Romantic Relationship Expectations.

[basil67]

I'm sorry Mysterio.  I misunderstood your post as wanting suggestions on how to be more successful dating.   Carry on as you are.

[simpycurious]

Why can't you just want LOVE?  To be loved and to give your love to someone.  Can't it be that simple without over analyzing it?

[The Outlaw]

Simple - someone that wants me back and will treat me with the same love and adoration I'd treat her with. Someone that's loyal and has eyes for me and only me. And someone that's faithful. Perhaps one day. 

[Miss Spider]

I just want a best friend and equal who respects me and vice versa who I’m also physically attracted  to.

I find that men tend to change when you become partners. I’m  not talking a simple gain 30 lbs change. I’m talking they suddenly expect you to fill whatever human -shaped void they have in their life. 
 

The guy I last dated seemed cool at first. But I discovered he was about to open a restaurant  and very stressed. Had family issues too.  Before  I had even told him I wanted to date him he  was talking about how we could become a power couple and that he could accomplish all our dreams together. So of course I ran faster than Usain Bolt at the ‘09 Olympics. No one wants that kind of responsibility to another person at the beginning of dating. He also expect me to see him pretty much every day 

My ex before that was probably the most normal but he was quite older. He  wanted to see each other every day as well though and I just couldn’t do it. No matter how much I said I needed time alone, he pushed.  Also you could see his personality change from the second we started dating. He just wasn’t cool anymore. 
 

The ex before that was probably the neediest guy alive and no he did not start that way. My longest relationship and we lived together. He was extremely popular in our community: good looking, successful career musician and seemingly cool, collected. Behind closed doors I realized it was all fake. He would stage pics for his Instagram. He would me pose for  pics in places we traveled for his instagram when I didn’t want to. I didn’t want a pic taken sometimes  but he’s pressure me and post it. He’d say he wished I was more proud of him when I didn’t post his pics all over mine.  Everything he did was to make his outward appearance seem cool.He’d virtue signal politically correct sht I know he didn’t care that much about on social media to look better to his followers. He would guilt trip me if I went anywhere without him. MAKE ME make sure his hair was perfect ( I mean it was good hair, but sheesh).We always had to be together. The worst thing was when I broke up with him he was crying he got down on a knee and proposed. Made me feel horrible. His mom and sister got mad at me. . Spread lies about me when I moved on. Stole the dog he got me.  Of course he started out really cool.,, 

 

Ex in between  ... guess what? He started out chill even saying that they  didn’t want to jump into anything. I can see why because as soon as he did he turned needy af. Got passive aggressive when I didn’t want to meet up. 

 

My first ex was extremely witty and amazingly knowledgeable. Probably the closest thing to what I had been looking for of all my exes. We started out as friends online and I had a huge crush on him. As soon as we started dating what do you think happened? I distinctly remember him cuddling me and looking up with Submissive puppy dog Eyes and wondering WTF happened to the mysterious and collected guy I first met. 
 

okay this was kind of a rant. Not trying to trash talk my exes. They were all ultimately nice people. I mean, I’ve never dated a guy that wasn’t nice.  Just that their expectations and mine did NOT match up to say the least

Edited March 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

31 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I just want a best friend and equal who respects me and vice versa who I’m also physically attracted  to.

I find that men tend to change when you become partners. I’m  not talking a simple gain 30 lbs change. I’m talking they suddenly expect you to fill whatever human -shaped void they have in their life. 
 

The guy I last dated seemed cool at first. But I discovered he was about to open a restaurant  and very stressed. Had family issues too.  Before  I had even told him I wanted to date him he  was talking about how we could become a power couple and that he could accomplish all our dreams together. So of course I ran faster than Usain Bolt at the ‘09 Olympics. No one wants that kind of responsibility to another person at the beginning of dating. He also expect me to see him pretty much every day 

My ex before that was probably the most normal but he was quite older. He  wanted to see each other every day as well though and I just couldn’t do it. No matter how much I said I needed time alone, he pushed.  Also you could see his personality change from the second we started dating. He just wasn’t cool anymore. 
 

The ex before that was probably the neediest guy alive and no he did not start that way. My longest relationship and we lived together. He was extremely popular in our community: good looking, successful career musician and seemingly cool, collected. Behind closed doors I realized it was all fake. He would stage pics for his Instagram. He would me pose for  pics in places we traveled for his instagram when I didn’t want to. I didn’t want a pic taken sometimes  but he’s pressure me and post it. He’d say he wished I was more proud of him when I didn’t post his pics all over mine.  Everything he did was to make his outward appearance seem cool.He’d virtue signal politically correct sht I know he didn’t care that much about on social media to look better to his followers. He would guilt trip me if I went anywhere without him. MAKE ME make sure his hair was perfect ( I mean it was good hair, but sheesh).We always had to be together. The worst thing was when I broke up with him he was crying he got down on a knee and proposed. Made me feel horrible. His mom and sister got mad at me. . Spread lies about me when I moved on. Stole the dog he got me.  Of course he started out really cool.,, 

 

Ex in between  ... guess what? He started out chill even saying that they  didn’t want to jump into anything. I can see why because as soon as he did he turned needy af. Got passive aggressive when I didn’t want to meet up. 

