spiderowl Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 Something sounds awry here. This guy is very nervous about something. He let his sex drive get the better of him for a while (which a lot of guys will do online if you allow them to). Yet, instead of wanting more, he backs off. I think it is possible he is emotionally unavailable to an unusual extent, married or otherwise attached, or possibly has some sexual dysfunction and would never go beyond chat. If he’s been talking to you for a while and initiating chat, he clearly likes you. Was there anything in the banter that might have suggested to him that you saw him as a serious boyfriend or anything? I’m not getting that impression from what you said. He’s hiding behind something. I suspect he’s attached or is not the guy he is portraying to you - maybe he provided a fake photo, age, or something.
Author miss2017 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Posted March 22, 2020 13 hours ago, preraph said: You know, you just found out you're actually incompatible. Better now than later when you get emotionally invested or waste a lot of time, I think. Absolutely! I think what happened was something that could have been easily solved between us with an honest talk. "Hey I think we went too far earlier today, let's just be careful with this before we meet" sort of think, and that's it. I tried to have that honest talk but he backed off, saying no no he is absolutely fine when clearly he was not because he repeated many times before "is just friendship is just friendship" like a scared parrot. So I am not going to engage in more conversations with him and wish him well. 2
Author miss2017 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Posted March 22, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, spiderowl said: Something sounds awry here. This guy is very nervous about something. He let his sex drive get the better of him for a while (which a lot of guys will do online if you allow them to). Yet, instead of wanting more, he backs off. I think it is possible he is emotionally unavailable to an unusual extent, married or otherwise attached, or possibly has some sexual dysfunction and would never go beyond chat. If he’s been talking to you for a while and initiating chat, he clearly likes you. Was there anything in the banter that might have suggested to him that you saw him as a serious boyfriend or anything? I’m not getting that impression from what you said. He’s hiding behind something. I suspect he’s attached or is not the guy he is portraying to you - maybe he provided a fake photo, age, or something. Well we are both friends on Facebook, his profile is single there and he has his mom and father and his son there as family members, as well as many photos of him with friends and working, so it doesn't look like a fake profile. Don't think he is married or attached either, what my instinct tells me is that he is probably talking to other girls online too (as in playing the field), and probably thought that with the sex talk things went beyond friendship too early. He mentioned to me that other girls stopped talking to him when he told them he just wanted friendship, and I wonder if he has a pattern here. He takes things too far beyond friendship and then realises he did a mistake and backs off, and of course this leaves the other person pi**** off. This to me screams emotionally unavailable and immature. This was something that could have been easily solved with an honest talk saying "hey I'm sorry I think we went too far earlier, let's just avoid this kind of talks for the time being", but instead he ignored it and sounded like a scared parrot repeating the "is just friendship" several times out of nowhere. Anyway I was feeling really excited talking to him and at ease and now I feel different about him and have no desire to engage in more conversations. Edited March 22, 2020 by miss2017 1
jspice Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 He doesn’t think HE went too far. He thinks you didn’t go far enough. You were supposed to take the bait and at the very least help him get off by sexting. When you kept is casual and light and didn’t immediately send him naked pics he decided you weren’t worth wasting anymore time on. 2 1
Author miss2017 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Posted March 22, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, jspice said: He doesn’t think HE went too far. He thinks you didn’t go far enough. You were supposed to take the bait and at the very least help him get off by sexting. When you kept is casual and light and didn’t immediately send him naked pics he decided you weren’t worth wasting anymore time on. Ooooooohhhh I haven't thought about that! That makes a lot of sense! Yes I was surprised how forward he was all of a sudden about sex when before all our conversations had nothing to do with it. So I flirted a little and had some fun banter but kept it really casual and very light. Yeah, maybe he was expecting it would escalate into sexting and because I didn't, he backed off. Later on I told him I wish to avoid sex talk if we're just friends, and so he hasn't talked much since. BINGO! I just dodged a bullet. Edited March 22, 2020 by miss2017 3
preraph Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 5 hours ago, jspice said: He doesn’t think HE went too far. He thinks you didn’t go far enough. You were supposed to take the bait and at the very least help him get off by sexting. When you kept is casual and light and didn’t immediately send him naked pics he decided you weren’t worth wasting anymore time on. Yeah I remember when men used to have to pay for that by the minute on 1-800 numbers. Ladies don't be getting men off that you haven't even met. 2
Author miss2017 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Posted March 22, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Yeah I remember when men used to have to pay for that by the minute on 1-800 numbers. Ladies don't be getting men off that you haven't even met. I didn't do any of that! I just engaged in some light flirt and banter, and stopped the conversation saying I have to go before it escalated further. Yes probably that's what he wanted and realised I'm not gonna deliver that to him and backed off. Good riddance then. 1
preraph Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 I know. I was just reacting to that post up above that said you were supposed to sext him and keep him interested. That's like the worst idea ever. 1
Mystery4u Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 To be honest nobody is going to know why he said the friendship thing apart from him. It's really weird on his side to bring up the sexual convo then suddenly back track. Maybe he's scared and inexperienced. Or he's scared that if things did develop and you got attached, he wouldn't feel the same for whatever reason. Either way he doesn't sounds like someone who is ready to start any sort of relationship. Next. 1
contel3 Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 Friendship = friends with benefits I agree with the poster who said he decided you weren't worth the effort. 3
