max3732 Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 With people stuck in their homes I figured more people would be doing online dating and thought I'd refresh my profile. One piece of feedback I got from a recent date was that my bio was too long. She said it was obvious I put a lot of effort into it, but that a lot of women go through on their phone and probably wouldn't read it. So I decided to shorten it quite a bit and was hoping to get some feedback. What do you think? "I’m a gentleman who has a wide range of interests and am extremely active, but also like to relax at home. If I’m not out playing tennis, kayaking or trying a great restaurant I might be playing a board game, reading or enjoying a movie. My family is extremely important to me and we’re very close. Even though I’ve traveled extensively my favorite place to visit is Disney World. I’ve also invested in my education and career and am always working to improve on both of those. If you’re looking for someone stable, fun, and ready to enjoy life with then look no further!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 a gentleman never calls himself a gentleman 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, alphamale said: a gentleman never calls himself a gentleman So just take that word out? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, max3732 said: So just take that word out? yes, just say "I have a wide range of interests...." Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 (edited) What do the profiles of those women you are interested in look like in length and tone? I’d seek to align with that. If you didn’t connect with these women giving you profile advice I’d take it with a grain of salt. This profile does seem very x,y,z list like, which suspect resonates with many women who have similar profiles, realize the pictures it is paired with make a difference, such as dynamic natural ones. Edited March 22, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 make the woman "feel" your words....women are guided by their "feelings" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 I agree with removing 'gentleman'. I would have stopped reading at that point. The rest is very dry - alpha's comments about feels is important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 43 minutes ago, SumGuy said: What do the profiles of those women you are interested in look like in length and tone? I’d seek to align with that. If you didn’t connect with these women giving you profile advice I’d take it with a grain of salt. This profile does seem very x,y,z list like, which suspect resonates with many women who have similar profiles, realize the pictures it is paired with make a difference, such as dynamic natural ones. The woman I got the advice from I went on 3 dates with and then she said she wanted to date other people but really liked me and wanted to be friends. Her profile was about the length of what I wrote. The length of tone of women I'm interested in varies quite a bit. Some only fill out the bare minimum, others write a novel , but most are 1 to 2 paragraphs. Something I'm missing from mine is what I'm interested in. A lot of women will say "I'm looking for a guy who ..." and have a whole paragraph about that. I guess should write a similar paragraph, but I won't want to restrict any matches from something I write. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 22, 2020 Author Share Posted March 22, 2020 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: I agree with removing 'gentleman'. I would have stopped reading at that point. The rest is very dry - alpha's comments about feels is important. Can you give an example about feels? I definitely didn't want to be so list like. How do I keep it relatively short while still making a woman feel something and that she'd want to connect with me? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 Agreed it is just like any other profile out there. You need to add something personal that describes you or your values, or something you feel very strongly about. if you only had one sentence to outline the “essence” of you. What would it be? Think in terms of essence as it is more abstract and can give the woman freedom to strum up an image of you that she can relate to. i tend to not include what I am looking for specifically because they may limit results. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 I’m not certain my advice would apply. I’m not one for the super short profile, several paragraphs is fine in my book as long as it is not a wall of text. Formatting and awareness of visual presentation is your friend. Frankly if it is well written, it flows like a good yarn and won’t want to stop reading. Also, it may be I have no problem filtering out someone who looks at 3 or 4 paragraphs as too much to read. The this is me and this is what I am looking for does appear to be a standard formula, not one I’m particularly attracted to. I’m attracted to the profiles with wit, humor, dreams and a good dose of irreverence leavened with references for the initiated. Something that sings or zings. That and what’s in the music and read sections they have on Match. When you say there women you are attracted to women with very short profiles makes me think it is the photos you are attracted to. No judgement on that just for me putting words second never works out well in the end. Did this woman your getting advice from want a FWB thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Share Posted March 23, 2020 11 hours ago, SumGuy said: I’m not certain my advice would apply. I’m not one for the super short profile, several paragraphs is fine in my book as long as it is not a wall of text. Formatting and awareness of visual presentation is your friend. Frankly if it is well written, it flows like a good yarn and won’t want to stop reading. Also, it may be I have no problem filtering out someone who looks at 3 or 4 paragraphs as too much to read. The this is me and this is what I am looking for does appear to be a standard formula, not one I’m particularly attracted to. I’m attracted to the profiles with wit, humor, dreams and a good dose of irreverence leavened with references for the initiated. Something that sings or zings. That and what’s in the music and read sections they have on Match. When you say there women you are attracted to women with very short profiles makes me think it is the photos you are attracted to. No judgement on that just for me putting words second never works out well in the end. Did this woman your getting advice from want a FWB thing? My preference is for a long enough profile that I can sense for who she is, but a lot profiles only have the very basics and a few photos. You're right with the smaller profiles I was attracted to the photos and also just the basic bio info, like education, interests, etc. The woman who I got advice from wanted to date, but said she was reluctant to put too much info online. Unfortunately I'm just not getting that many matches with what I have now, so I thought changing my bio and pics would help. My current profile summary is 4 paragraphs and 228 words. I think it describes me and my interests pretty well, but obviously something with my profile is not working and needs changing. 1st paragraph says family is important and talks about my education and has a joke about my favorite food. 2nd describes a bunch of interests/hobbies. 3rd talks about my personality, and last one is only a couple sentences and has a very broad overview of somethings I'd like to find in a match. