Figuring out my Love life

[Mysterio]

So I sort of broke my own rules this year.  I made an effort on Tinder and in real life.  I met S on Tinder.  We talked a bit.  Then she gave me her number.  We txt at her request.  I was going to meet up with her at the end of March.  Now Corona has messed that up.  Another girl at work is a Nurse named CN.  I asked her out more in a work friend mode.  She said yes.  I left her a message on Facebook she never responded to it.  In the past she mostly got back to me.  

Heres the thing.  It seems like when I make an effort to get to know a woman.  When I am the driving force.  There is always an obstacle.  So unless I get really bold and really try to make an effort.  I am going to come off as overbearing.  

The thing that I don't get is that if a woman likes me.  Its smoother for her towards me.  So in other words.  A romantic relationship will only sprout from a woman that likes me, than me liking her.  All my Ex's came to me for the most part.  I don't know if I could post a pic of what I look like.  I just can't be looks.  Could it be very bad luck? 

 

Canadian Black Male.  Hovering about 191 to 193 LBS.  Straight white teeth.  5'9 tall.  Dress in Rock and roll Tees and leather jacket.  Or Blazer with collard shirt and jeans.  Work out 5 days a week with Cardio/Weights/Swimming, before Corona hit.  I do Intermiten Fasting.  When I do go out with Women.  I am not heavy handed about subjects.  I don't talk sex or religion for the most part.  I want to be seen in a light way.  Not heavy about this or that.  I am inquisitive to make conversation.  I am not introverted   More Extroverted conversation wise.  I can basically talk about anything.  I have great relationships with my Parents/Brother and Friends.  

 

I just feel like the desire for a romantic relationship has made me sort of depressed on the inside.  I feel like I am in a prison that I can't break out of.  No matter what I can't seem to change it.  I feel like nothing is going to change.  Or I have to accept that the women that like me, will make their way towards me when it happens, so its more of a waiting game for me than for them.  

 

What comes to mind when you all read this.  Thanks for any advice.  

[nospam99]

OP, I'm 66. So I think I have about 15 years on you. I was married and faithful for 28 years, the last 5 of which were extended divorce negotiations. I've only been 'back' in the 'dating game' since Oct '17. Although I say that women don't come to me, ironically the only 'good women' I've met in those 2.5 years DID contact me first. So I'm of two minds on 'proactive' dating versus waiting. One factor for me and not so much for you is the ticking down of 'the other biological clock', mine as well as those of women who might be willing to date me. On the one hand, I don't want to miss a (female) 'ship passing in the night' by a failure on my part to make efforts to find a relationship. On the other hand, the relationship I hope for is a 'two way street'. So if 'she' makes the first move, the risk of a ''she's not interested'' mismatch is reduced. All the contacts women have initiated have been via OLD and 2.5 years is long enough that I see the pattern that me receiving a first contact IRL is unlikely. However quality counts, too. I typically receive two or three first contacts on OLD every month. Over the whole time, only two of those contacts, the aforementioned 'good women', have been of interest to me.

Not really advice, just observations that 'come to mind'.

[preraph]

I know you'd rather be the picker, but what you said about that, yes, it's true if you ask out women who seem interested in you, things should go better.  But of course, you have to have some attraction for them.  I mean, you sound like a nice normal guy.  I used to live in rock shirts when I was young.  I guess these days, that's kind of retro (I can't fit into mine anyway! Probably a good thing!) so maybe you should adjust your wardrobe, at least take off the rock t and step it up a little for when you might be out meeting people.  Maybe go to a big department store men's section and ask which clerk would be good to help you choose a couple of outfits.  Just tell them to modernize you.  IF it were me, I'd call ahead and get the name of someone they thought would be good at it, because obviously, some of the people working there could be just filling in.  Then have them put a couple nice dress casual outfits together to update your look and if any tailoring is needed to make it fit real nice, go have that done at a tailor.  You might ask your barber how your hair would look best and see if he has any suggestions.  And new shoes to go with the new outfits.  You just want to look active and modern, rather than warmed over!!

[SumGuy]

14 hours ago, Mysterio said:

 So in other words.  A romantic relationship will only sprout from a woman that likes me, than me liking her.    

What comes to mind when you all read this.  Thanks for any advice.  

That that is how it works, in that a relationship never sprouts unless both parties are into it.  It just happens that all the women that reach out to you you also like.   I've never had a romantic relationship where just one of us was feeling it.   

You sound fine from your description, maybe it is the women you are seeking.  I wouldn't necessarily change the way you look if the women you are after go for it, plenty do to which i can attest. 

Edited March 23, 2020 by SumGuy

[Foxhall]

Would you be prepared to date a single separated Mom, and become a father figure for the kid (s)

Its different for everyone I suppose, but perhaps the woman you are looking for could be in that group.

[chillii]

Me l always found that someone interested in me , like it coming from her as such , was someone l wasn't usually into. Anything real has only ever been from both and that's been pretty obvious laying eyes on each other. But , that' was my pattern and l always knew it and recognized it. l'd imagine though just about anything can happen with anyone and there's probably 100 different ways things happen for 100 different people , main thing is though that when it does your both into it and each other.

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

I have never ended up in a romantic relationship where I wasn't interested in him from the outset.   You're describing an absolutely normal situation to me.

Band Ts are cool for casual.  Do you have button up shirts for dinner?