Author miss2017 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, Mystery4u said: To be honest nobody is going to know why he said the friendship thing apart from him. It's really weird on his side to bring up the sexual convo then suddenly back track. Maybe he's scared and inexperienced. Or he's scared that if things did develop and you got attached, he wouldn't feel the same for whatever reason. Either way he doesn't sounds like someone who is ready to start any sort of relationship. Next. He's 47 years old, he should know better. It seems to me he was just hor** and wanted some online action and was only thinking with his d***. Then later the realised what he did and back tracked. No he doesn't sound like someone who is ready to start any sort of relationship. I image this happening in real life, as in like we spend the night together, have sex and then the next day he back tracks saying we're just friends! Next. Edited March 23, 2020 by miss2017 4
Author miss2017 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 13 hours ago, contel3 said: Friendship = friends with benefits I agree with the poster who said he decided you weren't worth the effort. I don't fo FWB, online or offline. And I don't have sex talk with friends. I was happily flirting with him (in other conversations too) because we met on a dating site, not a friendship site, but now if he emphasises so much we're just friends, then the conversations should be completely platonic only. 2
MsJayne Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 Sounds like he initiated the smutty talk, had a bat, and then felt less amorous next time you spoke. Probably married and does it all the time. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 So the guy is on a dating site... so (unless he's undercover police, tracking someone) he's clearly there with interest in dating. One just doesn't run around such a place collecting, or hoping to collect "friends". Yet when somebody reports the awkward "we're just friends" line, nooooooooooooobody seems to consider (even though they DO recognize the chance that "(he's) talking to other (girls)" ) ...that between points A and B, the same guy may have totally fallen for some other random person, and sees that as his main current interest (even in cases where {new current interest} barely knows he *exists* ). Then, for that absent consideration that is far more realistic than are most others... they then fabricate far-fetched theories about the guy, in the area of his social ineptitude... and about how they "dodged a bullet", when they have minimal evidence to support such absurdity. 1
ccas93 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 probably exactly what he's doing. I don't take any new online conversations that start during this time remotely seriously. I'd stop initiating conversation and distance yourself from him and see what he does.
MissPinkEyes Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 1 minute ago, ccas93 said: probably exactly what he's doing. I don't take any new online conversations that start during this time remotely seriously. I'd stop initiating conversation and distance yourself from him and see what he does. I already did that. I distanced myself and stop initiating conversation and he did initiate and was really worried asking if I'm ok when I didn't respond.
ccas93 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said: I already did that. I distanced myself and stop initiating conversation and he did initiate and was really worried asking if I'm ok when I didn't respond. Then I'd say keep talking to him if you feel like he genuinely cares, but keep your options open and keep looking. He may also not want to get invested, or both your expectations up and create an online relationship during this quarantine period. Only for the sexual chemistry to not be there when he meets you for real, however many weeks or months from now. Edited March 28, 2020 by ccas93
Miss Spider Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 16 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said: I already did that. I distanced myself and stop initiating conversation and he did initiate and was really worried asking if I'm ok when I didn't respond. Why not say something like “ look, I’m looking for a relationship, not a platonic friend. It was nice meeting you, but it’s clear we want different things. Wish you the best” ? 3
MissPinkEyes Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 22 minutes ago, ccas93 said: Then I'd say keep talking to him if you feel like he genuinely cares, but keep your options open and keep looking. He may also not want to get invested, or both your expectations up and create an online relationship during this quarantine period. Only for the sexual chemistry to not be there when he meets you for real, however many weeks or months from now. I'm not sure if you got my question. Since we cannot meet now, I would like to at least talk on the phone or even better video call each other. I think someone who is interested romantically would do that.
ccas93 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, ccas93 said: Then I'd say keep talking to him if you feel like he genuinely cares, but keep your options open and keep looking. He may also not want to get invested, or both your expectations up and create an online relationship during this quarantine period. Only for the sexual chemistry to not be there when he meets you for real, however many weeks or months from now. See my comment in bold. Or just be straight up like cookiesanddough said. Probably not the best time to be seriously concerning yourself with romantic matters. Edited March 28, 2020 by ccas93
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 As soon as they say lets keep it as friends..that's saying "I will be talking to other women, and may sleep with someone, etc so don't get your hopes up or invest in me...but if you want to you can but I can't guarantee anything." 1
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 With this lock down stuff you have a lot of bored people with lots of time on their hands which in turns leaves more options readily available on dating sites. You can be that hot flavor of the week, then they find someone else more interesting. It's going to be way more competitive now. 2
MissPinkEyes Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: With this lock down stuff you have a lot of bored people with lots of time on their hands which in turns leaves more options readily available on dating sites. You can be that hot flavor of the week, then they find someone else more interesting. It's going to be way more competitive now. This is not about competition and never was. It's about finding a genuine match and connection.
MissPinkEyes Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 1 hour ago, ccas93 said: See my comment in bold. Or just be straight up like cookiesanddough said. Probably not the best time to be seriously concerning yourself with romantic matters. Yes keep my option open, agree.
K.K. Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 2 hours ago, MissPinkEyes said: He mentioned for now we're just friends and later when we meet we'll see what happens. I said yes ok we're just friends. ^^^
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