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 228 words is no where near long, makes me wonder what she is thinking or how much. In your profile can you show not tell? That is instead of saying family is important, give an example of your life that shows it is important. Like make it a habit to see my cousins in x every other year. Something like that. On activities and hobbies, can you describe a bit the thrill or what interest you about something, like I love the thrill of shooting down some rapids (well not too rapid)? Photos of you outdoor activities and adventures can often be enough, no need to list. On education, depends on what you are trying to show with this. On what you are looking for, I skip this mostly but if included would make it more about lifestyle and if you are looking for long term versus casual. Character traits are of course critically important, but don't we all want someone who is honest and kind, etc. And a person who is dishonest and mean isn't going to pass on someone who asks for honest and kind in their profile. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 I actually like the word "gentleman" in there. It's like a softer way of saying, "I'm not an abusive ahole or player." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 33 minutes ago, preraph said: I actually like the word "gentleman" in there. It's like a softer way of saying, "I'm not an abusive ahole or player." LOL....oh my Preraph that was a good laugh. You gotta be careful using the word "player" it can actually be used an complimentary way not just a derogatory way. You are watching a game and one of the participants is exceptionally GOOD, he is often called a "PLAYER" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 (edited) Yeah. I myself was once a player. I think saying you're a gentleman says you are polite and charming and not careless. And I happen to know a gentleman can still be what the more feint of heart would today call a "bad boy." But to me, bad boy doesn't mean mean. It means not living an uber conservative lifestyle. Edited March 23, 2020 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, preraph said: Yeah. I myself was once a player. I think saying you're a gentleman says you are polite and charming and not careless. And I happen to know a gentleman can still be what the more feint of heart would today call a "bad boy." But to me, bad boy doesn't mean mean. It means not living an uber conservative lifestyle. Those are valid points. So, what type of "player" were you? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 A '70s player. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Share Posted March 23, 2020 23 hours ago, lonelyplanetmoon said: Agreed it is just like any other profile out there. You need to add something personal that describes you or your values, or something you feel very strongly about. if you only had one sentence to outline the “essence” of you. What would it be? Think in terms of essence as it is more abstract and can give the woman freedom to strum up an image of you that she can relate to. i tend to not include what I am looking for specifically because they may limit results. This is pretty tough for me. I would say the essence of me is that I'm just a wholesome guy with a great family and career who tries to do the right thing. When you say values you mean for dating or life in general? There are so many things I feel strongly about, but I thought you weren't supposed to lead with anything political. Aside from politics I have a strong interest in a lot of different hobbies. If I go into detail about skiing or tennis I'm afraid I'm going to lose her if she doesn't do those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Share Posted March 23, 2020 8 hours ago, SumGuy said: 228 words is no where near long, makes me wonder what she is thinking or how much. In your profile can you show not tell? That is instead of saying family is important, give an example of your life that shows it is important. Like make it a habit to see my cousins in x every other year. Something like that. On activities and hobbies, can you describe a bit the thrill or what interest you about something, like I love the thrill of shooting down some rapids (well not too rapid)? Photos of you outdoor activities and adventures can often be enough, no need to list. On education, depends on what you are trying to show with this. On what you are looking for, I skip this mostly but if included would make it more about lifestyle and if you are looking for long term versus casual. Character traits are of course critically important, but don't we all want someone who is honest and kind, etc. And a person who is dishonest and mean isn't going to pass on someone who asks for honest and kind in their profile. What I'm trying to show with education is basically that I sacrificed, worked hard, and can now provide for a family. I do have several photos of activites so you're right she can probably see some of things that I'm into. You think if I reword it with the same basic layout but with more description and less telling that would be better. I'm going to try and do that. Another thing. How should I start the profile? Almost all the profiles I see start with "I'm someone who..." Growing up I learned to not start sentences with "I" if you can avoid it. Plus I'd like to stand out and some of these women apparently only read the 1st few sentences to see if they're interested so a strong opening is important. What's a better way to start? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Share Posted March 23, 2020 Also, what do women want to feel when they read an OLD profile? Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 15 hours ago, max3732 said: Also, what do women want to feel when they read an OLD profile? They want to feel like your the one Not that that is really any different than what men looking for LTR want to feel. I think it gets down to the old writing adage, show don't tell. A list of I'm this, looking for that is telling...describing more what you do, describing an action that illustrates a trait in you list is showing. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 22 hours ago, preraph said: I actually like the word "gentleman" in there. It's like a softer way of saying, "I'm not an abusive ahole or player." then he should say: "the women i my life call me a gentleman" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 3/23/2020 at 7:22 PM, max3732 said: This is pretty tough for me. I would say the essence of me is that I'm just a wholesome guy with a great family and career who tries to do the right thing. When you say values you mean for dating or life in general? There are so many things I feel strongly about, but I thought you weren't supposed to lead with anything political. Aside from politics I have a strong interest in a lot of different hobbies. If I go into detail about skiing or tennis I'm afraid I'm going to lose her if she doesn't do those things. I am talking values about life. What about you makes you different from any other guy? What you said about being a wholesome guy and all that is very good! Assuming that is the kind of lady you are looking to attract. You want to think about the kind of woman you are looking for and tailor your profile so you can reach her. If you make it too bland, you may attract many more but will they what you are looking for? Focus on quality not quantity. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 I find it a bit cold and formal. I always, (used to ), respond to humorous profiles, guys who make it obvious they don't take themselves or date sites too seriously. I agree with other posters that the word 'gentleman' gives off a bad vibe, like you wear a bowler hat everywhere and are looking for the kind of 'lady' who can challenge you to a game of tennis without breaking an unladylike sweat. She'll notice you have nice manners, etc, when she meets you, and she can see you're educated, intelligent, etc, by the fact that you can spell and string a coherent sentence together, (don't laugh, this is not a common trait among people on date sites). Link to post Share on other sites
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