep saying "we're just friends now and later we'll see". It's a dating site so to me it's ok to flirt and get to know each other more than just friends.

[miss2017]

15 minutes ago, preraph said:

I think guys take it more seriously and that it does sometimes mean something to them.  I mean, you're talking sex to a stranger.  They know they're not the only stranger you'd talk sex to.  I get that it's just banter and it comes up. I mean, I can't speak for anyone else, but I wouldn't want to feel like a guy finally agreed to take me out and wonder if it was just because I bantered about sex with him so he considered he was likely going to get laid.  Of course, yeah, you can always just say, Uh, no, but it's like fishing for a guy who only wants sex in some ways.  It's just something that's unnecessary and has potential unknown consequences, that's all.  

Ok I get it. To me is not necessary or unnecessary, to me it was banter and that's it.

I wouldn't do sexting or more explicit things because I only do that with a boyfriend, but to me the conversation today was more a lighter way of saying "I feel attracted to you", nothing else.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

Well, I guess in one way, it worked for you, because it illicited his reaction sooner rather than later. 

[miss2017]

20 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, I guess in one way, it worked for you, because it illicited his reaction sooner rather than later. 

Yes it did. He could have been honest and say "hey I feel like I took things too far this morning, I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel pressured", but instead the way he emphasised later about being just friendship (when we already discussed that before today), just put a barrier between us.

I told him after writing this topic here that he can be rest assured I know is just friendship and to me today it was just banter. He said I didn't understand what he meant, that now is just friendship but later can be something else.

He also said he had women stop talking to him because he just wanted friendship, and I wonder if that was because he did the same, he takes things too far and then instead of owning it, he backs off.

Don't feel like talking to him anymore.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

Sounds like he might be a kind of nervous type of guy.  Easily flustered.  

[miss2017]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

Sounds like he might be a kind of nervous type of guy.  Easily flustered.  

Or emotionally unavailable, hiding behind the friendship thing.

[preraph]

Right, or as seems to be a big deal these days, people who only have enough social skills for internet only and are too anxious to go real life.  

[miss2017]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

Right, or as seems to be a big deal these days, people who only have enough social skills for internet only and are too anxious to go real life.  

Don't know, because we talked about meeting but we can't at the moment because of the virus. Anyway he felt it was going into a place he doesn't want it (despite the fact he was the one initiating the conversation) and leaned back. As I said I am leaning back too. A lot. I was open and honest before, now my walls are up.

Edited March 21, 2020 by miss2017

[preraph]

You know, you just found out you're actually incompatible.  Better now than later when you get emotionally invested or waste a lot of time, I think.  

[ExpatInItaly]

I wonder if this dude is even single.