 

My first ex was extremely witty and amazingly knowledgeable. Probably the closest thing to what I had been looking for of all my exes. We started out as friends online and I had a huge crush on him. As soon as we started dating what do you think happened? I distinctly remember him cuddling me and looking up with Submissive puppy dog Eyes and wondering WTF happened to the mysterious and collected guy I first met. 
 

okay this was kind of a rant. Not trying to trash talk my exes. They were all ultimately nice people. I mean, I’ve never dated a guy that wasn’t nice.  Just that their expectations and mine did NOT match up to say the least

That was a mouthful I must say...see being nice is not all it's cracked up to be

What the above poster starts out with about wanting a BEST FRIEND that you are physically attracted too is pretty much ideal IMO.  Someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with it.  I also think it's important for each partner to have things they enjoy doing alone (some ME time).  I have TOO many hobbies most are  athletic related so the hobby part is pretty easy for me. 

Oh, if you ran LIKE Usain you were running in the sub 10 second 100 meters and we need some new WR's so you would be perfect....oh, can you catch??

 

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by simpycurious

[Kballer]

Cookiesandough... I think you and I would get along quite nicely..  I have to have "ME" time as well. I certainly don't need another person to complete me. I want to be challenged by whoever I'm dating. I want to have someone in my corner who understands where my thoughts are, or where I'm coming from, without me having to verbalize it and then propose a differing view point just because. My problem has been that I'm a strong Alpha.. Many women I meet today are attracted to who I am, but once they realize I'm not going to pursue 24/7, and I'm not going to want to spend every waking moment with them, it seems to make them want to question why I'm not calling them more, or hanging out with them more... I like to think that every relationship has specific set points and we will all eventually get to know each others secrets, and wants, and desires, and we will figure out what makes each other tick in time. I enjoy allowing those things to happen at a slower pace. If life is a race, and we all die at the end, who would want to rush that? No reason to not allow things to happen at an organic pace without one of us, or both of us, pushing the expansion rate.. I LOVE the intrigue, and mystery, of getting to know the person I'm dating. That excites the hell out of me. Yes, I want to know everything about them.. But not right up front.. Not all at once. I want to unlock each door of their persona in a controlled fashion. Like putting the pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle together. The not knowing often times is so much more appealing in a longing, teasing, sense. Of course, there always have to be key elements up front to "keep us in the game". Trust being the first, and foremost.  Without trust there can be no love, or any foundation on which to build.

To the OP; The only expectations that I have going into a relationship are that she be herself. Don't put on an act for me.. I want the authentic you.. Not the made up glossy version of who you think I want to see. Let me know and begin to understand who you are as a person. I can navigate from there.

 

 

[Mysterio]

For me I guess I have to ramp up the Sex vibe.  Yet in my head its silly.  The only time I get laid is when I am not really thinking about it.  Its like my love life is like this.  Make the effort.  Nothing really pans out.  Don't make the effort.  When it comes.  Its goes my way for a bit.  

I see a woman falling for through conversation more than just raw physical lust.  Once we are together, then it can go anywhere.  I have also being reading a lot of Red Pill Content.  I am still digesting it as well.  

Most couples come together by chance.  As I have stated before.  It feels like the Women can get the guys to go along with what they want.  Its harder for the men to do that in a basic way.

[Juha]

On 3/31/2020 at 2:47 PM, Cookiesandough said:

I just want a best friend and equal who respects me and vice versa who I’m also physically attracted  to.

 

Cookie, that is exactly what I have always strived for in a relationship also

 

Unfortunately finding that is difficult at best

[simpycurious]

1 hour ago, Juha said:

Cookie, that is exactly what I have always strived for in a relationship also

 

Unfortunately finding that is difficult at best

Listen to her (Cookie)  Juha.  You will not find better insight from a female perspective than she will give.  She is incredibly REAL even if what she is saying is NOT what you want to hear it is more than likely what you NEED to hear.  

[SweetCharity]

I find that having any kind of expectations leads to emotional anguish when things don't pan out for me.

I had met a guy I thought was interesting and we had amazing chemistry but he lived in LA and didn't want a relationship. He now only seems to message me when he feels like it. This hurt me at first but now I just shrug my shoulders at it. 

My ex-boyfriend before that idealized me at first and kept talking about spending the rest of our lives together. It spooked me and eventually he started changing and we'd argue all the time. I became a snowflake who never accepted I was right. 

My ex-husband tried to change everything about me. He expected me to be a "perfect" housewife. He wanted me to cook, clean, watch our dogs, stay home all the time and wear no makeup. My clothes were oftentimes a problem, being too "open." He didn't love me but he expected me to give him everything. 

In the end I just want someone to see me, really see me. And love me for who I am while still inspiring me to be a better person. I don't want someone who's going to idealize me either. And vice versa. I want there to be love, passion, and fun. Maybe even children. I still hope that's he's out there somewhere for me. But I have to make peace with the fact that maybe he's not and everything else I need to do for myself.

[chillii]

Of course , your partner should be your best friend too .

But op l don't see why you'd have to ramp up anything that all just ramps itself up if your into each other, matter of fact there'd be something wrong if it didn't , no stopping it usually.